Life with Passive aggressive Personality Disorder

[Rich]

I just came across this test for determining just where one is along the passive-assertive-aggressive scale, after looking at the How Machiavellian are you thread. Not sure how accurate it is, but might be worth a look.

FWIW

Interesting to think about and possibly useful to those concerned about their assertiveness. I found it difficult without context and didn't realise until the end that it was referring mostly to an occupational context. It was rather on the long side so the latter part I just ticked any box so I could see the report - which seems rather generic and a bit too 'business speak' IMO.

 

[dannyboy]

Apologies for the revival, but I ended up here after doing some research on passive aggression.

Just wanted to say thanks for the original post, and the discussion on it. It's made me look at my relationship with my ex in a whole new light.

 

[SeekinTruth]

Apologies for the revival, but I ended up here after doing some research on passive aggression.

Just wanted to say thanks for the original post, and the discussion on it. It's made me look at my relationship with my ex in a whole new light.

Welcome to the forum dannyboy. :)

Seeing that this is your first post on the forum, if you'd like to stay and look around, we would appreciate it if you would post a brief intro about yourself in the Newbies section, telling us how you found this forum, a bit about yourself (no need for anything too personal), how long you've been reading it and/or the SOTT page, whether or not you've read any of Laura's books yet, etc. Thanks.

 

[DiggingMyWayOut]

Apologies for the revival, but I ended up here after doing some research on passive aggression.

Just wanted to say thanks for the original post, and the discussion on it. It's made me look at my relationship with my ex in a whole new light.

I also came across this thread a few months ago when I was looking for information on how to deal with my soon to be ex. Reading everybody's experiences and perspectives really helped me. I think it's important and helpful to know there are others out there who have dealt with these kind of people. It's amazing to me how total strangers with different backgrounds and existences can suffer from the same type of disorder and their behavior is so eerily similar. Interesting how the mind works.

Anywho, I just came back to say thanks. I didn't want to vent here because I don't think that's what they intended this board for, but I really needed an outlet to try to release some of the frustration I go through on a daily basis so I started blogging. I don't care if anybody reads it because it's just something I needed to do for me, but maybe it can help someone else like this thread helped me. I don't want to post a link here (not sure if that's encouraged) but it's called divorcingadipshit at blogspot and can probably be found through a google. Sorry for the "S" word, I hope nobody's offended.

Thanks all of you for sharing your stories.

 

[Arwenn]

Hi DigginMyWayOut and dannyboy,

Welcome to the forum!

Seeing that this is your first post on the forum, if you'd like to stay and look around, we would appreciate it if you would post a brief intro about yourself in the Newbies section, telling us how you found this forum, a bit about yourself (no need for anything too personal), how long you've been reading it and/or the SOTT page, whether or not you've read any of Laura's books yet, etc. Thanks.

It would be great if you both introduced yourselves in the Newbies section as SeekinTruth has mentioned above, and then post back here about your experiences with your relationships, so that we can all learn from each other. There are some great books to be read as mentioned in earlier posts, particularly by George Simon.

 

[Canuck57]

I found this article to be most revealing and informative. I am currently living with a major passive-aggressive brother who is absolutely impossible. I find his behavior to be stunning, shocking, embarrassing, but also most educational.

However, after reading the initial article, I have to admit that I have had some of the same problems with relationships. I'm not totally closed off, and am open emotionally, but only with the right person; however, the problem here, of course, is that I have never met the right person. Now I'm wondering if I have always subconsciously shut myself down because they have always been the wrong person (i.e. I'm always avoiding the relationship using this as an excuse), or is it because they truly were not the right person?

Upon reflection I have been guilty of some of these passive-aggressive actions though...but not all of them. I believe I have only shut myself down in a relationship when I feel threatened, but of course, then I have to ask myself "why did I feel threatened?" Was it because my partner was indeed not the right person, or am I threatened by anyone who tries to get too close in a relationship? I guess what I need to do is seek help to see if I'm really a victim of the same passive aggressive behavior disorder as my brother, or do I just have "some" passive-aggressive tendencies and behave this way in relationships when deep down I know the relationship is just wrong (and I'm totally clueless on how to say anything without hurting anyone's feelings). Perhaps my big problem is that I have never learned how to "see the light" and terminate a relationship when required? But is that passive aggressive behavior, or perhaps just someone with low self-esteem and low self-confidence?

In any case I also "do not" have many passive aggressive tendencies. For one thing, I do not claim to be right all the time. I do listen to other's opinions of me and I try to reflect on those opinions, and in most cases I do try to correct my behavior. I know I don't have a fear of intimacy, nor do I feel that I have practiced obstructionism...although as a child I definitely did under-perform with some chores in an effort to get out of them. I certainly don't do that in a relationship, or on the job. I am also not afraid of competition, or feel that people I meet are a threat to me in any way. I find myself to be the exact opposite here and care less about what others think or do...everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I respect that. However, if I do meet someone who seems to have much better "people skills" than me, or is better at anything than me, I tend to try and learn from them rather than fight them.

I also rarely feel that I'm the "victim", and do not like playing the blame game. In almost every instance I try (consciously) to always review my own actions before I move on. For the most part this has worked for me too...up until I moved in to help my PA brother. Then everything went south in a hurry...but I'm working on that and do expect to recover. But does that constitute "blame", or am I just alluding to the fact that everything seemed to fail after I moved to help my brother? I also tend to avoid criticism (I haven't done that in well over 30 years), nor do I try to withdraw support from anything or anyone just because I'm angry.

I'm only ambiguous, I feel, when I feel that the relationship may be wrong and when I feel the partner is trying to corner me into behaving in a way in which I'm not comfortable. But again, I then have to ask myself if I'm being deliberately ambiguous to avoid further dependency in a relationship. I am also never forgetful, and when confronted (as mentioned) I do listen. I will also overlook many negative traits in a partner...I may notice them, but my thinking is that "I can let that slide because nobody is perfect". Perhaps I should not be doing this? I also rarely just blame anyone for anything until I have given thorough thought to my own actions first. I have also never given anyone the silent treatment, and I certainly do not have a problem expressing anger, or even displeasure (I have definite control over my anger with others and do not revert to surreptitious or underhanded methods to "get even").

I do admit to a fear of dependency though, but I have always attributed this to not being with the right person; however, again that could be just a cop-out too because I could say that with any relationship just to avoid dependency. This might require further investigation. I can also procrastinate, but only when I'm doing things for myself...rarely do I procrastinate when I doing things for others. I supposed I can be stubborn at times, but usually I feel that stubbornness is a waste of time. Compromise, I find, works much better. In recent years I have also taken great pains to become more positive and optimistic, so unlike what I have read about passive aggressive behavior, I am definitely not a negative person.

So if I have a tendency to be ambiguous and fear dependency in relationships, does that alone make me passive-aggressive, or do I just need to overcome a couple of obstacles?

In any case, what advice can I get on how I should try and improve myself?

Thanks

 

[Zadius Sky]

Hi Canuck57,

Welcome to the forum. Seeing that this is your first post, we would appreciate it if you would post a brief introduction about yourself in the Newbies section, telling us how you found this forum, a little bit about yourself, how long you've been reading it and/or the SOTT page, whether or not you've read any of Laura's books yet, etc. Thanks so much.

:)

 

[Arwenn]

Hi Canuck57, as Zadius has posted above, we ask all newbies to post an intro about themselves. With regards to your asking for help and advice on how to improve yourself, I would first suggest spending time reading through the Heath and Diet section of this forum, and also the Psychology and Cognitive Science section as well.

Sadly there is no quick fix, it's a matter of effort/work. You can't think outside of the box, when your thinking is the box. And it starts with diet, breathing, research and then applying all of that. Best wishes to you in your journey!

 

[Don]

I happened to find this article in a google search. Recently the term passive aggressive has been popping up more and more in my travels. Not knowing exactly what it meant, I looked it up. To my surprise it described me! But, I must say I was in TOTAL disagreement to the description of why and where this behavior comes from.

It appears to me that this article was written by a female attempting to understand this "male" behavior. I would like to shed some light from a males point of view. I can not speak for all men but for myself and my close friends we are in agreement as to why we exhibit this type of behavior when dealing with women. So let me try to address some of these points in the article. :)

1.

Quote "The young boy is not allowed to express his feelings and develop a sense of self. He wants his mother's attention and care yet he resents her continual intrusion. His anger grows but he cannot express it so it becomes submerged and is expressed in an unconscious ‘You can't tell me what to do.' He is not allowed to get his way by direct confrontation and competition so he learns to displace his anger through resistance. He learns to use charm, stubbornness, resistance and withdrawal to protect himself in power struggles. He rebels by becoming moody, being an underachiever or developing behavior problems"

In the above quote the author states that the young boy is not ALLOWED to express his feelings and develop a sense of self. WOW, what type of response would any reasonable person expect to see when someone (child or adult, male or female) is being FORCED to submit to something they disagree with?

My mother's preferred tools of leverage to force me to submit were anger, and attempts to make me feel guilty about misbehaving. I submitted to her wishes physically but I would never submit mentally. To do so would have been giving up my dignity. I would go on to see these tools used by women through adulthood.

2.
Quote "The man with this type of pattern shows little consideration of the time, feelings, standards or needs of others. He obstructs and block progress to others getting what they want and then ignores or minimalizes their dissatisfactions and anger. He is silent when confronted as he has never learned to compromise. He may be a workaholic, a womanizer, hooked on TV, caught in addictions or self-involved hobbies"

The quote above is very ego centered. "He obstructs and blocks progress to others getting what they want and ignores or minimizes their dissatisfaction and anger" SAY WHAT?

As an adult who accepts others for who they are and what they think, I do not become angry if they disagree and refuse to submit to my wishes. So to say they are blocking my progress is a child like view.

Each person has a hierarchy of values that is important to them. What is most important to one may be least important to another. If the male in your life does not share the same hierarchy do not become angry as he will most certainly will resent you trying to force him to submit.

I also find that women in general are more emotion based. Many times I have had women attempt to have me do things I consider irrational or illogical when they have an emotional energy passing thru their bodies. Of course when I refuse I meet with anger from them.

If I try to rationalize or express my feelings with them they become angrier and angrier, so what do I do? Of course I get real quiet and put some space between us. And yes I do resent them for not accepting me for who I am and what I think. After all women constantly demand that they be respected and listened to. Should it not work both ways?

When a woman can't get her man to submit to her wishes many times she will say " your so cold & uncaring" as if to imply you don't love them. These are razor sharp comments. And yes I really resent hearing them from someone who is supposed to love me.

But in my mind if your are asking me to climb in a car with you and drive off what (I know is a cliff) love is the last hing on my mind when I make my decision. A great example of this is when your wife is pressuring you to buy a house you can't afford.

Perhaps some people will disagree with my thoughts. So I ask you ladies how does a man "protect himself" from being attacked when he disagrees with your desires or demands? What are his choices to respond?

 

[Beau]

Hi Don,

It appears as though you've had a difficult time living with a number of different women in your life, and it's caused you to have a negative view on women as a whole. I'd like to reply to a few specific comments you've made below:

Quote "The young boy is not allowed to express his feelings and develop a sense of self. He wants his mother's attention and care yet he resents her continual intrusion. His anger grows but he cannot express it so it becomes submerged and is expressed in an unconscious ‘You can't tell me what to do.' He is not allowed to get his way by direct confrontation and competition so he learns to displace his anger through resistance. He learns to use charm, stubbornness, resistance and withdrawal to protect himself in power struggles. He rebels by becoming moody, being an underachiever or developing behavior problems"

In the above quote the author states that the young boy is not ALLOWED to express his feelings and develop a sense of self. WOW, what type of response would any reasonable person expect to see when someone (child or adult, male or female) is being FORCED to submit to something they disagree with?

The fact that such a person is dealing with a very difficult, ongoing experience that causes him frustration and anger does not mean that engaging in passive aggressive behavior is justified. It's common for people who engage in that kind of behavior to act that way in other places of their life where it is much more inappropriate and unfair. And even if someone were able to "compartmentalize" such behavior, it's just not healthy. A healthy form of dealing with such a situation would be to verbally express your feelings and create healthy boundaries. Of course, that is a tall task for someone who is not an adult and has not learned how to do that. But, it's my opinion that using the treatment by the mother as justification to act passive-aggressively is to excuse behavior that is self-serving, narcissistic, and ultimately harmful to themselves and the people around them.

My mother's preferred tools of leverage to force me to submit were anger, and attempts to make me feel guilty about misbehaving. I submitted to her wishes physically but I would never submit mentally. To do so would have been giving up my dignity. I would go on to see these tools used by women through adulthood.

Have you ever considered that your passive-aggressive behavior has attracted those very women?

2.
Quote "The man with this type of pattern shows little consideration of the time, feelings, standards or needs of others. He obstructs and block progress to others getting what they want and then ignores or minimalizes their dissatisfactions and anger. He is silent when confronted as he has never learned to compromise. He may be a workaholic, a womanizer, hooked on TV, caught in addictions or self-involved hobbies"

The quote above is very ego centered. "He obstructs and blocks progress to others getting what they want and ignores or minimizes their dissatisfaction and anger" SAY WHAT?

As an adult who accepts others for who they are and what they think, I do not become angry if they disagree and refuse to submit to my wishes. So to say they are blocking my progress is a child like view.

Actually, you may want to consider the idea that you do not see yourself as you truly are and thus, it's entirely possible that you DON'T accept others for who they are . Of course I cannot know this with any certainty, but I can infer based on what you've written here. Your reaction to the above is rather indicative of someone who sees himself as benevolent, yet there is an angry and misogynistic bent to your writing here. Also, the above description that you take exception to is but one description of what someone who is passive-aggressive could behave like. It's not meant to be applied uncritically, to everyone who reads it. One could easily be passive-aggressive without behaving that way.

You seem to be engaging in black-and-white thinking above, along with taking personal offense at a description of behaviors that many people with passive-aggressive tendencies engage in. Ironically, it's rather ego-centric of you to react that way.

Each person has a hierarchy of values that is important to them. What is most important to one may be least important to another. If the male in your life does not share the same hierarchy do not become angry as he will most certainly will resent you trying to force him to submit.

There a couple of things worth pointing out in the above statement. First, it is not healthy to resent anyone for their disagreements. To do that instead of communicating and coming to an common understanding regarding "values" IS to act passive-aggressively. Argue for your limitations, you get to keep them. Second, there again is a misogynistic tone. You clearly feel anger towards women. At this point it sounds like you are having a conversation with women who are either in your life currently or were at one time. But why you are focusing so strongly on women who you feel have "forced you to submit" to them in response to this topic, I do not know. The article used a male subject as an example. It was not meant to be taken in the way you have. There is no need to defend the actions of such a person.

I also find that women in general are more emotion based. Many times I have had women attempt to have me do things I consider irrational or illogical when they have an emotional energy passing thru their bodies. Of course when I refuse I meet with anger from them.

If I try to rationalize or express my feelings with them they become angrier and angrier, so what do I do? Of course I get real quiet and put some space between us. And yes I do resent them for not accepting me for who I am and what I think. After all women constantly demand that they be respected and listened to. Should it not work both ways?

"Women constantly demand that they be respected and listened to". Again, you are coming across as blatantly misogynistic. Feeling mistreated by individuals does not give you the right to paint an entire gender as shrieking nags who just won't listen. Nor does it give you the right to excuse passive-aggressive behaviors. I have to imagine that the women in your life are pretty easily able to pick up on this negative view on women that you have. This is unhealthy behavior that does nothing to alleviate the conditions which create your resentment and the behavior which created it. "The silent treatment" is not an effective or adult form of interaction.

When a woman can't get her man to submit to her wishes many times she will say " your so cold & uncaring" as if to imply you don't love them. These are razor sharp comments. And yes I really resent hearing them from someone who is supposed to love me.

A person who loves you should be able to tell you exactly how you're making them feel without any resentment or hard feelings. You seem to take that feedback very poorly. Have you ever thought about just doing what they are asking whether you think it's a good idea or not? Just as an experiment. I'm not saying you should buy a house you can't afford, just that if you try a different approach, one that isn't so stand-offish, you would get different results.

Perhaps some people will disagree with my thoughts. So I ask you ladies how does a man "protect himself" from being attacked when he disagrees with your desires or demands? What are his choices to respond?

The fact that you think you need to protect yourself from being attacked by women says a lot. I think what's happened is that your experience with your mother has created a very negative view on women and it influences your interactions with women to a great extent, so much so that you see communication with them as an attack or a set of demands. No doubt the women in your life pick up on this, and it probably informs their behavior to a great extent. This is what happens when one has to deal with someone who is passive-aggressive, especially when that person so wholly justifies such behavior. I think, instead of looking for reasons to justify behaving the way you do, it would be better if you attempted to look for help in changing the way you behave. If you do that, you may find that the people in your life start behaving differently and a whole new world opens up for you.

 

[Buddy]

Hi from me too, Don.

Reading your post I feel so much pain, like there's an undercurrent where you're expressing how much you want to express love but can't find the way. I've been there, too.

I can't improve on what Heimdallr is saying, so please consider a possibility that this dialog might end with you finding a way out of this. Heimdallr doesn't talk much, but when he does it's always right on the mark from my point of view. We're here to help.

 

[Don]

Thanks for your feedback and observations. I will certainly give them some thought. I most certainly have encountered some "ugly" human beings in my life. There is merit to what you project you receive. After reading thru the description of passive aggressive again I realized I may have been a bit quick to respond with my post.

For one I don't say one thing and do another. I state my point & then just don't say anything more and withdraw. In my past experience this usually is not well received. To effectively communicate with anyone requires both people to accept and understand that others may not see the same picture they see. Ego responds with anger when someone disagrees with its point of view. Responding to another's ego is a waste of my time and only escalates the situation.

I make no demands and have minimal expectations of the people I care about. My greatest desire is they just be themselves. I as well would never lie, cheat, deceive or steal from them. Nor will I become angry they disagree.

I suspect the women I have had relationships with have had what I call a low emotional intelligence. To raise your emotional intelligence you must let go of your ego, be able to look in the mirror and acknowledge your faults and accept all other human beings. I as well do not blame anyone other than myself for my current position in life. I believe we are all connected and on a journey to learn as much as possible.

Each day I thrive to be the best person I can be. Like all others, I realize I am the captain of my ship, I set sail to the destination of my choice. Saying no to the demands of another is my right as a human being.

 

[aragorn]

Hi Don. It's difficult at first to realize and admit, that YOU might be the problem. But it's the only way to become free from your programs and mechanical behaviour. And for that, you must get feedback from others - you can't see the whole and true image of yourself and your behaviour without others offering a "mirror", telling what they see. For example, what I'm picking up from your responses, is that you're doing the classical "manoeuvring" routine of someone who is not truly considering the possibility that what others are saying might be true. Been there, done that (and I still do, from time to time). Since you're quite new around here, this might feel to you as "unfair" or "unjust", but I assure you, in order to get anywhere you must first accept and realize the "horror of the situation". You will need the shock. And, believing that we are the captain of our ship, is one of the greatest illusions we have. As suggested, do read the recommended books on psychology to gain more insight.

Perhaps you could read these passages again, and really consider that it applies to you:

The biggest irritant in being with a passive aggressive man is that he doesn't follow through on his agreements and promises. He dodges responsibility while insisting he's pulling his weight. He often ignores reality as to his irresponsibility and withdrawal. He denies evidence, distorts minimalizes or lies to make his version of reality seem logical.

He uses vague language to sandbag the partner. Inconsistency and ambiguity are his tools of choice. He withholds information and has a hidden agenda. He can't take criticism and makes excuses to get himself off the hook. He sulks and uses silence when confronted about his inability to live up to his promises, obligations or responsibilities. When he doesn't follow through, he puts the blame on his partner so he doesn't have to take it and accuses her of having the problem.

The man with this type of pattern shows little consideration of the time, feelings, standards or needs of others. He obstructs and block progress to others getting what they want and then ignores or minimalizes their dissatisfactions and anger. He is silent when confronted as he has never learned to compromise. He may be a workaholic, a womanizer, hooked on TV, caught in addictions or self-involved hobbies.

If forced to deal with the problems you’re having due to their behavior, they will completely withdraw from the relationship and you. They will almost never admit that they were wrong no matter how much evidence you show. They have their own version of reality and will work at making your view distorted.

These people are usually unaware that the difficulties they encounter in their life are the result of their own behavior. They do not connect their passive resistant behavior to the hostility or resentment other people feel towards them. Dealing with passive aggressive people can be crazymaking. You feel dismissed, shut down, ignored… but in a subtle enough way that you don’t know how to react. At some point, you explode.

 

[obyvatel]

Hi Don,

If you display the majority of symptoms of passive aggression in relationships, chances are that there are things you could do better from your side. Then again, you could have done all you could and still get attacked (it happens) in which case the relationship may be too toxic and the passive aggression on your part would not be the main issue. For the sake of discussion let us go with the first option - that something could have been done better.

[quote author=Don]
But in my mind if your are asking me to climb in a car with you and drive off what (I know is a cliff) love is the last hing on my mind when I make my decision. A great example of this is when your wife is pressuring you to buy a house you can't afford.

Perhaps some people will disagree with my thoughts. So I ask you ladies how does a man "protect himself" from being attacked when he disagrees with your desires or demands? What are his choices to respond?
[/quote]


An example is a good starting point to work with - so let us look at the one you provided regarding buying a house. Let us assume that the conclusion - "we cannot buy the house because we cannot afford it" is valid and holds in the end. Can this decision be arrived at jointly through mutual discussions instead of attacks, silent treatment, resentment etc? Of course it takes two to tango and we can only do our part to the best of our ability.

So what the are the typical roadblocks males face when getting into this type of discussion? Men are socialized from childhood to develop self-esteem based on performance and achievement instead of emotional connection with others. While the house may well be unaffordable, there are likely reasons why the wife wants the house. If a man sits down with his wife, connects with her feelings and motivation behind getting the house and validates those feelings before producing the excel sheet with detailed financial calculations showing why the house cannot be afforded , the chances of the wife being reasonable about the final decision would be increased.

[quote author=Don]
For one I don't say one thing and do another. I state my point & then just don't say anything more and withdraw. In my past experience this usually is not well received.
[/quote]

Been there, done that and had similar results. There are good reasons why this is not well received.

[quote author=Don]
To effectively communicate with anyone requires both people to accept and understand that others may not see the same picture they see.
[/quote]

Totally agree with this statement. It is easy to say but very difficult to follow in practice. It takes a lot of patience, effort and communication to even begin to see where the other person is coming from. In case of intimate relationships, putting that effort is a responsibility.

[quote author=Don]
Ego responds with anger when someone disagrees with its point of view. Responding to another's ego is a waste of my time and only escalates the situation.
[/quote]

In my experience, with the exception of character disturbed or pathological people, most common people respond with anger when they feel devalued and put down by the other person.

[quote author=Don]
I make no demands and have minimal expectations of the people I care about. My greatest desire is they just be themselves. I as well would never lie, cheat, deceive or steal from them. Nor will I become angry they disagree.
[/quote]

You could indeed be all these things - but psychological research shows that we are very bad at assessing ourselves in our relationship with others. So people who have known you for some time and interacted with you in different situations will have a more objective view about how you come across to others than your self-report.

Just a note that one does not have to be that perfect in life. I have not met anyone like that yet at least.

[quote author=Don]
I suspect the women I have had relationships with have had what I call a low emotional intelligence. To raise your emotional intelligence you must let go of your ego, be able to look in the mirror and acknowledge your faults and accept all other human beings.
[/quote]

I think to raise one's emotional intelligence, it is necessary to work at connecting with other human beings through communication and networking and consequently understanding where they are coming from. Understanding the perspective of others does not necessarily mean agreeing with them.

Letting go of ego is a very big task - in my experience so far none of the people who claimed to have achieved that state could "walk the walk". And it is not necessary to even aim that big. One can be a connected compassionate human being and have an ego. Also acknowledging one's faults looking into the mirror is easier - if someone else happens to point it out though, it becomes a different story.

[quote author=Don]
Each day I thrive to be the best person I can be.
[/quote]

Then you will find yourself in good company here in this forum.

[quote author=Don]
Like all others, I realize I am the captain of my ship, I set sail to the destination of my choice.
[/quote]

If you look through the Psychology and Cognitive Science section of this forum, you may find out that things are a little more complicated than that. The threads "Adaptive Unconscious" and "Thinking Fast and Slow" as well as a number of other threads there cite research which bring out the point that we are not as smart and as much in control of ourselves as we believe.

 

[Arwenn]

I happened to find this article in a google search. Recently the term passive aggressive has been popping up more and more in my travels. Not knowing exactly what it meant, I looked it up. To my surprise it described me! But, I must say I was in TOTAL disagreement to the description of why and where this behavior comes from.

If you have identified yourself as being passive-aggressive, does it really matter as to the 'why and where' this behaviour comes from? The more important point here (or so it seems to me), is how much do you feel this is a problem in your life and how much do you want to change it? This is where the real Work begins.

While the article in the initial post was authoured by a female, passive-aggressive disorder is not limited to males. I can highly recommend books written by Dr George Simon such as In Sheep's Clothing, and Character Disturbance , for more on this subject (and written by a male, nonetheless). As has been mentioned above and elsewhere on the forum, you can't think with the way you think, or in other words, you can't think outside of the square when your thinking is the square.


Edit: Spelling