Session 12 June 2008
- Thread starter Laura
- Start date
First of all, please forgive my lengthy post, but I do hope it might be of interest to others, and I would highly appreciate any advice on the subject. This weekend I was pondering a family issue and somehow felt drawn to reading the above session. Now I'm wondering if the contents of the session are supposed to answer the question I had in mind when I found the thread and get me to do more research on the subject. I'd be happy about hearing other people's thoughts.
My concerns or worries are about my cousin. We are very close, and I am concerned about her well-being, which is why I might be overreacting. She is a very kind, caring and giving person and spiritually interested; she works as a massage therapist and constantly educates herself on health issues and how to improve the health and well-being of others. She's also interested in the Wave and Eiriu Eolas.
Anyways, whenever she enters a relationship, she ends up in a love bite situation. The first guy she was with was physically abusive and what you would define as the garden variety psychopath. The relationship finally ended when her father overheard a phone conversation in which the guy put her down and told her she was nothing and would never amount to anything. She's a very talented and hard-working person, and apparently the guy couldn't bear this much strength in a woman, so he tried to break her, fortunately he didn't succeed.
The next guy she was with was generally jealous of her life and her talents. He tried to interfere with everything she did, or tried to ruin it for her if he couldn't have it. His behaviour was mostly that of a hyperactive child. He wouldn't wait until other people had finished their conversations (especially if the subject did not interest him), would jump up in the middle of a family meal and listen to music outside in his car without even excusing himself, would get out of bed at three o'clock in the morning and leave for the disco, would eat from other people's plates without asking permission, you get the drift. She got so fed up after a while that she moved out of their bedroom and went to sleep in the sitting room for months. It was quite a challenge to get him to move out.
Well, long story short, she recently met a guy on an online dating site. She decided she'd rather meet him in person than trying to get to know him via email, so she asked him to come to our home town (he lives about an hour away). He hasn't left since, but practically moved into her place. He says there is currently not much going on in his workplace, therefore he's on vacation after a fashion. Some of his behaviour reminds me a lot of the ex, e.g. the interruption of other people's conversations. He can waffle on for ages without stopping for breath, and if one listens to him for a while, one gets incredibly dizzy. My husband confirmed those observations. Another thing I noticed at a family dinner the other night was that he kept glaring at me across the table. And I don't mean looking at me, I mean an intrusive, calculating stare. My stepdaughter used to do that too, and I found it alienating, to say the least. She'd stand in my bedroom door, stare at me for minutes (while I pretended to be working and got increasingly uncomfortable) and walk away again without saying a word. That problem solved itself when she moved out though. No one else in my extended family behaves that way, and everyone in my extended family views this type of behaviour as a violation. But we were always willing to give the benefit of the doubt, and most of my folks still are.
That was the impression I got after interacting with the guy for a bit. My feeling was that he was craving attention and literally the energy of everyone in the room.
Since we got burnt so many times now, I have not a lot of patience left for the benefit of the doubt. I think the whole situation is a disaster waiting to happen and the forces of entropy trying to weaken my cousin yet again. The other interesting twist in the story was, that some other guy from her past, who was always trying to keep her at a distance, all of a sudden started to bombard her with messages how he loved her, how she belonged with him etc. It felt like this was manufactured in order to confirm to her that the new guy was the right one. The storyline was just too good to be a coincidence.
Well, what is described in the above quote is what I'm afraid is happening. It is creepy beyond words.
The thing is that she's quite happy with the new boyfriend and doesn't see anything wrong, and I will not force my opinion on her. If she asks, I won't lie, but I won't interfere, since I feel it's not my place. I'll just try to be there for her when she needs me. I think the C's said it was OK to advise, as long as one didn't attempt to alter the lesson. But it's very hard to stand by and watch the same thing happening over and over again.
Of course I might be completely wrong about the guy, but I've just seen it too many times (also from my own experience). Does anyone have an idea how to handle this? I can't bear the thought she might be going through the same nightmare yet again.
Many thanks in advance.
My concerns or worries are about my cousin. We are very close, and I am concerned about her well-being, which is why I might be overreacting. She is a very kind, caring and giving person and spiritually interested; she works as a massage therapist and constantly educates herself on health issues and how to improve the health and well-being of others. She's also interested in the Wave and Eiriu Eolas.
Anyways, whenever she enters a relationship, she ends up in a love bite situation. The first guy she was with was physically abusive and what you would define as the garden variety psychopath. The relationship finally ended when her father overheard a phone conversation in which the guy put her down and told her she was nothing and would never amount to anything. She's a very talented and hard-working person, and apparently the guy couldn't bear this much strength in a woman, so he tried to break her, fortunately he didn't succeed.
The next guy she was with was generally jealous of her life and her talents. He tried to interfere with everything she did, or tried to ruin it for her if he couldn't have it. His behaviour was mostly that of a hyperactive child. He wouldn't wait until other people had finished their conversations (especially if the subject did not interest him), would jump up in the middle of a family meal and listen to music outside in his car without even excusing himself, would get out of bed at three o'clock in the morning and leave for the disco, would eat from other people's plates without asking permission, you get the drift. She got so fed up after a while that she moved out of their bedroom and went to sleep in the sitting room for months. It was quite a challenge to get him to move out.
Well, long story short, she recently met a guy on an online dating site. She decided she'd rather meet him in person than trying to get to know him via email, so she asked him to come to our home town (he lives about an hour away). He hasn't left since, but practically moved into her place. He says there is currently not much going on in his workplace, therefore he's on vacation after a fashion. Some of his behaviour reminds me a lot of the ex, e.g. the interruption of other people's conversations. He can waffle on for ages without stopping for breath, and if one listens to him for a while, one gets incredibly dizzy. My husband confirmed those observations. Another thing I noticed at a family dinner the other night was that he kept glaring at me across the table. And I don't mean looking at me, I mean an intrusive, calculating stare. My stepdaughter used to do that too, and I found it alienating, to say the least. She'd stand in my bedroom door, stare at me for minutes (while I pretended to be working and got increasingly uncomfortable) and walk away again without saying a word. That problem solved itself when she moved out though. No one else in my extended family behaves that way, and everyone in my extended family views this type of behaviour as a violation. But we were always willing to give the benefit of the doubt, and most of my folks still are.
That was the impression I got after interacting with the guy for a bit. My feeling was that he was craving attention and literally the energy of everyone in the room.
Since we got burnt so many times now, I have not a lot of patience left for the benefit of the doubt. I think the whole situation is a disaster waiting to happen and the forces of entropy trying to weaken my cousin yet again. The other interesting twist in the story was, that some other guy from her past, who was always trying to keep her at a distance, all of a sudden started to bombard her with messages how he loved her, how she belonged with him etc. It felt like this was manufactured in order to confirm to her that the new guy was the right one. The storyline was just too good to be a coincidence.
Well, what is described in the above quote is what I'm afraid is happening. It is creepy beyond words.
The thing is that she's quite happy with the new boyfriend and doesn't see anything wrong, and I will not force my opinion on her. If she asks, I won't lie, but I won't interfere, since I feel it's not my place. I'll just try to be there for her when she needs me. I think the C's said it was OK to advise, as long as one didn't attempt to alter the lesson. But it's very hard to stand by and watch the same thing happening over and over again.
Of course I might be completely wrong about the guy, but I've just seen it too many times (also from my own experience). Does anyone have an idea how to handle this? I can't bear the thought she might be going through the same nightmare yet again.
Many thanks in advance.
Meager1 said:
Hi Meager1,
Low energy levels may require some supplementation, but often with the diet and basic supplementation - which includes magnesium, omega 3s, vitamins C, B, and D, enzymes, a good multivitamin/multimineral, and probiotics - energy levels get better. You might need basic supplementation specially at the beginning to help you balance your body. Also, make sure you sleep through the night, if necessary, there are supplements like 5-HTP and melatonin that can help you with this.
In general, is best to introduce basic supplements and "calming" supplements first, and then after 2 weeks, introduce the "stimulating" supplements. Calming supplements include 5 HTP, the stimulating ones include those ones for the dopamine imbalance: DL-phenylalanine and L-tyrosine.
FWIW, I'll include the protocols for the dopamine imbalance. We have discussed DL-phenylalanine for dopamine imbalances here in the forum. The search function should turn out something.
Meager1
Dagobah Resident
Thank you for that information.
I ordered on the 18th, but might have made a mistake because I didn`t get L-tyrosine.
Below is the one I ordered, but maybe can return it unopened, if this is the wrong one?
"N-Acetyl Tyrosine is an acetylated derivative of the amino acid L-tyrosine. Ordinary L-tyrosine is less stable and also less soluble in water, which may result in reduced bioavailability. Acetylation enhances the solubility and stability of certain amino acids.
N-Acetyl Tyrosine supports brain function by improving the synthesis of the catecholamines norepinephrine and dopamine (neurotransmitters)."
And thanks for letting me know to start on the 5 HTP at least three weeks before beginning the L-tyrosine, I would most likely have taken them together otherwise.
I ordered on the 18th, but might have made a mistake because I didn`t get L-tyrosine.
Below is the one I ordered, but maybe can return it unopened, if this is the wrong one?
"N-Acetyl Tyrosine is an acetylated derivative of the amino acid L-tyrosine. Ordinary L-tyrosine is less stable and also less soluble in water, which may result in reduced bioavailability. Acetylation enhances the solubility and stability of certain amino acids.
N-Acetyl Tyrosine supports brain function by improving the synthesis of the catecholamines norepinephrine and dopamine (neurotransmitters)."
And thanks for letting me know to start on the 5 HTP at least three weeks before beginning the L-tyrosine, I would most likely have taken them together otherwise.
Meager1 said:
Doses are different. You can start with the recommended label dose and then you can increase the dose depending on your symptoms. Here is more info:
What is the daily suggested dose of N-Acetyl L-Tyrosine (NALT)?
http://purebulk.com/n-acetyl-l-tyrosine-nalt
Make sure to read the precautions, you don't want to take too much, but the dose needed to counteract lack of dopamine in your body.
ana
The Living Force
Finduilas495 said:
Hi Finduilas495,
You may very well be onto something here, it is always easiest to see this things from the outside, even more if we have knowledge on pathology.
Now it is not possible to make others see what we are seeing they need to see it for themselves.
Do you think is your cousin willing to understand the dynamic of her past and current relationships?
Would she read some material on narcissism and psychopathy?
Usually, the problem is that there is nothing to do while someone is in a "dream love state" with the predator, not untill she starts to suffer more than she is enjoying it.
D Rusak
Jedi Council Member
In addition to what others have suggested, I would highly recommend a look (for you and her) at some of Sandra Brown's work. In particular, "How to Spot A Dangerous Man" and "How to Break Up from a Pathological Relationship". Her website sells these books (some in E-book or mp3 form, so you can check them out immediately!) for really good prices. There also are lots of articles and quizzes there that may help.
Best of luck.
Best of luck.
Ana said:
Hi Ana,
Many thanks for your reply. I'm glad to hear that I'm probably not imagining things, though the wishful thinking would like me to be wrong. But there's no point in denial, it'll just prolong the suffering. My Mum is also sceptical of the guy, and my sister is highly sceptical to put it mildly.
I see your point - it's always tempting to project our own view onto other people and wonder how in the world they cannot see the elephant in the room. But that's not how it works.
I think my cousin would be willing to read about narcissism and psychopathy, since she is interested in psychology and also would like to understand what happened to her in the past. Unfortunately she doesn't seem to connect the past to the present. But she also says the relationship is still in the "let's wait and see" phase, so hopefully she's not in it head over heels... But I'm not sure if she even gets the chance to ponder, because he's always around her except when she's at work.
So I'll get her a set of Eiriu Eolas DVDs a soon as the German subtitles are available. I was also trying to find German translations of the QFG book recommendations on narcissism and psychopathy. There aren't many though, so I'll see if I can find similar material from German speaking authors.
Thanks again
D Rusak said:In addition to what others have suggested, I would highly recommend a look (for you and her) at some of Sandra Brown's work. In particular, "How to Spot A Dangerous Man" and "How to Break Up from a Pathological Relationship". Her website sells these books (some in E-book or mp3 form, so you can check them out immediately!) for really good prices. There also are lots of articles and quizzes there that may help.
Best of luck.
Hi D Rusak,
Many thanks for the recommendation! I am reading Sandra Brown's website now and there is a wealth of material. As mentioned to Ana earlier, I will try and find similar material in German for my cousin, since there are no translations of Sandra Brown's work available. I can probably translate one or two articles for her, but a whole book might take a bit too long...
Anyways, it's interesting how much is available once one starts digging. I do hope there will be broader awareness soon, i.e. that more people will wake up to the reality that we live in and will be able to protect themselves against the scams of conscious or unconscious predators.
Thank you again
Only just caught up on this thread, thanks for sharing this interesting information.
Thanks for that reply Laura, it’s a relief for me too. Just need to get out of this chimeric state of mine. :)
Thanks for that reply Laura, it’s a relief for me too. Just need to get out of this chimeric state of mine. :)
FrankM4326754
Jedi Master
Thanks for sharing. I wonder what kind of soul or creature would reincarnate into this realm without having an emotional center. Furthermore since they choose reincarnation at some level is it possible to choose to have an emotional center? I know the transcripts mentions that the individual cannot create one while incarnated but prior to incarnation would that be a possibility? I suppose a more valued question would be what possibilities are there to choose from prior to reincarnation and does it depend on karma developed in the previous life as to whether you'll have more options in comparison to less?
Ana] Hi Finduilas495 said:In addition to what others have suggested, I would highly recommend a look (for you and her) at some of Sandra Brown's work. In particular, "How to Spot A Dangerous Man" and "How to Break Up from a Pathological Relationship". Her website sells these books (some in E-book or mp3 form, so you can check them out immediately!) for really good prices. There also are lots of articles and quizzes there that may help.
Best of luck.
I started reading "How to spot a dangerous man" and Sandra Brown's descriptions look scarily familiar... thanks again for the recommendation, the book is absolutely spot on!
My cousin started asking questions about narcissism and psychopathy lately, so I am starting to get a little bit hopeful. I know it's not my place to judge, but it is painful to see and not being able to do anything. Accepting that people you care about might make decisions that are detrimental to their well-being and that you have absolutely no business interfering if they don't ask you for help is a difficult lesson to learn!
Also, the plot thickens. The guy proposed to her, in front of his whole family, at his father's birthday party (well, actually his mother wasn't there, since his parents are divorced, and not on speaking terms). She doesn't want to get married, but was too nice to say 'no' or even 'I have to think about it' because she didn't want to humiliate him, so she accepted him. She said he asked so nicely, while my immediate thought was he totally cornered her. Nobody in her family knew he was planning to do this.
I congratulated her, but still asked her to be careful, which she said she would be, since she's aware she knows him way too little to marry him. My sister wasn't quite as diplomatic, she told her bluntly that in her opinion my cousin was mental.
Thanks again for the good wishes, I just thought I'd give an update
I hope it's OK to update on the situation in this thread, please let me know if you think it doesn't belong here...
So the guy finally showed his true colours. My cousin was at a friend's house Friday night, where she received constant phone calls and SMS's from her bf telling her to move her behind back home, accusing her of sleeping around, and whatnot. When she finally turned around and told him the relationship was over on account of unacceptable behaviour on his part, he threatened to kill himself and slit his wrist with a kitchen knife in front of her. Can't have been too bad though because he was back in work yesterday, so he must have done it solely for effect.
Anyways, apparently he has a history of lying, cheating and accusing my cousin of everything he was doing himself.
So she told her family and work colleagues (which of course he forbade her to do) and is now looking for a method of getting him out of the house in a safe manner, since his extreme behaviour suggests he might harm others or himself.
My advice was to call the police, since they can have him checked by a public medical officer, and the suicide attempt will buy him a ticket straight into a psychiatric facility. Then she can change the locks and put bars on the windows while he's locked up.
The law here suggests one tells a person one wishes no further association clearly and only once (preferably in front of witnesses), and if that person doesn't oblige, the court will issue a restraining order.
I'm a bit nervous right now, and hope she'll be able to extricate herself from this situation without further damage... I just thought I'd post it because it follows the typical pattern, and hope that others will notice red flags in their lives before things escalate like this...
Edit: Removed quotes because posts are in succession anyways.
So the guy finally showed his true colours. My cousin was at a friend's house Friday night, where she received constant phone calls and SMS's from her bf telling her to move her behind back home, accusing her of sleeping around, and whatnot. When she finally turned around and told him the relationship was over on account of unacceptable behaviour on his part, he threatened to kill himself and slit his wrist with a kitchen knife in front of her. Can't have been too bad though because he was back in work yesterday, so he must have done it solely for effect.
Anyways, apparently he has a history of lying, cheating and accusing my cousin of everything he was doing himself.
So she told her family and work colleagues (which of course he forbade her to do) and is now looking for a method of getting him out of the house in a safe manner, since his extreme behaviour suggests he might harm others or himself.
My advice was to call the police, since they can have him checked by a public medical officer, and the suicide attempt will buy him a ticket straight into a psychiatric facility. Then she can change the locks and put bars on the windows while he's locked up.
The law here suggests one tells a person one wishes no further association clearly and only once (preferably in front of witnesses), and if that person doesn't oblige, the court will issue a restraining order.
I'm a bit nervous right now, and hope she'll be able to extricate herself from this situation without further damage... I just thought I'd post it because it follows the typical pattern, and hope that others will notice red flags in their lives before things escalate like this...
Edit: Removed quotes because posts are in succession anyways.
