@Beau indeed, there's an element of facing heat within the work.
All heat though is not the same... There's a gentle flame and there's the raging heat from the centre of the sun. It's not unreasonable to expect that someone may have a reaction (reasonably so) if thrown into the sun.
Just saying, imagine the other way round if
@trendsetter37 told either
@bjorn or
@Corvus that they were biased because they were white. I don't profess to hold a crystal ball but I'm certain things won't have gone well either that way round.
Not looking to say
@trendsetter37 is right in what he was saying or that
@bjorn or
@Corvus were... Just saying as soon as buttons started getting pushed, the conversation was only ever going to go one way and sadly we'd never live to get to that point where a resolution was reached.
I think this is a good point. There are certain things that when said, or said in a particular way, are likely to trigger someone. We should all be trying to take Bill and Ted's advice (inspired by Paul), to be excellent to each other. That is each of our responsibility. As for the heat, it's also important to keep in mind. There will be times when we fail - when we phrase something poorly, when our own biases color the expression of our thoughts, when we say something stupid, and when what we say isn't formulated in such a way as to put others at ease and come to a point of mutual understanding. In those situations, we also have a responsibility, depending on which side of the exchange we happen to be on. If we are the ones who have expressed ourselves poorly, or crossed a line of some sorts, it's our responsibility to try to see that - to see that we weren't putting ourselves in another's shoes. And if we're on the receiving end, triggered, we should try to see our reaction for what it is, and perhaps to attempt to see what the other person was struggling to communicate.
Controlling emotions is not the same as not expressing them in a controlled manner. I think we should clarify what 'controlling' emotions means exactly. Emotions can still be useful energy if one understands that they inform the experiencer.
So yes, I agree but what you're saying seems like a blanket statement without pointing out what controlling means. Or does controlling mean the same thing in different situations?
I may be wrong, but here's how I see it at the moment. There are degrees of what might be called "control" over emotions, or lack of it. I may be triggered by something and not even realize it. As a result, I will say something I later come to regret, because my emotions were running the show. This often leads to me 'lying' in various ways in attempt to prove my point, exaggerating support for my position, dismissing facts that make me uncomfortable or that I don't want to accept for whatever reason, etc.
Or, I may be triggered, realize I am triggered, and say so: "I'm really emotional after reading x right now, so my response may be colored by that." I may still do many of the things listed in the previous scenario, but at least with some awareness that I
might be doing so.
Or, I may be triggered, realize I am triggered, and see clearly how that is, or isn't, coloring my response. In which case I might tell myself that I know my emotions are causing me not to think clearly, and that a certain response wouldn't be appropriate. Or I might be
justified in my response, and compose a response that is fueled by that emotion, but not controlled by it. For example, if someone objectively insulted me, and it was not called for, I might tell them that: "That response was out of line." Or if someone gets something completely wrong - and I
know they're wrong, not just
think they're wrong - and their wrongness triggers me emotionally, I might try to state the facts as I know them to set the record straight. That's tricky though, because the very fact that I'm emotional about it might cause me to think I
know when in fact I don't.
And lastly, hopefully, I will get to the point where I am not even triggered by something that would have triggered me in the past. I can say, "In the past, that would have sent me on a thought loop of epic proportions and I wouldn't have been able to recover for days." In this regard, I try to keep in mind the Stoics' advice about responding to insults, which was also
expressed by Gurdjieff in the following terms:
“Take, for instance, self-love, which occupies almost half of our time and life. It someone (or something) has wounded our self-love from the outside, then not only at that moment but for a long time afterwards its momentum closes all the doors, and therefore shuts out life. Life is outside. When I am connected with outside, I live. If I live only within myself, it is not life. Everything lives thus. When I examine myself, I connect myself with the outside.”
“For instance, now I sit here. M. is here, and also K. – we live together. M. called me a fool – I am offended. K. gave me a scornful look. I am offended. I consider, I am hurt and shall not calm down and come to myself for a long time.”
After some explanations, he continues: “M. called me a fool. Why should I be offended? I don’t take offence, such things do not hurt me. Not because I have no self-love, maybe I have more self-love than anyone here. Maybe it is this very self-love that does not let me be offended.”
“I think, I reason in a way exactly the reverse of the usual way. He called me a fool. Must he necessarily be wise? He may himself be a fool or a lunatic. One cannot demand wisdom from a child. I cannot demand wisdom from him. His reasoning was foolish. Either someone has said something to him about me, or he formed his own foolish opinion that I am a fool – so much the worse for him. I know that I am not a fool, so it does not offend me. If a fool has called me a fool, I am not affected inside.”
“But if in a given instance I was a fool and am called a fool, I am not hurt because my task is not to be a fool … So he reminds me … I shall think about it and perhaps not act foolishly next time.”
And to relate this to the broader topic at hand, what we are seeing in riots and the mass psychosis of mob violence is the complete lack of an ability to see and control one's own emotions, IMO. It is letting the horses control one utterly and completely. So every bit of practice we get, and every effort we make to see ourselves more clearly and not let the horses control the carriage, can be seen as an inoculation against the possibility that any of us might, one day, lose our minds in a similar manner.