The Living Force
Hi Oxajil. Yeah I realized that after posting, and then said to myself in trying to justify the error of my judgment, "well he is half Saiyan and half human, so maybe he grows up internally faster than other normal 11 years old children." Um no, the latter is BS and as you said, he is a child. But aside for the fact that he is a child and not a man-child, for me personally, this scene was about willing to kill or not to protect others and if doing so was just due based on the circumstances. After I wrote that "I have changed my indecisive mind" and finally thought that I had finally aligned my emotions to my reasoning, I started to cry from the pit of my stomach for about half an hour because I thought it was OK to kill, but I apparently I could not still accept it emotionally. I can intellectually accept that it is OK to kill in this situation, but emotionally, if I was in Gohan's shoes...I hate to say it, but based on my experiences in life when I am trying to defend myself, and three instances come to mind, I don't think I really have the monstor within that is under control-and hence virtuous as JP talks about. And this lack of setting firm boundaries and meaning it with all my Being within is what was probably being reflected into several situations in the far and relatively more recent past events where for instance I would throw a punch to defend myself, but then find myself crying (when much younger) or suddenly backing off abruptly in the fight (when much older) for hitting the same person who had bullied me through all the school years and is now challenging me to a fight with his buddy; this was one instance where I finally gave in and accepted the the 2 vs 1 fight just before reaching home from school and close to my house in Toronto in the streets, and this was when I was in elementary school. And yet there was another case that comes to mind where I was lured, and betrayed for no apparent smoking gun reason that I can surely think of for back then, and ganked up upon by ten kids at the baseball field (once again in elementary school), but in this case I was so mad that I actually chased all of them back to class, furious - this funny cause I can't remember if this was in the summer or winter because I remember the winter when chasing them but the summer in the baseball field. So it may have been 2 different events. I just remembered another event but in high school. I had just taken my full left leg cast which had caused me to miss the whole grade 10 and 11 high school basketball seasons in combination with having to do the same with the right leg (separate surgeries), and a guy who was supposed to be one of my few friends in high school suddenly goes "betrayal" on me AGAIN and does a very hard leg sweep to knock me down when I had just taken the cast off from my left leg...I can't remember if I had to recast again or not...I don't think so, or wait, I think I may have done so. Anyways, now I am remembering several other events with the similar patterns in my life. It all comes down to not having that monster that is under control within, and this scene by Gohan finally getting that monstor within under control and willing to both intellectually and emotionally kill Cell, is what was powerful for me. Thanks for reading. I got home late and need to rush to bed for work tomorrow. Cheers.