Leadership Coaching and Rescuer Syndrome
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The Rescuer Syndrome
People in the helping professions need to be as “normal” as possible. That is, they
should strive to understand and alleviate their own personal difficulties, and any
dysfunctional behavior patterns that could muddy their outlook on life, so they can see
their clients’ disturbances and problems more clearly. If not, helpers may run foul of
their own needs by becoming hopelessly mired in transference and countertransference reactions—acting out the problems of the past in the present (Kets de
Vries, 2006). When this happens, people who are ostensibly helping others deal with
difficulties find themselves having to address issues that are too close to unresolved,
conflictual issues in their own lives. The Rescuer Syndrome manifests itself when
helping turns into a compulsion based on one central, but very flawed conviction:
“The only way to get what I need is to do what other people want.” Thus helpers don’t
help others out of choice; on the contrary, they seem impelled to enter into and
prolong a kind of rescuer-victim relationship.
Many of us have lifelong practice in reflexively attuning to others’ needs. Risk enters
when a conscious, caretaking response transmutes into an over-learned, compulsive
reaction. It is probably fair to say that people suffering from the Rescuer Syndrome
are suffering from an addiction, in the same way as eating, smoking, drug taking,
alcohol, or sex can become addictive. To outsiders, rescuing behavior can resemble
some kind of heroic martyrdom. However, there is an upside to it. A closer look at its
underlying dynamics may reveal that acting in this way gives rescuers an excuse to
avoid dealing with their own problems.
Paradoxically, the more rescuers demonstrate to all and sundry their talent for solving
other people’s problems, the more problems will be presented to them. Although these
requests may make them feel wanted, eventually they become too much of a good
thing. Deep down, rescuers are participating inactivities that they don’t really want to
do any longer, but they fear upsetting others by saying “No.”
A disproportionate need to be liked—to be seen to be helping—is usually related to a
shaky self-image. Rescuers fear that looking after number one will be perceived as
unkind, uncaring, and selfish. For them, saying “No” is associated with ending a
relationship; “others” will become angry or reject them. {If the rescuer has split off part of themselves, they have already rejected part of themselves. The part that is rejected will scream as loud as it can to be 'heard' and is thus perceived immensely painful and as such should be avoided at all costs. Massive amount of energy is spend holding it at bay, and from it's side shouting to be heard} Their wish to be liked makes
it very hard for rescuers to set limits to others and maintain appropriate boundaries.
There is also a sense of immediacy in the way rescuers like to help people. Although
there are often no instant solutions to the problems that are presented to them,
rescuers often feel inadequate if they don’t provide concrete, even instant advice.
Unfortunately, in their zeal to be helpful, they may create new difficulties, even going
so far as imagining that everyone they encounter has problems. They add to their own
misery with feelings of guilt for not accomplishing the unrealistic goals they tend to
set for others.
In many situations, all that people who ask for help really want is to be listened to—
they do not want to be told what to do. {The rescuer has probably split off the part of themselves that needs to be listened too - so to allow another to be listened to would cause them to face that in themselves - and the pain of that struggle to avoid it} Providing immediate solutions may not be the
best thing to do. Rescuers have forgotten that the purpose of helping is to help others
discover their own course of action.
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Rescuer burnout
With too much helping going on, the helper may be faced with diminishing returns.
The emotional labor associated with helping drains energy (Edelwich and Brodsky,
1980; Lakin Phillips, 1983; Hale, 1997; Thompson, 1998; O’Halloran and Linton,
2000; Miller, 2001). It results in a progressive loss of idealism and purpose. Coaches
who find themselves in this position become cynical, tired, and apathetic. Their
positive outlook and work effort are compromised. Worse, they may unconsciously
contaminate their coachees with their own sense of failure and burnout.
Rescuers feel that, at all costs, they need to suppress or reframe their own negative
qualities, such as anger, selfishness, greed, rivalry, envy, spite, and vindictiveness.
The exertion this requires is extremely tiring. While they may display a positive
exterior, under the surface there will be a lot of resentment about the show they have
to maintain. And their exhaustion is compounded by the negation of their own needs
and their unwillingness to take time out to revitalize their own energy.
Rescuers’ frustration and disillusionment are increased by their feeling that they don’t
receive the gratitude they deserve. It may cross their mind that the people they are
trying to help don’t really appreciate what they are offering, or worse, don’t seem to
want to be helped. Eventually a point is reached where rescuers fear they are no
longer doing anyone any good.
Other indicators of rescuer burnout are feelings of guilt and self-hatred associated
with less interest in rescuing people. Rescuer withdrawal is symptomatic of this state
of mind. There can also be an increase in “projection”—rescuers start blaming the
people they are supposed to help for various misdoings.
Eventually, rescuers (having become increasingly desperate) may reach the point
where they terminate the rescue missions that are stalling. They may even deny and
conceal the problems of their troubled client in an effort to find a way out. While this
is going on, anxiety, emotional detachment, or depression are common. Substance
abuse is not unusual. The chronic stress they are exposed to manifests itself in
physical problems, including high blood pressure, diabetes, back age, digestive
disorders, and a compromised immune system (Payne and Firth-Cozens, 1987; Heim,
1991; Ramirez et al., 1996). These physical stresses may even reduce the life
expectancy of rescuers.
Apart from these psychological and physiological problems, people suffering from the
Rescuer Syndrome may also lose a sense of boundaries. By acting out some of their
own fantasies with the people they are supposed to help, they may find themselves
into other kinds of trouble. In any form of therapeutic situation—including
coaching—there is always the temptation to engage in unethical behavior. Sexual
transgression is a major hazard. People in the helping professions should never forget
that, as helpers, they wield extraordinary emotional powers.
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