How are you feeling?

‘I am not loveable’
This is so painful. Living with something like that is such a burden. It's a perpetual hurt because when that program operates people treat you accordingly. I never had a good relationship because of that. I am hurt because the crap that men approach me with is so insulting and I know they wouldn't dare to do that to other women. And it's my program, my fault.
 
This is so painful. Living with something like that is such a burden. It's a perpetual hurt because when that program operates people treat you accordingly. I never had a good relationship because of that. I am hurt because the crap that men approach me with is so insulting and I know they wouldn't dare to do that to other women. And it's my program, my fault.
I’ve swung to and fro with this false belief of myself too. Reflecting back, the times where I was feeling like this the outer world reflected my state of being. We create a whole world of pain, not only for ourselves but everything that we come in contact with. It’s a miserable reality.

I’ve been listening to Louise Hay lately. Geeze, it makes me feel like I wasted so much time and energy keeping myself prisoner to the thoughts by negative narrative of myself.

Try this, just put it in when you’re doing whatever, even if your not consciously listening your subconscious will be, iamthatis reminded me (he’s so fantastic :love:) that my thoughts about myself and the world at large create my reality.


You are Love, you are the Light and you have the all the Knowledge within you to choose how you want to be. We cannot forget this.
 
I think many of us run programs that tell us those stories so when we do take positive steps to heal they come from negative intent and then the two opposites cancel each other out.
I’m battling the voice that says ‘you can’t’, ‘you won’t’ and then the desire to dissociate.
I’m at the point where I’m pretty okay with myself. I’m also okay enough that I can change the things that I need to change to be a better person whilst still acknowledging the wonderful things I do bring into my work, community, relationships, and life. I’m not stopping to rest with those things though, I can do better and I am all the time learning more as my life gets better and better. But if I don’t acknowledge my shortcomings I’m not in a position to keep growing. I have the courage to face myself now instead of dissociating. I joyfully find things in myself to work on and improve.

I vowed to myself during covid that I would relentlessly pursue self-improvement and I’ve stuck to that. I feel like constructive self criticism and is a good skill to foster. It’s like self parenting.
This is what this forum has given me. And I recognise things I have learned when participating in discussions, so thank you for the opportunity to get thoughts down 🤗
 
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I’m at the point where I’m pretty okay with myself. I’m also okay enough that I can change the things that I need to change to be a better person whilst still acknowledging the wonderful things I do bring into my work, community, relationships, and life. I’m not stopping to rest with those things though, I can do better and I am all the time learning more as my life gets better and better. But if I don’t acknowledge my shortcomings I’m not in a position to keep growing. I have the courage to face myself now instead of dissociating. I joyfully find things in myself to work on and improve.

I vowed to myself during covid that I would relentlessly pursue self-improvement and I’ve stuck to that. I feel like constructive self criticism and is a good skill to foster. It’s like self parenting.
This is what this forum has given me. And I recognise things I have learned when participating in discussions, so thank you for the opportunity to get thoughts down 🤗
Thank you for getting them down so we can read them and be inspired by your dedication to yourself.

We can surely lovingly critique ourselves, that’s probably one of the most important steps to keep on growing and noticing. I’m not there yet but I aspire to be and I’m doing my best not to beat myself up for being stuck in barracks way after I heard the bell go off that it’s time to go.

Self remembering moment to moment is a big task, being able to see behind the curtains of our individual stories takes courage. Taking action to change is never ending, but doing it with love and grace makes the ride smoother 💚
 
Self remembering moment to moment is a big task, being able to see behind the curtains of our individual stories takes courage. Taking action to change is never ending, but doing it with love and grace makes the ride smoother 💚
It sure is @Fluffy but it gets easier, it simply becomes one’s modus operandi. I think back to advice people here gave me and remember feeling a bit baffled. A couple of years later I understand what they were saying and how to put into action what they were saying. It’s seen me five years to feel like ive been able to take in all the feedback I received. There are still a couple of books that were recommended still to read.

I think a commitment to this community as you are doing will ensure your success to getting on a constructive path. Big hugs!
 
Geeze, it makes me feel like I wasted so much time and energy keeping myself prisoner to the thoughts by negative narrative of myself.
Something else to consider about these types of thoughts, and I'm not picking you out here Fluffy, it's just that you were the one to say it, this goes for all of us; seeing ourselves as horrible, disgusting, unlovable, etc. is the other side of the "I'm so special" coin. It's still making it all about ourselves, how nobody is as horrible or disgusting or unlovable as I am. It's still making us oh so special as no one suffers as much as I do type of thing.

I bring this up because it was pointed out to me at one time. It's just something else to think about.
 
Something else to consider about these types of thoughts, and I'm not picking you out here Fluffy, it's just that you were the one to say it, this goes for all of us; seeing ourselves as horrible, disgusting, unlovable, etc. is the other side of the "I'm so special" coin. It's still making it all about ourselves, how nobody is as horrible or disgusting or unlovable as I am. It's still making us oh so special as no one suffers as much as I do type of thing.

I bring this up because it was pointed out to me at one time. It's just something else to think about.
Oh yeah I know that coin, wallowing around in self pity is as self important as thinking I was the second coming of the messiah, I’ve done both. What I noticed in these special states is that nothing moves, I can’t learn, I’m blinded and bound up by the story I’m telling, creating a contractile reality for myself and no one wants anything to do with me because I’m so busy serving my own agenda that I have nothing to give. I was either too high above everyone, or too low below to have any meaningful connections with anyone or anything.

What I’m going through now is the result of flipping the special coin for the better part of 45 years.
 
I have been thinking for a while about asking for help or just tell the event the way it is.
First I will talk about the saying that I made mine which helps me go through each day.
* Free will, I allow the other person to make choices
* All there is is lesson, I am learning with all the negative events happening in my life
* No expectation, the universe will decide what and when to provide. Ask (no begging...) and the universe will provide

Funny! While writing I realise where I got wrong and created all the stress and anxiety.
Free will : I create a situation and ask my son for an yes or a no moving forward. Hahaha!

That's not free will! Maybe my son doesn't want the situation altogether, maybe he doesn't want to choose between yes or no!

My son is being attacked and to "help" I keep looking for new ways to approach the situation (medecine, spirit release, acupuncture etc...) even if he said he doesn't want any of my help and want to fight it alone. How it all starts, first my programming shows its nose, I am scared. Then I make decisions backed up by that feeling. WRONG, WRONG (I realised recently).

I keep offering new ways outside of himself to fight for his mental health, but I get angry when he can't commit. That's not free will.
Waouh! Free will is a big one for me, I keep falling for the STS version of it, which is "I CAN HELP" then we will all be better off.

I wrote what came into my head after crying a bit and not knowing where to turn to. Apologies for discontinued discourse but It helped, feeling much better now.

My aim was to ask if some of you could pray for my son to find strength and maybe guidance for his mission here on earth. Thank you very much. Bless you all
 
My aim was to ask if some of you could pray for my son to find strength and maybe guidance for his mission here on earth.
Dear @Pat , here too, it would be up to your son to ask, but would he like it?
I believe that you, you can pray simply as in the EE sessions, or with the crystals if you have them. May you grow in confidence and big hugs. Keep us informed
 
I have been thinking for a while about asking for help or just tell the event the way it is.
First I will talk about the saying that I made mine which helps me go through each day.
* Free will, I allow the other person to make choices
* All there is is lesson, I am learning with all the negative events happening in my life
* No expectation, the universe will decide what and when to provide. Ask (no begging...) and the universe will provide

Funny! While writing I realise where I got wrong and created all the stress and anxiety.
Free will : I create a situation and ask my son for an yes or a no moving forward. Hahaha!

That's not free will! Maybe my son doesn't want the situation altogether, maybe he doesn't want to choose between yes or no!

My son is being attacked and to "help" I keep looking for new ways to approach the situation (medecine, spirit release, acupuncture etc...) even if he said he doesn't want any of my help and want to fight it alone. How it all starts, first my programming shows its nose, I am scared. Then I make decisions backed up by that feeling. WRONG, WRONG (I realised recently).

I keep offering new ways outside of himself to fight for his mental health, but I get angry when he can't commit. That's not free will.
Waouh! Free will is a big one for me, I keep falling for the STS version of it, which is "I CAN HELP" then we will all be better off.

I wrote what came into my head after crying a bit and not knowing where to turn to. Apologies for discontinued discourse but It helped, feeling much better now.

My aim was to ask if some of you could pray for my son to find strength and maybe guidance for his mission here on earth. Thank you very much. Bless you all
I have a teenage son.

That says it all for those who are parents and have passed that stage.

Well..., my point of view.

Several people live in the home, so there are rules and they exist for a reason.

Calmly explain... as many times as necessary.

Will reasonable arguments calm rebellion and desire to do things their way?

No.

But it is the environment that exists and hopefully it will end up penetrating enough.

I let him do it.

I explain to him the possibilities of his action based on my experience.

The first few times he doesn't listen...

But listen..., what my father said happened like this.

And his parents will be there and he knows it.

Many children don't have that.

This is my experience and perhaps you can extrapolate something to yours.

I once read the following:

- What do you do to take care of your son?

- I do what I can, the best I can!

- Correct answer, friend.
 
I have been thinking for a while about asking for help or just tell the event the way it is.
First I will talk about the saying that I made mine which helps me go through each day.
* Free will, I allow the other person to make choices
* All there is is lesson, I am learning with all the negative events happening in my life
* No expectation, the universe will decide what and when to provide. Ask (no begging...) and the universe will provide

Funny! While writing I realise where I got wrong and created all the stress and anxiety.
Free will : I create a situation and ask my son for an yes or a no moving forward. Hahaha!

That's not free will! Maybe my son doesn't want the situation altogether, maybe he doesn't want to choose between yes or no!

My son is being attacked and to "help" I keep looking for new ways to approach the situation (medecine, spirit release, acupuncture etc...) even if he said he doesn't want any of my help and want to fight it alone. How it all starts, first my programming shows its nose, I am scared. Then I make decisions backed up by that feeling. WRONG, WRONG (I realised recently).

I keep offering new ways outside of himself to fight for his mental health, but I get angry when he can't commit. That's not free will.
Waouh! Free will is a big one for me, I keep falling for the STS version of it, which is "I CAN HELP" then we will all be better off.

I wrote what came into my head after crying a bit and not knowing where to turn to. Apologies for discontinued discourse but It helped, feeling much better now.

My aim was to ask if some of you could pray for my son to find strength and maybe guidance for his mission here on earth. Thank you very much. Bless you all
Hi Pat you and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers 🤗🙏, I remember over the years encountering family members , close friends who were in self harming behaviours etc , most of them were not or hadn’t gotten to a place where they were desperate or ready to help themselves so my attempt to try and help/assist fell by the wayside- it’s a tough and painful call not being able assist someone who is destroying themselves through ignorance and harm… I remember a mentor of mine sharing with me on this area, as I had asked him what can I do to help themselves? He said “ best way to help is to help yourself by doing your spiritual practice , detaching with love and prayers , once we are no longer trying to control the other person we are out of the way and give them the space to do whatever they’re going to do , that’s how you can support and heal them and when they reach rock bottom we can then offer them supportive feedback/ guidance that probably won’t fall on deaf ears!”
Certainly in my own journey I didn’t get into rehab/recovery /complete abstinence from mood altering substances etc until I really deep down had reached desperation / rock bottom circumstances that was when I was 26 years old, I’ve been clean 37 years one day at a time 🙏🏻 the last few years of my active addiction was lonely homeless and desperate part of that process was catylised by family joining self help groups where they learnt to detach and get on with their own lives rather than getting totally preoccupied on another’s behaviours thus putting their life development on hold ., I m convinced that them letting go of me in that way enabled me to reach rock bottom much quicker.when I was truly ready and asked for help they were there for me and supported me activel in that process💞
 
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Not feeling too great, lately. I feel 'heavier', or the life flow is denser. Maybe it is just time that I perceive as faster. Also I had another heart racing tachicardia episode that sent me again in the Emergency Rooms. This time they had to stop and restart my heart. Not nice.
I have a theory, based on intuition. I'm thinking that being sensitive to surrounding energy, I need to have the environment I spend time in, in harmony, to blend with my chi. Simply put, chaos is becoming toxic.
 
Hi Pat you and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers 🤗🙏, I remember over the years encountering family members , close friends who were in self harming behaviours etc , most of them were not or hadn’t gotten to a place where they were desperate or ready to help themselves so my attempt to try and help/assist fell by the wayside- it’s a tough and painful call not being able assist someone who is destroying themselves through ignorance and harm… I remember a mentor of mine sharing with me on this area, as I had asked him what can I do to help themselves? He said “ best way to help is to help yourself by doing your spiritual practice , detaching with love and prayers , once we are no longer trying to control the other person we are out of the way and give them the space to do whatever they’re going to do , that’s how you can support and heal them and when they reach rock bottom we can then offer them supportive feedback/ guidance that probably won’t fall on deaf ears!”
Certainly in my own journey I didn’t get into rehab/recovery /complete abstinence from mood altering substances etc until I really deep down had reached desperation / rock bottom circumstances that was when I was 26 years old, I’ve been clean 37 years one day at a time 🙏🏻 the last few years of my active addiction was lonely homeless and desperate part of that process was catylised by family joining self help groups where they learnt to detach and get on with their own lives rather than getting totally preoccupied on another’s behaviours thus putting their life development on hold ., I m convinced that them letting go of me in that way enabled me to reach rock bottom much quicker.when I was truly ready and asked for help they were there for me and supported me activel in that process💞
Thank you very much for your advice @EmeraldR about letting him go his way.
It seems that's the lesson I have to learn.

Two days ago I had a drop of tension which made me faint and vomit. The come back was so very slow and hard!
I was told that stress, life, problems, everything was the consequence of this event happening. Hard lesson!
That's what made me want to open up today and write those two discussions.
 

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