The Matrix

[Niall]

My 'tremendous input' is merely an outlet, something I do to placate my conscience. I really can't tell if it has an affect at all in the grand scheme of things, but then again non-linear dynamics seems to rule so....

...merely an outlet to placate your conscience?? Is that all it really means to you, giving truth to the lie?


I've only been intermittently on the forum to date, but based on what I felt I knew of you, your post shocked me a bit. I'd be a hypocrite if I did not admit to reckless tendencies from my own past making hard work for me still. But what shocked me was less your antics, more the manner in which you casually report them here, which seems to indicate that you are not especially shocked by this turn of events yourself. And that can only mean that, as Anart clearly put things to you, you are lying to your Self; by choosing to believe these lies you are reinforcing the buffers and so the shock is being neutralised.

 

[Ruth]

You also seem to have a history of socializing with fairly self-destructive types. Maybe these interviews are a big gift from the Universe? It sounds to me like it would be good for you to move a bit further away from your current situation and work on your strategic enclosure. Seriously, if your brother is having full fugue dissociative episodes (blackouts) when he gets drunk, then he really should be seeking professional psychological help, or at the very least, staying off the grog.

Yeah, and you can't always be there to 'save' him, or others either.

Maybe this 'need' of yours to try and 'help' others is acting like a self imposed restraint to changing your own life and recognising your own attraction to self-destructive patterns and 'types'?

It just struck me that the hardest thing to do for a person is to change. That means move, take up a new job/career. It must feel like leaping off a cliff and not knowing where, or if, you are going to land.

 

[Cyre2067]

Thanks guys. You're all right, esp Anart. It amazes me how people across the country who've never met me can see so much more about me then people who've known me my entire 'life'.

Anything else I try to say gets garbled, so for now thank you.

 

[kenlee]

Thanks guys. You're all right, esp Anart. It amazes me how people across the country who've never met me can see so much more about me then people who've known me my entire 'life'.

Anything else I try to say gets garbled, so for now thank you.

Cyre, what you say here is simply a whitewash ("you're all right") and in one clean stroke you painted over the real crux of the issue which is your failure to see those forces within yourself that motivate you to associate with the people you choose to associate with. You lack perspicacity on what it is that is within you that motivates you. So as you whitewash what Anart and others have said you also whitewash any awareness of those things within yourself that motivate you to associate with situations that lead to aggressive/illegal actions. Possibly that same blind aggression that is within your brother is also within you and maybe it is this aggression that really motivates you to go to the bar?

 

[Azur]

Yeesh. I wish The Universe could just write me a letter.

That's the problem, isn't it?

You are awaiting instruction.

An instruction is a form of communicated information that is both command and explanation for how an action, behavior, method, or task is to be begun, completed, conducted, or executed.

 

[Cyre2067]

Cyre, what you say here is simply a whitewash ("you're all right") and in one clean stroke you painted over the real crux of the issue which is your failure to see those forces within yourself that motivate you to associate with the people you choose to associate with.

Honestly anything else I tried to type came out with the same rationalizations as the prior posts and I didn't want to do that again. I still don't get it, they're my friends, what motivates me to spend time with them? I tried putting that into words and anart's response:

Lies - it is mechanical and nothing more - there is no 'reason' - it is simply what your machine wants to do and you lack the will to do anything else because you love your lies - it's really very simple.

I'l admit it, I like my friends, I like spending time with them, when we hang out it feels like I belong. It's just as anart said - I love the lies. I couldn't see it till y'all held up that mirror and we're like "LOOK!"

Prior to the incident though I've been totally sleeping, dreaming I was something other then what I am - a sleeping machine (In fact ever since I found the work I've been dreaming that I've been waking up, and even had myself convinced that I was awake and now need to 'die' and I thought that was where I was having trouble). Anart's bit shocked me, but I don't know how long that will last. I've been able to use it to spend more time reading, but other then that I'm not terribly sure what it is I should DO. Thus my comment about asking for instruction. I guess that further demonstrates my machinitude - machines need to run programs.

I am like a week away from getting off my old lease, which was the main reason I left QFS, and as soon as that is confirmed I'd like to rejoin. That's been an aim of mine, along with spreading info about ponerology & psychopathy.

You lack perspicacity on what it is that is within you that motivates you.

The predator drives me, it is me for all intents and purposes - and I've been letting it because I was comfortable. That seems to be my quintessential problem. The thing is, I'm not comfortable with people dying so I can live a guilt-free existence, the more I read and share the more I see blood on my hands. I can't not see it. If I'm gonna live I should have a beneficial effect on the rest of humanity, otherwise what's the point?

So as you whitewash what Anart and others have said you also whitewash any awareness of those things within yourself that motivate you to associate with situations that lead to aggressive/illegal actions. Possibly that same blind aggression that is within your brother is also within you and maybe it is this aggression that really motivates you to go to the bar?

Could be, but I'm not aggressive, I don't destroy stuff, and I avoid physical confrontation like a pro. The one thing that seems like a clue is this movie I watched last night, Elephant, it's about a school shooting and gives you clips from the day it happens from different perspectives.

The one shooter is shown playing moonlight sonata and fur elise, which were the two songs I memorized when I played the piano, there's also a passing reference to them experimenting with homosexuality - so it was tough not to see the parallels. I was also constantly harassed in high school and did have a period where I hated god & the world. I was young and in pain and would like to think I grew out of it as I acquired more friends, and more social experience - could that be related?

The irony is I avoided the bar, I never liked to drink and even when I do it's only in small quantities because of my lack of physical tolerance. There was a thread awhile back that discussed drinking and I think it was Laura who said those who don't probably could benefit from it and those who do could benefit from stopping. I also noticed that it helped my digestion, apparantly it inhibits an enzyme in our colon that allows water reabsorption. So I have been drinking regularly, though not to any extremes, and it's one of the ways I'm self treating my spastic colon, or IBS, or whatever label you wanna give it. It's been working, and I have felt a lot better since last fall.

Horsehockey, Lies & Excuses? I would hope this post is less chocked fulla them then the last three.

Edit: To answer Ryan's earlier question - I picked Pepin cuz I didn't want to use anyone's real name, and having just watched LOTR the scene where Pepin picks up the - forgetting the name - the orb thing that lets you see Sauron, popped in my head.

 

[Ryan]

Edit: To answer Ryan's earlier question - I picked Pepin cuz I didn't want to use anyone's real name, and having just watched LOTR the scene where Pepin picks up the - forgetting the name - the orb thing that lets you see Sauron, popped in my head.

You mean, "Pippin"?

"Pepin" is more likely the name of one of the trolls. ;)

 

[Renaissance]

Honestly anything else I tried to type came out with the same rationalizations as the prior posts and I didn't want to do that again.

(...)

Horsehockey, Lies & Excuses? I would hope this post is less chocked fulla them then the last three.

All of the sudden you don't lie (or lie less)? You can just stop being mechanical because you 'didn't want it to happen again'? It looks like you're just putting more effort into hiding your lies.

 

[anart]

All of the sudden you don't lie (or lie less)? You can just stop being mechanical because you 'didn't want it to happen again'? It looks like you're just putting more effort into hiding your lies.

Well, to give a little credit, I think Cyre is saying that he hopes what he's written is representing that he's listening - if just a little bit. Could it be hiding lies? Of course - however - do not underestimate the power of lies on each of us - and do not underestimate what it takes to begin to look at that on a very personal level.

I'm not letting Cyre off the hook, by any means - however - if what has been said to him did, in fact, actually create an audible knocking on the window pane of the window in the room in which he sleeps - then, it seems to me, that he should be allowed to express his 'hearing of it'.

If, after hearing it, he retreats to the comfort of his warm, soft and cozy bed, yet again - then, it seems that all there is to know about this situation is known.

 

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

Cyre, you're watching your life like a movie. This is what we do, as mechanical beings. We go here, go there, do this, do that... we have various likes and dislikes, and just like little ants we're just going through the motions with absolutely no rhyme or reason behind any of it, we just "feel like it" at the time. You being a "social animal" is no different than you being sexually attracted to someone, or being hungry, or liking a certain kind of music.

Do you think being "social" is any more significant than describing yourself as hungry or sleepy or thirsty or angry or sad or excited? The fact that you think your being "social" is something that can be defined as a quality of who you are, or even a virtue, means you're fooling yourself. And you DO think it is a quality otherwise you would never ever bring it up - no more than you'd bring up that you tend to scratch yourself when you have an itch.

As mechanical beings we cannot just realize this and except it and continue to be mechanical. We can only be mechanical as long as we're still not aware of what we really are. You think you're aware because you read Gurdjieff and this site, but you're not, "awareness" is different than casual acknowledgment because it makes sense. Awareness requires active and conscious SEEing, only then can you say you are aware. But SEEing forces you to DO, and this is what we're so afraid of.

We're sheep. In order to continue to be simply a sheep chewing grass, we create rationalizations (lies) that we're more than that. That is, the sheep looks at the wool on its back and says "most sheep don't have as much wool, I am unique!". Then the sheep looks at the grass it happens to be chewing at the moment and says "I have unique tastes, I prefer this kind of grass here. I am an individual!". Then the sheep notices that it is in the same fenced-in pen as other sheep, and proudly says "I'm a social sheep, because I value cooperation, I like being with others, I am a team player!". Yet another sheep will smell something curious so it will step away from the herd to follow the smell, and suddenly when it notices it is away from the others it says, "I am a self-motivator, a self-starter, an individual that can take care of himself. I don't follow a herd, I am a leader, I know where I'm going!".

All just sheep eating grass and following mechanical urges pretending that they are not sheep, that they are not just following mechanical urges, and pretending that those urges are somehow "choices" or "qualities" or "virtues".

Then there is the flip-side to delusion of being more than you really are - we are attached to our own fears and "imperfections". Self-pity is the flip-side of self-importance, and is used for the same kinds of lies and rationalizations. In your case Cyre, it would be when you use something like "I felt like an outcast" as an excuse to rationalize any of your actions. You do "stuff", you have no idea why you do any of it, so you grasp for plausible-sounding rationalizations to try to explain the stuff you do. You still have no idea why you do it - but you cling to those lies/explanations because you WANT them to be true, otherwise you'd have to admit that you have no idea what you're doing or why, that you're just following mechanical urges without any deeper meaning or reason whatsoever. And this is exactly what those sheep are doing - they cannot accept that they are a bunch of sheep eating grass and absolutely NOTHING more than that. They simply cannot, otherwise they'd be forced to change. But they don't have the will to change, they are too comfortable with the lies, the truth is much too "painful" as it requires too much of them.

You cannot SEE and not DO. If you SEE you must DO. But DOing will destroy you - will destroy everything you "think" you are. This is a very horrible proposition to your mechanical self - which at the moment is all that you are. It is extremely easy to underestimate just how bad of a proposition it is, and how much power your mechanical self has over every aspect of your being - your thoughts, feelings, actions.

I think part of the problem here is you reading the cassiopaea website and participating in this forum. It gave you a false sense of security, you think just by virtue of reading the right things your awakening and SEEing is basically a natural result of that, that it'll just happen now that you found this place with little or no conscious effort on your part, without the battle and painful destruction of everything you are that esoteric writings tell us about. But it won't just happen, not at all, remember what Gurdjieff said, "consciousness cannot evolve unconsciously".

 

[Ruth]

I still don't get it, they're my friends, what motivates me to spend time with them? I tried putting that into words .... [snip] I'l admit it, I like my friends, I like spending time with them, when we hang out it feels like I belong.

Could it be the commonalities that drives a person to form friendships with other people or to hang out with certain people? I guess the problems start to occur when we don't actually LIKE some of those things inside of ourselves that we have in common with others.... It gives the feeling of something is quite right'...? And, if its not ourselves which 'isn't quite right', then THEY must be the problem, yes? It often comes as quite a shock to realise, that dealing with a problem starts with 'ownership' of our own problems and issues. That's pretty hard.

I was also constantly harassed in high school and did have a period where I hated god & the world. I was young and in pain and would like to think I grew out of it as I acquired more friends, and more social experience - could that be related?

Tell me, how does ANYONE grow out of the pain that they go through in their youth by acquiring more friends and social experience? I personally think that healing must come from within. Easier said than done, though. Ask anyone ... that's why they call it 'Work'.

 

[Renaissance]

Well, to give a little credit, I think Cyre is saying that he hopes what he's written is representing that he's listening - if just a little bit. Could it be hiding lies? Of course - however - do not underestimate the power of lies on each of us - and do not underestimate what it takes to begin to look at that on a very personal level.

I think your right Anart, that I underestimate these things. Perhaps I jump in these group mirrors as a means of avoiding my own. I rarely, if ever, post stories of my own experiences - perhaps to avoid the massive fear I have of my own lies - or perhaps more truthfully to avoid others seeing them since I cherish my 'knowledgeable' image so much. So the power of these lies obviously reaches deeper in me than I've recognized. I've been used to seeking indirect mirrors, finding shocks by applying what someone has said to another or to the group. These have at times been effective, but since they're all I've known it doesn't look like I have much to compare it with. I've also noticed I have built up quite a buffer to be able to feel 'enough is enough' and that I'm always in need of 'a little bit more' before I put my efforts into even attempting to DO something. The same could go for 'shock' seeking. This 'little bit more' is purely focused on a self-image, and I think might be quite dangerous; I would like to feel it though instead of thinking it. Thanks for the input.

 

[Oxajil]

Cyre2067:
I was also constantly harassed in high school and did have a period where I hated god & the world. I was young and in pain and would like to think I grew out of it as I acquired more friends, and more social experience - could that be related?

I think it could. Maybe those experiences are rooted deep and unconsciously and that it somehow might have effected your I's and maybe that's why you are acting the way you are. Cause we all act in some way right? There are people who might have been raped or hit when they were a child and this might also effect their behavior, but I don't know that much on how that goes in the brains, I think for that, the Psychology books would be good to read and then compare it to your situation and maybe share.
I also think that everything happens. Like Gurdjieff said:

“As I have said before, man's chief delusion is his conviction that he can do. All people think that they can do, all people want to do, and the first question all people ask is what they are to do. But actually nobody does anything and nobody can do anything. This is the first thing that must be understood. Everything happens. All that befalls a man, all that is done by him, all that comes from him—all this happens. And it happens in exactly the same way as rain falls as a result of a change in the temperature in the higher regions of the atmosphere or the surrounding clouds, as snow melts under the rays of the sun, as dust rises with the wind.
"Man is a machine. All his deeds, actions, words, thoughts, feelings, convictions, opinions, and habits are the results of external influences, external impressions. Out of himself a man cannot produce a single thought, a single action. Everything he says, does, thinks, feels—all this happens. Man cannot discover anything, invent anything. It all happens.
"To establish this fact for oneself, to understand it, to be convinced of its truth, means getting rid of a thousand illusions about man, about his being creative and consciously organizing his own life, and so on. There is nothing of this kind. Everything happens—popular movements, wars, revolutions, changes of government, all this happens. And it happens in exactly the same way as everything happens in the life of individual man. Man is born, lives, dies, builds houses, writes books, not as he wants to, but as it happens. Everything happens. Man does not love, hate, desire—all this happens. “

Here Gurdjieff says: [...] are the results of external influences, external impressions.

So those experiences, those external influences, you had at school could be (one of) the 'cause' to this/these behavior or maybe the way your I's have developed?

“And it happens in exactly the same way as rain falls as a result of a change in the temperature in the higher regions of the atmosphere or the surrounding clouds, as snow melts under the rays of the sun, as dust rises with the wind.”

---

Cyre2067:
the more I read and share the more I see blood on my hands. I can't not see it. If I'm gonna live I should have a beneficial effect on the rest of humanity, otherwise what's the point?

Gurdjieff said:

"The other and no less important side consists in the fact that it is very difficult for a man to keep silent about things that interest him. He would like to speak about them to everyone with whom he is accustomed to share his thoughts, as he calls it. This is the most mechanical of all desires and in this case silence is the most difficult abstinence of all. But if a man understands this or, at least, if he follows this rule, it will constitute for him the best exercise possible for self-remembering and for the development of will. Only a man who can be silent when it is necessary can be master of himself.
"But for many people it is very difficult to reconcile themselves to the thought that one of their chief characteristics consists in undue talkativeness, especially for people who are accustomed to regard themselves as serious or sound persons, or for those who regard themselves as silent persons who are fond of solitude and reflection. And for this reason this demand is especially important. In remembering about this and in carrying it out, a man begins to see sides of himself which he never noticed before.

Cyre2067: I am a 'social animal' and while it can be fun it's also annoying.

“[...] especially for people who are accustomed to regard themselves as serious or sound persons,[...]

---

SAO:
You cannot SEE and not DO. If you SEE you must DO. But DOing will destroy you - will destroy everything you "think" you are. This is a very horrible proposition to your mechanical self - which at the moment is all that you are. It is extremely easy to underestimate just how bad of a proposition it is, and how much power your mechanical self has over every aspect of your being - your thoughts, feelings, actions.

It's like there is an I inside of us who thinks that we are already there or almost are there and every single time this I shows up and when you notice he or she's wrong it Is a shock. So how can we know when we actually Do something? By Knowing we Did it? Not Forgetting what we did? Not Regretting what we did? Exactly know Why We did it? Would that be conscious? Would that be producing a 'single thought, a single action' ?

---

Ruth:
Tell me, how does ANYONE grow out of the pain that they go through in their youth by acquiring more friends and social experience? I personally think that healing must come from within. Easier said than done, though. Ask anyone ... that's why they call it 'Work'.

Ye I also agree that healing comes from within and of course also from the help of others. But I think that Cyre2067 was thinking WHY he likes to be all ''social'' with a lot of friends. And he was thinking his school-time could have been a possible reason. When for example someone is a very shy person and she finally wants to 'get' out and express herself, she might be able to do this when she would have a friend, so I think it does help in some way. But the thing is, who is being helped? The Machine? Cause this all just happens, so many thoughts blurred in one piece.

 

[Cyre2067]

At the hyperdimensional levels of being, negative entities understand certain rules which are that, in order for them to 'dominate' truly, the other must 'choose' to be dominated.

p249

The logical extension of this idea is that if the true negative agenda is to 'dominate' our reality, the only way they can really do it from those realms ... is to manipulate the mass conscienceness of our planet to choose this domination.

...agenda & mode of operation of the hyperdimensional controllers of the matrix... to create a completely artificial environment composed of thoroughly predictable human behaviors - made predictable because they have been programmed to respond to the cues of conditioning.

Read that on the flight this morning and it 'clicked.' That's me, and likely the whole rest of our species though the specifics as to how will vary from individual to individual. My 'social program' was fined tuned to include all the justifications and rationalizations thus displayed. Therefore to focus or dwell on those issues as opposed to seeing the deeper reality - that of choice, responsibility & 'intentional suffering' is to lie to myself, to accept the domination willingly, to choose STS.

p 113
A: Oh terry, the battle is always, it's when you choose that counts.

On one hand this was all known, I've read it all before & I've been told it repeatedly and I've always accepted it as truth. I think it's kinda how the C's will deliberately remain vague if someone isn't ready to hear something, my mind subconsciously selected the bits and pieces of the data I wanted to hear. It's only when we're ready to see it that a concept unveils itself, becoming awareness which is rooted in prior knowledge, thus yielding us the free will to choose an alternative. It's amazing how when I read ponerology I knew other people subconsciously selected and substituted data, but I had no inkling that I was doing it. In retrospect it's amazing how I missed it: being raising in America I'm ponerized, so all the descriptions he uses are equally applicable to myself as others.

Self-importance is also connected in a major way, and a lesson of mine has been non-interference in the lessons of others. I can't stand to see my friends and loved ones suffer.

p 155 We think our emotional reactions to the cruelties of others is evidence of our 'spiritual nature.'

Though here she's referring to her emotional reactions to Frank's manipulations it's as if I can see myself in her shoes, my drama a crude facsimile of hers. Instead of my desire to help others being a virtue, as I had believed, it is merely my own desire to be a Hero, driven by my narcissism, ego and self-importance. No doubt cartoons, movies and books were used to install the programming and I gobbled it all up.

By being around my friends, who obviously have no inclination for spiritual growth - and hoping to 'rub off ' or otherwise 'influence by association' I'm feeding their descent into STS. Only by dissociating and allowing them to learn their lessons at their own pace - can I truly help them a la STO. Further, by increasing my own free will I increase free will for all others.

Q: When you give pity, when you send love & light to those in darkness, or those who complain and want to be 'saved' without effort on their own part, when you are kind in the face of abuse and manipulation, that you essentially are giving power to their further disintegration or contraction into selfishness? that you are powering their descent into STS?
A: You know the answer!
Q: Yes. I have seen it over and over again. Were the individuals in our lives chosen for the extremely subtle nature of their abilities to evoke pity, or were we programmed to respond to pity so that we were blind to something that was obvious to other people?
A: Neither. You were selected to interact with those who would trigger a hypnotic response that would ultimately lead to a drain in energy.

Thus it is clear that, for my situation, I need to divorce myself from all my 'friends' that 'trigger a hypnotic response leading to a drain in energy,' unfortunately there are many more of them then I wanted to consider such. Since I am aware of it, and they are not, I have to be the 'adult' and say 'no.' What I've been doing is to turn off my phone during times I can expect them to call, this was fairly effective last week after I got shocked, but by no means did I succeed 100% of the time. As I'm in Albuquerque for the weekend it will give me time to pause, reflect and read - giving me awareness and thus a smidge of free will to endure solitude when I return, osit. There's also the question as to how to do it strategically, I've had some excuses lined up - I was sleeping/reading/my phone was on silent - and those work for now.

Either the challenge will be doing this in PA or moving to Albuquerque & remaining aware of it as the matrix introduces new 'hypnotic vectors.' I'm not even sure if my suppositions are accurate, or if they're still the ravings of a machine with which everything 'happens'. I guess the question is how one makes the jump from being a machine to acquiring free will? I've supposed it is gathering knowledge that yields awareness and thus giving you the 'choice' to stop 'dancing with the devil' so to speak. I guess only time will tell.

We can only be mechanical as long as we're still not aware of what we really are. You think you're aware because you read Gurdjieff and this site, but you're not, "awareness" is different than casual acknowledgment because it makes sense. Awareness requires active and conscious SEEing, only then can you say you are aware. But SEEing forces you to DO, and this is what we're so afraid of.

Is it sort of like the scenario I have described? Where the choice is revealed?

Then there is the flip-side to delusion of being more than you really are - we are attached to our own fears and "imperfections". Self-pity is the flip-side of self-importance, and is used for the same kinds of lies and rationalizations. In your case Cyre, it would be when you use something like "I felt like an outcast" as an excuse to rationalize any of your actions. You do "stuff", you have no idea why you do any of it, so you grasp for plausible-sounding rationalizations to try to explain the stuff you do. You still have no idea why you do it - but you cling to those lies/explanations because you WANT them to be true, otherwise you'd have to admit that you have no idea what you're doing or why, that you're just following mechanical urges without any deeper meaning or reason whatsoever. And this is exactly what those sheep are doing - they cannot accept that they are a bunch of sheep eating grass and absolutely NOTHING more than that. They simply cannot, otherwise they'd be forced to change. But they don't have the will to change, they are too comfortable with the lies, the truth is much too "painful" as it requires too much of them.

Pity me! I'm an outcast! Heh, it's kind of apropos that Laura writes alienation in book 6:

The questions "what is an alienated person?" and "what is the philosophical significance of alienation?" are two entirely different order of questions, and a failure to recognize this fact breeds confusion. What is this thing that SETI is calling "alienation?" How does it come about? What is its constitution, origin and history? What is the importance of alienation?

First of all, we want to exclude what may be truly 'pathological alienation', which expresses itself as destructive acts undertaken against the shortcomings of our culture. These destructive acts can include felonious behavior as well as self-destructive processes, including self-medicated escape into drugs and alcohol, magical thinking, etc. Here we are interested in alienation as a process of expanding the dictionary of reality from the juvenile dictionary (to) one that defines our environment. Do we view our reality as a Cartoon World where all the characters suffer all kinds of dreadful experiences which are instantly erased from view and memory in the next frame, or, have we acquired a more spiritually adult perception of the realities of life that tell us that when a huge boulder is dropped on the character, he will be crushed and will not reappear in the next frame without a wrinkle or a bruise. Are we living our lives as Comic Book Characters, or as Response-Able Perceivers of a broader reality?

The answer to the first question - what is an alienated person - amounts to an existential judgment. How a person becomes "Alienated" can simply be a matter of historical fact. We can learn the facts of that person's life, and we can learn what that person thinks from what they say or write. Based on this information, we may decide that they are alienated because they have suffered trauma.

The answer to the second - what is the philosophical significance - is a proposition of value; in other words, a spiritual judgment. What alienation ultimately means in this sense can only be deduced in terms of the record of the inner experiences of the soul wrestling with the crises of fate.

So my alienation was pathological, the way I deal was to seek friends and self medicate, whether it be with alcohol, movies, video games or simply hanging out pretending we're all 'hot stuff.' - Triggering hypnotic responses that ultimately lead to a drain in energy.

She continues and on p 131 we see that:

The alienated person has extarordinary emotional susceptibility. HIs conceptions tend to pass immediately into action; and when he gets a new idea, he has no rest until he either tells it, or 'works it off.' The ordinary person asks 'what shall i think of this?' The alienated person asks 'What must I do about it?' Such people are not critics and commentators; their ideas take hold of them, and they do something.

In the alienated person, we find the emotionality that is the condito sine qua non of the moral perceptionl there is intensity and a tendency to emphasis which are the essence of moral vigor and virtue; and we find the love of mystiscism and metaphysics that lift the person beyond the surface of the ordinary world of the five senses. In short, the alienated temperament furnishes the chief condition of receptivity to higher states of being.

C's: Emotion that limits is an impediment to progress. Emotion is also necessary to make progress in 3rd density. It is natural. When you begin to seperate limiting emotions base don assumptions from emotions that open one to unlimited possibilities, that means you are preparing for the next density.

Thus I'm charged with separating my feelings of deficiency, in adequacy etc. to those that lead me towards actions which can benefit the species. Empathy, sympathy, love for all those who suffer and the will to do that comes with it, osit.

You cannot SEE and not DO. If you SEE you must DO. But DOing will destroy you - will destroy everything you "think" you are. This is a very horrible proposition to your mechanical self - which at the moment is all that you are. It is extremely easy to underestimate just how bad of a proposition it is, and how much power your mechanical self has over every aspect of your being - your thoughts, feelings, actions.

That's it exactly. I want to destroy my mechanical self, to 'die' metaphorically speaking so I can be a 'real boy.' It is interesting to observe myself when I turn off my phone. How many times I feel empty & alone. How I pity myself! And then to catch that feeling and to stare at it unblinking and to know it is 'not real' just as I am not real. It always amazes me how strange the goings on of this place are, and how that feeling catches me at seemingly random times.

I think part of the problem here is you reading the cassiopaea website and participating in this forum. It gave you a false sense of security...

Thats definitely a part of it. But more then that, I convinced myself I was 'capped' by not being in the discussion group, and in a sense I was, but in another I have the forum and I haven't been utilizing it as a surrogate as much as I should have, osit.

Could it be the commonalities that drives a person to form friendships with other people or to hang out with certain people?

Oh but of course! However I think that the 'hypnotic response that ultimately leads to a drain in energy' is more the deeper reality behind it.

Hope that gives an indication of where I'm at, to everyone else that replied thanks for your thoughts, I'm considering everything said carefully.

 

[Niall]

Instead of my desire to help others being a virtue, as I had believed, it is merely my own desire to be a Hero, driven by my narcissism, ego and self-importance. No doubt cartoons, movies and books were used to install the programming and I gobbled it all up.

I had a recurring dream as a young child: I'm wearing a superman-like costume (flowing cape and all!) flying/hovering above my school. There is an explosion/fire in the school and I set about rescuing my friends and the teachers.

Now when I initially became more aware in recent years of deeper layers to reality, I 'closed the circuit' with respect to this dream and assumed that it was a premonition of a purpose for being here and set about 'doing the hero thing' of waking others...

Then I found SOTT and eventually realised I am a sheep dreaming that he is a superhero.

I guess the question is how one makes the jump from being a machine to acquiring free will?

I think that while there are jumps along the way, anticipating an all-important moment where you leap from machine to one-with-free-will is counterproductive to taking baby steps. You will only be disappointed with each step that does not show you signs and wonders and return to the 'devil-you-know.'

Thus it is clear that, for my situation, I need to divorce myself from all my 'friends' that 'trigger a hypnotic response leading to a drain in energy,' unfortunately there are many more of them then I wanted to consider such. Since I am aware of it, and they are not, I have to be the 'adult' and say 'no.' What I've been doing is to turn off my phone during times I can expect them to call, this was fairly effective last week after I got shocked, but by no means did I succeed 100% of the time. As I'm in Albuquerque for the weekend it will give me time to pause, reflect and read - giving me awareness and thus a smidge of free will to endure solitude when I return, osit. There's also the question as to how to do it strategically, I've had some excuses lined up - I was sleeping/reading/my phone was on silent - and those work for now.

I found that when pushed on why I wasn't hanging out anymore, by being as honest and straightforward with friends (less so family) as each temperament would allow, most were 'turned-off' from me, but those that remained have become true friends.