BHelmet said:
The choice to not have a child could also be viewed as selfish. What if there is a soul who wants to enter this world to be here for the amazing transition? I don't think we necessarily have children for our own satisfaction. We can have a child to serve that soul. Perhaps that soul has some karmic need to be incarnated at this time? I guess you have to look carefully at your own motivations to have another child. People have had children throughout all times in history - through the dark times and in stressful environments as well as in lands of milk and honey. This still goes on. I am sure there are still people in Greece and Africa having babies. It depends on your true and honest intent. It depends on your lesson profile. What is your destiny in this life?
Apart from what others have said, there is also the possibility which was given by the Cs once, that "you get what you can get" when you come into this world. Say for example that you are a soul in transit, and you need a certain genetic combination, but that the family you will be born into is horrible in many aspects. Well, you get what you can get. So, just because a child is born, it doesn't necessarily mean that they CHOSE those parents in the full sense of the word. Maybe they saw that you may be "good" for them to learn really tough lessons, or simply for a genetic profile, or for selfish reasons because those souls haven't had enough of this density.
People having babies in different countries in dire straits does not prove that it's not selfish. You may say it doesn't disprove it either. But I think that when it comes down to it, it's not about "the gift of life", and "souls". Otherwise, people would decide to adopt one of the thousand children who have been abandoned and need care.
I have always wanted children, and sometimes the biological pull is REALLY strong. In order to get over it, I remember that I have made life decisions that a child would be born into, already at a disadvantage because he or she wasn't part of that decision originally. What if that baby doesn't want to do the Work, to live a life like mine? Until they grow up, they wouldn't have much choice not to be part of it. Then, even if things were to stay pretty stable and not change much from what they are now, I get terrified at the idea that the children may be taken by a psycho social worker just because I don't want to send them to school, give them vaccines, etc. Then, imagining that all the above doesn't happen (I do my very best, the system doesn't take them away, and the children have also chosen to be born and adhere to my not-so-standard worldview), as much as I may do my very best, I KNOW that it is very likely that I'll damage them somehow, even if I'm really lucky to live with people who would be the best family those children could have and good role models in the areas I may mess up with (that also puts pressure on them, so another reason!). I have yet to know one single person who actually received the type of love they wanted, and I don't think I am conscious and aware enough to be utterly selfless, and be able to listen and act based on what that being's real needs are. And, even if that wasn't so bad, there are other people to consider who may have a bad influence in them. Society as it is can be very damaging, as we know. But then, choosing to make your children live in a protected bubble doesn't allow them to learn from life either. AND, with what we have learned about epigenecis, mycoplasma and infections (I recommend you use he search function to find threads about this, EMA), for example, I also hesitate because I don't want my children to have to suffer in their physical bodies more than is necessary, and until my partner and I have done our very best to be as healthy as possible, and that in and of itself, is very hard to achieve after years of damage.
So, there are many factors to consider. I too hope that one day it will be possible. But for the time being, I choose to try to "channel" that maternal instinct in smaller things, in learning and sharing what I learn, in "mothering" others when I see someone wounded, and hope that if not in this life, then in another one I will experience being a mother. And that if there are some souls I am linked to who are "waiting", that they understand that I am trying my best now to be a better mom for them in the future, to make a tiny difference in the world so that when they DO come, they don't have to be born in "hell". That many things I do, I do for them, even if we may not physically meet this time around. I also try to not make it about MY potential children, but about ALL children. That means sacrificing MY wants, MY desire to have a child and experience motherhood, based on the faith I have in what we do here and on the importance of becoming a better person. Does that mean that I am thus avoiding the lesson involved in being a mother? Certainly, but of all the lessons I could avoid, I'd rather avoid the one that would affect and potentially hurt other beings the most. I DON'T WANT to avoid it. I would LOVE to be a mother. It takes a lot of will and reasoning not to go ahead. Gurdjieff spoke about the importance of "doing what IT doesn't like", so all that indicates that it's probably what I need to refrain from (at least for now), for the sake of those children, and to keep doing what I'm doing, as little as it may be in the larger scheme of things, and as much as the decision is the hardest I make every day.
You haven't really participated here, and it may be different for you, EMA. It is a hard decision. You have to make it, but I hope you make it by being as honest and well informed as you can be. The question I would ask myself if I were you (based on that post of yours that Casper quoted from) and already had a child, would be, "why a second child?" Is it because I have made my first son the center of my universe and I subconsciously fear that him growing up will leave me without a "mission" in life? (That's to put it in the least narcissistic terms possible!).
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