Self-Observation, Inner Talking & Work Instrument

Stevie Argyl

Jedi Master
Guardian
I hear that a lot, and I'm not very good at it. I feel I do have excellent control of my emotions....to me, they are biochemical responses to my thoughts and I can change my immediate emotion by changing the thoughts that caused it, that's fairly easy....but it's temporary. Comes in handy, but I still have to deal with the root issue when I get in a safe space to do so.

I think this is where self observation in the moment comes in. We can sometime change our emotions in the moment by reasoning something out or changing our thought and in doing so can miss the underlying belief that drives the behaviour, sometime in this way we simply create another 'automatic reaction' equally habitual. If we wait till later we may find ourselve in the position where the 'I' thats looking for the root won't see anything becuase the 'I' that reacted is not visible at that moment. That said, we can only do what we can do at the time and maybe in some circumstances we have to shift quickly.

Another thing we can look out for is what Gurdjieff sometimes called this 'self calming' , where we reduce the impact of a realisation by talking ourselves out of it , excusing, rather then sitting in the fire till we cook.
 

Guardian

The Living Force
Stevie Argyll said:
Another thing we can look out for is what Gurdjieff sometimes called this 'self calming' ,

Yup...that's the one I REALLY need to work on ... "self calming" Trying to get the "External Consideration" thing going when my blood is up BEFORE I shoot off my big mouth. Not a problem afterward or whenever I have time to think about an issue...but in the "heat of the moment" I have an EXTREMELY difficult time making myself think/care beyond the particular incident I'm involved in at the time.
 

kenlee

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Guardian said:
Same with a wide variety of physical, and occasionally financial, predators. To me, the anger these people generate in me is a tool...or maybe a fuel source, with which to stop them. I don't want to not be anger when I see people doing hurtful things things to others. Is that a bad thing?

I think the important thing is recognizing it’s causes and symptoms such as how the anger affects your thoughts, feelings, and body and where the anger is localized such as, maybe it’s your head that feels hot, or maybe there’s a rapid heartbeat, how does your skin feel?, or there might be physical jitters, or maybe your stomach will feel upset. Notice muscle tensions and body postures, tone of voice. Stuff like that. Also, recognizing what triggers the anger, both internally and externally, how it makes you think towards yourself and others, how others react to it when you manifest it (even very subtly) and what happens within yourself when you internalize it (in my case it becomes depression).

I think a lot of anger will begin to dissipate once recognized in this way and the energy will be transformed with this increased recognition but there might be anger that goes deeper into the centers that I think must be recognized too. But imo its not so easy with the deep seated emotional anger (that has to be dealt with emotionally) which goes into the deeper parts of the centers but at least you’ll recognize that you have it and then you’ll look for ways to handle and deal with it, such as, for example, the EE program.

With my own anger I try to learn about the ‘how’ of it first before the ‘why’ of it along with increasing my ‘deep inner sensation’ of the anger that tells me, through greater awareness of sensation, how the anger is affecting me and in what center it's localized and being experienced and felt in. Then later, the why of it pretty much begins to come in little glimpses and ‘revelations’ as I continue to study the how of it and how it affects me (as described above)

So I think if you don’t express the anger then you have to become more conscious of yourself, since to not express it when your feeling it is to make yourself more conscious of the fact that you have it and that your not expressing it, and then this more conscious state can open up the possibility of studying its causes and symptoms. But there are times, depending on the specific situation, when I think anger can be expressed (or dealt with in other ways when required, such as creative activity, play, exercise, etc) but at least if you’re more conscious you’ll know your expressing it and why and for what purpose your expressing it, and it’ll be under your conscious control since it won’t be your (unconscious) false personality controlling and fooling you.
 

Joe

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Guardian said:
No, I apologized in the next sentence...well sorta, I said "I'm so sorry, I should not have said that out loud" ..which he did not catch because he was an idiot on steroids. His response was hysterically funny....it was all I could do to hold my tongue. He actually said "Lady I don't take steroids, this is all natural. I worked for this" then he flexed his arm.

He never denied that he was an idiot. :P

That's absolutely classic! :lol:
 

Joe

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I think this sums up pretty well how it should work

When the negative emotions are evoked in the sleeping, dreaming emotional center, in response to reality, elements from the intellectual or moving centers are added to them according to our social, religious, and psychological programming. We then "fall into confluence." Men and women commonly fall into moral prostitution in its infinitely varied shading because their actions or thoughts corrupt the pure negative emotions, deny them, suppress them, or otherwise create fantasies about reality using that energy.

As in the case of positive emotional reactions, the energy of the negative emotions spreads over the whole of the motor center and penetrated the motor sectors of the intellectual center and a state of profound confluence is the result. That is to say, that the individual will shift into a dream or an action that is programmed into them. Driven by shock or passion, a man loses his inner peace and falls immediately into the program, and proceeds to express his negative emotions via the intellectual or moving centers, and the energy is thereby lost.

If, however, at the moment when the negative emotions arises in him, the subject remains calm and does not mechanically begin to run a program, something powerful and positive can occur. By persistent introspection, the individual can observe the rise of the negative emotions and can disconnect them from intellectual or moving center usurpation and, understanding the origin of the reaction, will shed light on the inner darkness. The individual is then in a position to perform an act of primary importance:the liberation of the energy of the negative emotion for positive use. To allow this energy to be kept in the emotional center itself, to concentrate there, while simultaneously acquiring the knowledge of the external reality that stimulated the emotional reaction, and preventing the energy from being dissipated by the moving center, is a "victory" over the negative emotion, a mastery of the self that immediately brings an inflow of joy to the lower emotional center. This occurs when the negative emotional energy, concentrated in this way, causes the lower emotional center to vibrate at the rapid rhythm that is normal to it, which then establishes instant contact with the higher emotional center which triggers the current of higher emotional energy into the lower. The inflow of higher joy in the current of energy from the higher emotional center can then act on the energy concentrated in the lower emotional center by induction, transmuting it into the higher energy of the soul, which is the essential process of fusing the magnetic center, or growing the 4th density body - the gradual transformation of the physical body to the immortal body. With practice, this contact can be prolonged with more rapid results.

And, of course, the more violent the negative emotion, the greater the quantity of the emotional center energy that is produce, the more difficult the process, and the greater the rewards.

As the neophyte proceeds up the staircase, he will find that he experiences fewer negative emotions. It is at this point that he will discover the obvious utility of those who are hostile to him in the extreme. As long as he is on the Staircase it is in insults, hate, jealousy, treachery and the contempt of other men that the seeker finds the elements which are necessary for him to awaken his emotional center and utilize the "shocks" and "blows" and "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" to power his ascent.

By dominating the mechanical reactions - the programs - that the reality "out there" may produce in him, by separating and rejecting the elements that are parasites on the fine energy of this system, the seeker is able to mobilize the fine energy produced by the negative emotions. This accelerates the growth and development of the magnetic center which then enables the transition to the higher density. It is for this reason that the seeker understands why he should "love his enemies and bless those who curse and persecute him."

The saying: "Knowledge Protects" is wholly applicable to the inner revolution that takes place within the seeker. For all of our lives we are slaves to the programs that are set in motion by our negative emotions. Our intellectual centers steal this energy and produce all kinds of rationalizations, suppressions, fantasies of power or illusions that we have "mastered" the emotion simply because we are able to suppress it, or tell ourselves egotistical things like: "I'm better than that because see! I can suppress my reactions. I can say nice things when I am really boiling mad. That is what makes me superior." With knowledge of the true nature of reality and the programs that run in us, we are enabled to completely halt any such usurpation, to allow the concentration of the emotions - whether negative or positive - which then set our entire being on a higher vibration.
 
Another thread that deserves to be stickied.

Going to second that. I have found this thread to be repeatedly helpful and think that, depending upon the person and situations, could perhaps even be a life-saver. The first post alone would be interesting to see in the Dot Connecter, right next to maybe an article on ponerization, psychopathy, etc...
 

Steve M.

Jedi Master
Agreed. It's great to go back over this topic. I'm having to rethink many things of late and getting back to the beginning and refreshing things is helpful. It's here (re)learning the base principles that I'm hoping will help me rewire myself.

I have to ask a few questions. At first does a person just try and observe the actions/reactions so as to identify how the machine reacts to the situations, but leaves the situation/reaction to proceed as it would usually? If yes, for how long, until one is sure of that splinter of time to step in and prevent the reaction (cause the keeping it below the neck?), when one is sure the reaction is commencing?

Feel like I'm clogging this up a bit with my line of questioning, but I hadda ask. I feel like I've a good handle on seeing things boiling up and have had some success at keeping it below the neck. At this point I don't feel like I get angry much anymore, at least not 'really' angry. It's more like a point where I just give up and feel drained, give in (to what I feel are not logical wants/demands by my significant other) and give up (let it go, but not on the inside. Inside it is more like a list is being written, why this (must have thing), why now (we just spent the money in hand on.. why at the last minute, we're headed home and now we have to back track/change course)).

These days there are a deeper range of emotions. Instead of just anger or rage there are confusion, frustration and fear all of which were taken as a cause for anger previously so my understanding and reactions are changing. confusion: I can seek clarity, frustration: can ask for help, fear: can look at/for the cause. The old reactions were confusion: I'm stupid, ignore, get angry enough to part ways, frustration: Break it, smash it.., fear: Run! Avoid! Puff up! So these are some things I'm attempting to get a better handle on DOing in order to deal with watching how 'it' reacts. I think this is helping in getting a better understanding of my machine.

I've got to practice EE more. Things at home are hectic at the beginning of a school year. My wife works the local fair (3 weeks'ish). The other day the Dog we inherited from a girl staying in an adjacent apartment broke it's leg, she's just not able to be present for a few more months, well that was $600 something dollars, the same day my daughter is faced with womanhood - certain physical cycles, my son got a 3 day suspension from school for the second time this week today ...heck, when it rains it pours. :) None of this is beyond me (I've been through worse) but I've been neglectful in the area of working on myself the last month roughly.

Guess it would be wise to remember - This too shall pass. It's something I often forget caught up in the deep sleep.

Salutes!
 

Approaching Infinity

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Balberon said:
Agreed. It's great to go back over this topic. I'm having to rethink many things of late and getting back to the beginning and refreshing things is helpful. It's here (re)learning the base principles that I'm hoping will help me rewire myself.

Hi Balberon. This is a good goal! I think sometimes "starting from the beginning" is a good thing to do. It gives us an opportunity to not only see things that HAVE changed in us, but to see things we thought had changed, but are still the same. And remember, probably the most important step in rewiring ourselves is to get our physical body functioning as it should: getting our nutrition on track and straightening out our brain chemistry. It's amazing the difference it makes when our "vehicle" is functioning the way it should!

I have to ask a few questions. At first does a person just try and observe the actions/reactions so as to identify how the machine reacts to the situations, but leaves the situation/reaction to proceed as it would usually? If yes, for how long, until one is sure of that splinter of time to step in and prevent the reaction (cause the keeping it below the neck?), when one is sure the reaction is commencing?

Well, in general, yeah, the first step is just to observe yourself to gather impressions. Because at first, there's nothing you can do about programs. They're too mechanical. In fact, you'll often only notice (I did and do) that you're running a program AFTER the fact. But by turning attention toward yourself, you'll be able to get closer and closer to the time when the reaction starts. I think it should be a natural progression. IF you can catch yourself reacting and keep it below the neck, do it. But if you can't, just make a note to yourself what the reaction was like, what situation provoked it, how you felt, what you thought, etc. When you see it once, you'll be able to see it again.

Feel like I'm clogging this up a bit with my line of questioning, but I hadda ask.

Nothing wrong with asking!

I feel like I've a good handle on seeing things boiling up and have had some success at keeping it below the neck. At this point I don't feel like I get angry much anymore, at least not 'really' angry. It's more like a point where I just give up and feel drained, give in (to what I feel are not logical wants/demands by my significant other) and give up (let it go, but not on the inside. Inside it is more like a list is being written, why this (must have thing), why now (we just spent the money in hand on.. why at the last minute, we're headed home and now we have to back track/change course)).

These days there are a deeper range of emotions. Instead of just anger or rage there are confusion, frustration and fear all of which were taken as a cause for anger previously so my understanding and reactions are changing. confusion: I can seek clarity, frustration: can ask for help, fear: can look at/for the cause. The old reactions were confusion: I'm stupid, ignore, get angry enough to part ways, frustration: Break it, smash it.., fear: Run! Avoid! Puff up! So these are some things I'm attempting to get a better handle on DOing in order to deal with watching how 'it' reacts. I think this is helping in getting a better understanding of my machine.

Sounds like you're getting an understanding of how your machine works! It's interesting that life provides these opportunities, isn't it? It sounds like EE and diet changes may be helping with your anger, which is good. However, the one thing that concerns me is the feeling you have of giving up and then feeling drained. Can you describe a situation where this has happened recently?

I've got to practice EE more. Things at home are hectic at the beginning of a school year. My wife works the local fair (3 weeks'ish). The other day the Dog we inherited from a girl staying in an adjacent apartment broke it's leg, she's just not able to be present for a few more months, well that was $600 something dollars, the same day my daughter is faced with womanhood - certain physical cycles, my son got a 3 day suspension from school for the second time this week today ...heck, when it rains it pours. :) None of this is beyond me (I've been through worse) but I've been neglectful in the area of working on myself the last month roughly.

Guess it would be wise to remember - This too shall pass. It's something I often forget caught up in the deep sleep.

Yep, and keep up with the EE! The more you practice, the better you'll be able to interact with your environment in a positive way.
 

Steve M.

Jedi Master
Hi Approaching Infinity,

You asked:
Can you describe a situation where this has happened recently?

I'll try. It was over this last weekend, Sunday. I was visiting my good friend (C) out in the country. It's nice to go out there and get away and so as a family we go out and visit my friend and his family about every other weekend. After breakfast and as C and I were getting ready to start on whipping his yard further into shape the ladies decided they were going to go to the store. I kicked down a pretty hefty sum of money and my wife said, "you want something special?" to which I said Yes! A few minutes later she came out and said we need more vitamins to which I said, then here is more money, I still want something special. So I had some expectations, not huge, but some.

When they returned from going to 2-3 different stores (I think 2) there was nothing for me. What I mean by that was there was not this snack-able special (?) thing. There were the vitamins, a few other necessities and her Coffee Pot, Iron and some sort of frying pan, matching items, none of which we needed. While I could accept being forgotten, I didn't bring up something special in the first place, so I felt my expectations were given to me, not from my own desires, but because I was told to have them. Would a tube of crackers been too much to ask for, or expect $120 bucks later? So I was a bit bothered by that situation, but instead of going off the deep end it was more of a feeling of being betrayed, acceptance and drainage.

Betrayed: in terms of -"you want something special?" and so given expectation, so far as I could tell.
Acceptance: in terms of, well I feel like I could go off but the only thing your stuck with in a spilled milk situation is cleaning it up.
Drainage: Well in this instance it was my wallet and expectations. I make promises and sometimes fail, but I do my darnedest in such situations to try and render a solution. There was also the lack of needs purchase (in this case the matching coffee Pot, iron and frying pan).

It's often that situations like this rise and I can't figure out what to do or how to avoid them without sitting down and writing out a list and counting every dollar. I'm trying to give her slack and see how things play out, and I always give more and add a tip for my best friends wife for her time and to help them out as well in case something gets overlooked. As I think about it now, I get the feeling that I'm setting her up to fail somehow. Something I'm not quite grasping. Something on the edge of my vision that I can't quite get into focus cause I can't turn my head - metaphorically.

I just started going over the big five again. I'm also reading parts of it to my wife. The hope is that it gives up both a glimpse of how to grasp one anothers' wiring so that we can have the tools to help each other in a less controlling, guilty, hurtful way. To me at times out relationship is like having one anothers' switches, you know, the pain, grief, guilt buttons and we're both just there to jam each others buttons.

Still trying to see things for what they are in this situation. Not really frustrated about it, but in situations I get really frustrated in, drained is usually how I feel. On one hand I was thinking I expel so much energy with making the other person feel guilty, which causes an argument to ensue. On the other hand there is just a sense of betrayal. I know it's not an end of the world situation, I just have trouble getting over my expectations when I was told to my face I can have them. I'm quite narcissistic.
 

Approaching Infinity

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Thanks for sharing this, Balberon.

Balberon said:
When they returned from going to 2-3 different stores (I think 2) there was nothing for me. What I mean by that was there was not this snack-able special (?) thing. There were the vitamins, a few other necessities and her Coffee Pot, Iron and some sort of frying pan, matching items, none of which we needed. While I could accept being forgotten, I didn't bring up something special in the first place, so I felt my expectations were given to me, not from my own desires, but because I was told to have them. Would a tube of crackers been too much to ask for, or expect $120 bucks later? So I was a bit bothered by that situation, but instead of going off the deep end it was more of a feeling of being betrayed, acceptance and drainage.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel like this after such a situation. I do wonder if maybe you and your wife had different ideas about what she meant by her question? Could she have meant, "Do you want something special [for the house]?", for example? Or maybe she just forgot. In situations like this, I think the Adult Communication that the Pressmans talk about in Narcissistic Family can come in handy. If you've got the book around, read through the second appendix, where they give transcripts of a couple sessions of therapy with a husband and wife. It sounds like you're letting things eat you without sharing what you're feeling. If you express what you feel in an adult way, I think it'll relieve some of the tension you feel, which just leaves you feeling drained. If you both have different expectations (e.g. about money), but if neither of you communicates, it'll just create problems. But if you talk about it (calmly and respectfully), you may be able to reach some compromises. FWIW.
 

1984

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Balberon said:
I've got to practice EE more. Things at home are hectic at the beginning of a school year. My wife works the local fair (3 weeks'ish). The other day the Dog we inherited from a girl staying in an adjacent apartment broke it's leg, she's just not able to be present for a few more months, well that was $600 something dollars, the same day my daughter is faced with womanhood - certain physical cycles, my son got a 3 day suspension from school for the second time this week today ...heck, when it rains it pours. :) None of this is beyond me (I've been through worse) but I've been neglectful in the area of working on myself the last month roughly.

Hi Balberon,

Yes, practicing EE more will be of great benefit for your stress levels when 'things happen' like you've described here.

Just a few questions: How much time do you have alone each day to perhaps just do the pipe breathing and meditation? Is there time at work perhaps when you can take 15 minutes for EE? Are you able to listen to the meditation each night before sleep? Is your wife interested in EE?

How are your magnesium levels? Any supplements missing from your daily regime?
 

Mrs. Peel

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Balberon said:
It's often that situations like this rise and I can't figure out what to do or how to avoid them without sitting down and writing out a list and counting every dollar. I'm trying to give her slack and see how things play out, and I always give more and add a tip for my best friends wife for her time and to help them out as well in case something gets overlooked. As I think about it now, I get the feeling that I'm setting her up to fail somehow. Something I'm not quite grasping. Something on the edge of my vision that I can't quite get into focus cause I can't turn my head - metaphorically.

I'm afraid maybe you will just have to start making a list. You didn't give her much direction. "Something special" means... what??? Ask ten different people and you'll get ten answers. From previous posts, I get the impression that you and your wife are not always on the same page, so perhaps to "expect" her to read your mind isn't very realistic. I hate to say it, bit I think you set yourself up in this situation.
 

Blacki

Dagobah Resident
1984 said:
Balberon said:
I've got to practice EE more. Things at home are hectic at the beginning of a school year. My wife works the local fair (3 weeks'ish). The other day the Dog we inherited from a girl staying in an adjacent apartment broke it's leg, she's just not able to be present for a few more months, well that was $600 something dollars, the same day my daughter is faced with womanhood - certain physical cycles, my son got a 3 day suspension from school for the second time this week today ...heck, when it rains it pours. :) None of this is beyond me (I've been through worse) but I've been neglectful in the area of working on myself the last month roughly.

Hi Balberon,

Yes, practicing EE more will be of great benefit for your stress levels when 'things happen' like you've described here.

Just a few questions: How much time do you have alone each day to perhaps just do the pipe breathing and meditation? Is there time at work perhaps when you can take 15 minutes for EE? Are you able to listen to the meditation each night before sleep? Is your wife interested in EE?

How are your magnesium levels? Any supplements missing from your daily regime?

For me it is 55 minutes EE each day . pipe breathing and meditation.

Dont have wife then no problem with interested with EE:)
 
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