Cleckley wrote that some psychopaths tends towards homelessness and substance addiction. They have an uncanny ability to mimic real human emotions, and often use victimhood as an emotional hook. Psychopaths are also capable of using their eyes to target prey, known as 'gazing'. Just something that we should all be aware of - most of the time, we don't know who or what we are looking at when we meet a strangers eyes. Best to keep the shields up and not make assumptions.
These days my feelings are sheer loneliness, misunderstood, not sure where I'm going and simply trying to make some sense of my own situation.
As 4D STS love to create chaos in our our personal lives and around us, it is increasingly difficult for me to cope and to engage into anything. These days, all I want is to stay home, craft, clean (spring cleaning really), bake, read and go outside with my dog. I don't even engage with my hubby cause he is so blaze about everything and he simply does not understand the current political situation that we are in. He prefers the attitude of not being involved and just be barely alive. He is here in body but not in spirit!
Just recently, I had a conversation with my mother who lives in another province. She has always been aggressive and not understanding what is going on as well despite having a huge "opinion" of herself and trying real hard to agreeing with her with loads of coaxing and coercing which I won't reciprocate.
We had a discussion about something that happened in the past and of which she was extremely hurt and won't forgive what happened to her from her attackers (my paternal grandfather and grandmother ). Without going into too much details (too extensive here), it is something about money and a piece of land my father bought and both my grandparents kept stating that the land and money was theirs, not my dad's and mom's. So my mother was felt to be an insider and therefore, she had nothing to say about decisions my grandparents did. (they lived together in the same home) Eventually, my mother has had enough and she asked my father to "expel" my grandparents away. My father made them a home beside his. The situation did not change at all. My parents were at locker head with them and that lasted until their deaths.
My mother has been resentful of their resentment and kept on making my mother responsible for anything that happened, a scapegoat, really. So therefore, a lot of name blaming and bad publicity within the family. This behavior extended toward my aunts and uncles, my father's siblings.
I understand the situation perfectly. IAMTHATIS, your explanation is right on. Now I understand that my grandfather was a psychopath who, despite being talented in music and mechanics, was an alcoholic and an irresponsible idiot who wanted all advantages coming his way without working for it. And my grandmother suffered enormously from his neglect and irresponsibility toward his family. So much so that her behavior was also wrong toward my parents, more specifically, my mother. I am not excusing her behavior, just understanding what happened and that now it's time to let go of hatred!
My mother used to be really understanding. No longer. We just had an awful discussion where I could not explain myself at all, could not have an intelligent discussion, she kept interrupting me at every three words even when I asked her to let me explain and now, I had to hang up on her as her aggression was getting worse and worse. Knowing her, she will talk to my sisters about my behavior without even letting me have my say and a lot of resentment will be felt all around the family. Her behavior echoes what my grandparents did to her and she is too wrapped up in her dramas to see what is going on. She is right and no one will ever change that. She wants to hate them for causing her pain instead of forgiving them. And now, I'll probably be in the "hatred" bed because I said one wrong word that she did not approve of. Only her precious "past drama" matters, my explanations don't matter because I was not there!
I'm at the point that I want a complete separation from my mother. This reminds me of what the guys who interviewed Laura (can never remember names ) stated about some of their own family members. How do you cope with that??? I can't call her back cause she will hammer me down and will accuse me when in actuality, she won't let me explain my views or why things happened between us the way it did. She believes one thing when in actuality, it was another. She will remember and always bring that back onto the carpet. She enjoys fighting and sparring with words without letting you say anything. And the worst of it is that it is shared with other family members who have nothing to do with that discussion!
No respect, no understanding, not entitled to say anything that deviates from her own precious narrative. She's been living with this hatred of what my grandparents did to her for so long that she cannot feel any detachment.
How am I feeling??? Disillusioned and hurt! And tired of hatred toward grandparents who did nothing to harm me. They were not nice people but my grandmother tried hard to give me love (sporadically) despite the disputes. I always wanted to remain impartial and not get too involved in their dramas.
I desire cooperation, understanding, love from my family. At this point, I don't believe I'll ever get that from her! Oh well, back to the drawing board I suppose! I refuse to show "hatred" toward others even when they've hurt me. I prefer to try to understand and live my life filled with usefulness. But it is lonely these days!
. If your new it can get a bit confusing! You'll get used to it I'm sure. I think he and I we had different opinions that are probably both valid depending on situation? Question mark as I'm not sure really cause I'm still learning too. Anyway, thanks for your comments 
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