Drea
Jedi Master
It is very draining and heartbreaking to have every single person you love programmed to the hilt and heading for destruction.
I can practice strategic enclosure for the most part, but how can we stop the draining of our own energy when witnessing family and friends partaking of the madness?
This is my struggle too and has been for years. The other day I broke down and cried because I know there is nothing I can do for my family now. I've been mostly absent from this forum for 5 years while I dealt with chronic lyme disease that spread to my brain. It was truly a life altering experience to lose the ability to type, read, function on a normal level or remember anything. 2 years ago I didn't think I'd make it but here I am still hanging on. Yes, I have a rocking chair right beside me, necessary item if there ever was one. :D
In those 5 years I also watched my twin sister who was always with me slip into psychosis/schizophrenia due to lyme. This is a story I could write a book on that would read like the exorcist or Stephen King. My brother and mother are also showing signs of memory loss and a huge array of other lyme/mold illness symptoms. They've decided to continue living in a house with black mold knowing it is killing them and for years I've been gently nudging them, helping and listening to their problems. Did it help? Nope, not at all. My heart has been broken but it has been a lesson in feeding black holes.
The part that still bothers me is, is it the mind warping effects of the disease, nature or nurture that things turned out this way? Does it even matter or should I just accept that this is how they chose things even if they didn't understand their choice.
Even though I'm still sick, this forum and the work gave me the motivation to keep going because gosh darn it I want to see the fireworks. Thank you for giving me 12 years heads up on all this Fotcm. I'd be totally lost right now without it.