Dear cindyj,
"Maybe I'm just kidding myself when I say I'm trying to be externally considerate, when really, I'm just reluctant to put my bootie on the line in cyberspace! "
Maybe. I think you know the answer. :)
I say this because I have struggled with this as well, but if I am honest with myself know why I have not posted too much.
One question struck me when reading your post about wanting to help. What would "help" look like? What YOU want when you think of help? Or what the other person NEEDS if even that is not directly asked for?
This seems crucial for do we know HOW to offer HELP? I can only say that for me it surrounds the willingness to be of service yet that is predicated upon understanding, at least in part, the way I work and the tricky machinations of the mind.
For instance you suggest that we think about our tone from time to time. I agree that communication is important, especially in cyber-space, for how do I know what inflections or meanings behind your words is intended? In other words, do I LISTEN to myself as well as others or only HEAR what I THINK they are saying and then react based upon assumptions?
The truth be told most of my lack of posting is due to thinking I grasp what someone else might be saying (and then keeping quiet because of wanting to avoid conflict) when in actual fact I may have missed it by a mile what they were TRULY saying! In my defense I also see how easily I can go from pillar to post (the pendulum effect, and I am joking about 'defense') but as there IS an argumentative side of me I have decided that what is right for me is to LEARN what is really behind or CAUSING this "opposition" stance? An easy way to say it is that the MIND is running rampant! :O Another way is as G says that there are "many I's" and one morning it is "this" self and another it is "that" self. Another way of saying it is pure & simple laziness.
:(
So working towards embracing, rather than trying to ignore or shun, these aspects seems to be the way to strengthening and fusing one.
"I would encourage everyone to think a bit about their tone before posting-- we all get annoyed from time to time, but practicing kindness and compassion is surely a better solution whenever possible."
Please don't take me as "protecting" the blunt replies. No, wait, let me rephrase that and not come off as being apologetic. SOMETIMES when dealing with EGO you can NOT fight ego with niceties!
To me it seems about BALANCE. Knowing when to use the HAMMER and when to use the feather.
One technique I find helpful in this is FIRST bringing it back to myself, in other words, the mirror principle. If someone is providing what appears to be a reflection of arrogance (note I say APPEARS to be, in that this is what has drawn my attention) then where in myself am I behaving arrogantly? By working with this arrogance in myself it may be that I then THANK the other person with gratitude for showing me what I could not see on my own. THEN, if I have addressed the arrogance in myself, am I able to confront this type of behaviour for I think that by and large none of us can ALLOW arrogance to "reign supreme" in either ourselves OR others for it is in fact quite destructive and harmful to ALL concerned.
But what I have learned from experience that is NOT helpful is to then BLAME the other person for showing me a reflection of my stinking self! LOL. Or in the words of Christ:
"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to
remove the speck from your brother's eye."
In reading the RA and Cassiopaean Transcripts what stands out just now related to all this is how if we start to view the world as "other selves" or rather reflections of the one self then we can actually be grateful for the "anger" or the "fear" or the whatever and in fact only by BEING appreciative, that is remaining positive, in the face of adversity do we find our way.
For if the work were EASY then EVERYONE would be "doing" it so somehow it seems, to me anyways, that challenges are necessary in order to not only "test our mettle" as it were, but also to gain an ever-increasing insight into perception.
My thoughts anyways.
Oh, and Cindy is it? :)
Pleased to meet you,
:D
With kind regards,
Avi
cindyj said:
Dear Slowone (and All),
As someone else who has habitually stopped herself from posting what might be considered "noise" to others-- anything that might be considered self-important or critical of another's posting, I can completely understand your perspective. Even though I joined the forum in 2007 (but really started reading materials before then-- probably since 2003-4?) I have contributed less than 20 posts so far! Does that make me a "fringe" member? Perhaps. Maybe I'm just kidding myself when I say I'm trying to be externally considerate, when really, I'm just reluctant to put my bootie on the line in cyberspace! But mostly, I think I am just waiting for the right opportunity to help-- so many out there are already posting such insightful replies. However, I remain continually grateful for the work of SOTT and QFS and all of you working toward STO.
The one thing I have often held back saying, which I think Laura touched on a bit, was that a gentler approach can be beneficial. I too, have winced while reading a blunt reply to someone's possibly un-enlightened posting. I would encourage everyone to think a bit about their tone before posting-- we all get annoyed from time to time, but practicing kindness and compassion is surely a better solution whenever possible.
I guess if I'm not allowed to see certain forum topics because of my posting inactivity, so be it. Still, I'm grateful for what is available. And I'm not planning to post just to increase my "rating", either. But this subject has actually caused me to re-analyze my inactivity. Mercury in retrotrade?...!
BTW, just happened to find "Women Who Run with the Wolves" at a garage sale last weekend-- good advice from the C's! :)