MENTAL BLOCKING

[Renaissance]

As for why I haven't left the house, it turns out that I've never liked living in a rented apartment because the amount of money lost is greater and that's not profitable, much less having a job with a very limited salary. But if that's the case, what I usually consider is:

1. Lack of money.
2. Jobs that generate enough income.
3. High cost of rent.
4. Location in terms of security.
5. The reliability of the landlord.
6. Living alone, not in a group.
7. If I have to live in a group, what kind of people would I get involved with? Could I live with strangers when what I want is my privacy?
8. I need the right job opportunity, with the right people, with the right salary and work hard for it, I don't ask for more!

Probably the heavy majority of adults have gone through the experience of struggling with every condition you list. I know when I first began living on my own, it was pretty much all of those things at once. I don't know if it was the inexperience, 'invincibility', or ignorance that comes with youth, but I also remember I was more excited to start my adult life than I was worried about any of the above. The personality is still developing at this stage and perhaps that's nature's way of making certain transitions in life easier when they come earlier. The longer it takes for us to grow up, the more entrenched and fixed we tend to become (in those areas anyway), and the greater the heat is needed to change.

All that said, the 'right' job, home, salary, people, etc. don't really happen in one leap, nor is any of that just given to us. The right whatever is also and often not what we expect, anticipate, or imagine. You just have to take the leap yourself, and have a bit of faith in the Universe. Avoiding that process because life hasn't given you what you want and how you want it seems to be avoiding major aspects of life and the lessons it provides. Remember what the C's say, 'Life experiences are a reflection of your interaction with God'.

 

[Alma.Innovadora]

I'm going to use Spanish and English, I think some things get lost in translation and can lead to confusion or misinterpretation.

So, what you get from staying is that you get to feel like you're fulfilling a notion of duty towards your mother? even though you don't consider her your mother? but if that were the case, would you live with a stranger that treats you the way she treats you?

No, I didn't mean that. It's not that I decided to stay because of an obligation. I meant that if I had the opportunity to leave home, that wouldn't mean that I would abandon her and never see her face again and ignore her as a son.

And it's not that I don't consider her my mother, I meant that because in my childhood she was an absent person as a mother, there was no healthy bond and because of that I could never see her as a mother. It's as if I was emotionally desensitized/disconnected, most of my memories with her were only conflicts, mistreatment, etc. Do you understand better?

_____

No, no quise decir eso. No es que decida quedarme debido a una obligación. Quise decir que de tener la oportunidad de irme de casa, eso no significaría que la voy abandonar y no verle la cara más nunca y desentenderme como hijo.

Y no es que no la considere mi madre, quise decir que debido a que en mi infancia fue una persona ausente como madre, no hubo un vinculo sano y debido a ello nunca la pude ver como una madre. Es como si me fuera desensibilizado/desconectado emocionalmente, la mayoría de mis recuerdos con ella solo eran conflictos, malos tratos, etc. ¿se entiende mejor?

think of it as stepping into your life as an adult, to face your own challenges and make your own choices, instead of financing hers.

Exactly! I'm not here because I'm the bird that doesn't want to leave the nest.

Exactamente! no sigo aquí porque sea el pájaro que no quiere dejar le nido.

I don't think it's uncommon for kids to take care of their parents, and remain living with them at all

I also think the same but it depends on the culture also depending on the country and on the other hand, the awareness of the parents and their vision of how to raise their children to be functional adults, right? Because for example, my father made the mistake of having the vision of "don't work, I'll give you everything, just dedicate yourself to studying" without taking into account that the situation of life, in this case of the country, was unstable. Everything can change and now I just laugh with him about what he said. And personally, I simply don't like living like a parasite! It could be an internal identification also due to the official culture of being "the man of the house" and all that and because it is annoying to work and work and work and stay in the same place, while others steal, do harm and get much more, houses, cars, money, everything!

Also that affects the image to get a partner! That's how society is. I don't get carried away by any of that, it doesn't affect me seriously but as you say, I want to take my life. More challenges, more responsibilities.

___

También pienso lo mismo pero depende de la cultura también según el país y por otra parte, la consciencia de los padres y su visión de como formar a sus hijos a ser adultos funcionales ¿cierto? porque por ejemplo, mi padre cometió el error de tener la visión de "no trabajes yo te lo doy todo, solo dedícate a estudiar" sin tomar en cuenta que la situación de la vida, en este caso del país, era inestable. Todo puede cambiar y ahora solo me río con él sobre eso que decía. Y en lo personal, simplemente no me gusta vivir como un parasito! pudiera ser una identificación interna también debido a la cultura oficial sobre ser "el hombre de la casa" y todo eso y porque es molesto trabajar y trabajar y trabajar y seguir en el mismo lugar, mientras que otros roban, hacen daño y obtienen mucho más, casas, carros, dinero, de todo!

Además eso también afecta a la imagen para conseguir pareja! así es la sociedad. No me dejo llevar por nada de eso, no me afecta seriamente pero como tu dices, quiero tomar mi vida. Más retos, más responsabilidades.

If you're the one paying for everything, then it really is her that lives with you and not the other way around.

Another thing, sometimes the only way to heal a wound, however accidental it may be, is to distance oneself from the source of pain. If someone accidentally cuts you, and you understand how it happened, you still need to get stitches, but if you remain in the same place, constantly getting cut, then you'll never heal.

We don't have very big expenses in general, the biggest problem is if a serious illness occurs. We have had very few emergencies, it is very rare for me to get sick and the times that I have, I have had insurance through work. But now I am a freelancer, so I am at the mercy of God! In general, she takes care of some things, but not because I cannot cover them. It just seems that because of ego, she does not ask for help if she needs it, and she rarely asks me for money. But certainly, if she did not have the money she receives from her relatives abroad, obviously all the responsibility would be mine, but she does not see it that way, in that case what you say is true. It is underlying.

I always have a job that pays little, so I am always with just enough money, that is why I said that I cannot leave just like that by making a decision lightly and goodbye! Welcome to a new life! (laughs) No, without money I will not get anywhere. Life here is not easy with a salary of 50$, at least not for us, regardless of how good some people say about the country, it is not as simple as they make it out to be. To do so, I need a better paid job.

My father is relatively well off, and he has been an important help to us, for example, once my mother got sick just at the time when I had quit a job and spent all my money on medicine. If it weren't for my father, I don't know what I would have done to get them. My father retired, and now they pay him a pittance! Years of life working for nothing. He has been an unconditional support, the truth is, even with the crazy people, grateful for life. He is the opposite case, no matter how much I tell him not to help me, he does it anyway.

On the other hand, my mother has received help from where I least expected it and I only take that as a help from life, so to speak.

The problem is that because I'm under her roof, she thinks that means she thinks she's completely self-sufficient, when that's not the case. I think we're both in a situation where the right thing to do is to help each other, not to put everything on the scales and fight over who does more than the other, as she sometimes does. Because of circumstances that are not our fault, we both depend on each other. If I ever leave this house, she will call me for help, but as you say, sometimes you have to get away so that you can see those things too.

What I've been thinking about is alternating living with my father for a while, say a week or two or a month or so. It makes me uncomfortable in terms of internal identification because it's going from one nest to another, but I have no other options. It's just to reduce contact with my mother a bit and give her some alone time too. But right now it's the only thing I can do.

Distance myself from that destabilizing source from time to time.

_____

No tenemos gastos muy grandes por lo general, el mayor problema es si se presentara una grave enfermedad. Muy pocas emergencias hemos tenido, es muy raro que yo enferme y las veces que lo he hecho, he tenido seguro por medio del trabajo. Pero ahora soy freelancer, así que estoy a la buena de dios!. Por lo general ella se encarga de algunas cosas pero no porque yo no pueda cubrirlas. Solo que parece que por ego, ella no pide ayuda de necesitarla, y ella pocas veces me pide dinero. Pero ciertamente, si ella no contara con el dinero que recibe de los familiares en el extranjero, obviamente toda la responsabilidad sería mía, pero ella no lo ve así, en ese caso sí se cumple lo que dices. Está subyacente.

Siempre tengo un trabajo que paga poco, así que siempre estoy con el dinero justo, por eso comentaba que no puedo irme así nada más de tomar la decisión a la ligera y adiós!, bienvenida vida nueva! (risas) no, sin dinero no voy a llegar a ningún lado. La vida aquí no es fácil con un sueldo de 50$, al menos no para nosotros indiferentemente de lo bueno que algunos hablen del país, no es tan simple como lo muestran. Para hacerlo, necesito un trabajo mejor pagado.

Mi padre está relativamente bien, y ha sido una ayuda importante que hemos tenido, por ejemplo, una vez mi madre se enfermó justamente en el momento en que yo había renunciado a un trabajo y gasté todo el dinero en medicamentos. De no ser por mi padre, no sé que fuera hecho para conseguirlos. Mi padre se jubiló, y actualmente le pagan una miseria! años de vida trabajando para nada. Él ha sido un soporte incondicional la verdad, aún con sus loqueras, agradecido de por vida. Ya él es un caso contrario, por más que le diga que no me ayude, igual lo hace.

Por otro lado, mi madre ha recibido ayuda de dónde menos lo he esperado y eso solo lo tomo como una ayuda de la vida, por así decirlo.

El problema radica que por el hecho de yo estar bajo su techo, ella crea que eso significa que es completamente autosuficiente, cuando no es así. Yo pienso que ambos estamos en una situación dónde lo correcto es ayudarnos, no de poner todo sobre una balanza y pelear quien hace más que el otro como a veces ella lo hace. Debido a las circunstancias que no depende de nosotros, ambos dependemos el uno del otro. Si yo algún día me marcho de esta casa, ella me llamará pidiendo ayuda, pero como tu dices, a veces hay que alejarse para que se puedan ver esas cosas también.

Lo que he estado pensando, es alternar vivir con mi padre por un tiempo, supongamos una semana o dos o un mes y así. Me resulta incomodo en cuanto a la identificación interna por que es ir de un nido a otro, pero no tengo más opciones. Igualmente es solo para reducir el contacto un poco con mi madre y darle tiempo a solas también. Pero ahora es lo único que puedo hacer.

Distanciarme de esa fuente desestabilizadora de vez en cuando.

the sexuality aspect of it, yes you can make different choices for mental hygiene and so on, and be a peaceful celibate, but sexuality is best regulated, IMO, when in a relationship with another, but that won't manifest either until you decide to live a different life, but that's way down the road.

I can control it, when I read books or do something practical or as they say in the esoteric path something "Noble" or as Don Juan says something with "heart" all the creative energy works better. It's just that I do few productive things at the moment and that accumulates and needs to come out, besides, well, I like it and sometimes I only do it because it bothers me, to get rid of the feeling and continue with something more practical.

I think that little by little I will overcome it. When I start to do exercises that imply "containing myself" it doesn't work, it's worse. It seems that those methods don't work for me. I need something productive to do and I have few things to do.

Curiously, I naturally find a method that works for me and sometimes I am surprised that this method is not far from what is done here. Although I do not remember what "healthy celibacy" is, I will investigate again.

____

Puedo controlarlo, cuando leo libros o hago algo práctico o como se dice en el camino esotérico algo "Noble" o como dice Don Juan algo con "corazón" toda la energía creativa funciona mejor. Es solo que pocas cosas productivas hago actualmente y eso se acumula y necesita salir, además, pues, me gusta y a veces solo lo hago porque me estorba, por quitarme la sensación y seguir con algo más práctico.

Creo que poco a poco lo iré superando. Cuando empiezo a hacer ejercicios que implica "contenerme" no sirve, es peor. Parece que esos métodos no funcionan conmigo. Necesito algo productivo que hacer y pocas cosas tengo que hacer.

Curiosamente, de forma natural encuentro un método que me funciona y a veces me sorprende que ese método no está muy lejos de lo que se hace aquí. Aunque no recuerdo que es el "celibato sano", voy a investigar nuevamente.

 

[Alma.Innovadora]

but if that were the case, would you live with a stranger that treats you the way she treats you?

No, I want to break that cycle of destruction. In fact, I have encountered people with the same attitudes as hers and worse in power positions, a boss for example, and that ends badly. Also, if I don't tolerate them even from my own mother, I'm even less going to tolerate them from a stranger. I don't know about those cases, but I think it seems like a sign that I need to fix something at home. Something like the teaching says "make your bed."

When faced with an authority figure like a person in a boss position, one tends to be more submissive because of the need to keep one's job, so on several occasions I have realized "wow, I don't care about their altered state, I don't let myself be affected, why not at home?"

___

No, precisamente quiero romper con ese círculo de destrucción. De hecho en la vida me he topado con personas con actitudes igual a ella y peor y en posiciones de poder, un jefe por ejemplo y eso acaba mal. Además que si no se las tolero ni a mi propia madre, menos se las voy a tolerar a un desconocido. Pero en esos casos, no sé, pero creo que parece una señal de que debo arreglar algo en casa. Algo así como dice la enseñanza "tiende tu cama".

Ante una figura de autoridad como es una persona en posición de jefe, uno tiene a ser más sumiso por la necesidad de conservar el trabajo, así que en varias ocasiones me he dado cuenta "vaya, poco me importa su estado alterado, no me dejo afectar ¿por que en la casa no?".

 

[Alma.Innovadora]

All that said, the 'right' job, home, salary, people, etc. don't really happen in one leap, nor is any of that just given to us. The right whatever is also and often not what we expect, anticipate, or imagine. You just have to take the leap yourself, and have a bit of faith in the Universe. Avoiding that process because life hasn't given you what you want and how you want it seems to be avoiding major aspects of life and the lessons it provides. Remember what the C's say, 'Life experiences are a reflection of your interaction with God'.

Yes, I keep it in mind but I don't seem to know how to keep the faith, it seems that I only keep a theory but I don't know how it really works or I do but I focus on a problem. Ok, it happens that I evaluate a lot of things that seem to be against me and that almost always are or that's what they seem from my perspective and I avoid taking the step that I should take at any opportunity, so, I think I'm starting to see this, I had it saved for a long time but I didn't understand it very well:

A: Maybe one can solve crises by focusing on other issues? Look, when you constrict the flow, you constrict the channel. And when you constrict the channel, you stop possibilities. And you make it difficult, if not impossible, to see what is within reach. In other words, the obvious is omitted because of the constriction of the flow.

And what you describe is a “desperate situation,” as you call it—and pressures of great magnitude—which restricts you.

But in fact, what really restricts you is that you focus on it, and not the situation itself. And we see that it is difficult for you to focus your attention, or, more importantly, to open the flow of the channel. But it really is not impossible. Especially for someone as strong as you. It is what you choose to do, not what you must do. It is what you choose to do.

I never quite understood this thing about “opening the flow of the channel” and what I “choose to do,” I see things happen in my life when I need them but I don’t know the mechanics behind it. Maybe because there have been times where I just say to myself “well, screw it, whatever happens, I’m going to go crazy from so much senseless thinking, I just know that I need this.”

My obstacle could also be, am I foaling the order in which I want things? Do I control an order in order to feel safe to act? I mean, I often think, "ok, I want a house, but how do I pay for it? I should have a good job first," Ok, the universe could bring it in the way I least expect and maybe I should choose to continue with what I'm doing just to not focus on the "evaluative problem of how to get it/it will come" and thus avoid restricting the channel/opportunities. Could I just continue with the priority of the day like reading a book or just focus on the work I have to do and not necessarily do or plan something to avoid, clear, change the problem? Help others, whatever as long as I don't stay focused on the immortality of the crab.

Lately I just exclaim "an additional job would be helpful" ok, two people appeared with two job opportunities, I don't know, I just accepted and I have to meet with another person. The universe must know what I do and my skills in order to know where to put me, because sometimes I get very detailed in specifying the type of work, just in case it forgets that I am not a doctor (laughs).

 

[Alejo]

Alright, I think I understand, thanks.

I suppose it may come down to, in a few words, without going into a lot of detail, what do you want?

 

[Alma.Innovadora]

what do you want?

1. I would like to have my own personal space, my own home and more so in this case, to be able to get away from the source of stress as much as necessary, when necessary.

2. It would be very helpful to have a better-paying job to acquire equipment and be able to dedicate myself to what I really want to do as a photographer and work on my own. Have my own business.

3. Be with the right people/collinear to achieve that business, that it be a common goal, not a business for me at the expense of others.

If the "Illusion" and "manipulation" will be as it has always been, but much stronger and I do not doubt it, then I require the necessary clarity so that at the right moment I can see the possibilities in the midst of the emotional fog that re-emerges.

 

[Alejo]

Is there something you could do that would help you get all those three?

This is just an idea, but what about a job, even if unrelated to your field, that would allow you to earn money to be able to leave and have your own place, and in the meantime you can work on your photography stuff.

Little by little you can start to build a network, and start a business once you get enough exposure. I have a feeling it may be difficult to wait to leave until you have your business up and running and generating enough income to afford a place on your own entirely.

 

[Alma.Innovadora]

Is there something you could do that would help you get all those three?

I'm going to invest in the equipment I lack with the job I have, expose myself again and have more faith in what I do.

In addition to unearthing my virtues, I had them from the beginning, I was faithful to it. I didn't need to have a reason to help someone or do what I knew what to do. I must reconnect with it and with this knowledge balance them so that those virtues/tools can be used in a more practical way to build. This will be my first step.

___

Voy a invertir en el equipo que me falta con el trabajo que tengo, exponerme nuevamente y tener fe en lo que hago.

Además de desenterrar mis virtudes, las tuve desde el principio, fui fiel a ello. No necesitaba tener un motivo para ayudar a alguien o hacer lo que sabía qué hacer. Debo reconectarme con ello y con este conocimiento equilibrarlas para que esas virtudes/herramientas pueda usarlas de una forma más práctica para construir. Este será mi primer paso.

This is just an idea, but what about a job, even if unrelated to your field, that would allow you to earn money to be able to leave and have your own place, and in the meantime you can work on your photography stuff.

That's what I do now. I have a job that doesn't do what I want, but it pays me relatively well, but the income isn't enough for other things. That's why I persist in having other parallel jobs to generate different incomes, that's why I focus on a better-paid job that allows me to invest at the same time in the equipment I need and then be able to offer the service of the work I want to dedicate myself to personally. I'm open to possibilities, but I need more resources.

For me the problem is not dedicating myself to something outside my field, it is the energy invested in it and that the time working is well paid. They are also very nice people and their vision of working is in line with mine. For example, here prices go up all the time, each merchant and job pays an employee what they want, there is no regulation or control over it. So it seems that everything works only to keep people always below and that the possibilities of a goal are increasingly distant no matter how hard one tries, not all about a lack of will to go out and do things, it is about what to do to achieve a result in a relatively reasonable time.

They do not always pay in dollars, they pay in the national currency that unfortunately does not help in the face of exorbitant prices. So I look for a balance in this, I do not care if the best job is cleaning bathrooms, but that it pays what I know I need to be able to achieve the rest.

Now if I clean bathrooms and the guy next to me is doing his thing, he is just looking for a photographer JO!!! the universe and its particular sense of humor (laughs).
___

Es lo que hago actualmente, tengo un trabajo que no hago lo que quiero pero me paga relativamente bien, pero no es suficiente el ingreso para otras cosas. Además son unas personas de muy buen trato y su visión de trabajar es colineal con mi visión. Por eso mi persistencia en tener otros trabajos paralelos para generar distintos ingresos, por eso mi enfoque en un trabajo mejor pagado y que me pueda permitir invertir a la vez en los equipos que requiero y poder entonces ir ofreciendo el servicio del trabajo al que me quiero dedicar personalmente. Estoy abierto a las posibilidades, pero necesito más recursos.

Para mí el problema no es dedicarme a algo ajeno a mi rubro, es la energía invertida en ello y que el tiempo trabajando sea bien remunerado. Por ejemplo, aquí los precios suben todo el tiempo, cada comerciante y puesto de trabajo paga a un empleado lo que quiere, no hay regulación ni control sobre ello. Entonces parece que todo funciona solo para mantener a la gente siempre por debajo y que las posibilidades de una meta son cada vez más lejanas por más que uno se esfuerce, no todo es falta de voluntad para salir a hacer cosas, se trata de qué hacer para lograr un resultado en un tiempo relativamente razonable.

No siempre pagan en dólares, pagan en la moneda nacional que lamentablemente no ayuda ante los precios exorbitantes. Entonces busco un equilibrio en esto, no me importa si el mejor trabajo es limpiar baños, es que pague lo que sé que necesito para poder lograr el resto.

Ahora si yo limpio baños y el tipo de al lado haciendo lo suyo, justamente está busca un fotógrafo JO!!! el universo y su humor particular (risas).

Little by little you can start to build a network, and start a business once you get enough exposure. I have a feeling it may be difficult to wait to leave until you have your business up and running and generating enough income to afford a place on your own entirely.

As for a business, the truth is that it is not as difficult as it seems, ironically there I do keep an open mind and believe in what I do without hesitation. As you say, exposure is the key and just like in everything that requires attracting people's attention and generating income, as well as meeting potential people to generate a support network. A lot of energy also to "pay" the universe for lunch and that is fine. If I don't move, there is no interaction with anything, there is no interaction with God and this isolation is precisely that, not living. It seems incredible to me that I have fallen into something like this when I have had the answer right in my nose.

My goal is to have several jobs a month, at a very affordable cost. Things change then, more jobs, more income and accessible to the people who require it.

I don't know if I'm rationalizing too much, maybe?, I try to see the objective reality of what's happening so I can act accordingly but be able to flow with it. Knowing above all where the trap is that I strayed into and where I didn't. Although sometimes you certainly have to go through the trap, but keep the "damage" low enough, if that makes sense.

Now, at the end of the day, if tomorrow the world explodes, I will have to redeem my Karma points for the next life, I hope I manage to unlock at least one mobile home at some point in that life. (laughs)

___

En cuanto a un negocio, la verdad que no es difícil como parece, irónicamente ahí si mantengo la mente abierta y creo en lo que hago sin dudar. Como tu dices, la exposición es la clave y así como en todo lo que requiera llamar la atención de las personas y generar ingresos, como también el conocer personas potenciales para generar una red de apoyo. Mucha energía también para "pagar" al universo por el almuerzo y eso está bien. Si no me muevo, no hay interacción con nada, no hay interacción con Dios y este aislamiento es precisamente eso, no vivir. Me resulta increíble haber caído en algo así cuando he tenido la respuesta en mi nariz.

Mi meta es tener varios trabajos al mes, por un costo muy accesible. Ahí cambian las cosas, más trabajos, más ingreso y accesible para las personas que lo requieran.

No sé si estoy racionalizando mucho, ¿quizá?, trato de ver la realidad objetiva de lo que está sucediendo para poder actuar en consecuencia pero para poder fluir con ello. Saber sobre todo dónde está la trampa que me desvié y dónde no. Aunque a veces ciertamente hay que pasar por la trampa, pero mantener el "daño" lo suficientemente bajo, si eso tiene sentido.

Ahora, a fin de cuentas, si mañana explota el mundo ya me tocará canjear mis puntos de Karma para la siguiente vida, espero que me alcance para desbloquear al menos una casa rodante en algún punto de esa vida. (risas)