Questions relating to suffering, help is on the way, information antennas

All that strengthened my will to be 'an island' - stand alone, be like a rock, needing absolutely nobody's help to survive.
I started doing this at a very young age. As I began to learn more from Laura's books and the C's I realized that I had isolated myself to a point where I didn't really know how to love. Not 'love' in the worldly definition, but LOVE as it actually is. When I began the Eiriu Eolas in earnest I could see that my 'island' was crumbling at the edges and I tearfully asked my future self to please let me gain knowledge of what love is. The abuse of my childhood years had quashed my chance to learn what love actually is from parents. In turn, I didn't really know how to show love to my children (oh, I could laugh with them and cuddle them and teach them, but when they reached a certain age, I had trouble hugging them; I was so afraid I would turn into my parents) and I know that I was not able to teach them what love was.

I'm still working on it, but I know that help is there to increase my awareness - but I need to ask.
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