Romantic Fiction, Reality Shaping and The Work

[Anamarija]

All of this novels are about reciprocity in relationships and I'm just being seen as a giver and I'm not receiving much. I don't know how to inspire people to help me and to care about me more. I need some help with that. Was there some character like me in novels and she made it?

Since this last book is still fresh, I would recommend Aimee even though there are a lot of characters in previous books that could be good examples, too.
I admired her from the beginning because she is very young but intelligent. She was talented enough to know exactly what people need come out of their cocoon. And she did it to everyone, not just Konrad.
The way she showed affection to Konrad from the start was so sweet and beautiful. Who will not fall for that?
But, she wasn't a toy to play with. She knew when is the time to redraw herself. So, I think she was very good in internal and external consideration which I think could be helpful for you.

 

[Anthony]

I lag behind so I'm still reading fantastic The Fallen Angels Series by Mary Jo Putney. I'm a little embarrassed because I've read over 70 novels and I'm not autistic but I'm not really sure I have improved myself. I got recently a feedback that I'm a low-maintenance woman and I don't like that people don't take me seriously, or my emotional needs. Just an example what happened to me earlier this year. I had a flu and I went to doctor. He didn't want to give me a sick leave but he did to my friend who also had a flu. I had to go like that to work and do the shopping. In condition that I was with fever I sat on a bench close to my home and called my son to help me with bags. A construction worker started hitting on me and I thought he wants to help me because he noticed I'm sick. He said something that I don't need to be out on such weather and that I can come to his place bla bla. When I got home and was washing dishes, I recycled the conversation in my head when my fever went down, I realized he was thinking I was homeless and was actually inviting me to move in with him . My doctor told me some years ago I'm a remarkable person and since that he sends me to work when I'm sick. Lots of people told me that I have admirable character but nothing good comes out of it. For me, for my needs, for my care.
All of this novels are about reciprocity in relationships and I'm just being seen as a giver and I'm not receiving much. I don't know how to inspire people to help me and to care about me more. I need some help with that. Was there some character like me in novels and she made it?

Sophia from The Arrangement by Mary Balogh comes to mind, she starts out as being invisible to others and then grows into her own power and learns to assert herself, it's a great novel and very inspiring to see someone break out of a life long personality pattern. On the psychology side, what you've mentioned is most likely a reflection of how you treat yourself. For example, if you are invisible to yourself, not seeing, valuing, or listening to yourself, you might end up feeling invisible to others. This is not to discount that there might be people in your life that are purposefully using you or ignoring you, but if it's a repeating pattern over many relationships that you have with others, then looking at the relationship that you have with yourself is something that's needed, such as learning to give to yourself what you want from others, setting boundaries, prioritizing yourself at times, etc. If you're also caretaking (giving to get something) that's also something to examine. If you want to look into all of that, check out Inner Bonding by Margaret Paul.

 

[Mari]

All of this novels are about reciprocity in relationships and I'm just being seen as a giver and I'm not receiving much. I don't know how to inspire people to help me and to care about me more. I need some help with that. Was there some character like me in novels and she made it?

From the top of my head, try The Obedient Bride from M. Balogh.

 

[Mari]

Last night I finished Her Bridegroom Bought and Paid For by Alice Coldbreath, which I took quite emotionally.
....
So, next on the list is The Unlovely Bride with Lenora Montmayne.

Love to read your reviews, AM!

Btw, I´m pretty sure that after Her Bridegroom.... comes An Inconvenient Vow.
When you´re not sure, check GoodReads; i.e. Brides of Karadok Series by Alice Coldbreath


(Edited:)
Alice Coldbreath Vawdrey Brothers Book 1 Her Baseborn Bridegroom - Vawdrey Brothers Book 1
Alice Coldbreath Vawdrey Brothers Book 2 HIS FORSAKEN BRIDE - Vawdrey Brothers Book 2
Alice Coldbreath Brides of Karadok Book 1 WED BY PROXY- Brides of Karadok Book 1
Alice Coldbreath Vawdrey Brothers Book 3 AN ILL MADE MATCH - Vawdrey Brothers Book 3
Alice Coldbreath Brides of Karadok Book 2 THE UNLOVELY BRIDE -Brides of Karadok Book 2
Alice Coldbreath Brides of Karadok Book 3 THE CONSOLATION PRIZE - Brides of Karadok Book 3
Alice Coldbreath Brides of Karadok Book 4 HER BRIDEGROOM BOUGHT AND PAID FOR - Brides of Karadok Book 4
Alice Coldbreath Brides of Karadok Book 5 AN INCONVENIENT VOW - Brides of Karadok Book 5
Alice Coldbreath Brides of Karadok Book 6 THE FAVOURITE - Brides of Karadok Book 6

I managed to go trough first 2, and now I plan for the next 3 weeks on my vacation to go trough M. Balogh´s Under the Mistletoe (Christmas novels, of course ) and I found that I have No Ordinary Love already in my Kindle, so Christmas will be for Mary, then I´m back to Alice and Wed by Proxy.
Yay!

 

[Anamarija]

I lag behind so I'm still reading fantastic The Fallen Angels Series by Mary Jo Putney. I'm a little embarrassed because I've read over 70 novels and I'm not autistic but I'm not really sure I have improved myself. I got recently a feedback that I'm a low-maintenance woman and I don't like that people don't take me seriously, or my emotional needs. Just an example what happened to me earlier this year. I had a flu and I went to doctor. He didn't want to give me a sick leave but he did to my friend who also had a flu. I had to go like that to work and do the shopping. In condition that I was with fever I sat on a bench close to my home and called my son to help me with bags. A construction worker started hitting on me and I thought he wants to help me because he noticed I'm sick. He said something that I don't need to be out on such weather and that I can come to his place bla bla. When I got home and was washing dishes, I recycled the conversation in my head when my fever went down, I realized he was thinking I was homeless and was actually inviting me to move in with him . My doctor told me some years ago I'm a remarkable person and since that he sends me to work when I'm sick. Lots of people told me that I have admirable character but nothing good comes out of it. For me, for my needs, for my care.
All of this novels are about reciprocity in relationships and I'm just being seen as a giver and I'm not receiving much. I don't know how to inspire people to help me and to care about me more. I need some help with that. Was there some character like me in novels and she made it?

Hey @Martina, I've been thinking about you and what you shared. Maybe you could write what's happening with you, if you like, and when you like, in your own thread.

Having my own thread feels very liberating and helpful, as it provides a safe space to express my inner thoughts. My experience was entirely positive, and I received wonderful, useful advice on the issue.

 

[iamthatis]

I lag behind so I'm still reading fantastic The Fallen Angels Series by Mary Jo Putney. I'm a little embarrassed because I've read over 70 novels and I'm not autistic but I'm not really sure I have improved myself. I got recently a feedback that I'm a low-maintenance woman and I don't like that people don't take me seriously, or my emotional needs. Just an example what happened to me earlier this year. I had a flu and I went to doctor. He didn't want to give me a sick leave but he did to my friend who also had a flu. I had to go like that to work and do the shopping. In condition that I was with fever I sat on a bench close to my home and called my son to help me with bags. A construction worker started hitting on me and I thought he wants to help me because he noticed I'm sick. He said something that I don't need to be out on such weather and that I can come to his place bla bla. When I got home and was washing dishes, I recycled the conversation in my head when my fever went down, I realized he was thinking I was homeless and was actually inviting me to move in with him . My doctor told me some years ago I'm a remarkable person and since that he sends me to work when I'm sick. Lots of people told me that I have admirable character but nothing good comes out of it. For me, for my needs, for my care.
All of this novels are about reciprocity in relationships and I'm just being seen as a giver and I'm not receiving much. I don't know how to inspire people to help me and to care about me more. I need some help with that. Was there some character like me in novels and she made it?

A common theme in many of the novels is that the heroine is in a dire situation and doesn't ask for help until it's almost too late. This is usually because an independence program was installed in the past. Sometimes this is due to a horrible experience that leads to the belief that people just aren't trustworthy. Sometimes it is due to shame, and the shame is compensated for with a desperate need to prove oneself. Sometimes it's for what seems like a good reason - being subject to blackmail is one that I've seen a few times. Whatever the cause, the women can have trouble finding their voice, sharing their difficulties, and asking for help. But when they do take the risk of speaking up, everything changes for the better.

All that said, I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'inspiring' people to help you. It seems it might be too indirect? Do you have much practice in directly asking for help? This in itself can do some good deprogramming. It means admitting we have needs. Needs, terrible needs! So first, we gotta consciously acknowledge what our needs are. My therapist used to ask me this - what are your needs today? My false personality hated that question! Me? Needs?! How dare you insinuate that I'm the type of weak and pitiful person who has needs! Now I see the wisdom in it. So, what are your needs? Then, next question - how will you get those needs met? The answer is often through speaking your needs to others. That can mean asserting your right to sick leave, or telling a construction worker to go away. Or it can mean asking for help from others in a specific way to receive love.

As an example, I remember reading about a woman who was constantly frustrated on her birthday. She wanted to be celebrated, to celebrate her life with her loved ones, but most of the people close to her, including her husband, were nonchalant about birthdays. Every year she didn't truly ask. She had unspoken expectations, and just passively waited for her needs to be sort of telepathically understood and acted on. One year, she went direct. She told all of her friends and family exactly what she wanted - a party with a nice cake, pointy hats, singing and dancing and a good time together, or whatever it was. They all participated, and it was an excellent birthday. It may be more of a parable than a true story, but it stuck with me. It's the 'Ask and ye shall receive' principle.

FWIW.

 

[Anamarija]

@iamthatis, you should write a book.

Every time I read your post, I'm left eager for more.