Sam Vaknin - Narcissist or Psychopath?
About 3 years ago, hurting after ending a relationship, I googled counseling and the search engine contained a link to a site - All About Counseling. I watched for a long time before I participated in the discussions. This was the first time I had visited a discussion forum. I didn't know much about computers, and I didn't know anything about forums- I didn't know what trolls were, chumming, html codes, etc . That site promotes complete anonymity- no private message feature, and no outside emails are to be exchanged. They also caution strongly against telling anyone in your actual life about the site, because it could "hinder your ability to express your innermost feelings" or something like that.
There are no times displayed for posts. Because I work nights, I noticed things that the other (US) population probably didn't notice.
After a year, I finally posted to a couple of people, and over time, got a little braver in posting about myself. There is a lot of nasty fighting that goes on at AAC, and the site promotes this lack of civility or does not discourage it - claiming it is a way to identify triggers and hopefully learn from them.
I have since visited other sites. AAC is the only one where everyone must be codependent. The posters say things like, "We as codependents....." "this disease of codependency"........
There are no "moderators", only a "Site Coordinator" that comes in to mediate when huge flames erupt in any of the threads. These flames are usually started by one male poster or his buddy female poster who have posted at that site under those names for at least 5 years. They call themselves "Senior Posters". The Site Coordinator always "sides" with these senior posters. Sometimes the flames are started by brand new posters with posting styles nearly identical to those senior posters. These two posters, called Worried_Dad and Free claim to have the following in common- victims of abuse by a partner, esoteric religion, and they love to debate. He claims to have been abused by a cult, tried to start "support" threads about it that fizzled, and states he is writing a book about cults. He claims this plethora of credentials as a nurse, psychologist, hypnotherapist, musician, comedian, shaman, priest of a mystery religion - and that he is doing research, but he won't say what it is. It's a secret. He frequently pops in threads when Sam Vaknin is mentioned, to warn folks that "Sam is not the last word on Narcissism" or "there is no such thing as narcissistic supply" - stuff like that.
The one who posts as "free" claims she was raised in a Freemason household and promotes the secrets of mystery religions. She posts about lighthouses along the way.
There is another Senior poster, Ladeska, that has had various ongoing threads about the "Charmer/Abuser" and how not to fall Prey to this Predator. She has had quite a following over the years, with lots of trauma bonding established in those threads. I googled Charmer/Abuser and this material is only posted on a couple of other forums.
There is a poster (that reeks of free) that claims she is NPD and posts plagiarised material from books on Sociopathy.
Any time there is conflict and there is not complete agreement with the Site Coordinator, the SC threatens to shut the site down. Everyone chimes in like - "No SC, I NEED this place, what would I do without it please don't." It's bizarre to watch.
I backed away from that site last winter after a series of attacks on several posters. The out of control name-calling just went on and on.
03-13-08, name said - "The one thing which I don't remember having read at Vaknin's is something similar to the wise words of Martha Stout at the end of her book: she mentions in passing that the people who have the best chances of getting out of their problem are those who assume responsibility, who stop pushing their problems on others. I'd say that Vaknin's site is not exactly about that, but that's just my 2 cents." -
This is exactly what the other site, AAC promotes. Victimhood. I have been vehemently "corrected" by W_D and Free for saying that, in order to grow, there is a point that an abused person must shed the victim cloak and push forward. I wouldn't back down. It was after I said this that I was often "attacked", by posters never before heard of, when I posted outside the two threads I usually posted on.
It didn't hurt my feelings. Much. But it's odd. I had these suspicions, so I broke the golden rule and made contact with a couple of people. Here's the verdict - I'm not insane!! Well, the jury may still be out on that, but my suspicions are the same as some of the others who left the site. NO one can figure out WHY.
I was drawn to the dynamics of that site because my mother has a lot of APD traits, as does the ex that abused me. I didn't always post when I was triggered, I guess you could say I picked my battles. What triggers me worst is when something doesn't make sense to me, so I look deeper. That's why I googled narcissistic cult and was lead to a thread at this site. I've read these threads with interest, because I wanted to see if AllAboutCounseling was mentioned, but so far I haven't seen it listed. Has anyone seen that site or does any of this sound familiar?
I have tons more to say, but I don't want to clutter up this thread, unless anyone has experienced that site.
Thanks!!
