Masculinity in crisis

[Saman]

Hi Saman, I think there are several ways to interpret the scene. You might find this interesting: Link. A note on your use of 'man-child'; if I'm correct it's used for adult men who act like children. The character you speak of is a child, so he can't be a man-child.

Hi Oxajil. Yeah I realized that after posting, and then said to myself in trying to justify the error of my judgment, "well he is half Saiyan and half human, so maybe he grows up internally faster than other normal 11 years old children." Um no, the latter is BS and as you said, he is a child. But aside for the fact that he is a child and not a man-child, for me personally, this scene was about willing to kill or not to protect others and if doing so was just due based on the circumstances. After I wrote that "I have changed my indecisive mind" and finally thought that I had finally aligned my emotions to my reasoning, I started to cry from the pit of my stomach for about half an hour because I thought it was OK to kill, but I apparently I could not still accept it emotionally. I can intellectually accept that it is OK to kill in this situation, but emotionally, if I was in Gohan's shoes...I hate to say it, but based on my experiences in life when I am trying to defend myself, and three instances come to mind, I don't think I really have the monstor within that is under control-and hence virtuous as JP talks about. And this lack of setting firm boundaries and meaning it with all my Being within is what was probably being reflected into several situations in the far and relatively more recent past events where for instance I would throw a punch to defend myself, but then find myself crying (when much younger) or suddenly backing off abruptly in the fight (when much older) for hitting the same person who had bullied me through all the school years and is now challenging me to a fight with his buddy; this was one instance where I finally gave in and accepted the the 2 vs 1 fight just before reaching home from school and close to my house in Toronto in the streets, and this was when I was in elementary school. And yet there was another case that comes to mind where I was lured, and betrayed for no apparent smoking gun reason that I can surely think of for back then, and ganked up upon by ten kids at the baseball field (once again in elementary school), but in this case I was so mad that I actually chased all of them back to class, furious - this funny cause I can't remember if this was in the summer or winter because I remember the winter when chasing them but the summer in the baseball field. So it may have been 2 different events. I just remembered another event but in high school. I had just taken my full left leg cast which had caused me to miss the whole grade 10 and 11 high school basketball seasons in combination with having to do the same with the right leg (separate surgeries), and a guy who was supposed to be one of my few friends in high school suddenly goes "betrayal" on me AGAIN and does a very hard leg sweep to knock me down when I had just taken the cast off from my left leg...I can't remember if I had to recast again or not...I don't think so, or wait, I think I may have done so. Anyways, now I am remembering several other events with the similar patterns in my life. It all comes down to not having that monster that is under control within, and this scene by Gohan finally getting that monstor within under control and willing to both intellectually and emotionally kill Cell, is what was powerful for me. Thanks for reading. I got home late and need to rush to bed for work tomorrow. Cheers.

 

[Oxajil]

After I wrote that "I have changed my indecisive mind" and finally thought that I had finally aligned my emotions to my reasoning, I started to cry from the pit of my stomach for about half an hour because I thought it was OK to kill, but I apparently I could not still accept it emotionally. I can intellectually accept that it is OK to kill in this situation,

I think you could benefit from reading this session where the topic comes up. I think the situation and circumstances are important to consider.

I'm sorry to hear that you were bullied, that must've been difficult. I hope you've found ways to move on from it. If you find that those experiences still haunt you, talking them out with a therapist could be helpful. You do mention "more recent past events" and I was wondering how recent you're talking about. If you find yourself in violent situations, that's not a good thing, and I hope you'll network about it in your thread! But if I understood correctly, you meant your childhood experiences.

I don't quite follow the link between 'monster that is under control within' and you defending yourself when bullies attacked you when you were younger. While some abstract descriptions can be helpful, they can also be confusing. I think it was your right to defend yourself when being attacked. Though I don't understand how killing is connected to all of that. Maybe you mean that you felt guilty about defending yourself (hitting back, chasing them) in those instances? If that's the case, there's nothing wrong with that, in my opinion. You were a child, and what's one to do when a bunch of kids start hitting you? Defending yourself is a reflex and can be helpful in some situations and scare people off. If you find yourself in violent situations as an adult, that's where you do need to pause and think of ways on how to prevent such situations by making strategic decisions in life.

 

[Saman]

I think you could benefit from reading this session where the topic comes up. I think the situation and circumstances are important to consider.

I had read that session a few years go, but just finished reading it again more carefully this time. I was actually thinking about Caeser's and the context of his times and when it was going through aforementioned reasoning and the context of Gohan's scene. Thank you.

I'm sorry to hear that you were bullied, that must've been difficult. I hope you've found ways to move on from it. If you find that those experiences still haunt you, talking them out with a therapist could be helpful.

On a conscious level, intellectual level, I have moved on, and roughly over 10 years ago. But I see sign's in myself that more emotional and body work on the subconscious level is needed. I have roughly over 80 NO sessions over the years, and still get about one or two a month on average. Also on a regular basis for the past 3 weeks, I have been doing singing and morning and evening prayers to my crystals. At night, I take about 0.5-1mg of Melatonin and attempt to do my own seemingly ever-refining prayer to the Prime Creator/DCM. I am attempting to incorporate breathing to it as well, like Laura explained how she learned to do the the EE "seeded meditation" method in the Wave Series Book 2. I also listen to a various types of music while driving to work, at work, and when I come home, each helping with regulating and balancing my emotions and bodily sensations-although sometimes it gets very intense causing tears of a mostly a cathartic nature. I do need to incorporate some sort of body work/exercise into my routine because that is what "it" doesn't want to do the most. So I will strive to do the EE exercises in the EE DVD I have after work and before my crystal singing. Just means I have to have my one 2 course meal a day after coming home from work routine a bit later after the EE workout. So yeah, I think I am doing OK so far and for a while now, but I am also interested in possibly finding a very good hypnotherapist for the very deep subconscious stuff, but I am in no rush whatsoever, and I have a good lead thanks to my friend and roommate.

You do mention "more recent past events" and I was wondering how recent you're talking about. If you find yourself in violent situations, that's not a good thing, and I hope you'll network about it in your thread! But if I understood correctly, you meant your childhood experiences.

Since 2004 (which was whole other event which I wont' get into here) in my so called adulthood years, there has been only one such event, and this event was last year in August. I was punched several times in the face and there was some bleeding from my mouth by lets call the guy 'Ben'. We were both stressed out from work overload and he snapped physically when I made the mistake to get a little too close to this personal space. I came to his computer's screen abruptly and demanded that he show me in our POS system what he was ridiculing and calling me names for across the room with his high pitched voice when the customer in question did not even exist under the same name and he himself had not written down the worksheet for the task and somehow expecting me to magically know who he was rudely referring to! After and before I knew it, he jumped up and pushed to me to wall and very suddenly punched me three times in the lips. I took pictures for evidence but took no legal action against him and the company. I networked about this in private as well. He then helped me to go to bathroom with the dramatic scene of some of my blood over his face (I think he was in shock as well) and asked to punch him back as many times as I liked. I of course declined while he was helping to clean me up. Not going to go into any more details then that, but longer story cut short, I have no hard feelings towards him, and he claims to love me like brother , or so he says, and he also apologized profusely, which I accepted. I also, apologized as well for loosing my cool and raising my voice, which is what occasionally happens when I reach my tolerance threshold and get angry, but I have learned to have much better control by not penting up negative emotions over the years and having it turned into a Dragon, like Jordan Petterson explains, and now, based on the context of the issue I have with someone at work or elsewhere, I strive to strategically let them know if they are 'poking me in the eye' usually right away and without any fear, unless it is my girlfriend of course hahahahaaha just joking, or maybe not so much.

I guess this event it was just the shock I needed? A bit of very tough 'manly' 'love' I guess to shut my big mouth?

Anyways, I have known him for many years, and even though he was the one that acted way overboard and viciously, I had chosen to take the responsibility for the occurrence of the event (internally) because I had forgotten myself in the heat of the moment due to my own self importance-of course I did not tell him that and I have not forgotten how very short tempered he is in case of "future" events. Also, ever since the incidence, I keep a professional distance from him for myself and do not hang out with him after work on the rare occasion anymore.

I don't quite follow the link between 'monster that is under control within' and you defending yourself when bullies attacked you when you were younger. While some abstract descriptions can be helpful, they can also be confusing. I think it was your right to defend yourself when being attacked. Though I don't understand how killing is connected to all of that.

Here, if I am not mistaken in my interpretation of Jordan Peterson, I mean the monster/shadow-self within that is REALLY able to kill if needed, and if one has this monster within but not possessed by it and have it under control, then they can naturally form psychic boundaries around themselves and loved ones for protection, and in everyday life with non-abstract and practical things, be more assertive then like cute but passive bunny. I think right now, my inner shadow-self/monster within is more like a little bunny trying to put on a wolf mask, so to speak, and even though I have not really have had any sort of religious upbringing, I think the root of my emotion program within is the black and white "thou shalt not kill."

If you find yourself in violent situations as an adult, that's where you do need to pause and think of ways on how to prevent such situations by making strategic decisions in life.

Indeed. It doesn't happen that often, I mean just two such events in about the last 16 years, but I think there is definitely a lot of room for self discovery in the subconscious level for the specific reason as to why I have this squriming reaction to just the thought of killing someone in hypothetically justifiable scenario like this scene with Gohan finally deciding to man up and kill the psychopathic Cell. And again, I am not gonna jump the gun to that level of expolaration right now and again keep neglecting the physical body consciousness work, which I have been told by close friends, that I am lacking in awareness.

 

[Oxajil]

But I see sign's in myself that more emotional and body work on the subconscious level is needed.

Did you ever see a therapist?

So yeah, I think I am doing OK so far and for a while now, but I am also interested in possibly finding a very good hypnotherapist for the very deep subconscious stuff, but I am in no rush whatsoever, and I have a good lead thanks to my friend and roommate.

Great to hear you're doing NO, EE and meditation! Considering what you wrote, doing hypnotherapy might not be helpful in your case. If you're lacking body awareness, I would rather think that adding a more body centered activity to your routine will be more beneficial to you. Think Arky Chu Gong, martial arts, and going to the gym. I think if you do a hypnotherapy session (and if we assume it's a legit one), you'll likely start spending time on theorizing and thinking about what came out of the session, when I think it would be more helpful to you to be more grounded in the here and now.

Since 2004 (which was whole other event which I wont' get into here) in my so called adulthood years, there has been only one such event, and this event was last year in August. I was punched several times in the face and there was some bleeding from my mouth by lets call the guy 'Ben'. We were both stressed out from work overload and he snapped physically when I made the mistake to get a little too close to this personal space. I came to his computer's screen abruptly and demanded that he show me in our POS system what he was ridiculing and calling me names for across the room with his high pitched voice when the customer in question did not even exist under the same name and he himself had not written down the worksheet for the task and somehow expecting me to magically know who he was rudely referring to! After and before I knew it, he jumped up and pushed to me to wall and very suddenly punched me three times in the lips. I took pictures for evidence but took no legal action against him and the company. I networked about this in private as well. He then helped me to go to bathroom with the dramatic scene of some of my blood over his face (I think he was in shock as well) and asked to punch him back as many times as I liked. I of course declined while he was helping to clean me up. Not going to go into any more details then that, but longer story cut short, I have no hard feelings towards him, and he claims to love me like brother , or so he says, and he also apologized profusely, which I accepted. I also, apologized as well for loosing my cool and raising my voice, which is what occasionally happens when I reach my tolerance threshold and get angry, but I have learned to have much better control by not penting up negative emotions over the years and having it turned into a Dragon, like Jordan Petterson explains, and now, based on the context of the issue I have with someone at work or elsewhere, I strive to strategically let them know if they are 'poking me in the eye' usually right away and without any fear, unless it is my girlfriend of course hahahahaaha just joking, or maybe not so much.

Geez, sorry to hear this! It could be that he was so apologetic because he was shocked by his own behavior, but it could also be that he didn't want to lose you as an employee, which could be for several reasons, one perhaps being that you could find better work and better pay elsewhere. Have you thought about finding a job with a less toxic environment?

I guess this event it was just the shock I needed? A bit of very tough 'manly' 'love' I guess to shut my big mouth?

Or maybe a sign from the Universe to find another job?

Anyways, I have known him for many years, and even though he was the one that acted way overboard and viciously, I had chosen to take the responsibility for the occurrence of the event (internally) because I had forgotten myself in the heat of the moment due to my own self importance-of course I did not tell him that and I have not forgotten how very short tempered he is in case of "future" events. Also, ever since the incidence, I keep a professional distance from him for myself and do not hang out with him after work on the rare occasion anymore.

Okay, but I can also imagine it must be stressful to be walking on eggshells making sure you don't trigger him.

 

[Saman]

Did you ever see a therapist?

I am currently open to the idea, or so I think, but no I have never seen one. let me try to give little glimpse of what goes inside my head: for the two principal energy draining items on my personal "inventory" list in the recent past, I just chose to 'battle' within through Life to liberate myself from these emotionally dissociative addictions, and little by little over these many years of striving to applying what gifts of knowledge I have been capable of receiving till this point in my learning, I have Interestingly, and very joyfully, been able to firmly liberate myself from these two personally very creative energy consuming addictions; one about four months ago, and the other 3 months ago. If I ever actually regress back to those addictions, one being the only video game that I ever played for many years called the Defense of The Ancients 2, and the next being shameful porn, with one triggering gateway to habitual addiction of the other and vice versa, I will go see a therapist. But so far, the result seems to have been positive in the sense I am active again on the forum and networking. So I shall strive to keep an open mind and research to find a good therapist if internally reach the conviction that I need one. Apparently by my intrinsic nature, I think I am stubborn and always try to exhaust all my own options into solving a challenge before seeking help. Plus, I don't think I would in sincerity trust most therapist, just like I don't trust most doctors, when it comes down to my own physical and mental health. So in relation to this righteous anger business and what I think is my deep subconscious program aforementioned above about "thou shall not kill", this is realization is relatively new to me thanks to reading this whole thread and watching all the videos, and I will be observing it and seeing if I can bring the subconscious minds trigger of bodily and emotional reactions to the conscious mind, or not-I think it is possible with more knowledge; hence first more self study, research, and networking are in that order.

Great to hear you're doing NO, EE and meditation! Considering what you wrote, doing hypnotherapy might not be helpful in your case. If you're lacking body awareness, I would rather think that adding a more body centered activity to your routine will be more beneficial to you. Think Arky Chu Gong, martial arts, and going to the gym. I think if you do a hypnotherapy session (and if we assume it's a legit one), you'll likely start spending time on theorizing and thinking about what came out of the session, when I think it would be more helpful to you to be more grounded in the here and now.

Thank you Oxajil for the thought. Recently, I think I am lacking body awareness due to mainly observations by others in our private group, and talks with my new girlfriend, but to what degree is "normal" and balanced, so to speak, is both the question and answer I need to figure out before even possibly seeking potential therapy in the future.

So If I am mainly thinking in my head with abstract notions and thoughts, as it has been hinted/suggested to me by yourself and beloved others, and I am not yet incorporating the lower senses and the lower emotions in a more balanced manner of self observation and DOing than before (which I think can only progress to better alignment if continually practiced), then this is something I have to prove to myself because either I am not ready to accept this is the actual case due to simple fact of real changes in my internal and external Life, or it is actually true and I am just still not fully aware of the "devil in the details that others" are seeing and I am being fooled by these changes. So even though I am not looking for a super-hypnotherapist, if even one who is qualified to do direct hypnotherapy in my neck of the woods, I think I simply need to just start DOing physical exercises like I used to do when I was younger; but this doesn't mean I don't think the solution to becoming aware of the reason of my problem isn't seated there in the subconscious mind.

Anyways, I think for starters, since the predator mind seems less resistant than other exercises I have tried to do routinely but failed, is to go and play basketball outside. Even if just to shoot some hoops alone in this plandemic state of affairs.

Geez, sorry to hear this! It could be that he was so apologetic because he was shocked by his own behavior, but it could also be that he didn't want to lose you as an employee, which could be for several reasons, one perhaps being that you could find better work and better pay elsewhere. Have you thought about finding a job with a less toxic environment?

I think both, and I have also written an emailed notice to the CEO of the company to let them know that I will let them off the hook this time, but if it ever happens again, that I would take legal action and very promptly. As for job switching, yes I have tried back in 2018 to totally change careers- I was very stressed out from my IT job back then, but long story short, due to recent changes, no longer.

Or maybe a sign from the Universe to find another job?

That is one possibility, but given the state of affairs we are in currently experiencing with the whole COVID-19 thing, I don't it would be wise move to give up a stable job that I finally no longer have a problem with after 12 years of seniority.

Okay, but I can also imagine it must be stressful to be walking on eggshells making sure you don't trigger him.

This was true before, but no longer. He knows what I wrote to the CEO for one thing, and second, I am keeping our relationship professional at work and I see some signs here and there of him trying to do the same thing. Heck we had a good laugh when we were talking about our CEO's vacation leave due to his wife's birthday, and how he reluctantly went on the vacation just for her when he really didn't want to. It is also interesting that he also thinks the whole COVID-19 thing is a sham and even though he believes me, we just have to play along with it since he thinks there is nothing else that we can do really about it. I find he is usally grumpy in the mornings when he walks in with sometimes a good morning and sometimes no word and just heading straight to his office and getting right to work. So I know when to look him in the eyes and say good morning and when to just let him go straight to his office without a word, which is fine with me. Thanks for reading. Time for some house cleaning.

 

[whitecoast]

Great to hear you're doing NO, EE and meditation! Considering what you wrote, doing hypnotherapy might not be helpful in your case. If you're lacking body awareness, I would rather think that adding a more body centered activity to your routine will be more beneficial to you. Think Arky Chu Gong, martial arts, and going to the gym. I think if you do a hypnotherapy session (and if we assume it's a legit one), you'll likely start spending time on theorizing and thinking about what came out of the session, when I think it would be more helpful to you to be more grounded in the here and now.

I agree with this advice. Arky Chu Gong is a gentle introduction in a number of respects. I think a martial art in particular would give you some freedom to experiment with aggression in more controlled doses, so it may become something you can become familiar with, and have more control over. Your fear of it seems to come from some belief that if you were to let it loose it would do something horrible and irreparable. In the end though I think that's a covert egotism, and a lie something is telling you to keep this side of you alienated and in the repressed unconscious.

After I wrote that "I have changed my indecisive mind" and finally thought that I had finally aligned my emotions to my reasoning, I started to cry from the pit of my stomach for about half an hour because I thought it was OK to kill, but I apparently I could not still accept it emotionally. I can intellectually accept that it is OK to kill in this situation, but emotionally, if I was in Gohan's shoes...I hate to say it, but based on my experiences in life when I am trying to defend myself, and three instances come to mind, I don't think I really have the monstor within that is under control-and hence virtuous as JP talks about.

Based on the past history you shared I get the impression that often you have a disorganized response to the environment, and you're either purely passive (which seems to be the more predominant state) or have some uncontrolled aggression. From the examples given aggression on some level was the more appropriate response. But the fact it's common for you to back off mid-fight with someone (and it seems predominantly that you are NOT initiating these physical conflicts) hints to me that your nervous system is oscillating heavily between sympathetic activation and dorsal vagal shutdown. It's almost as if you are slamming on the gas and the breaks back and forth so much that you're not really able to steer anywhere. Since that's a pain dealing with, it's easier to just retreat into your head.

Thank you Oxajil for the thought. Recently, I think I am lacking body awareness due to mainly observations by others in our private group, and talks with my new girlfriend, but to what degree is "normal" and balanced, so to speak, is both the question and answer I need to figure out before even possibly seeking potential therapy in the future.

It really isn't Saman. That's like debating whether to pick up a book and worrying about what will happen if you become too smart. There isn't such a thing as becoming too aware of your physical body. And if you ever start acting with too much awareness and too little knowledge people will point it out to you.

But so far, the result seems to have been positive in the sense I am active again on the forum and networking. So I shall strive to keep an open mind and research to find a good therapist if internally reach the conviction that I need one. Apparently by my intrinsic nature, I think I am stubborn and always try to exhaust all my own options into solving a challenge before seeking help. Plus, I don't think I would in sincerity trust most therapist, just like I don't trust most doctors, when it comes down to my own physical and mental health. So in relation to this righteous anger business and what I think is my deep subconscious program aforementioned above about "thou shall not kill", this is realization is relatively new to me thanks to reading this whole thread and watching all the videos, and I will be observing it and seeing if I can bring the subconscious minds trigger of bodily and emotional reactions to the conscious mind, or not-I think it is possible with more knowledge; hence first more self study, research, and networking are in that order.

That stubbornness may just stem from a fear of vulnerability, and a fear of reaching out to others for help. If so, I think the amount of posting you've been doing lately bodes positively for that trend. If you are able to admit that you need advice and may not be seeing everything as clearly as you think you do, that gets a foot in the door. As for whether advice will be taken or not, I guess we'll find out.

Looking back and seeing all the ways you were betrayed by people who were supposed to be friends or associates, it would be more miraculous if you DIDN'T have trust issues of some kind. You're shared history about yourself elsewhere and I think some of your earlier childhood trauma may have made you more withdrawn, and perhaps in some way signaled you out as bullying material. That's a tough positive feedback loop to crawl out of. I think that lack of trust may at times extend to greater parts of the universe in general, since there are instances when you choose to play it safe instead of taking a risk of disappointment of some type by acting more in favor of your destiny.

If you do end up seeing a therapist, it may be worth seeing that as an opportunity for you to work on your emotional center. But do interview prospective therapists heavily. For people with trust issues finding a therapist they feel they can trust is really imporant, and things like a therapist's sex, age, religion, ethnicity, life experiences, et cetera can all be points on which there may be some pre-existing rapport. Having a therapist that can also work with body-centered therapies like somatic experiencing or EMDR would also be important if you have a lot of trauma you are still working through.

Doing NO with the seed of wishing to cultivate more trust in the universe may also work for you, providing it is accompanied by more grounding work and therapy that works on your emotions. In order for you to trust the universe though, the universe needs to be able to trust you also, which means working on yourself so your way of acting and being in the world is more authentic and driven by your essence instead of programming and entropy. Your thinking center is strong, so work on your emotions and your body simultaneously and I guarantee you will see improvements in how you relate to the universe.

 

[Saman]

I agree with this advice. Arky Chu Gong is a gentle introduction in a number of respects. I think a martial art in particular would give you some freedom to experiment with aggression in more controlled doses, so it may become something you can become familiar with, and have more control over. Your fear of it seems to come from some belief that if you were to let it loose it would do something horrible and irreparable. In the end though I think that's a covert egotism, and a lie something is telling you to keep this side of you alienated and in the repressed unconscious.

You know, now that you mention taking martial arts, this reminded me from back when I was taking Karate in around the mid grade 8 or so till roughly grade 9 and a half. I remember an event where my Sensei wanted me to spare as a yellow belt with a blue belt. I was supposed to have the real intent to hit the higher level martial artist for practice while he blocked it and demonstrated, etc. And my Sensei saying something along the lines of "good, good, now keep going, don't stop" but I kept half assing it without much force just before contact afraid of hitting and hurting a much higher blue belt in what seemed like inches from his head at one point. I learned many years later after I quite Karate that the blue belt I as sparring with had become the new black belt Sensei of the dojo because my ex-persian 5 dan black belt Sensei had left for Japan to qualify under his own master for 6 dan belt or something.

Anyways, I will give Arky Chu Gong another shot.

It really isn't Saman. That's like debating whether to pick up a book and worrying about what will happen if you become too smart. There isn't such a thing as becoming too aware of your physical body. And if you ever start acting with too much awareness and too little knowledge people will point it out to you.

Well there is the idea of which book you pick up and whether it is disinformation or not, and also there is also the idea of focusing too much on the physical center, like the unbalanced crystallization of the magnetic center in the way of the Fakir. Those were some thoughts I had in relation to what I said. But regardless, I get the jest of what you mean I think, which is just do it and if you are off track, have some faith that your true friends will let you know.

That stubbornness may just stem from a fear of vulnerability, and a fear of reaching out to others for help. If so, I think the amount of posting you've been doing lately bodes positively for that trend. If you are able to admit that you need advice and may not be seeing everything as clearly as you think you do, that gets a foot in the door. As for whether advice will be taken or not, I guess we'll find out.

Yes, this is why I am posting whatever feels uncomfortable to post in the public forum. I mean to post Dragon Ball Z in a serious thread about Masculinity had me feeling uncomfortable, but I let go of the fear and posted what I was sincerely thinking and feeling about it, and here we are. Same with pretty much any recent post I have made-to not fear the rejection of another Face of "God" and really strive to see what they are seeing in you. And for that thanks WC.

Looking back and seeing all the ways you were betrayed by people who were supposed to be friends or associates, it would be more miraculous if you DIDN'T have trust issues of some kind. You're shared history about yourself elsewhere and I think some of your earlier childhood trauma may have made you more withdrawn, and perhaps in some way signaled you out as bullying material. That's a tough positive feedback loop to crawl out of. I think that lack of trust may at times extend to greater parts of the universe in general, since there are instances when you choose to play it safe instead of taking a risk of disappointment of some type by acting more in favor of your destiny.

Yep. For me to trust someone with something, it depends on the context of what I am trusting them to do AND how competent they have shown themselves to be with their words but more importantly their actions. So for example, thinking about the later, and based on all I currently know about almost, but not all, our doctors and therapists in our glorious hyperdemsional STS control system, well yeah, it is hard to trust them with my physical and mental health, to say the least. Heck I even had a doctor once tell me "your life is now in my hands" for Pete's sake. But yeah, I tend to choose to play it safe than sorry in almost everything I do these days, always expecting attack but at the same time no longer being overly anxious and overly paranoid, which I find a very refreshing recent change, to say the least. Does the latter description of my inner state vigilance/anticipation of attack make sense? It seems to be a big first step towards working towards my Soul's contemplated density I think, whatever that may be.

If you do end up seeing a therapist, it may be worth seeing that as an opportunity for you to work on your emotional center. But do interview prospective therapists heavily. For people with trust issues finding a therapist they feel they can trust is really imporant, and things like a therapist's sex, age, religion, ethnicity, life experiences, et cetera can all be points on which there may be some pre-existing rapport. Having a therapist that can also work with body-centered therapies like somatic experiencing or EMDR would also be important if you have a lot of trauma you are still working through.

I am open to the idea of seeing a therapist possibly sometime in the future, although they are quite expensive. So just not now based on what I have already aforementioned and how I am feeling a lot more balanced within than ever before in my whole life. But yeah, it is possible that a therapist may help further with this self discovery if they are a sincere one, and have a lot of 'alternative' non-mainstream knowledge to go along with their level of competence, and not just what they were taught in school which seems to be only half the equation; just now this quote by the C's about current psychology only being half the equation just came to mind and I've highlighted some important points in relation to "spirit is missing half":

December 28, 1994 Frank, Laura, V__
[...]
Q: (L) Now, before Frank arrived, V__ and I were having a discussion about physics and psychology and it is my understanding from experience and study, that emotions, as human beings term them, are related to physiology, to chemicals, and can be controlled by thoughts. And, that if we choose to change our emotions, we have only to change our thinking. Is this correct?

A: Partly.

Q: (V) What you are saying is true, and that is all fine and dandy, but how many of the population can do that? Would even believe that they could do that? (L) Not very many. Less than ten percent. (V) Well, then, how does the definition...

A: That is not the issue?

Q: (L) Well then, what is the issue?

A: Karma.

Q: (L) Are emotions that are carried over karmically, do they affect the physical body that they come into in a chemical way...

A: Can.

Q: (V) So Laura's hypothesis that all emotions stem from chemicals is not necessarily true as an exclusive statement?

A: Okay.

Q: (L) Does the soul have emotions of its own as we human beings term emotions?

A: Close.

Q: (L) What emotions does the soul experience?

A: Complex.

Q: (L) Can the soul, at an absolute level, experience hatred, for example?

A: Not same state.

Q: (L) Well, when one is dealing with psychology, what would be the best approach... what is the true aspect of the self or the being that one should inquire into in order to heal?

A: Subconscious mind.

Q: (V) Is the statement that psychology studies emotions, is that a fair statement?

A: No. Subconscious is same in body or out.

Q: (V) The subconscious is part of the soul?

A: One and same.

Q: (V) Is the higher self the same as the soul and the subconscious?

A: Yes.

Q: (V) Please define true psychology for me?

A: Half.

Q: (L) What do you mean by half? What is the half?

A: Half spirituality.

Q: (V) Do you think that the spiritual part put together with the subconscious part is a good way to approach psychology as I have been planning?

A: Be careful of "influences," you are easily influenced.

Q: (V) Is this directed at me and my idea of spiritual psychology?

A: Yes. And no.

Q: (V) What influences?

A: Any.

Q: (V) That is kind of open, isn't it? (L) Well, you never answered the question about "true" psychology. You only said "Half." What is true psychology? Is it the investigation of the subconscious mind?

A: True psychology only half.

Q: (L) And what is true psychology, a definition? Was it as I said, an investigation of the subconscious mind?

A: Physiologically directed study of mind.

Q: (L) The effects on the mind of the physiology, the hormones, blood sugar levels and so forth, input and output of the various organs and how that can affect the thought processes, is that correct?

A: Close.

Q: (L) And that is half of it. What else?

A: Spirit is missing half.

Q: (L) And what would the person who is working on the spiritual half of it focus their energies on? Would it be techniques of meditation, understanding the nature of the universe, would it have to do with physics, what area?

A: Apples and oranges.

Q: (L) All of those things are apples and oranges compared to the spiritual application of psychology that you intend?

A: No. Spirit has nothing to do with psychology as you know it.

Q: (L) But, in this theoretical psychology that you are telling us about, how would you fit the spiritual aspect into it?

A: Totally restructure theory.

Q: (L) Okay, and how would you present this totally restructured theory?

A: Much too complex.

Q: (L) In the discussion of psychology that we have had here, obviously you think that there is something about the way you have discussed it that V__ has missed or would miss because of influences from other sources, is that correct?

A: Yes.

Q: (L) In terms of these sources that influence her, by what means of her system, her organic or spiritual system, do these influences tap into her being?

A: Visual and auditory.

Q: (L) Okay, so she sees things and hears things that influence her, is that correct?

A: Yes.

Q: (L) And where does she usually see or hear these things?

A: Scholastic.

Q: (L) So, these are scholastic things that you are talking about. She hears and sees things at school that influence her, that you say these influences are not going to be helpful in what she is ultimately trying to achieve, is that correct?

A: Bingo!

Q: (L) These things that she sees and hears, are they people and words that the people speak, or are they images such as film images, or just general...

A: All of the above.

Q: (V) Okay, now listen guys: if I don't go to school to get an education, and, in other words, to get the degree and get the credibility, then how am I going to be able to do any work? (L) Did you ever think that the people you would want to work with wouldn't come to anybody with a traditional degree?

A: Laura, let us answer.

Q: (L) I'm sorry. I'll butt out.

A: Why do you think you need a degree?

Q: (V) Well, the professional world here on planet Earth is built around degrees. I'm sure you are aware of that.

A: Incorrect!

Q: (L) People with degrees are in bread-lines... I'm sorry... I'll shut up. (V) Well, my goodness... so then I...

A: Disinformation cleverly and carefully orchestrated.

Q: (L) For what purpose?

A: To mislead.

Q: (V) To mislead in what way? What am I being led away from?

A: Not just you.

Q: (V) All psych students are misled?

A: All humans.

Q: (L) Are you saying that the public school system, including the college system, is deliberately designed and implemented to fill one's brain with false knowledge, to perpetuate Lizzie rule?

A: Close but this manifests at lower levels too.

Q: (V) Well, let me ask this question... is this the only species in the universe that studies this concept of psychology? Are there psychologists in Orion, are there psychologists in Cassiopaea?

A: Narrow concept.

Q: (L) What do you mean it's a narrow concept? (V) I mean, I mean... (L) Do you understand what they mean? (V) No, but what I mean is are we the only thinking, intelligent, types of people that... (L) I don't think that's what they meant to imply. (V) Well, it's not coming out right. You know, I sit here and I try and put things into words and it's so hard...

A: Expand your mind.

Q: (V) I'm trying to. (L) By what means?

A: Less prejudice.

Q: (L) Bet you never thought you would be called prejudiced, did you? (V) Prejudice about what? I don't think they are talking about blacks and whites... (L) I know, but there are other kinds...

A: The universe is an infinite illusion.

Q: (V) Jesus Christ! You guys...

A: We are not Jesus Christ.

Q: (V) That was just an exclamation... (L) They know that. I think they are being funny. (V) Ha, ha. Well, then, I guess... okay, when you say the universe is an infinite illusion, then why not close the eyes, lights out and the illusion is over?

A: Stop focusing so narrowly and rigidly.

Q: (V) Now, I don't think that's fair because I sit around all the time not focusing on narrow... (L) I know nothing! They already told me to shut up! Alright, you guys, you better help V__ out here because she is losing it... (V) Well I'm, I'm...

A: Blast your mind open.

Q: (V) Alright. You guys have said you are with us at all times, then you must know that I constantly am thinking about the possibilities... not even to think about possibilities, just accept that there is endless, boundless possibilities and move forward every day from that point of view?

A: That's a good start.

Q: (V) Well, if I have as open a mind as I do, I mean, I think I have a pretty open mind, what do you guys consider an open mind? Does anybody sitting here have the ultimate open mind? (L) Don't include me in this... I don't want them starting on me! (V) No, I mean how... as 3rd dimensional beings, how open can our minds be? Can you not tell that I am trying?

A: You are moving to 4th level, but all are not at same level of progression.

Q: (L) Are you saying here that V__ is much farther along than many people?

A: No.

Q: (L) Well, are you saying that she's got a good start? (V) Am I doing... let's put it this way, if I am moving on in my progression, what are the most critical things that I am doing in my moving and my progressing to move faster, that's making it happen? What are the key things that I do...

A: Association with individuals who speed your progress.

Q: (V) And naturally, that's Laura and Frank, correct?

A: Maybe. That is up to you.

Q: (V) Okay, association with individuals who speed my progress, that's one of the things that I do right, that's what you said, right?

A: Okay.

Q: (V) Is that the only key thing that I do?

A: Learning involves discovery.

Q: (V) Alright... So then, am I wasting my precious time going to school to get a degree in psychology?

A: Open.

Q: (L) I just think if going to school makes you happy, do it, but don't take it too seriously. (V) Are you saying that I can be so influenced that I ...

A: Influence comes not from experience but belief.

Q: (V) Well, if you guys hadn't just instilled within me that what I am doing, my education, is also being highly influenced, then would I ever have had the belief that you are talking about? Are you part of the influence? (L) What are you saying here? (V) Influence comes not from experience but belief... I didn't have a belief before this that I could... (L) Okay, in other words you have warned her about influences therefore, it is now okay for her to continue on her daily path as it is currently set up because she has been warned and is aware, is that correct?

A: Close.

Q: (V) My understanding is that the whole psychology thing, you know because Frank pooh poohs it all the time, and its that even though the teachings of Freud and all the others, Erikson, Horney and so forth, may not apply to the whole universe, they do apply to the species as a society...

A: Application is subjective.

Q: (L) So V__ is okay to continue along her current path, and there are a lot of benefits she is receiving from going to school including networking, as it exists for her... (V) Yes, I do a lot of seed planting while I am at school...

A: Okay, but be careful of influences.

Q: (L) Well, I guess that is it. You have the knowledge now and you're loaded for bear.

A: Now, you could gain much more knowledge by independent study and meditation.

Q: (V) Well, the knowledge that I want to gain in psychology and in school, and all of this is in order to help other people grow. (L) I think that what they are telling you is that the knowledge that you want you are not going to get there. That is the whole issue.

A: Why do you feel you need a degree?

Q: (V) Like I said, for credibility. It's also a legal aspect of practicing. You just don't practice...

A: Nonsense!

Q: (V) But you are not going to tell me how I can do this otherwise, are you?

A: We just did, but because you are not yet open, you did not recognize this.

Q: (V) So, independent study and meditation is the true way that I could find how to help other people?

A: Yes.

Q: (V) So, in other words, if it is going to happen, it is going to happen. No need to force the issue, huh? Okay, once this is published and people start being aware of what we do, what will they be looking for?

A: Everything.

Doing NO with the seed of wishing to cultivate more trust in the universe may also work for you, providing it is accompanied by more grounding work and therapy that works on your emotions. In order for you to trust the universe though, the universe needs to be able to trust you also, which means working on yourself so your way of acting and being in the world is more authentic and driven by your essence instead of programming and entropy. Your thinking center is strong, so work on your emotions and your body simultaneously and I guarantee you will see improvements in how you relate to the universe.

Yes and regarding the grounding work, I have already mentioned what I found out suprisingly works for me if you recall that specific and particular type of Shamanic Siberian Sakha music I found and shared with you guys; and just to clarify, when I say what works, this only for my case, and I am not suggesting it to anyone else, and it also doesn't translate into sudden leaps of progress or any sort magical hocus pocus sort of thing. It has simply helped me almost miraculously with the redirection of my creative energy within towards more pragmatic and down to 3D earth things/lessons like networking on the forum, reading, research, intimate relationship, family relationships, and relationships good friends such as yourself. Oh and thank you for the compliment about my thinking center, but like I have said to you before, I think you are much more tuned in that department than I am with your reading and comprehension speed, or so I think. I see myself as only an average individual just surfing along on the shoulders of many intellectual giants on the forum, and maybe once in a while, I might post something that might be helpful too. Cheers.

 

[Oxajil]

But so far, the result seems to have been positive in the sense I am active again on the forum and networking.

That's really good to see, Saman! And I'm glad that you'll do some physical exercises again.

if they are a sincere one, and have a lot of 'alternative' non-mainstream knowledge to go along with their level of competence, and not just what they were taught in school which seems to be only half the equation

I don't think that's necessary. There are pretty good therapies out there, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are also good therapies, out there for people with trauma, such as EMDR as mentioned by whitecoast. I hope you can give it a try once you can pay for it (maybe ask for a raise from your boss? )

Recently, I think I am lacking body awareness due to mainly observations by others in our private group, and talks with my new girlfriend

Could you perhaps give one example of when you lacked body awareness? If you want to share. Doesn't need to be detailed, and no need to mention any names.

 

[Saman]

Could you perhaps give one example of when you lacked body awareness? If you want to share. Doesn't need to be detailed, and no need to mention any names.

About approximately 7-8 months ago during our little group discussion, I asked if members could share their definition and experiences with the process of induction as Dr Joe Dispenza explains in "The Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself" meditation audio CD. I described how to the group how I visualized a little globe of awareness travelling and focusing from location of body to the next by following with the instructions of the CD, and how I was still having trouble getting to a very relaxed and "zoned" out stage just before the actual deep meditation; it was suggested to me that I not following the instructions in the correct manner, and that it seemed to the group that based on my description of the process, that I was doing more of the usual intellectualization business, and that I had to actually SENSE those areas of the body as simply has sensing my fingering typing right now, and not visualize it. So based on the group feedback, I realized that I they are seeing something and that I am not doing the meditation properly, lacking body/physical awareness, and this why I was having trouble with the whole induction process. Fast forward to the involuntary induced and intense sensations and feelings due to the aforementioned music above roughly 3 months ago, and now reading the first part of Whitecoast's recent thread here a few days ago, I have come to the realization of it is that I am incorrectly doing- I was confusing sensations with feelings and vice versa. I will finish part of WC's post this weekend and I have purchased the hard copy of the book which should be coming next week, but for now my goal is to finish reading up to our current bookmark of Wave for reading workshop tomorrow. So thank you for reading and bye for now.

 

[PaleFace]

Young white men are relentlessly attacked and demonized for most of their lives by the schools, vengeful single mothers, vicious cat-lady teachers, Diversity gangs, and the you-know-who-ish media.

No wonder they're feeling a bit let down and down on their luck.

 

[Persej]

And the attack on masculinity continues:

Gucci sells £1,700 dress with ribbon waist for men to fight ‘toxic masculinity stereotypes’​

FASHION giant Gucci is flogging a £1,700 orange check dress with a ribbon on the front for blokes to disrupt the “toxic stereotypes that mold masculine gender identity”.

They reckon it looks great with a pair of ripped jeans, a man bag and a woolly bobble hat.

And there’s a floral print creation for £1,150 in its latest range of gender-fluid clobber.

The Italian firm says of its pricey check creation: “Inspired by grunge looks from the ‘90s and styled over ripped denim pants, this tartan smock in delicate colours reflects the idea of fluidity explored for the Fall Winter 2020 fashion show, disrupting the toxic stereotypes that mold masculine gender identity.

“The contrast Peter Pan collar and smock embroidery on the front add a childhood inspired element, which ties to a recurrent theme of the collection.

"Pieces with versatile ways to wear and style embrace each person who is part of the House’s individual spirit.”

The orange and beige garment is cotton with a satin bow on front.

But it hardly embraces the average male body-size as it only comes in XS and XSS.

And the firm’s website says of the £1,150 pink and torquise number: “In an exclusive collaboration for Fall Winter 2020, Liberty London’s emblematic floral prints define a collection of Gucci accessories and ready-to-wear styles.

Gucci sells £1,700 dress with ribbon waist for men to fight 'toxic masculinity'

FASHION giant Gucci is flogging a £1,700 orange check dress with a ribbon on the front for blokes to disrupt the “toxic stereotypes that mold masculine gender identity”. They reckon it looks great …

www.thesun.co.uk

 

[Saman]

And the attack on masculinity continues:

Looking at that picture I feel predominately this:

Imbeciles! I hope they go out of business due to their own twisted notions of toxicity.

 

[Alejo]

Holy cow!

I could not buy that even if I wanted to... seriously, who are they marketing this to? $1700? Even if most men agreed that they're what's wrong with the world and that they're toxic... most men could not purchase that.

So a company trying to pander to the critics is not surprising, they're trying to capitalize on something they think it's profitable, just like hollywood, what really shocks me is that there must be people out there who would absolutely wear this for the very reasons stated there. Think of Justin Trudeau, I am not sure why but I can see him jumping on one of these dresses.

 

[Lys]

It looks ridiculous !
They are shameless to take people for idiots. The worst is that some celebrities as you said Alejo, may want to wear it as an example...
However, this kind of dress would cost far less in a thrift shop.

“The contrast Peter Pan collar and smock embroidery on the front add a childhood inspired element, which ties to a recurrent theme of the collection.
(...)
But it hardly embraces the average male body-size as it only comes in XS and XSS.

I am pretty sure that some insane parents could buy it for their boy instead. Sad.

 

[Mari]

Another Vogue brilliant design

https://twitter.com/x/status/1327691891303976961

Candace Owens doubles down on Harry Styles criticism after Vogue shoot

Right-wing activist Candace Owens took umbrage to the Harry Styles' Vogue shoot on Saturday, writing: 'There is no society that can survive without strong men … bring back manly men.'

www.dailymail.co.uk

Edited:
Posted to soon