Guidance with moving on

Thank you for your post Ghazi18, it is good to hear you are doing well, considering the circumstances and handling things that need to be done. You are a strong soul with a good heart.

Ghazi18 said:
her mother is very controlling and uses religion as a means to control.
Click to expand...

Petty tyrants keep us awake, but they can be annoying as hell in difficult times. Don't let her pettiness to affect your emotions in negative ways, if anything - feel sad for her being trapped in such a pitiful prison, for being unable to overcome herself even for those facing hard times in their lives. Such a waste of the gift, of the oportunity for learning!

After knowing more facts about your current situation I retract my advice to stay away from the house, obviously it would create more problems than being a temporarily beneficial solution. It is ok, you will be fine, you have your dogs and good people to help you figure it out, most of all - you have a great, loving girlfriend (always count your blessings when this world serves you pain.)

Stay brave and beautiful as you are and don't hesitate to ask for any kind of help if needed. Take care of yourself and thank you once again for the update.
 
So incredibly sad and shocking for you to experience this at a young age (or any age really). No one could help but be sympathetic for your loss. You seem to be a clued up and rational young man who has accepted what has happened. The grieving process can take years but it is something we all have to live through at some time in our lives. I think it is a matter of taking each day at a time and trying to eventually fill your life with friends and interests, and, as you say, move on. It is worth remembering that all events in this world and in our lives all have a reason. Best wishes to you for the future.
 
My deepest condolences to you Ghazi18 :cry: :hug2: I can't quite fathom the tragedy of the situation. As others already pointed out, it is very likely that you are still under shock and will be for quite some time and that you shouldn't deny yourself some professional help to go through this. I also take my hat off that you are so detainment to use this lesson to become a better person. IMO your determination and focus on becoming a better person is very laudable. I think though you should cut yourself some slack (to say the least!) and give yourself time and compassion in the same way you would give to another person that has to go through something like this! So take your time and don't over rush things at the moment and allow yourself to come to grips with the situation and the emotions, preferably with the help of somebody equipped to go through situations like this safely with you.
 
Nachtweide said:
(...) Every event has its own phases which vary in length from person to person. The first phase will probably be a shock phase, which also leads to the fact that you repress realities or even dissociation takes place. After traumas also a useful protection for a short time so that pain becomes bearable. After this phase, the anger phase develops, which is also of varying length and emotional depth. The following phase is depression - deep suffering. At the end is the acceptance, the letting go. All phases can also be mixed and blurred into each other. In practice I have often observed that many people get stuck in the denial phase after years, change completely as a person and do not allow any real feelings. This is very often actually seen in men. Women remain more in the anger and depression phase. Very rarely I experience that people go through these phases correctly in order to be able to develop positively in the end. Therefore the cautious interpretation and also the question to yourself. (...)
Click to expand...
You were quick to take matters into your own hands, mostly thinking about fixing things outside of yourself, for the others. In my DIY workshop on a wooden panel is engraved "everything in its place, and in its place everything". When you have enough time and space, take some for yourself.
Maybe also in your prayers you will find answers to help yourself first, once you have done that you can definitely do it for others.

You are between 3 "timings", that of your parents, yours, that of the people close to you ( and the rest of the world keep on turning), it is sometimes hard not to get lost in it, the time that one would like to devote to mourning is invaded by that of materiality, even more so at present.
I am glad that you are well surrounded to face it and keep moving forward.
With all my heart with you.
 
I am so sorry you had to go through this, Ghazi. Such shocking and traumatic circumstances.

As for advice, all I have is, do what's in front of you to do and feel what's inside you to feel every day. Sometimes when we go through such incomprehensibly horrible events, at the beginning we might numb down a bit, just enough to cope with life and keep moving on. Such is the beauty and intelligence of our human nervous system. You don't have to do anything else than live your life to the best of your ability now, and all emotions that need to be released will come on their own, at their own time and pace. I reiterate what other members said about having a support system in place (your everyday relationships but also professional help) for when you need it. And you always have us here too. Do keep us posted. I wish you all the strength you need to move forward. :hug2:
 
I miss the words so much it must have been horrible for you, I am deeply sorry for you, you are so young to be facing such an ordeal. It seems that you do not lack courage and I admire your strength of character. I will pray for you dear Ghazi, receive my sincere sympathy and condolences for you and your family . Big hugs.
 
Hi Ghazi18, I am so terribly sorry to learn you're going through this.

Your words come across as someone who's able to see the situation with certain clarity, which I think it's positive. I do not want to suggest you change your approach because, besides the tragedy it sounds like you're already dealing with more on several other fronts.

I don't want my words to sound empty here, nor do I want them to sound cliche, but given some of the difficulties ahead with work and salary, and some of the aid you're to receive from your landlord, I'd say take it day by day. I think the idea of making the place "yours" is good, if you can bear to be in there.

I could be entirely wrong here, and if so, I apologize, but the entire situation sounds like it was somewhat expected, however it still is very traumatic, and the only thing I'd like to suggest, if I may, is to not force anything if it isn't there yet.. but to beware of the fact that maybe one day you may experience very strong emotions as you process it all.

And if that happens, remember we're always here for whatever you need. I think the idea of starting the search for a therapist might be worthwhile, even if you don't see them right away. Not sure if it would be an expensive endeavor, but I think it's worth to at least get acquainted with the idea of it, sort of like a contingency plan should the need arise.

Be gentle to yourself and please accept my deepest condolences.
 
Hello Ghazi18, first of all my sincere condolences for your loss and I am very sorry for the terrible circumstances in which it was. I'd like to share some thoughts if it helps, that's the intention.

Thank God you were not at home because we do not know how much the premeditation situation and how much impulsive and out-of-control behavior was and that scares. I suppose that living together was difficult for periods and there is nothing that one or more children can do, for sure. They are just another victim. Suffering is great for everyone.

We know nothing or little, to say the least, in relation to the destiny of people's souls. What each one has to live and why. So I think that we should not judge too much and make an effort to accept things, easy to say, right? But I think it contains a truth. And I also think that it is better to put a little compassion on all the parts and accept the best we can.

You are a young man who has a whole life to live and it is your responsibility to do your best for yourself and for the people you love. I think this is a good point to focus on as time goes by and you have to make decisions, while dealing with emotions, feelings and memories.

I hope you can have the support of dear people, as it seems, around you.
A big hug.
 
My deepest condolences Ghazi18 for your loss. I am so sorry that you had to experience this at a young age. My thoughts are with you. Please take care of yourself and give yourself time and space for your grief. The advice you have received here is very valuable and shows great and deep compassion. I have nothing more to add to that either. I hope things work out the way you need them for you, your girlfriend and your 3 dogs. All the best. :hug:
 
Just a little update.

After speaking with people and just hearing out different opinions and recommendations. I decided to hold off moving back to my house for at least a little while longer. I am taking this day by day and am still in the process of changing the bills under my name and all other things relating to that. But one thing that I do know for sure is that I will never give up on this path.

I was always quiet and slightly introverted and seeing how much support/help and all of the love from many different people, I find myself speaking more and sharing more ideas and feeling so much better! And what has given me more “hope” is how people have told me that I have helped them and have given them hope. You guys have no idea the happiness that I felt and I’m actually tearing up just writing this. It is my dream to help people and to plant the seeds of hope and love to as many people as I can ( respecting free will of course). I will fulfill my dreams and I don’t care if it’s the smallest contribution that I could make but I’ll be damned after going through this that I don’t do anything.

I am seeing the positive from this and I am taking this as a lesson. Things in life happen and the universe has a very interesting way of showing you things or kind of pushing you to a certain path and I’m just going with the flow. I remember about 2 years ago I was outside of my ranch and I was just praying and asking for help to just help people and asking for guidance on this path and as soon as I finished I looked up to the sky and a shooting star passed ( could’ve just been me that thought it was a sign, maybe it was just a coincidence that ment nothing). But this situation is making me come out of my “shell” and I feel it is good for my growth.

This 3rd den existence can be very brutal but I have a better understanding of going with the flow and riding the wave. I know I keep on repeating this but thank goodness I bumped into this work and am able to communicate with all of you tremendous souls :)
 
I'm sorry for your loss.

Ghazi18 said:
The owners of the property told me that I could stay there for as long as I want and I don’t have to pay rent, electricity, or water. They told me to keep on working and studying and just pay for the things that are under my name and if I need any help to call them ( I am very shocked at the amount of support I’m receiving from other family members and friends of my mother and father).
Click to expand...
Ghazi18 said:
Housing is very expensive here in Miami and I am on my own. I am currently working full time as a front desk member at a senior health clinic and I will be struggling and living check to check.
Click to expand...
Ghazi18 said:
I decided to hold off moving back to my house for at least a little while longer.
Click to expand...
The owners' offer to stay for free as long as you want is a major blessing that you should accept. Many of us are not as fortunate to have free housing as long as we need.

Ghazi18 said:
I am so happy that her family has let me stay in ( and move in if I wanted to) but her mother is very controlling and uses religion as a means to control.
Click to expand...
I wouldn't live with the mother. She doesn't like you, and you don't like how she treats you. You're an adult with a separate home available to you.

Ghazi18 said:
My girlfriend is waiting to get a full time job but I would atleast have to be engaged to her before she moves in with me at my ranch because of their religious views.
Click to expand...
If she's the one, then get engaged. She also has the free will to break from controlling parents.
 
I whish you the best possible outcome both to your phisical being and your soul.

Reading your testimony, It seems your father was a pretty manipalutive person. I had to deal with this kind of people (as near as you), but not reaching shooting people.
I think the difference between an impulsive act and pure manipulation was the previous phone call. By triying to damage others at such extent this person had made an unbreakable jail and has melted the keys.
The important point here now is your life and the lifes of your loved ones, because this 3D world is that you have access for now.
So I think mus be a good idea to put land in between he and you, clear out the possible burdens that he probably tried to put into you and others, because that burdens belong to him, not you, and enjoy these fanastic people around you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Trending content

Back
Top Bottom