My Astra Zeneca shots and the effect on me.

[iamthatis]

Life is not just black or white, I'm sure you will work it out one day. There are a lot of shades of grey all around us. So one of us can one day be pissed off, and the next day just fine.

Yes, I know my limits and in which situations I am likely to react like that. You are no different, in reality no one is much different. We all have our triggers where we go primal and rational thought goes out of the window. That is the nature of the beast, or the primal part of our brains. Whoever is fooling themselves that they wouldn't ever react like that, is well, fooling themselves.

I am not lying to myself about anything. I can be perfectly, calm, also I can be an outright animal when someone is trying to harm me. The difference between you and me is simply that I have stared down that abyss a few times, and now I am somewhat familiar with what can trigger it. All of us have it in ourselves when our lives are in danger. And it wouldn't be good any other way.

And please, don't you take the heavy burden of worrying about my soul. All in all, I am a much more decent human being then a good number of them. I don't lie, I don't steal, I don't harm others for fun or just because I can, and I have in my life helped a far few people in bad situations, last time a couple years ago I got somewhat burned when I have kicked off the door from a overturned car on a highway and when I pulled a man out because the car was burning, and well, he was unconscious and all that. In such situations where most tend to stay and look, I tend to act without much thinking. Have saved a few lives over the years. So, while you have a bad judgement about me because I said out loud a lot of things that lie deep down in most of us, also it is true that someone like me is much more likely to help a stranger and save his life in a case something happens and I can help. I also have that need deep down inside me, to help others. I cannot stand by and do nothing, like a lot of cattle with smart phones seems to do these days. I intentionally do not call them people. People will help others, not take pictures of someone's misfortune. As I said, not all is black or white in life.

I found this from Gurdjieff:

Bad moods, worry, the expectation of something unpleasant, doubt, fear, a feeling of injury, irritation, each of these emotions in reaching a certain degree of intensity may, in half an hour, or even half a minute, consume all the substances prepared for the next day; while a single flash of anger, or some other violent emotion, can at once explode all the substances prepared in the laboratory and leave a man quite empty inwardly for a long time or even forever.

And I've also recently encountered the work of Peter Levine. You may find these quite informative to contemplate, and use as lenses for your current paradigm.

 

[GreyCat]

Hey, thanks for your reply. I'll repeat what I said in the form of direct questions, because you've mostly avoided what I wrote.

You've said that you have no problem holding grudges for twenty years. Then you say that you're not holding onto anything. Those are logically inconsistent. Which one is true? They can't both be true - can they?

You've also denied threats of violence anywhere in your original post. But in that specific post, you wrote about freaking out and breaking people, making sure people feel the same pain as you do, and gladly punching people in the face. Do you see the logical inconsistency there?

In order to dismiss all this, you've tried to throw up a smokescreen, saying that nothing is black and white. Do you think that this idea of yours applies to what you say? Is it a good enough excuse to justify your contradictory statements?

There is a thread entitled 'shouldn't we be fighting this' that you may find informative. It may be a useful mirror to you.

I'm not worried about your Soul. But I do care. Big difference. And isn't care for each other a major part of what this forum is all about?

In some cases, I can hold a grudge, in others, I do not care. Clearer?

Threats of violence? No. Those are only reactions. To the violence taken against me. It would be a threat from my side if I threatened to run around and stab people with unproven chemicals. Do you see a difference?

There is no smokescreen. All is not black and white in life. There are no absolute truths or statements. Point in case, as I said, I am mostly a good guy. But make no mistake, if someone is threatening to me or my family, that can change in an instant. If there is no other recourse, I am ready to do whatever it takes to save theirs or my life, and that also extends to using psychical confrontation if there is no option to avoid it. If you see that as a smokescreen, I can offer advice to you to read Carlos Castaneda, and specifically about the strategic enclosure he was talking about. Sometimes we can fight petty tyrants out in the open, sometimes not. That changes our perceived behaviour as well as how people around us perceive us.

And yes, I also have a dark side in me, as all we do have. Once fighting, once that I am defending myself and my own, I will let some of that dark side onto the surface, to let the enemy get a taste of their own medicine. Sort of a controlled burn of that kind of emotions.

Thank you for caring. That is nice of you.