This topic has refocused my self-observations of my sexual thoughts, feelings, behavior. I clearly remember my infantile obsession with female body and my conceited belief that if I did her, she would admire my magnificent manliness. So childish and so creepy.
I am now in my late 60’s and sex is no longer occupying my thoughts, feelings, or behavior. When I was young sex thoughts dominated my consciousness and sex dreams were frequent. Currently, my attention is towards my objective awareness of what is happening and how am I behaving in the now.
That said I have taken the challenge to see what lies hidden and needs work.
My life’s experience and observations.
Once I started dating and more so after marriage, I was surprised at how disconnected the expectations was with the reality. My anticipations were never realized because I often misread my wife’s needs and misjudged my own potential. Because of this persistent pattern I kept dissecting the subtle pre and post whole-life patterns around sex.
During the arousal stage, which could last for days in some cases, I noticed that there were frequent roadblocks or unexpected dramas. Our 2 daughters would often have a crisis that needed our attention. Friends and family were also calling or stopping at the wrong moment. If not people, it was things would break and I would have to do emergency repairs. A very hilarious yet predictable occurrence.
Post coupling affects took years to see but after connecting the dots it was unmistakably obvious. This realization hit home late in my 50’s so I was a slow learner. What I noticed was that there was a 3-day shit-storm post coupling. The intensity of the crap that I had to deal with was more than the pleasure. Thus, the pleasure/pain balance was significantly more pain than pleasure. What surprised me the most, was that the more my wife had lovey-dovey feeling for me the morning after the more crap I was going to have deal with that day. I was never able to figure out how to reduce or mitigate these annoying aspects of sex energy. It is just the fact of life that every high has a low, a drunk has its hangover, and for me at least every orgasm had its 3-day pile to shovel. The past tense is used since this time of my life sex is no longer happening. Too much pain for her and to little need for me. We’re both content with this, it is one of the many things that we have to deal with these old bodies.
How the romantic fiction is uncovering my unfinished work.
I read the first 2 books in the ‘The 1797 Club’ by Jess Michaels. My reactions to them were different than most. The story line was thin and one tract with no side plots to beef up the interest. My reactions to the erotic parts was clinical indifference. I even was interrupted while in the middle of one of the erotic scenes and did not even hurry back to it. My energy level was slightly higher but with more anxiety due to my instincts for negative feedback with sex energy. However, I had a sex dream where my dream lover said no, a first for me and remarkably interesting change in my sex dream pattern!
For me, the behavior of the main characters towards each other sexually was subtle form of manipulation and abuse. The dukes in both books took their women before there was an explicit agreement in order to seal their fates. The women in both books allowed their man to have them in order to feel their man’s love that they needed validated. Since both were using negative justifications for their behavior, I would expect a greater negative consequence than the story played out, thus the author is weak in moral insights. Because of this I have lost interest in continuing with the series. I switched to and currently enjoying ‘
Irresistible’ by Mary Balogh .
What I have learned more from reading this forum than from the books was that I had quickly depleted my sex center energy during my youthful stupidity. In my mid-life, I unknowingly was using my higher emotional and mental centers to keep the sex going which is why there was negative feedback loops. In my old age I am rebuilding and harmonizing all my centers and giving the sex center a rest. Long walks, strenuous aerobic exercises, EE, and meditation has been necessary work for me.
This topic is fantastic, and it has helped me understand my past stupidities, my present necessities, and hope for future amities.
Just in case, would like to apologize for the noise.
