Journals and the Work

[spyraal]

I have a real problem with this correlation of the capacity for "true friendship" being directly related to the degree to which one is "awake" -- because of its potential for delusionary thinking. None of us here are fully "awake"; we are also all STS by nature of being third-density earth residents. "Friend" is an STS concept, one that involves "attachment". As the C's have pointed out, non-attachment is an STO quality, one that we are not capable of as STS beings. So, to me, the very idea of a "true friendship" or "ideal friendship" is fraught with delusion, as such concepts would probably not exist in an STO world.

Thank you Pepperfritz, and I am really happy for your input which i will take some time to examine more thoroughly. This subject is quite important for me, as our views on the subject of friends define to a great extend our relationships with other people. After reading your post once, i can tell that your insight is really precious and has a lot of ground. I will re-read it and try to consider and digest all your input with great interest.

Do you not see the Internal Consideration behind this statement? Do you not see that you are really describing YOURSELF -- or rather, the person you currently perceive yourself to be? You are essentially saying, this is how evolved I am, and I cannot accept another as a "friend" who is less evolved than me, because I am "special". And what if someone were to consider themselves more evolved than you? Would you agree that they are justified in not considering you a "true friend" because you do not reflect their current perception of themselves?

I do see the interesting possibility that i am describing my perception of myself here..! Although on the other hand, i do recognize the existance and i trully enjoy the company of people i consider "more evolved" than myself without any self-judjement, negative feelings or "inferiority complex" on my side. I understand why they came to be what they are. And also, for the same reason (and some others) I would consider myself as not having a "superiority complex" either (but i will re-examine that on the occasion) . It is just that sharing and being a friend with someone is a choice. And maybe i am falsely attached to the idea of making the "hardest available choices" when there is little else solid on which to base a better choice on. Or maybe i am raising the bar for others too high out of my own expectations and self-projection... :/ I will have to ponder for a while on these matters in the context of your post.

Anyway, for the time thank you for your mirroring. I can see a lot of meaning in your words, and a lot to learn once i short this one out. Your input was most welcomed and now it is proper time for some recollection and self-observation on this.

Take care.

:)

 

[PepperFritz]

It is just that sharing and being a friend with someone is a choice.

That statement seems quite self-evident when you first look at it. After all, isn't there some saying, you get to choose your friends but not your relatives. However, when I really stop to think about it, I'm not sure that I really do "choose" my friends. Its like that other saying, you don't get to choose who you fall in love with. I don't go LOOKING for friends with a shopping list of necessary qualities -- people tend to come into my life quite unexpectedly, and I find myself DRAWN to them, sometimes without knowing why. In my experience, they are usually there for a reason, one that I'm not immediately privy to, usually involving lessons of some kind. Sometimes my attraction to a person blossoms into a long-term friendship, sometimes it is a short but intense experience, sometimes it quickly "dissipates" once the lesson is complete. I can't say that I am consciously in control of, and therefore CHOOSE, these attractions, they really have a life of their own.

Inherent in the idea that one consciously CHOOSES one's friends is the idea that one consciously chooses to NOT befriend certain people, yes? Yet I am not aware of having ever made that kind of "choice" either.

Have you ever had the experience of knowing someone that you feel you SHOULD be drawn to -- because you have a lot in common, share a lot of the same interests, etc. -- and yet you just don't "click"? Or you meet someone who seems to be opposite to you in so many ways, and yet you become fast friends in spite of that? What about those times that you find yourself sharing things with a relative stranger, things you've never revealed to anyone else in your life? Does one make a conscious "choice" in such circumstances? What about connections made in a previous life, that carry on into this one?

I'm just musing aloud here, things that came to mind when I read your post..... Dunno if its useful or not.... Interesting to think about....

 

[gwb1995]

I would like to jump into this discussion. As I understand things, the only choices we have are when/where we jump back into 3D life, coming back from 5D. This choice is based on what lessons one has determined one needs to learn it this life. Since each of us are in different places or points on the learning curve, we each have specific lessons to learn.

Now with that said, the only other real choice one can make is to choose the work, and start learning to be truly objective. Yes this is 3D and we all face the limits this puts on each us, but if one is truly ready, then one can make this commitment and start the process. I think that all else is just lessons. We either learn or not from the lessons presented to us. The lesson might be a seemly chance meeting with someone. Whether we become friends is part of the lesson. It does not mean we learned the lesson just because we do or don't become friends. The only way to know the answer is if one can be truly objective, and observe each and every instance objectively.

I will be the first to tell you that I am not anywhere close to being truly objective. I can use these lessons to further my growth, but I will not know the truth until I am fully objective. Recapitulation is one tool available to me, as well as networking and sharing with this forum. The mirror's that one can be shown here are another great tool. I have learned a great deal from this discussion, and have observed many unique points. Thank you all for your thoughts and views.

I am having difficultly in tying this information into what I have stated above. If my thoughts above are off track, someone please assist me. If I am on track with my thoughts, then any suggestions to help me tie this discussion to my thoughts would be a great help.

Thanks,

gwb

 

[PepperFritz]

As I understand things, the only choices we have are when/where we jump back into 3D life, coming back from 5D. This choice is based on what lessons one has determined one needs to learn it this life....

Exactly!

[quote author=gwb1995]Now with that said, the only other real choice one can make is to choose the work, and start learning to be truly objective.... I think that all else is just lessons. We either learn or not from the lessons presented to us. The lesson might be a seemly chance meeting with someone. Whether we become friends is part of the lesson. It does not mean we learned the lesson just because we do or don't become friends. The only way to know the answer is if one can be truly objective, and observe each and every instance objectively. [/quote]

GWB, I think you have expressed that brilliantly, much more clearly than my muddled attempt. That's what I was trying to get at, that the idea that we can choose and control what form our lessons (i.e. relationships) will or will not take is delusional. The best we can do is endeavour to see what is before us with as much objectivity as possible, and to learn the lessons before us.

[quote author=gwb1995]If my thoughts above are off track, someone please assist me. [/quote]

They seem right on track to me. However, someone else may have a different view....

 

[Nienna]

I've read 'Trapped in the Mirror', 'Unholy Hungers', and am currently reading 'Myth of Sanity'. (wrong order, because I saw too late that the reading order of the books had been changed).

These are good. If you get a chance you might include some of the others on the recommended list.

Your question, I assume, means how I'm talking about my issues is showing a lack of knowledge in the psychological area?

No I wasn't trying to insinuate that you lack knowledge in this area. I was wondering just how much you have read, if any, and I see that you have read a few of them. :) I will explain more further down.

At least I'm having a hard time to put the issues I mentioned into a whole over-all picture. I could spot some things here and there (especially from family life and some behaviour patterns in my relationship) that applied to what I was reading. But I can't get rid of the feeling that I'm missing something essential. Too much attachment. Too much (self-?)importance. Too much of a sacred cow. :/

Nienna, could you please tell me why, apart from curiosity, you were asking this? For it seems to me that there's some severe misperception on my side

As you stated above, the fact that you seem to be having a hard time understanding just what is going on is what prompted me to ask this.

I had a hard time seeing just how these books applied to me, even though I had a lot of the symptoms that these books talked about. It wasn't until I really APPLIED what I was reading AS I WAS READING IT and doing so OBJECTIVELY to my situation that things really started to click. So then I reread some of the books and, well, things just really started falling into place.

None of these books will do you any good if you don't apply them objectively. What really worked for me was to look at some of the things that had happened to me as if I was seeing them being experienced by someone else and I applied what I had just read to the scenario. It really helped me to see things more objectively that way. It may not work for you, but I thought that I'd toss it out there. :)

I still think that you are looking at things in a subjective manner. You are letting your emotions run your thought processes. As Hildegarde said, you do need to take one thing at a time. So slow down and calm down. Reread these books and APPLY them to your situation as you go. And try to be as objective as you can. Try to keep the horses under control. Not easy, I know, but if it was easy it wouldn't be Work. ;)

I'm fairly certain that if anybody else has anything to add, or correct, they will do so. :)

 

[Renaissance]

Hi essence, the sense of urgency you spoke of is necessary to break down our programming, however, as Nienna suggested it would help if you reigned in your emotions. Focus on the basics and do one thing at a time. Disintegration can bring in a positive type of chaos as it breaks apart those stable and ridged programs, but you need your footing and your mind to assist you. Perhaps this is where a little faith and hope could help as well. The energy being released during periods of potential growth is a particularly tasty food to the lower emotions; the predators mind has all sorts of tricks to capture such a fine meal. It appears that your 'work i' at the helm is taking on more than she can utilize and as such is defaulting to the predators mind. This dynamic seems to allow for a cycle of fear and 'accomplishing everything now' to perpetuate one another.

 

[Aiming]

Dear Nienna and Los,

I thank you each for taking your time and explaining to me just what is happening.
Thanks, too, for advising me on how to go about to solve this.
I'll try to apply it. And to understand.
Thank you.
:)

 

[theos]

quote from Essence:

As you all know, I'm only just beginning with the Work. I'm looking at everything around and inside me, at least that which I am currently seeing, and I feel this urgency to resolve it all at once, I'm questioning just every little thing. I'm feeling this deep need to see objectively, to see Truth and act upon it. By all means, I do not wanna act on illusions anymore, anywhere. I'm even taking into account that some and all very holy sacred cows have to die, and although there's fear, there's this driving force inside of me, that is kind of demanding me to shed a light upon everything and then act upon it. So there's this drive/urgency to wake up to Truth, and there's -naturally- the current state of my personality, feeling a mixture of acceptance of the Work, but also great confusion and fear.

Like you, I'm just beginning the work too. I don't really know what else to say and I'm surely in no position to give advice. I just know how you are feeling. I've never quite experienced a feeling like this. It has quite a different "taste". This is the first time since I've begun to slowly open my eyes to the reality around me that I have even thought for the slightest nanosecond that I would accept the blue pill and fall completely asleep. (Not that I'm claiming to be awake now.) I've never watched myself being so subtlely afraid. Frankly, I'm afraid I'll fail. I also "feel an urgency to resolve it all at once," and "I'm questioning just every little thing." Sometimes I feel as if I'm walking in quicksand. Objectively, I know that this too is a program and I should observe and apply what I learn about myself -- journaling helps a lot -- and about the concepts of the work.

Then again, I could just be dreaming that I'm doing the Work and I'm not. How can one be sure? Or is being unsure a part of the Work itself? Driving on despite your trepidation? Without that "driving force" where would we be? Would it be safe to assume that this driving force is consciousness or the makings of it?

Quote from Los:

Hi essence, the sense of urgency you spoke of is necessary to break down our programming, however, as Nienna suggested it would help if you reigned in your emotions. Focus on the basics and do one thing at a time. Disintegration can bring in a positive type of chaos as it breaks apart those stable and ridged programs, but you need your footing and your mind to assist you. Perhaps this is where a little faith and hope could help as well. The energy being released during periods of potential growth is a particularly tasty food to the lower emotions; the predators mind has all sorts of tricks to capture such a fine meal. It appears that your 'work i' at the helm is taking on more than she can utilize and as such is defaulting to the predators mind. This dynamic seems to allow for a cycle of fear and 'accomplishing everything now' to perpetuate one another.

I know this comment wasn't directed towards me, but I found it extremely useful and very coincidentally appropriate to how I am feeling today. Thanks.

 

[anart]

Like you, I'm just beginning the work too. I don't really know what else to say and I'm surely in no position to give advice. I just know how you are feeling. I've never quite experienced a feeling like this. It has quite a different "taste". This is the first time since I've begun to slowly open my eyes to the reality around me that I have even thought for the slightest nanosecond that I would accept the blue pill and fall completely asleep. (Not that I'm claiming to be awake now.) I've never watched myself being so subtlely afraid. Frankly, I'm afraid I'll fail. I also "feel an urgency to resolve it all at once," and "I'm questioning just every little thing." Sometimes I feel as if I'm walking in quicksand. Objectively, I know that this too is a program and I should observe and apply what I learn about myself -- journaling helps a lot -- and about the concepts of the work.

Just so you know, these struggles are part and parcel of the Work, no matter 'who' or 'where' one is. Personally, there are times when these feelings are not so loud, and there are times when it is difficult to hear anything other the fear, the urgency, the distraction and even, occasionally, the quicksand. What matters is that even in those times, we keep moving forward. It is my understanding that no matter where one is on the ladder, or the path, the need for effort does not cease (and at times it increases as one goes along) - but this is not a negative thing, at all - and no matter where one is at this moment of time in their life, these efforts are never wasted. Because of where we exist, because of our immersion in this 3D STS 'reality', living lives that are so abnormal to what humanity could be , it really is an every day thing.

Observing and applying what you learn about yourself is key - it is the whole point and it is an all-encompassing thing (and can be quite exhausting) - it is also, as it seems you are beginning to find out, more than worthwhile.

Without that "driving force" where would we be? Would it be safe to assume that this driving force is consciousness or the makings of it?

I would think so - it is likely that real part of ourselves trying to break through all the programming and damage to 'Be' so that we can then 'Do' and make this life worth having lived - that part of ourselves that truly has had enough of this 'place' - and is driven to 'get out alive'. At least this is how it seems to me, at the moment.

 

[Pierre]

I also "feel an urgency to resolve it all at once,"

Many so-called esoteric sources claim that there is a kind of enlightenment like a miracle or a thunder, coming from a superior external force, falling on the apprentice and changing him in a blink.

From what I understand it is almost the opposite. It can only be done by yourself thanks to this internal intent that pushes you on this way.

And it's a very long non linear process. So starting the Work is a bit like starting a marathon. One must be ready for a long lasting effort.

It's as if you have a very long nail and a very small hammer, so you will have to hit again and again and again to see the nail slowly go into the wall.

So don't loose hope if you don't resolve all at once, that's the normal process.

 

[Aiming]

This last week when I was feelin this way (them horses taking control of the coach and them predators voraciously feeding on it)
during this time I was slowly forgetting about journaling daily (despite this thread !! ) and I heard this tiny voice reminding me
"Hey, you need to journal! You know that it helps you sort out these things, it actually gets you to think deeper and adds to your written data!"
Well, I heard it but I didn't listen and didn't journal anymore.. (hell, why??!).
Which had its result therein that when I was observing myself, all observations that were unpleasant elicited various types of feelings,
which got piled up and became stronger, until I was thinking with my emotions (& thus, not thinking at all), and displaying some small eruptions here,
without knowing what I was actually dealing with. So my bad for having disrupted so much.
(damned machine you are!! grunts incompetent observer i )
On the other hand, it was just another lesson of how sleep is everywhere, and it helped me to understand something about thinking with the emotional center.

So back to the topic: journaling really seems to help! It kind of helps you to get order into your observations.
It helps to step back from your observations. Like, when you observe your programs, they feel very very close, maybe -in the beginning- too close
to not have a bunch of emotions welling up and clouding the perception, each time you're spotting something.
And this, I guess, equals the disintegrated observer, as if 'this is about another person'.

fwiw

(edit for spelling)

 

[fabric]

It seems to me that people have different definitions of what 'friend' means to one another. Sometimes 'friend' means 'acquiantance', sometimes 'best friend' is one who shares 3 or more similar activities, or 'close friend' is the person you spend more than 30 hours a week with, etc., or as some say, requires they also be doing the work. I think making friends with sleeping people doesn't necessarily mean that it will make life a distraction. The possibility that it can though, is what makes things interesting. Interesting in the sense that it provides grounds for all sorts of lessons. Now, this isn't to say one must go out and look for such scenarios, but rather, life is gonna throw some curveballs and why not take a swing at it instead of ducking and hiding? PepperFritz said it quite nicely:


[quote author=PepperFritz]
Of course, there are different levels of "friendship", "closeness", social interactions, etc. If someone finds it difficult to maintain a "friendship" with someone without "sharing all" with that person, then perhaps they need the practice of learning to discern what to share with whom, and when. I think part of the Work is learning to strike a very fine balance that allows us to BE in the world, but not OF the world. For how are we to master concepts and practices like Strategic Self-Enclosure, External Consideration, Objective Observation, etc. if not within the context of everyday interactions with ordinary people? How are we to observe our own behaviour within relationships if we avoid relationships with ordinary people? How are we to evaluate another's level of "sleep" if we don't spend time getting to know them to some extent? And just what do we mean by "closeness"? We often mistake mutual feeding for "closeness", and the only way to really explore those issues is within the context of real everyday relationships. As we grow in the Work, our relationships with others will change naturally, without the need to set up artificial boundaries. In the end, the onus is on us to constantly remember the Work, no matter who we may be interacting with, not on other people. If we fall back asleep, the blame lies with us, not with others.
[/quote]


Sorry, gotta quote you again as I can relate to what you say below:


[quote author=PepperFritz]

So perhaps we are closer to an STO concept of "friendship" (if there is such a thing!) by considering whether our Frequency Resonance Vibration is "in sync" with another's.

There is a man in my life whom I consider to be a cherished "friend". We got to know each other because we walk our dogs on the same trail every day. He is a "simple" man who never graduated high school, works as a machinist, and probably would have a very hard time reading and understanding the material that we study here. Yet I look forward to this man's company, and always come home in a "lighter" mood after interacting with him. This I have always attributed to his "good heart", which I now realize is probably how I perceive his Frequency Resonance Vibration, one that is definitely STO-leaning. Do I consider him less of a "true friend" than someone with whom I can discuss the material and concepts that we study here -- such as my cousin Leslie, with whom I share a house and home? No, not at all....

[/quote]


See, that's awesome cuz I know some people like that too, whereby I can be in their company, not worry about any agenda's and still have an interesting conversation not 'work' related. I think sometimes we can be too quick to judge, and simply dismiss someone because they aren't all about the Work, and miss out on some great opportunity. Of course we must remain vigilant and aware as much as our level and being can, and what/where else is better than everyday life? I mean, if we can't handle ourselves in the most innocent and mundane situations, how are we going to be able to face the unknown?

Okay one more~


[quote author=PepperFritz]

Have you ever had the experience of knowing someone that you feel you SHOULD be drawn to -- because you have a lot in common, share a lot of the same interests, etc. -- and yet you just don't "click"? Or you meet someone who seems to be opposite to you in so many ways, and yet you become fast friends in spite of that? What about those times that you find yourself sharing things with a relative stranger, things you've never revealed to anyone else in your life? Does one make a conscious "choice" in such circumstances? What about connections made in a previous life, that carry on into this one?

I'm just musing aloud here, things that came to mind when I read your post..... Dunno if its useful or not.... Interesting to think about....

[/quote]

Lol.. definite yes! It's interesting you say that as that reminded of something someone said (or I read / heard somewhere, can't remember at the moment), which was: "Did you know when you are walking down the street, and you make eye contact with someone you know you have never met before, you actually know them from a past life?"

Don't know if that's true or have anyway of verifying that, but that last sentence did make me think of that.... and I always wonder...FWIW