I just received 'Adaptive Unconscious' and 'Redirect'. I am reading 'Adaptive Unconscious' first as it was written first I believe.
In another thread I started, it was basically suggested by Shane, Endymion, Anart, Laura and Pashalis, that I stop what I was doing. Read those books and report on my findings.
I have been having 'flash backs' of an accident I had in November. These flashbacks occur when I am around heavy equipment or am walking by vehicles that are running but are in park and not moving. My emotional response was of a little fear and a 'flash back' to the accident. My physical reaction is one of my body tensing up all the way to a more severe reaction of wanting to vomit when the image of me being crushed 'flashed' through my mind. This has been very bothersome as I need to be focused when around heavy equipment. Being around heavy equipment is part of my job and it was really worrying me.
I have done the writing exercise as suggested in the article https://www.sott.net/articles/show/239884-Writing-to-Heal by Laura regarding this incident, I have not noticed any changes really.... but.... as I think of it, I have not had any flashbacks lately.
Also I have been really paying attention to 'feedback' loops, specifically the negative kind. I have been paying attention to these 'loops' in regards to my 'vampiric feeding'. Something I am determined to deal with and if possible, completely stop. I have been paying attention to what I have to say about anything and how important it is for me to say stuff. In general, I have not been making comments so much and I have been not giving 'feedback' when I get a response to something I have said.
Right now I have lots on my plate, my mom is recovering from a operation, I am looking for work, I am looking for roomates, I am working on not being a 'energetic feeding vampire', I am concentrating on doing EE and am concentrating on my diet. Also I have been experimenting with 'not' praying out loud. I also have been experimenting with listening to Laura's meditation part of the EE CD when I go to bed.
One weird thing that has happened to me is that a local Gurdjieff/Whirling Dervish group with a lineage through Bennett has been contacting me and wants me to return to their group for Dance class, movement class, group therapy class and weekly reading of 'Beelzebub's', some seminars and other activities. I cannot afford to attend at the moment but am really considering it when I get a job. I was attending all these classes prior to EE starting up in my city, but stopped when EE came to town. As I could not afford both.
Also, after going through 2 roomates who one(a male) was a raging alcoholic, the other(a female) was maybe a meth addict, I have gotten rid of them and seem to have found 2 really great roomies. One has a beauty little Boxer(dog) and the other seems really great, I will not get into anymore details of these guys as I think it may be a little bit of me trying to get back into feedback loops.... I could be wrong... I do not know.
My predator mind has been playing programs of 'I am not worthy enough to be apart of the forum family here', I am stupid, I am really evil and don't know it, I am a looser etc.
As far as I can tell, this posting is a report of my findings.... I think it would be best if no-one would reply to this posting.... but I could be wrong... I do not know at this point. I really want to be involved in healthy exchanges and NOT 'negative feedback loops'. I think that for the time being it is best that I not be involved in any feedback at all, until I can better sort this out.
One more finding I have to report is, that in the 'Adaptive Unconscious' book, the author talks about brain damage just behind the bridge of a persons nose. He says that if a person gets brain damage in this area, that they are prone to making bad decisions in their life. When I was about 4 years old I fell and broke the bridge of my nose on some stairs. Since that time I have had what could be described as a glass nose and have had 3 plastic surgeries, one at about 10 years old, one at about 13 years old and one at about 16 years old. I have so much scar tissue in my nose that it is very difficult to breath through my nose especially when eating. Also I gave up playing the Saxophone because of my breathing and too I was not all that interested in playing the Sax as I had very low self-esteem and low confidence. And my nose had been broken about a dozen times including the plastic surgeries. This has really been on my mind, as I have had a history of making bad decisions through out my life. I have very little memory of the fall at 4 years old and discussed it with my mother yesterday. She did say that my forehead had not quite an egg lump but was pretty swollen up. I will ask her again if I got a concussion from this, as she did not make this clear.... but I probably did. When I combine this with the fact that I was in 3 foster homes in my first months of life through the Catholic Children's Aid Society.... it all gives me much to ponder. I have been also researching allot of info about young children and ritualistic abuse etc. So far I have no memory of this and do not think I have been exposed to any of this. Just ordinary programming is all I can see that I have been exposed to. Although I do feel really drawn to this topic. And am very angry at what I have learned about Satanic cults and their relation to the CIA, the Catholic Church, the police and government etc. etc.