From the time that I began to more seriously search for truth I became more and more introverted and I lost all interest in mundane everyday small talk.
Yes, I think we all go through that and in a sense we acquire a bit of apathy for the world because our way of looking at things changes. It's okay to start looking for more meaningful things but without despising the old burnt out life/wood and keep the fire of curiosity alive. Part of the trance but without discarding the desire to continue experimenting no matter how "superficial" things seem to us. Not to experience, is not to live and not to live is to close ourselves to lessons.
"Acquire and collect knowledge of all kinds and forms, in order to have a database complete enough to draw conclusions about the observations we make of our environment."
Let's say that you still maintain your values, recognize your urge to be " intelligent" or clever as you put it to protect yourself, but use this to your advantage.
Keeping in mindthe external consideration I don't know if "middle ground" is the right term. Because the best thing to do is to control our impulses and as we already know that is the first thing that always gets us into trouble, the lack of control that leads us to live always in extremes according to our demands. But to understand what actions follow within the mechanics of what "makes me feel good" is to fight in favor of your destiny because you would have the knowledge to differentiate that self-deception and therefore protect yourself.
And in my case, at least for me, "middle ground" has not worked because at some point in the interaction, you have to be objective and if you are dealing with people who are not very receptive or completely opposite, you are toast. Especially if the other person's way of seeing and doing things goes beyond you basic principles and values. For example, if you are being as honest as possible, or you are one of those who dialogues to find common ground and the other person just says their four cuss words and turns their back or changes what you say in their favor, there is no way there can be a middle ground.
Depending on the circumstances, you can't turn off for others, because others are vampires if it burns them, let them burn. I think it sounds a little "radical", but if your life depends on it... what will you do?
But you can have "friends" on different levels. Maybe that what you see in you as a narcissist is just nonexpresed part of yourself that need to be recognized and integrated in your life. And maybe this part of you when expressed with awareness can bring to you more people that you can now imagine. Potential real friends even.
I don't know, to tell you the truth, I don't know and I don't see it now. I don't understand yet how to "Integrate" what, at least with more subtle and difficult to see aspects. I understand the theory but I do not know how to apply it in practice.
What I do know is that when there is not a total and honest commitment to balancing energy, blockages occur. We always talk about "I attract this or that" but we don't see the opposite direction as well, that we are the attraction of another person with the same pending issue placed in front of us like mirrors even with someone more disfigured than you and if you look closely at that mirror then you will be frightened enough to take action.
to steal energy, distract you from your goal but there's the lesson... Ulysses and the cave of Calypso Nymph... we must remember our goal is to reach Ithaca.
