I am curious if there have been any updates from the Chateau crew regarding the use of psychomantiums? I am guessing not, since you all have been so busy this past year, but thought I would ask.
I have decided to move forward with experimenting with this. I will be ordering a standing mirror and cloth soon, and I did end up getting that canopy bed. Not sure exactly how I will rig up the cloth yet, but will probably drape it around the entire bed and extend it towards one wall where I will place the mirror, giving me a large dark space to operate in. I will also be getting some silk clothing, especially head wear as some small measure of protection from mind-beaming activity. Additionally I will be doing POTS beforehand as well as praying to STO for assistance and protection, as they see fit to provide it.
The thought of doing it terrifies me, always has. Even re-reading this thread and making plans for doing it has me feeling elevated and anxious. My fear intrigues me and my sense tells me there is something big in it for me, if I do it right. Hard to explain why I feel the need to, except that I do, and so I shall.
I fully expect that I will see some frightful things, at least at first. I will just have to push onward, and not let fear get the best of me. I did spirit release therapy several years ago and it wasn't pretty. The hypnotherapist seemed caught between being scared and not believing what was coming out of my mouth. In short, there were two main "entities" that came to the surface from this. There was a giant bug-thing floating above my head, that had attached itself into my head with several tentacles. It looked like a cross between a bug and a huge exposed brain, except totally alien. The other was some dragon like thing that was inside of me, a very stubborn entity. He had a name apparently, Ragnoth or something like that, can't remember what exactly. The (silly) therapist kept trying to get it to move towards the light, except it saw none. Asked why it was there, it's answer was it wanted my soul. There were also several mundane entities, things that left easily. If any of those things are still there, I intend to rid myself of them.
I have read most of Hostage to the Devil, and will finish it before I start. I found it very easy to read actually, and not at all scary. Probably because while I was expecting monsters and such, based on my own experiences, the possessed saw their resident entities as very man like. Not a particularly scary image for me. Actually, believe it or not, while I typically have bad dreams, I had only good ones on the nights I read the book.
I have also started reading Shamanism by Mircea Eliade and I think it gives some idea of what to expect. Demons are a very recurring theme, and it is necessary for the shaman to not turn tail and run from them, but face them outright.
The main and first question appears to be: Is this something I should even be attempting - do I have shamanic potential?
I think so. There are quite a few parallels in the descriptions of a shaman and myself. I was a very sensitive child, perhaps even morbidly so. Every single negative thing that was done against me I took to heart. Down to little things like teasing from my family, I took it all very personally. I have nervous system disorders, including spasms and seizures at times. Strong dissociative tendencies. Even as this has improved from diet and EE, I still feel very abnormal around people - pretty much everyone. I am simply not like most other people in some fundamental way. I visited my family for Thanksgiving and was looking through child photos when she offered that I "had terrifying eyes" as a child. She didn't really elaborate but I can remember a few times as a child looking at her and seeing this fear. I am on the way to curing myself of my chronic body pain and other issues, a hallmark for the shaman is that he becomes sick and then cures himself. A few weeks ago there were a couple deaths at my workplace. It affected me more than I thought it would. I ended up dancing, alone in my room to feel better, feeling this interesting mix of sadness and elation. Then later I sobbed like a baby in my wife's arms. I have no way of comparing my emotional state to others, but it was a pretty powerful experience.
So I have made my mind up, and will continue to inch towards actually doing it. By ordering the required materials, continuing to read, and continuing to contemplate it as I get closer and closer to actually doing it. This post is part of that, a declaration of my intention to myself and the universe. I expect my first experiments to happen before the end of the year, but I will be playing it by ear so to speak. Listening to myself and the impressions I pick up from the universe to decide when it will be right to do.
I realize this is not a game, and I am not playing around. I have a completely serious perspective on this situation, that things could turn out horribly wrong for me. I think you make the preparations you can, but there comes a point when you have a take a step that you don't know where it will lead, or if you will fall off a cliff. I will do what I can to prepare myself, and will have to rely on faith to close that gap.