Free will in a relationship

That's some strength Carlybee ! Things can only go uphill from here. Congrats !

truth seeker said:
What Laura said is very important to remember at this stage. You may want to head any further possible communications with him off at the pass by blocking any email and phone access he has to you in case he tries to hook into you with a pity story (he's homeless, he misses you, he thought about what you said and blah, blah, blah etc).
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Yeah, that's a must ! And If you ever get compelled for some reason (whatever it can possibly be) to communicate with him, write a letter (for your own future review), but for Universe sake do not send it !
 
Carlybee said:
Everything he teaches in his seminars about unconditional love is the very thing he is incapable of doing himself, well from what I experienced in the 3 months I knew him.
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That's very important, I think, and is a final scratch test for both the believer and his/her beliefs. If a person says one thing but does another, or if the ideas he subscribes to really don't work for him in real life, it's time to ask questions. And if, in addition to and despite all of this, he is taking on a mantle of a teacher, he is a total fraud.

Good for you, Carlybee!
 
Wow, Carlybee, you're an inspiration to everyone who ever finds themselves in a similar situation! I'm so happy for you! Don't forget to take care of yourself now and keep networking as Laura suggested, stay active, and replace the bad pattern with something that contributes to your growth. You have the will of a lion indeed, and as you have just proven to yourself, you are strong and capable of acting towards your own destiny while overpowering your programs to the contrary.

It's a cliche, but if you don't love/respect yourself, you can never truly love someone else or allow yourself to be loved and respected because subconsciously you don't feel you deserve it, so you attract the wrong kind of person for the wrong reasons, and settle for it. To have a healthy relationship with others we must heal ourselves first and remove the narcissistic wounds and replace them with love and understanding of ourselves. In addition to networking, it may help to do something creative that you enjoy, something fulfilling and fun. :)
 
I am so happy for you Carlybee.

You have done something very important. You have proven to yourself that you DO have the strength to do what you have too.

That is simply beautiful:)
 
Carlybee said:
The 3 month relationship would have ended much earlier if I had felt stronger and recognised the full value of myself, but I know now I wasnt ready for a new relationship 12 months on from my first marriage of emotional destruction lol, I was still mending and gaining strength. I have learned a tough lesson today which I can actually thank this predator for and the support from this forum which is to listen to my intuition and act straight away, love, respect and trust in myself that I can work through the pain and old abandonment program which began the day my Mother suicided 14 years ago. I would re-live the same pain after each relationship ending, I would compromise my values and self worth and do anything to avoid the pain of being abandoned and I was repeating the cycle over and over like a washing machine and I really feel today I pulled the plug on it! Today I broke that pattern and ended it, and to be honest the pain is not as gut wrenching as I thought it would be since asserting myself to this man, yes my ego is a bit bruised for being so gullible to allow such a manipulative trickster into my life, try to break me for his own personal gain and walk away like I never existed, but at the same time I feel more confident in myself for one, not sitting back and believing all he fed me like the other doting women in his life, two, for calling him out on it, and three loving myself enough to get rid of him. It will be a road to travel but I believe I got a lot more valuable lessons from this than I even did in my marriage as this guy was the most sinister, master manipulator you could imagine, and no-one saw it coming not even my family and friends, the show was that good.
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Great Carlybee. :flowers:

And reading what you have said, take the time this time to really cure yourself.
 
Congratulations CarlyBee,

I can remember being in abusive relationships and relying on other people (im not saying you was) to see things for me. Im a man, and i would get into abusive relationships with the women physcopaths. (plenty of them, lol)
I think it natural for other people to assume that if your happy and not complaining, then everything is ok.
You can now heal from your past emotional hurt, which in my opinion will fine tune your intuition, which means you will be able to quickly feel whats right and wrong in future relationships, well before you get sucked into any negativity.
 
Carlybee said:
After this mornings outrage from his disgust at the way I kicked him out, the way he packed his car and left without even saying goodbye, and plastering 'single status' all over his facebook by lunchtime shows me he's full of it when it comes to preaching unconditional love, compassion for others and the maturity level of this 41 year old was astounding.
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Yup, that are the self-proclaimed "highly developed spiritual teachers" of our current time. I'm speechless.

Carlybee said:
I fear he will run to the next victim to leech from and not learn his own lesson to apply to himself what he preaches, as you cant teach something you dont have yourself, he has taught me how to love myself first yet he cant do that for himself which he may not ever be able to if he is of narcissistic, psychopathic nature, I learnt the hard way....
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And the next victim probably will also learn it "the hard way" if she doesn't utilize her instincts but falls for the trap. All that is, is lessons.

Carlybee said:
Almost every post here reiterated to me to go with gut instincts, run and never look back no matter how much I fear the painful journey of recovery, Im so glad I did this today, so thankyou for all the feedback.
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I think you demonstrated a lot of courage. And I guess that your life may improve in many ways, even if it is temporarliy painful for all involved. Hang in there! :flowers:
 
CarlyB, good for you! :hug:

I would just like to re-emphasize what others have suggested. Write a list of all of the negative things this man has done to you. Keep it close by to read whenever you doubt the decision you have made. Our programs start to run and try to make us think that we did the wrong thing. You did the right thing and having that list with you will enable you to rewire your thinking in this matter.

Also, if you need to, write a letter to him telling him just how much he has hurt you, how psychopathic he is, what a liar he is - whatever helps you to get the anger out that you feel. Then DO NOT GIVE IT TO HIM. You can tuck it away, or burn it, giving your anger to the Universe to do with as it will. Just let it all go.

Keep in touch with us, CarlyB. Keep networking.
 
Hello Carly,

it's really great what you have done!!! :hug:

Nienna Eluch said:
Keep in touch with us, CarlyB. Keep networking.
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If you are not sure with something, post it right away!
 
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