The Games Narcissist Play

[kenney]

well this thread changed a lot of lives. The wife is gone, I suppose what the family is going through now is basic divorce stuff that a large family would go through. And at times it is so tempting to fall back into that easy very mechanical life style, just because it IS easy.

i have to say that once she had her own place her issues became apparent to the children. they love their mother but they don't love the way she acts and treats people, i can only silently agree with them.

and so that is where i have been for the last few months. As much as all this hurts and worries me, i have to thank you all for sharing your time and experiences. i would still be alone in an imaginary prison reading my books pretending it wasn't happening to me.

 

[Jacques]

well this thread changed a lot of lives. The wife is gone, I suppose what the family is going through now is basic divorce stuff that a large family would go through. And at times it is so tempting to fall back into that easy very mechanical life style, just because it IS easy.

i have to say that once she had her own place her issues became apparent to the children. they love their mother but they don't love the way she acts and treats people, i can only silently agree with them.

and so that is where i have been for the last few months. As much as all this hurts and worries me, i have to thank you all for sharing your time and experiences. i would still be alone in an imaginary prison reading my books pretending it wasn't happening to me.

Hi kenney,

Indeed it is a difficult period. But do remember that the members of this forum are with you so you are not alone.

And don't forget that many of us have lived what you are living now so you can learn from the experience of the others.

 

[henry]

Hi Kenney,

Do you want to talk about any of the details? The last time you posted was at the end of July. Sounds like it must have been a busy period on many levels. We now have a section, The Swamp, that is only open to members who have posted 10 messages or more. If you feel the need to talk about what happened, that would be the place to do it.

 

[kenney]

thx for the support

Hi Kenney,

Do you want to talk about any of the details? The last time you posted was at the end of July. Sounds like it must have been a busy period on many levels. We now have a section, The Swamp, that is only open to members who have posted 10 messages or more. If you feel the need to talk about what happened, that would be the place to do it.

maybe I should, i don't know. i am not the whiner type that dumps his life's issues onto others so they can help me carry my burdens. but yeah after the kids go to bed i will head over to the swamp, not that I am sure I would really know what or how to say anything that could be of benefit to anyone, other than myself getting to vent

 

[Lauranimal]

maybe I should, i don't know. i am not the whiner type that dumps his life's issues onto others so they can help me carry my burdens.

Maybe so, but it isn't like you demanded that someone help you. It isn't as though you manipulated someone to help you or forced someone to be a 'captive audience' who must endure your complaints. But it IS ok to ask for help. You couldn't ask it from a better group of people.

but yeah after the kids go to bed i will head over to the swamp, not that I am sure I would really know what or how to say anything that could be of benefit to anyone, other than myself getting to vent

The more you learn about yourself and how to handle this difficult situation, the more you will be in a position to help others, later. And posting your experience of the psychopath in your life, the Tyrant who will ultimately develop your inner warrior, will help others who read it too. I cannot tell you how much I have learned from reading everyone else's experiences and interactions with the forum! Priceless! Vent away!

 

[henry]

maybe I should, i don't know. i am not the whiner type that dumps his life's issues onto others so they can help me carry my burdens.

One of the things men are programmed into is to not discuss these issues. Sure, it can be done in a whiney, I feel so sorry for myself kind of way, but it is also possible to do it in a way that will help us come to terms with the emotions we have buried or not expressed. We can acknowledge them

but yeah after the kids go to bed i will head over to the swamp, not that I am sure I would really know what or how to say anything that could be of benefit to anyone, other than myself getting to vent

Well, just start writing and see what comes out. That is what The Swamp is for!

 

[Mona]

Hey Kenney,
I also wanted to say that you are not alone. I just checked out this part of the forum, and WOW, it is huge. I cannot believe how many people have met narcissists/psychopaths in their life. My situation is different from yours, you were married to a narcissist and I met mine at work in management at numerous workplaces (I actually even sued a few with the help of taping some individuals in their abusive mode). You have it tougher because for you it is harder to leave the relationship especially when you share kids with that individual. In my case I could have left my workplace anytime, but I did not because I was too weak. In my last workplace I felt so physically sick that I felt completely drained and I knew that it was not healthy for me to stay and to be treated as a complete peace of junk by this individual who screamed at me with the use of the f.. word as if I was his buddy having a drink with him at a local bar or something. This individual completely ignored the fact that we were in a professional environment trying to run a business. He did not hesitate to advertise his grandoise abusive side of himself openly so that others would be afraid to him and others sure were avoiding contact with him. My problem was that I also wanted to understand why this situation repeated itself in my life over and over again, so part of me wanted to stay to put up with the abuse untill I would figure it out. It just still does not make sense to me to this day. I dont even talk to people about this as they would sure think that I intentionally put myself in such silly situations. I was stupid and I have known that for a long time, but after the last incident I decided enough is enough. I am taking my life back. If I ever encounter such an individual in my life I will simply walk away.

Kenney, one thing that I learned is that you cannot change these individuals no matter what you do. You can be nice to them but they will still treat you the way they are programmed to treat you. It's just the way they are. And they are comfortable with it, but we are no longer comfortable with them and therefore it is just perfectly fine to walk away. It is just that simple. Just walk away. They cannot be helped but you can help yourself. Get your health back and always remember the signs that these individuals always show us, but we just find reasons to ignore. I can no longer ignore the signs. Not this time.

Hang in there Kenney

 

[kenney]

everyone is so kind, or perhaps i am just so not used to people being nice to me? i will find a way to say what i can, eleven years seem to just tumble into a blurry heap of exasperation. I just have a lot to do for a day or two, the list starts with six kids... there are days through when all I do is stare at a wall. some of those days i will spend here. so just hang on and lets not derail this thread with "kenney"
\
thank you everyone so much.

 

[celtic]

This is very interesting my grandmother was a narcissist.
Everything on this planet had to revolve around her even the family.
She was an incredible liar and she is the reason why my family is
so emotionly disturbed now. So thank you Laura for this post
because it give me more insite on my grandmother's behavior.

 

[blackrain]

I have found the website that i posted wrongly on here . Its wwwnarcissmcured.com. Steve and Kim Cooper believe that by changing their behaviour narcissism can be cured!!! Just a thought

 

[Starlight]

Hi blackrain,

Went to the website. I find it fluffy but interesting enough for me to join, just to learn more.

Will post further, if need be..

 

[Laura]

People need to stop listening to that nonsense. There is no possibility of a narcissist being "cured." Yeah, a person who has narcissistic traits because of their upbringing can change, and it is likely that a number of them have been misdiagnosed with NPD, but if they really have NPD, they can NOT be cured. Period.

Cooper is trying to sell books and her "program" to cure your narcissist. It's nothing but snake oil, much like Sam Vaknin's now exposed psychopathic BS.

 

[Starlight]

Hi Laura,

Point taken. No need to waste time and effort then!

Thank you for the early warning.

 

[blackrain]

Thank you that is exactly what i thought , Narcissism cannot be cured period so why do these people do it? It leads to false hope , hell and out of pocket!!!!

 

[TRANSSOCIOPATHICA]

An example of how this works: my dad regularly rants and raves about child abusers (amongst many other things). It is extremely interesting to catch him in one of his rants, listen with rapt attention (a sure way to get a narcissist where you want him for a brief while) and ask him questions like, "what do you think causes someone to abuse children?", "why would someone do (whatever your issue) to a child?", "How do we stop child abusers". The answers are astonishing. He will explain to you exactly how an abuser's mind works, what goads them, what they are trying to achieve, what would make them stop and what the most effective form of corrective action would be.

While he thinks he is stunning you with his amazingly astute insights into the human psyche, he is in fact giving you a very clear blueprint of himself.

This has happened to me with Demonic Sociopathic Entities a few times. One of them was a woman I was in a relationship who suddenly out of the blue moved with an elderly woman with no family. She claimed to be a carer and this was why the rent was free. She managed within months to be the sole beneficiary of this woman's will. At the time she claimed it was because they "have become like sisters" - but I had my suspicions and I started talking about elderly abuse in a wider context and how it happens. What came of of the Fem-Socs mouth was this rightous indignaiton concerning the vunerability of the old to fraud from everything from buying stuff on-line wih their credit card, to moving their money into your account for "safekeeping"...