"Hyperkinetic Sensate" hyperactive sense phenomena

Puck,
I've also gotten those little blips of light in my peripheral vision. Typically it's at night while I'm smoking on my fire escape, it's like a little flash or blur of something and when I turn to examine it there's nothing there. I've tended to assume it was light reflecting off of something, but there's been a few times it's happened that I couldn't explain away. This has been going on for the past year or so, not something new with the diet changes, fwiw.

i regard these phenomena, as you, not to be something to be concerned with or enamored by too much.

something interesting though; sight through peripheral vision is thought to be "spiritual" sight in a few asian cultures.
 
Hey
With new knowledge I have,and especially after last session from c's I'm almost positive that the experience I had as a child,and again few years ago was somehow sensing the hyperkinetic sensate,or even wave.Either it was some sort of precognition of the possible future or accidental tumbling into domain of the wave (that happened around 1995, and if I'm not mistaken wave was already coming then) This are just my assumptions,don't get me wrong I'm not trying to claim anything,just giving my interpretation of that event and trying to share it as clear as possible in hope you can understand it,maybe even relate to it.

Here is post from another topic where I wrote about it some 6 months ago.
Serendipity said:
Also there is one really strange event when I was 5 years old that might be connected with this 'ability'.
Something happened while I was sleeping and it wasn't just a dream or nightmare.All I could remember next morning was terrible feeling of fear and confusion and sense that it wasn't first time that happened to me.I also remembered some bits of that event but I couldn't explain it with words,and when I think back at it I got that 'energy wave traveling through my body and goosebumps feeling'.Yeah,even today.
Let me try explain that event/state that happened using words.
I was pulled away to some completely unfamiliar/scary place, like different dimension.(Closest thing to describe it is space/universe with asteroids)
Feeling of fear of losing myself in that huge immensity was allpresent.All was huge and strange and there were all kinds of objects(but not really objects) so terrifyingly vast , and they were moving around me really fast and I felt them somehow.And I even remember hearing some voices and names few from my family that I know, and others unfamiliar and when I felt like I'm going get devoured and lost in that 'dimension' I finally woke up terrified like never in my life cause nothing could be compared to that .
Few years ago I got courage and somehow get to that dimension/state again, when I was in mid-dream state but this time wasn't that scary but feeling was the same.

Let me try again to give you short description of what happened.I remembered some new details and will try be more clear.

While I was sleeping it was like something pulled me of my normal dreams.Like a whirlwind that carried me away in unknown and terrifying dimension of chaos that was unlike anything I ever imagined before.I remember feeling of moving very fast,I mean something moving me very fast through unknown 'space'. I had completely no control, that alone was enough to scare the hell out of anyone.I remember fear that was so intense and not usual kind of fear but something completely new,can be described as existential fear, cause what stuck in my mind most was that I was afraid of losing myself to that typhoon,I had the feeling that I'll be squashed of the existence any moment,lost in middle of that speed, unrecognizable dimension and did I mention meteors?They were all around me as I was carried through that 'place' and whenever I passed near one of them fear skyrocketed even higher,each time I thought I'm gone but I wasn't,and I kept being blown through a lot of meteors,without knowing where will I land.And last thing I remember was some, let's say voices,names of people I knew and maybe even some I didn't knew then but met later(but that's pretty much guessing now) and some material objects like plates and spoons etc,really bizarre.Then I woke up totally shaken,without being able to explain to my mother what just happened.I even had inexplicable feeling that it happened many times before.Or maybe it is happening all time,but on some deeper level, who knows.
Why I think it was hyperkinetic sensate? Let's see..
enormous speed,one might call it hyperkinetic - check
most intense,and by words indescribable sensations,particularly bad ones like fear - check
meteors - check
and even strong feeling of being washed from the existence(while in strange dimension that I haven't been able to perceive properly) and/or carried who know where

I might be wishfully thinking or be completely out of base but still I though it's worth to mention.Can't hurt anyone,right. Any thoughts or critics?
Thank you for reading :)
 
Just throwing out the possibility that maybe that experience/dream was of the future where I went hohum, so it served as warning to choose better path.
Then again, the whole thing might have been anything other then that.From simple encounter with my subconsciousness to past life memory or even abduction(TDARM ?)

Now,some thoughts of mine.Maybe I'm discovering hot water here :P

What if the wave is the cleaning broom that will clean/disintegrate all that is not real in a person,false personality,only leaving that which is of Truth inside a person,the inner being.
What if these cases of people becoming zombies that happened in may/june were only the first ones to fall,and they fell apart due to their weak genetics and personalities.
What if when wave comes many more lose their minds and false personalities completely(which is only thing that keeps then living 'normal' lives ATM).We might have real zombie outbreak :scared:

One might wonder why they are hundreds of horror movies and games with zombie theme.Somebody out there is pushing that idea really hard, or is it maybe our subconsciousness warning us.

Interesting that 'zombie outbreak' occurred almost 2 years prior to new year that c's are anticipating so much. Maybe approaching of the wave and effects behave like sinusoide and is cyclical in relation to our solar year. Maybe we are to expect next bigger outbreak same time next year before the real deal reaches Earth?


That reminded me of a disturbing dream I had last year of extremely ominous black clouds that suddenly appeared on the horizon.The 'atmosphere' became so eerie and dark,me and people around me felt panick and knew that danger is coming.The clouds were moving as if they were alive and had some kind of consciousness,and they as it appeared, spread all over the world,making the whole sky covered. People started running and hidding but there was no hidding from it.When the cloud reached someone it grabbed him/her and sucked him/her in. It devoured everyone who 'deserved' it.That's what I knew while I was in the dream.Dream continues,and I'm running and hiding with some people, fearing that I'll be sucked,then finally the cloud reached us and we remained..alive, or so I think :)
Thank you for reading
 
I am in the middle circle. Something inside me had recently awoke, again. I should preface this post With the story of my brief encounter with" insanity". When I turned eighteen, seven years ago I was hospitalized in a fourteen day transitional mental health facility(bhr acutepsychiatric services). I was placed in custody five times in eight months and the last time was for almost three montha. They said they were waiting on a bed date at western state mental hospital. Then one day they just released me back into the wild. I had information overload, but the two old female psychiatrists, said I had schizo-affective disorder. They fed me the antipsychotics rispirdone, zyprexa. The mood stabilizer trileptal, anti depressant welbutrin xr, and ativan. They said i would never be same without meds. I have never taken them and the knowledge I once wanted to have and obtained in an, albeit, unorthodox and dangerous way has been suppressed for over seven years. I have a son and have held down a job for over four years.
Something is stirring. I have always been keenly aware of energy and atmospheric changes. I have always scored as high as possible on reading comprehension tests. I have never talked out loud or online about this subject. I don't even have words to describe all the things I am feeling and seeing. When I read this sites user agreement, I found a thread of connectivity. I need a direction to start . I want out of the anthill. I don't even need answers, for I have no question. I use to many I's.
 
Serendipity said:
What if the wave is the cleaning broom that will clean/disintegrate all that is not real in a person,false personality,only leaving that which is of Truth inside a person,the inner being.
What if these cases of people becoming zombies that happened in may/june were only the first ones to fall,and they fell apart due to their weak genetics and personalities.

Ok. In that case, if there is little or no "truth" (soul / soul potential) in a person, what do you suppose might happen then ?

I don't know about a zombie apocalypse, i guess anything could happen. the future is open.
 
transientP said:
Serendipity said:
What if the wave is the cleaning broom that will clean/disintegrate all that is not real in a person,false personality,only leaving that which is of Truth inside a person,the inner being.
What if these cases of people becoming zombies that happened in may/june were only the first ones to fall,and they fell apart due to their weak genetics and personalities.

Ok. In that case, if there is little or no "truth" (soul / soul potential) in a person, what do you suppose might happen then ?

I don't know about a zombie apocalypse, i guess anything could happen. the future is open.

We can't know for sure. I was just shooting in dark when I wrote that post. Also assuming a lot, and presenting my subjective theory that was simply a theory, not even good one with real facts or good reasoning behind it.
But, let me try again, and to answer your question.

C's said about people disintegrating and we can see it happening in real time. We know that most of people shut down from self, parts of the reality or the self that they don't want or can't see. So they choose lies and more comfortable subjective world to live in instead, and pursue ghosts of material world, like success, admiration, money, self image, career, religion etc, all the while building their personalities and false selves and forgeting about their true natures. That is what sleep does in humans.
It is all good and alright while there is bread and circuses, so the sleep can continue, but what will happen when the hard reality pounds them in the face. Gurdjieff talked about human personality being the false construct that can fall as easily as house of cards when big shocks occur, and that it can even take them down in the fall.

Similar thing happened to my father and many other soldiers because of war, the PTSD. He has 70% psychic disability. When I talked to him once, his own words were following: '' I wasn't programmed and prepared for the things that happened in war.'' When he said that I realized something. Many people who suffered nervous break down during war were susceptible for that due to their heavy programming, belief in lies, and pathological influence from their family, as is the case with my dad. Many shocks during war were enough to cause nervous breakdown in such people, because their minds and nervous system weren't developed enough, and they were running on programs from before the war, which couldn't prepare them for what came. When I look to my father it pains me to see that he is broken, but that's what happened to him after the war, after he suffered nervous breakdown. Once he was strong, cheerfull and brave young man, after the war he just isn't the same person, not nearly.

My current opinion is that in the times ahead the most important thing will be preparedness, but not material preparedness as much as mental.
If cataclysms happen, IMO highest death toll could be from not being prepared mentally, and people disintegrating and having nervous break downs from shocks and fear, and also people not being able to think straight causing them to make bad decision etc.
That could be what C's meant when they talked about importance of looking at things from 4D perspective and not 3D during the turbulent times. And symbolism of story of Noah's ark.

session 16 October 1994
Q: (L) Well, the story of Noah tells us that Noah was told to build an ark.
A: Symbolic. Look at it this way. Noah built a boat because it seemed like an enjoyable enterprise and when the flood came it came in handy, see?
Q: (L) So, you are saying that if we do what we do because we enjoy it that we will be in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing when whatever happens happens, right?
A: Close.

I look at it like the ark being symbolic of mental preparation that is result of the Work, and helped by EE and diet, and ability to see reality objectively as a big and important part/result of it.
What will happen to people when cosmos starts cleaning the house we can only imagine or theorize. I guess different people will be affected differently and also to varying degrees.
I also think that many people aren't prepared at all for the mental turbulence resulted from changes ahead. What happens then only DCM knows. Future is open, like you said.
I hope I am not discovering hot water here.
 
200Thrombophlebitis said:
When I read this sites user agreement, I found a thread of connectivity. I need a direction to start . I want out of the anthill. I don't even need answers, for I have no question. I use to many I's.

Hi 200Thrombophlebitis, and welcome to the forum. We encourage new members to post a brief introduction on the Newbie's board, telling us a bit more about yourself and how you found us. Looking forward to your intro :)
 
Serendipity said:
I look at it like the ark being symbolic of mental preparation that is result of the Work, and helped by EE and diet, and ability to see reality objectively as a big and important part/result of it.

Perhaps the time has come where everybody will have the opportunity to face the truth about themselves. Emotional shocks, all things going down the tubes, climate changes, plagues and dis-ease everywhere, etc. It is as if buffers will have a hard time keeping up.

Gurdjieff said:

"Conscience is a state in which a man feels all at once everything that he in general feels, or can feel. And as everyone has within him thousands of contradictory feelings which vary from a deeply hidden realization of his own nothingness and fears of all kinds to the most stupid kind of self-conceit, self-confidence, self-satisfaction, and self-praise, to feel all this together would not only be painful but literally unbearable.

"If a man whose entire inner world is composed of contradictions were suddenly to feel all these contradictions simultaneously within himself, if he were to feel all at once that he loves everything he hates and hates everything he loves; that he lies when he tells the truth and that he tells the truth when he lies; and if he could feel the shame and horror of it all, this would be the state which is called 'conscience. A man cannot live in this state; he must either destroy contradictions or destroy conscience. He cannot destroy conscience, but if he cannot destroy it he can put it to sleep, that is, he can separate by impenetrable barriers one feeling of self from another, never see them together, never feel their incompatibility, the absurdity of one existing alongside another.

"But fortunately for man, that is, for his peace and for his sleep, this state of conscience is very rare. From early childhood 'buffers' begin to grow and strengthen in him, taking from him the possibility of seeing his inner contradictions and therefore, for him, there is no danger whatever of a sudden awakening. Awakening is possible only for those who seek it and want it, for those who are ready to struggle with themselves and work on themselves for a very long time and very persistently in order to attain it. For this it is necessary to destroy 'buffers,' that is, to go out to meet all those inner sufferings which are connected with the sensations of contradictions. Moreover the destruction of 'buffers' in itself requires very long work and a man must agree to this work realizing that the result of his work will be every possible discomfort and suffering from the awakening of his conscience.

"But conscience is the fire which alone can fuse all the powders in the glass retort which was mentioned before and create the unity which a man lacks in that state in which he begins to study himself.

"Awakening" from a subjective point of view will be completely impossible. If approached subjectively, it will be a complete ordeal followed by negative disintegration. The only possibility and sane way to face ourselves and reality is from an objective point of view. But in order to see things objectively, the subjective must die. Depending on the baggage and garbage carried all throughout life, this death of the "subjective self" might feel like a very slow and painful death. But perhaps the signs of the times are intensifying things in this sense as well.

The wave consists in feeling in terms of energy, a hyperkinetic sensate, and some people have to change their assumptions in order to experience the wave in a positive way. So it seems that if assumptions are not changed, it will be experienced negatively and downright disintegration will be the result. We are choosing organisms and under the pressure of our current times we are forced to either live consistently with a value or compromise it, revealing thus our true character. Every choice we are making is a statement about our true values and the only way to develop our true self is to exert our willpower in every situation. We develop values by practicing them whenever they are called for. As Aristotle said, people acquire virtues by first having put them into action. We become just by the practice of just actions, self-controlled by exercising self-control, and courageous by performing acts of courage.

It is our call to guard our integrity against negative disintegration. The integrity of our own minds is a sacred thing:

Gnosis said:
The day will come when, having ceased to dramatize the facts and justify himself, each problem will appear to him as it is, unhidden and unembellished. It is at this moment that the objective and just solution will appear possible and desirable to him, even though it involves some painful process ... because in this solution he will have found the road to the Truth which sets him free...

In other words, he will see his Personality in its ensemble and in every detail. In the same way, he will perceive all the results of his Karma, as well as all the distortions they have provoked in his being, in particular, the distortion that comes from hypocrisy towards oneself, and from the lies we tell ourselves. These are the most difficult elements to constate...

For the first time in his life, he will see himself objectively, as he is, with no make-up, without the least justification or compromise, and with no possibility of evasion. For the just, this ordeal is full of ineffable joy. To him it will be like the light of dawn.

Everything is at stake and the implications are far reaching for ourselves and the world.
 
Well guys, I've been observing weird stuff going on inside my head. For one part, the most pathological thing inside it is showing, like all the potency I may have to be evil, like subtle thoughts that tries to vector myself to do evil stuff, but on the other side, I find that being tolerant, strong, and learning to how to give every person it's worth is becoming easier, like if changing myself for the benefit of others is easier than before. It can be thanks to cosmical or universal changes, or maybe just because I try to consume carbs as less as possible.
 
Psyche,

Thank You for your post. I find what you are saying to be extremely insightful.

Prometeo,

Prometeo said:
Well guys, I've been observing weird stuff going on inside my head. For one part, the most pathological thing inside it is showing, like all the potency I may have to be evil, like subtle thoughts that tries to vector myself to do evil stuff, but on the other side, I find that being tolerant, strong, and learning to how to give every person it's worth is becoming easier, like if changing myself for the benefit of others is easier than before. It can be thanks to cosmical or universal changes, or maybe just because I try to consume carbs as less as possible.

I too have been staring directly at many programs in my head. Especially many falsities and quite a lot of imagination.
For me personally it has sped up since my father passed away a couple of months back.
Looking around, I think it also might be safe to say that things do seem to be speeding up in general.
Old things and falsities usually fall apart at some point, being baseless, but there's a different quality in the speed at which this is happening, OSIT.

There has been another case of insane head biting zombie action for one.
Maybe it's just me, but there seems to be an overall tenseness in the air.. ?
 
Hey
With new knowledge I have,and especially after last session from c's I'm almost positive that the experience I had as a child,and again few years ago was somehow sensing the hyperkinetic sensate,or even wave.Either it was some sort of precognition of the possible future or accidental tumbling into domain of the wave (that happened around 1995, and if I'm not mistaken wave was already coming then) This are just my assumptions,don't get me wrong I'm not trying to claim anything,just giving my interpretation of that event and trying to share it as clear as possible in hope you can understand it,maybe even relate to it.

Here is post from another topic where I wrote about it some 6 months ago.


Let me try again to give you short description of what happened.I remembered some new details and will try be more clear.

While I was sleeping it was like something pulled me of my normal dreams.Like a whirlwind that carried me away in unknown and terrifying dimension of chaos that was unlike anything I ever imagined before.I remember feeling of moving very fast,I mean something moving me very fast through unknown 'space'. I had completely no control, that alone was enough to scare the hell out of anyone.I remember fear that was so intense and not usual kind of fear but something completely new,can be described as existential fear, cause what stuck in my mind most was that I was afraid of losing myself to that typhoon,I had the feeling that I'll be squashed of the existence any moment,lost in middle of that speed, unrecognizable dimension and did I mention meteors?They were all around me as I was carried through that 'place' and whenever I passed near one of them fear skyrocketed even higher,each time I thought I'm gone but I wasn't,and I kept being blown through a lot of meteors,without knowing where will I land.And last thing I remember was some, let's say voices,names of people I knew and maybe even some I didn't knew then but met later(but that's pretty much guessing now) and some material objects like plates and spoons etc,really bizarre.Then I woke up totally shaken,without being able to explain to my mother what just happened.I even had inexplicable feeling that it happened many times before.Or maybe it is happening all time,but on some deeper level, who knows.
Why I think it was hyperkinetic sensate? Let's see..
enormous speed,one might call it hyperkinetic - check
most intense,and by words indescribable sensations,particularly bad ones like fear - check
meteors - check
and even strong feeling of being washed from the existence(while in strange dimension that I haven't been able to perceive properly) and/or carried who know where

I might be wishfully thinking or be completely out of base but still I though it's worth to mention.Can't hurt anyone,right. Any thoughts or critics?
Thank you for reading :)

I feel a need to share this. Maybe it could be useful for networking purposes. I believe I solved the mystery of the weirdest experience in my life (and I had many to compare with), which happened when I was 5 or 6 years old, and after which I had the ability to induce goosebumps at will, and which might also explain why even as early as a 7 year old I had an inner knowing that I'm living in an extremely important 'times' and the feeling of having some kind of an 'important mission' to accomplish in this life.

So to recap the experience. One night before sleep at age of 5 or 6 I was contemplating the concept of infinity, how is it possible that the universe is infinite and then I had these questions come up "how is it even possible that existence itself is possible?" "how can existence come to be on it's own?" "shouldn't the non-existence be all there is?" "but what is even non existence?" "if non-existence is, and I can imagine it, then it still is?" And I was thinking about it quite deeply, it really bothered me to know. And then just before or after falling to sleep a whirlwind sucked me out of my solar plexus and I was thrown into this unknown reality. In short it was way more than my young mind was able to comprehend, the shapes, the sensations/emotions most pronounced of which was fear, fear of being annihilated by those incomprehensible dark objects that I moved past in this vast unknown space/reality. Then I saw some things, like the kitchen and the plates and spoons, saw some people and heard their voices. It was really crazy, it wasn't a dream it was like being in some other world. Then I woke up and tried to explain to my mother what I experienced and I distinctly remember somehow knowing, even though that was the first time I've experienced that (been there), that I was(am?) already there. Crazy stuff and unlike anything I experience before or since (except one or two times I briefly entered that state in meditation)... until 2022 when I finally got some unexpected answers.

I never expected to find Ayahuasca ceremony in my small country, but my life's journey was leading me one step at a time, to participating in a such ceremony led by an experienced shaman from Columbia, and was organized right here in Croatia. Ceremony was held over the period of 3 nights and I've chosen to participate in all of the three ceremonies which lasted from after sunset till just before sunrise. It was done in traditional way with the shaman serving as a guide and protector. All of the participats were in one room and each of us had our own matress and a bucket for vomitting (which is considered a form of healing/detoxing). At the start of each ceremony each participant had hapé inhaled (blown) into their nostrils by shaman's assistant throught the pipe. (Hapé, or rapé, is pronounced 'haa-pay' in English. This plant medicine is a very sacred herbal snuff, made by the indigenous tribes of the Amazon, with Tobacco and varying Amazonian healing plants, leaves, trees, and seeds from native lands.) Throughout the ceremony the assistant would blow tobacco smoke to participants heads for additonal protection and cleansing of energies. The rules were like this. There are maximum of three possible doses that you can drink. First dose(cup) is drank by everyone at the beginning of the ceremony. After few hours the shaman offers the second dose and then only those who want drink the second dose. And the third dose you have to personally ask the shaman for, and then he decides if you are allowed/able to take it.

The first two nights I only had one or two doses, and didn't even think of going for the third mainly because I was feeling so horrible, so sick, so weak and in so much pain. The general feeling was that of suffering, suffering brought to a surface, suffering brought to my face, to my conscious mind and body. Another shaman I knew explained Ayahuasca to his students as a healer who is sucking out the dark patches/wounds/stains on the person's energy body. And going though it, feeling those emotions in my own body/bodies?, was painfull as hell, and not just a physical pain and discomfort, deeper than that. Imagine a really bad case of flu combined with emotional and mental anguish. I didn't experience any visions or anything similar during first two nights, but I had a feeling that something was happening deep inside, in my mind.

Then the third night I made a conscious choice that I will go all the way through this time, I will be as disciplined as I can possibly be and push through all the pain and suffering and weakness and be able to have the third dose too. So I followed through and was very determined and controlled and kept my meditation going strong. For hours all the way till second dose I felt strong and at peace. And even after taking 2nd dose I remained in that state for hour or two. Then I saw Ayahuasca in a vision appearing in a female form. Then I interacted with her and ended up making love to her in my mind. Then at some point I was struck by sudden feelling of sick and suffering again. And then I dosed off thinking that's it I'm done. But then I woke up and there was an intricate fractal like shape in front of my eyes, clear as day. And when it dissapeared I sat up and looked to my left and then looked to my right. And I immediately realised few things. First: all the suffering/pain/weakness was completely gone (even the chronic pressure I feel in my chest completely gone). Second: I felt incredibely energised, like I could fly, and I could feel the energy even in the tips of my fingers. And third: when I was moving my head left and right I realised I wasn't the only one who was moving my head, and it wasn't just my head I was wearing, I was wearing a large wild cat's head too and we were effectively a one being during that time. And also my field of vision greatly increased, I still had vision of left side of the room even when turning my head to the right. In my mind's eye I saw a wild cat's head on my neck. Then I went to the toilet to look in the mirror to see if my head is that of a cat and it wasn't, but, my face looked different, it didn't look tame as usual but kinda wild/feral. Even tho I felt I could do backflips with the amount of energy I had I just sat back and meditated and then at some point I asked the shaman for the 3d dose and he gave it to me.

Shortly thereafter things became next level weird. It felt like being in a deep part of myself. Like I want at a deeper level of reality. Yes I saw all kinds of 'creatures' floating around. I saw more fractals and parts of animals, for example a vivid vision of an insect which then zoomed to it's leg in an amazing HD level details, and squid and octopus tentacles etc. But all of that felt surface level or like a background noise. I was after meaning, I had questions and wanted answers. It also felt like floating away from 'normal' identity and there was a lot of spinning. Things started making less and less sense as I was floating there but at some point and somehow I established a communication with something. In that state, when I would think of something I would instantly be provided with an answer to my thought/question. I don't remember all the questions and answers, only some. Like when I asked something along the lines: "how did the reality came to be, or how the reality/the universe functions" I instantly saw number 1 0 1 and explanation that 1 represents existance and 0 represents the non existence in between. And I understood that it is like a symbolic representation of the eternal cosmic energy of creation, reinacted/replayed in sex. Then the thoughts and images of bilateral symetry followed, and specificaly thaat of the shape of female butt and vagina (1 0 1). All those thoughts and images arrived instantly and I had no way of understanding their meaning for sure or of verifying their veracity, but somehow it felt true and the source felt real.

Then I saw another vision. I think my question/thought was who am I speaking with. I was wondering if I was speaking with the source of some kind. Now what I was seeing looked like some kind of field that was alive and immediately my whole view of myself was obliterated. I was struck with multiple pieces of information once again. First one happened when the field demonstrated to me that 'it' is everything and everyone. It showed me how it creates every living thing, literaly shaping it into the existence. I saw the field morph itself, as if making a kind of geometric looking holographic projection of an animal that then becomes that animal, but is in reality just the extension-creation of the field itself. And then I was struck with a thought/idea that the field 'has' me. That in reality it is not me having the 'field part of me' but instead it is the field that has me, that has everyone and everything and is everyone and everything. Like the field is wearing me, wearing my body/being like we wear clothes for example. Then I felt like my identity is all a lie, I felt formless and faceless. I had an image of those tooltec warrior statues come to my mind. Like I was like that during that state and the field was actively looking through my eyes. Then a thought came to my mind about the experience I had as a child "is it possible that what I experienced then was actually this state and this "moment in time" in which I currently was. And the answer was "yes".(and later on reflecting about it, it really makes sense) And then the understanding followed: I was led my whole life towards exactly this "moment" and place and experience. It was almost like it was written and unavoidable (and out of my control) and the field was behind it somehow, leading me to this very state. And I had an image of a circle being completed appear in my mind.

Then the shaman finished ceremony early because it was the last night and I felt the energy got darker all of the sudden because him singing icarus songs and playing rattles for protection. I saw darker beings and I was even worried a bit. My mind was spinning too much and at some point I drifted to semi sleep state but when I woke up I couldn't get up for an hour. And I felt like I lost my mind. I didn't feel like myself at all. I thought whoops maybe I'll end up as one of those who fried their antennaes and ended up in a psychiatric asylum. As soon as I tried to sit up I was immediately lied back down due to sheer amount of spinning. It felt like me and my antennae was still in clouds or space. Another participant noticed me having trouble and after some time helped me to go outside on the meadow for some fresh morning air. Then I felt like my body was being controlled by something else. It would walk on it's own or so it seemed. It tried walking backwards and down. After some times I realised it wanted me to lie down on the grass and ground myself. So I did that for hours. Then I also had a thought that the reason why it feels like something else is controlling my body might be because I lost 'my' mind. I lost sense of self identification with my mind, when in fact I'm not really my conscious mind, but something deeper than that, that was now still active. I was walking clumsily, almost like relearning to use my body. Maybe I was actually the true me for first time in a long time (since I was a child). There was a 5 year old child there and I felt I could connect and identify myself with her, like I was like her during that time. Then the time for breakfast came and I took the plate and the spoon to grab the eggs and vegetables but something unexpected happened. My hand holding the spoon was repelled from the pan where the breakfast was, as if magnetically repelled. I tried it many times and always the same thing happened. Then I did it in spite of it or someone else put the food on my plate I don't remember, but once I sat on the chair and try to scoop the food of my plate the same thing happened again. I think people around me thought I was funny or maybe kinda crazy, but it was very real sensation, as if my body didn't want to eat, yet. After I did my bowel movement to get rid of the aya medicine still in my system and after a few hours it went away and I was able to eat. Also I didn't vomit even once during the whole third night ceremony which is not really usual, so I think that might have been connected to this magnetic incident. And literaly today I saw that in my post I quoted above I mentioned plates and spoon (I totally forgot about it for like a decade), and I remember seeing the kitchen while in that experience I had as 5-6 year old.

My theory is that when I was contemplating those deep questions as a child, somehow I got 'pulled' and connected with myself having Ayahuasca experience as a 32 year old. If I really was in that deep reality and maybe even interacting with the field, time isn't an illusion there, so it might be possible that a connection (like a circle) was formed between my 5 year old and 32 year old self. And maybe that could explain why I had that intuition of living in important times and having a 'mission' to fulfil. Maybe that information got 'downloaded' into my 5 year old self's subconscious mind. And maybe even I was really led by the field itself to exactly where my 5 year old self connected with me, at that ayahuasca ceremony experience.

First image is similar how the field looked like only much more vast and alive. Second image is similar to what the field's craetions looked like, except they were morphed out and by the field itself. But those beasts produced in the control room in 'Hunger games' and then materialised in the arena is a good enough representation I think.
 

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