I have just reviewed this thread and made numerous face palms with my answer. I was funny!
I now appreciate and understood most of the responses made here. Thank you! It was a wonderful review for me.
Can I just ask how do you create the balance with keeping up with the forum and with our day to day lives? I have seen this as a struggle and sometimes become too absorbed of my personal issues/lessons.
I think the same amount of energy of worry in my issues is the same energy I could use that instead of worrying over my life which gets me stressed, I could turn it into something less stressful like networking here?
How do you find the balance of learning about the truth of the world where it's just enough to make sure you do not also neglect your own lessons?
I think it's really up to each of us to decide how much to give to each aspect of our lives. It's a great practice to check in, take a good long look at one's life, sort of a grand overview, and see if you're out of balance in some way. One problem I've had recently was addiction to the internet. So when I'm on my A-game, I set a timer when I'm on the computer. If it means I'm on the forum less, so be it. Balance always means sacrificing one thing for another.
There's a few hints from the C's that may give you some food for thought with regards to the seeming paradox of working on one's issues (which can be seen as selfish) and striving for true empathy (selflessness or service) :
And from May 10, 2014:
Q: (L) Can anybody think of another question to get me where I want to go here? (shellycheval) As individuals, what’s the single most important thing we should do to Do, and to not try, but to actually take actions? What can we do to motivate ourselves as individuals? Is there something we can say or do…?
A: Service to others. Notice that the people with the most problems that always talk only about themselves and their troubles, are the ones who do and give the least. They do not have confidence in the universal law of LIFE: Get things moving and you create a vacuum in your life into which energy can flow.
Q: (L) So, basically what you’re saying is that people should think of it as a kind of a law that when you… maybe like the old biblical expression: “Cast your bread on the waters, and after many days, it will return to you” sort of thing? Just do it, and keep doing it without anticipation?
A: Absolutely! And it is true and works. Just notice people who do and give a lot: Are they spending time focused on the self? No!
Q: (L) Yeah, but everybody’s got wounds and issues and all that kind of thing to work on. I mean…
A: [letters come very quickly] Balance! A portion of a day can be spent on reflection, but not too much. This is the Wetiko Virus: obsession with the self and subjective personal issues. The next time you feel yourself slipping into despair, just tell others how you are feeling and think of something you can do for another to prevent them from suffering the same feelings. [letters come more slowly now] Thus you will witness the birth of true empathy.
But it is also important to take care of what is directly in front of you, and the C's gave a short list in order of importance:
Aug 23, 2014:
Q: (L) Okay, is there any final bit of advice, or any last thing to say before we shut down for the night?
A: Just work daily at becoming more aware on three levels
1. Body and immediate environment,
2. Wider world affairs,
3. Cosmos and spirit.
Q: (L) Shouldn’t “spirit” go with “Body and immediate environment”?
A: No, it is via the first steps that one achieves cosmic consciousness.
Q: (L) I don’t understand.
(Chu) You have to work on the body and environment, and then understand the wider world at first. And then you can develop cosmic consciousness and spirit.
(L) Oooh. So in other words, to achieve cosmic consciousness, i.e. true spiritual advancement, you have to expand your field of vision to be very wide?
A: Exactly. Those who suggest that you must look only within live in a singular bubble.
To complicate things, there's also the ideas of Gurdjieff, which is basically that in order to grow in Being, one must become way more selfish - but selfish in a conscious way. One concrete example of this is assertiveness training. Picture someone who has very poor boundaries. They are giving, giving, giving - all the time - but they do so mechanically. They can't say no. They think they are STO, telling themselves a wonderful story about how caring they are. But in reality, they fear conflict, they fear disapproval, and they fear who they truly are. The one who is giving all the time is a false personality, ruled by fear. Assertiveness training and learning to assert boundaries, for me at least, has been a practice of becoming consciously selfish, being more authentic, and not allowing fear of disapproval or rejection control my behaviours.
On a broader scale, focusing on yourself, and your relationship with the Work, is paramount, and should be the main criterion for all decisions. I think this is absolutely the case, because we won't be able to help anyone unless we first learn to help ourselves. In the same way, it's hard to learn to love others if we do not first learn to love ourselves. Kinda like this bit from the Tao:
Ch. 33
Whoever relies on the Tao in governing men
doesn't try to force issues
or defeat enemies by force of arms.
For every force there is a counterforce.
Violence, even well intentioned,
always rebounds upon oneself.
The Master does his job
and then stops.
He understands that the universe
is forever out of control,
and that trying to dominate events
goes against the current of the Tao.
Because he believes in himself,
he doesn't try to convince others.
Because he is content with himself,
he doesn't need others' approval.
Because he accepts himself,
the whole world accepts him.
So when the inner Work has progressed to a certain degree - which usually means identifying the lies we tell ourselves, and radically changing our thinking to orient towards the truth, intentional suffering and doing what we don't like because it's good for us - then outer Work comes much more naturally. OSIT.
But in what way are you focusing on yourself? What's going on in the inner Work? That's always the burning question! From what you've written, I think something you could probably experiment with is to transition away from
worrying about your issues, and meet them with a different energy. Worrying is different than thinking carefully about an issue, and taking concrete steps to correct it, right? Growing in knowledge about this or that issue, and then acting on it, will probably stop the drain and your energy will accumulate, which is a way of loving yourself, thus 'filling your cup', maybe in preparation for true giving. Of course, sometimes it feels more like lighting a freakin' bonfire inside, but you get the drift.