having no friends

[mkrnhr]

I didn't want to imply that I was being dismissive of the people in the clubs I've been to.

Let's say without generalizing that those places are usually full of jerks :D But it is not the crux of the problem :)

I just found the environments intimidating. Well out of my comfort zone too, with no opportunity for actual conversation.

We are all different, and every person has a different way of being. I personally do not like the clubs and everything. I've been only once in a disco (what a shame lol) and i didn't like it so i stopped going. So in itself it is not a problem. When i was a student we used to gather with some friends at one's appartement, we cook, play some music, watch a movie, or just discuss. The idea is to be gentle with oneself in the process of learning.

I do need to find out why I am afraid in these situations. I am going to brainstorm for the underlying causes of my fears, and yes, I also understand that all of this fear-running in my mind is internal consideration, which is basically being self-obsessive. I've been looking at a few threads again on thought loops and social anxiety, and they have rung a few alarm bells to this sleepy one to say the very least.

This is something you wil have to work on. Maybe more experienced members can have an idea, but it could be something from childhood, or family or anything. Do not dismiss social programming too. The actual society pushes us to be isolated.

The thing is, if one doesn't look into his own programs and just blames others instead, there will be no advances.


Edit: Oups:

I need to get to the root of what I am afraid of, and why. My therapist and I are getting there with this. I have a tendency to worry too much, and it's really got out of hand. Time for a more courageous look within.

Be gentle with yourself and do it step by step. Inner transformation is like cooking, it takes a lot of patience to prepare it well :)

 

[luke wilson]

In his quest, the knight is very careful, but he advances with no fear. There is then a subtle distinction between being careful and being afraid that one has to work on IMHO

Thank you for this description. I agree whole heartedly.

I find that 'fear' exists in those little 'pockets' inside ones own being that are yet to be illuminated by knowledge. Basically I am afraid because I dont know nor do I understand so that element of 'awareness' is missing. Once you get to the point of understanding and knowing something then that clears 'fear' out of the way and leaves room where one can act in full knowledge and awareness. Maybe this description is wrong, but that is my hypothesis on fear.

So, to get rid of fear, you have to correctly identify its 'root' within ones being and slowly work to uproot it. This problem is made harder because, there is a complex 'network' of roots within us and some are connected together so the root cause of one thing might also be the root cause of another thing which might be connected to some other roots which are responsible for another different set of 'fears' etc etc. So maybe that is why it is so hard to work and actually clear up ones machine, ones instrument because inevitabley one realises the problem is quite complex and there is a huge valley of darkness within us where this 'roots' lie spawning off tentacles that go on to be like 'puppet strings' that essentially make us into 'puppets' or 'automatons'. Essentially it is the battle against the predator to 'reclaim' this vast wasteland and restore it to its original 'beauty.' I believe a 'true knight' of 'light' is someone who has conquered the predator and thus has no valley of darkness within his being.

Sorry for the metaphors but it's the only way I can think of describing it. Neuro-science would be a better tool of describing this in like a 'scientific way.'