Advice please re "critical" posting

[Z...]

Alphonse,
Hold your horses ( emotions ;) )
I think you didnt understand properly.
Laura suggested a special place for mirroring and working on negative emotions. This can be very intense and often involves sharing of our darkest and deepest secrets therefore it cannot be done in environment which is accessible to just anyone who happens to register on this forum. Unfortunately we had a fair share of different trolls and generally not well intended individuals on this forum.
Hope this clarifies.
Please do not get discouraged and continue to post, this is the only way you can achieve some progress.

 

[Laura]

Now I am really confused.

I must have misunderstood this entire thread, I thought it was about the members who find posting difficult, looking for the support and encouragement to do so.

Don't be confused! That IS how it began, but then it sort of drifted to a little side discussion of people who need to vent without getting a mirror...

As for people who are afraid of posting, I hope that this fear will dissipate with our new "gentler and incremental" approach.

 

[Laura]

In fact, now that I see that I can select who reads what boards, I'm even wondering if some of the really intense boards ought to be restricted, too?

 

[gaman]

Regarding expressing negative emotions, this thread has given me the idea that we might want to create a separate forum for that and call it "The Swamp" or "Slough of Despond" or something like that. This will give the members a place where they can go and vent. They can announce at the beginning of their post whether they want a mirror or just want to blow off steam. I don't know if this is a good idea or not; I'd like some feedback.

I think this idea would be good as an experiment in several ways. In addition to some of those stated, it could possibly help expose trends in our thinking that could then be analyzed by the more advanced members of the group to further tune the processes of cleansing and advancement.

On the other hand, it has been extremely beneficial to me to be blindsided by some shocks (they have changed my life) of mirroring. Also the "pressure" and obligation to interact in quality ways (i.e. reading all previous posts first, trying to think clearly and actually add something while posting, etc.) also helps to reinforce in me to try to treat external life in the same way. It is learning on several levels.

But, I sort of thought the "What's on your mind" area was similar to the purpose of the new area you are considering.

 

[slowone]

In fact, now that I see that I can select who reads what boards, I'm even wondering if some of the really intense boards ought to be restricted, too?

Fwiw I like being able to see the whole forum.

I would be really concerned that my original post had then gone on to create a sort of split in the forum those with all access and those with restricted. This original post has been my most difficult to date, but if I hadn't been aware of what other people were capable of would I have been able to see my lack?

I don't know just a thought.

 

[alphonse]

Hello Corto,

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply and for trying to help me understand better, and not least, for encouraging me to post further, which is after all the point.

I do understand though, that the more experienced posters would benefit from the space to discuss negative emotions free from those that may have nefarious intentions, but maybe 1000 posts ago you may have felt as I do now, that all of us, that are genuinely here to learn and develop would also appreciate that space too.

The very fact that you (very gently, thank you) mention my emotions in the first line of your response, goes some way to underlining the point I tried to make, that for relative newcomers to posting, putting our toe in the water is opening ourselves up to all sorts of feedback from anyone who wants to give it, and that can be very daunting indeed.

I am lucky, that it was you, as you are as I said before, one of the posters in a group of members who as a newer member I look to, to set the tone of the forum.

But, we too, as new comers, are also exposed to the trollers and the baiters, but I guess our fellow members and the moderators are there to help us and I for one am willing to place my trust in that.

Being new to posting, is not the same as being new to the forum, and not the same as being new to the Work either, but I do understand that it is necessary for me to be involved and an opportunity to be stretched and challenged in the process of progressing in the Work and examining my Programmes .

Most importantly, I trust the Forum, and Laura who has repeated that the Forum will be a more “gentle and incremental” place in the future, though I hope, still maintaining the challenges and lessons that we need to face to develop in the Work. I guess each time I post here, even on this reply to you, I am taking a small step and progressing a little further.


Thank you again, and to Laura too for your words encouragement,

 

[anart]

Just to clarify, I'm not saying that we are giving up "mirroring" entirely since it is very useful and helpful, but I think that it needs to be done incrementally and perhaps more gently. But then, sometimes, even when it is very gentle, the individual has a sharp reaction that is all out of proportion to the situation.

It may be that some people have extremely sensitive genetic substrata that make them particularly sensitive to this "brain pain" and thus, even though they are quite intelligent, they simply cannot tolerate the suffering they experience if they do not "think as they were taught to think" under some particular situation as a child or during some particular event when their thinking processes were formed or re-formed. On this topic, you might wish to have a look at my article on Transmarginal Inhibition. Also, have a look at this one: Transmarginal Inhibition: Chronic Fatigue and Childhood Abuse Linked in CDC Study

I just want to chime in here because this is so important to understand, especially as it relates to this forum and 'mirroring'. Receiving an objective mirror is a very, very powerful thing and a very powerful way to learn - for some people; those capable of withstanding the shock and utilizing that heat in a beneficial way. For other people, however, it can 'shut them down', even to the extent of preventing further progress - and this is part of the reason why we're consciously adapting our approach here on the forum, in an attempt to reach and help more people. As Laura mentioned, this does not mean that 'mirroring' will stop all together - it won't, it's too important and powerful a tool to be utilized as part of the awakening process. It simply means that we'll be taking a more comprehensive approach that will allow for these differences in sensitivity and, thus, allow us to benefit more people - times a' wastin'! :)

For those of you who are so reticent to post in general, there really is nothing to lose by diving in, and Everything to gain.

 

[Bluestar]

Thank you Slowone for starting this thread. Thanks to Laura and all who have shared info and feelings.

Being on this forum for only about 7 months I have been reading not only the forum, but have read trough some of the suggested materials. There is so much to read and catch up on that when I do finally finish a thread, I as well am reluctant to post at times. One reason is that much of what I felt and wanted to say was already stated. Two, my feelings of being in preschool and that what I may have to say will somehow be taken out of context or that what I write will not be good enough for this group. I believe this all goes for me under the "self importance" mode of thinking. Will I be liked by people? Always has this been an issue for me. Being so uncomfortable with confrontation to the point, at times, I become agreeable even though I may disagree. This may be because somewhere within, I feel that spending the amount of energy needed to deal with the confrontation is not worth it or it goes back to the person or people that I have to confront will not like me in the end? Not all that sure that it is not both and more.

When I do post something I find myself eager and anxious at the same time when I go to the thread to see if someone has commented on what I wrote. Crazy!

Other times I have difficulties in expressing here, just what I want to say exactly. There have been so many posts of enlightening and knowledgeable perspectives that I often sit and read and think to myself, why can I not express myself like that? Still working on this, even as I write these words.

In understanding that members with more then 50 posts are only able to get into some parts of the forum, there is an agreement here for me because initiation and trust must come into place regarding protection to forum members. Though if I was unable to read this post it may have taken me longer to feel comfortable enough to post what I have.

So after reading, editing and rereading (not forgetting to spell check) what I have wrote I will post it with much gratitude that I am afforded the chance to do so.

 

[combsbt]

A sub-forum dedicated to a more sensitive approach is a good idea, however,

Okay, I've created the board. I thought that Corto's suggestion was good so limited it to "Padawan Learners" and above - that is a minimum of 50 posts. That should help to keep out flamers and trolls...

I'm not so sure this is the best approach. Sure it may keep out trolls and flamers, but it seems that what people need is a more sensitive introduction to the material. These people may not make it through 50 posts of "bluntness". Also there are many here who do not post much but read a lot and learn a lot from these other discussions. These people would probably benefit from being active in the discussions in this sub-forum, or at least from reading them. Is there a way to make it visible to all but restrict posting abilities? It doesn't seem your posting restriction has worked properly anyways, the first post is by someone with 44 posts. Also, any restrictions on how many posts someone has made may place more importance on quantity than quality, adding unnecessary noise.

 

[Z...]

Hello Corto,

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply and for trying to help me understand better, and not least, for encouraging me to post further, which is after all the point.

I do understand though, that the more experienced posters would benefit from the space to discuss negative emotions free from those that may have nefarious intentions, but maybe 1000 posts ago you may have felt as I do now, that all of us, that are genuinely here to learn and develop would also appreciate that space too.

The very fact that you (very gently, thank you) mention my emotions in the first line of your response, goes some way to underlining the point I tried to make, that for relative newcomers to posting, putting our toe in the water is opening ourselves up to all sorts of feedback from anyone who wants to give it, and that can be very daunting indeed.

I am lucky, that it was you, as you are as I said before, one of the posters in a group of members who as a newer member I look to, to set the tone of the forum.

But, we too, as new comers, are also exposed to the trollers and the baiters, but I guess our fellow members and the moderators are there to help us and I for one am willing to place my trust in that.

Being new to posting, is not the same as being new to the forum, and not the same as being new to the Work either, but I do understand that it is necessary for me to be involved and an opportunity to be stretched and challenged in the process of progressing in the Work and examining my Programmes .

Most importantly, I trust the Forum, and Laura who has repeated that the Forum will be a more “gentle and incremental” place in the future, though I hope, still maintaining the challenges and lessons that we need to face to develop in the Work. I guess each time I post here, even on this reply to you, I am taking a small step and progressing a little further.


Thank you again, and to Laura too for your words encouragement,

Hi Alphonse,
My experience was slightly different. When I first came to forum I wasn't afraid to post. I was participating on other forum in my language for a while and I just took a plunge here. The result was pretty traumatic at times - ( for example check out Sun Gazing thread on Health subforum) but overall I am glad this was my path as I would probably still be clueless about certain aspects of my machine if I didn't go this way.

It seems to me you opened yourself very nicely even without the Swamp which proves my point that you don't really need the Swamp immediately.

By the time you made 50 posts you are familiar with the forum and the whole process of work, feel its dynamics and you will be more ready for some serious mirroring.
In addition there is another important factor - its much easier to share your dark side and deep stuff with people who you "know" and "feel" from their posts. Its not easy to be completely naked in the environment accessible to just any lurker who comes to the forum. Trust me when you become part of this process you will appreciate my point much more then now.

Of course number of posts doesn't mean a thing. Everyone's path is different, even close to 1000 posts sometimes I was no better then the newbie. In my particular case the process was very difficult and painful, even with gargantuan efforts from Laura and the team it took me some extra time to face my demons. And the process is still ongoing. OSIT

In any case I hope you get the picture. The best advice I can give you Alphonse is -Don't forget you are in the safe and gentle environment here - Just relax and post within reasonable limits. When I say reasonable limits, first always check if you are true to yourself, secondly always feel the forum dynamics and eliminate noise as much as you can. This way you will flow with the forum energy and everything will naturally fall in its place. Even the mirrors, if you start flowing with the forum - you will get them , no matter how cautious you are -and you will get them at exactly the right moment you need them.

But remember whatever you do, do not loosen your grip on the life lines - that's us. All of us on this forum. I see this network as life lines for people who drift in the ocean with no land in sight.

 

[mada85]

Okay, I've created the board. I thought that Corto's suggestion was good so limited it to "Padawan Learners" and above - that is a minimum of 50 posts. That should help to keep out flamers and trolls...

Wow. Thank you very much, Laura. Having the board limited to PLs and above is a good idea. It makes the new board feel safer, at least for me. I’ve read the points regarding this raised by others in this thread, and I think Corto’s explanation sums it up very well.

 

[Ollie]

Thank you slowone for starting this post. I know that this reply goes back a few posts, before the idea of the Child board, however I have to do it.

This question, problem, of making posts has been vexing me too, in fact, before recently getting laid low (mentally) with a die-off reaction – which meant that I was lurking, and going through the motions of reading the posts, with no inclination to comment or anything – I was researching the forum on posts about procrastination (chief feature), being a loner, and ways to actively become involved in the forum; to get out of my present situation.

Today I took deliver of the book, Women Who Run with Wolves, and on scanning the Contents came across the chapter heading ‘Finding One’s Pack: Belonging as a Blessing’. This, together with your posts spurred me into action. And, time is short to build the Ark.

I’d like to share the notes I’d previously made, based on my forum searches. I apologize in advance for not completely referencing the notes or quotes completely.

Purpose in Life (prior existing notes):
Developer of potential, enabler, change agent – structure, adaptor, developer (repair people)

Trevrizent: (prior existing notes):
Guidance, abstract teaching, intention of order and service, truth, justice, practical

General:
Exchange, pass on information, develop community, sense of sacred
Ask questions
Stand up for what is worth fighting for (basic human rights)
Speak with authority and objectivity (truth, creativity)
Research actively
Dedication to teaching – ‘live as if this is the most important thing everyday in everything’ (anart)

Questions to ask:
What do I love (doing) to do? (Ark)
What have I always wanted to do? (adapted from Ark, anart)
What is it that that’s burning inside me to learn? (anart)
What do I perceive as important to do right now?
What am I giving to life?
What would I offer that would help someone else? (Laura)
My role (in the forum/network)? (Laura)

Earlier today, I sat down, centred myself and answered these questions, and posed three more questions for the replies: What does this mean? (immediate reply was – I do it ,now – hence the post); What is my understanding of this (activity)?; What is the meaning behind this activity?

I have yet to answer the last two subsidiary questions, feeling that it was more important to post and share my findings, as it may help others, or not.

What do I love (doing) to do? (Ark)
Off the top of my head the following came to mind. (conscious mind? (cm))
Researching information
Enabling people to achieve
Getting back to basics; the root cause
Adapting, modifying ‘stuff’

After a struggle (unconscious mind (ucm))
What’s right
Finding new ways, exploring
Walking, in the mountains
Working ‘out of kilter’ with the ‘mainstream’; being different
Write up what learnt for others to use; spreading knowledge
Working in a learning organisation

What have I always wanted to do? (adapted from Ark, anart)
(cm) Develop true communities of practice
Work with people in a learning environment (such as the forum – I’ve developed a learning organization for a small number of people)
Express self freely
Develop and adapt Self-healing techniques

(ucm) Alexander technique
Spiritual development

What is it that that’s burning inside me to learn? (anart)
(cm) Spiritual development
Recalling memories and associated emotions
Overcoming limiting decisions
Developing the art of letting go
The skills of developing and maintaining true communities of practice

(ucm) enabling others in the forum

What do I perceive as important to do right now?
(cm) Detox – diet (anti-Candida), supplements, sauna, Breathing-Meditation, and nightly meditation on the Prayer of the Soul, sessions
Fully participate in the forum: contributing
Clear limiting decisions, and open lower emotional centre
Being good to myself (Ark)
Find my role (via participation in the forum – they decide, or I discover?)
Let go of limiting decisions

(ucm) Trust people
Have courage: actively DO
Speak with certainty and with objectivity
Get to grips with Ponerology
Ask questions

What am I giving to life?
This was a poser, and essentially remains a ‘work in progress’ (in more senses than one). I looked up life in the Oxford English Dictionary, and made these notes:
Quality, sustaining activity, adaption to environment, concrete applications, vitality, active participation.

(cm) Me, as I am (pure and unadulterated- an oxymoron when applied to the False Personality (Predator’s Mind) that currently ‘rules the waves’ (mine))
Setting an example, whether followed or not
Elements of standards, order, objectivity, truth and of justice

(ucm) Guide, often as an ’Aunt Sally’, in the sense of putting up ideas to be knocked down, modified, or acted upon in some form

What would I offer that would help someone else? (Laura)
(Another ‘work in progress’)
(cm) My collective knowledge and experience learnt as a generalist and coach/mentor through life
Guidance, setting n example (… focusing on what is in me to do. (anart))

My role (in the forum/network)? (Laura)
To arrive at this, initially, I looked at the pattern that arrived from all of the responses to the questions. The answer, somewhat expectedly was: enabling people to achieve (including self) – coaching and mentoring (many years ago I did a Purpose in Life exercise and came up with this answer).

Secondly, I looked at the pattern that emerged from the unconscious mind (ucm) responses: enabling, guide.

Looking up both of these words in my dictionary at home, I noted this:

Enabling – provide (somebody) with the means or opportunity to do (something); to make (something) possible, practical, or easy.

Guide – lead or direct (along a route) another person or people; directs a person in his or her conduct or course in life, an appropriate course of action; steadying the direction of motion; control and direct movement of (something); supervise (somebody) during their training.

Curiously, whilst walking in the mountains this year, a number of people have asked me the way – usually when it is cloudy or foggy (metaphoric?). And, my genotype is ‘teacher’.

Now, I have committed and set out my stall. I just have to do it somehow, if it fits with the forum members, or not a the case may be.

 

[cindyj]

Dear Slowone (and All),

As someone else who has habitually stopped herself from posting what might be considered "noise" to others-- anything that might be considered self-important or critical of another's posting, I can completely understand your perspective. Even though I joined the forum in 2007 (but really started reading materials before then-- probably since 2003-4?) I have contributed less than 20 posts so far! Does that make me a "fringe" member? Perhaps. Maybe I'm just kidding myself when I say I'm trying to be externally considerate, when really, I'm just reluctant to put my bootie on the line in cyberspace! But mostly, I think I am just waiting for the right opportunity to help-- so many out there are already posting such insightful replies. However, I remain continually grateful for the work of SOTT and QFS and all of you working toward STO.

The one thing I have often held back saying, which I think Laura touched on a bit, was that a gentler approach can be beneficial. I too, have winced while reading a blunt reply to someone's possibly un-enlightened posting. I would encourage everyone to think a bit about their tone before posting-- we all get annoyed from time to time, but practicing kindness and compassion is surely a better solution whenever possible.

I guess if I'm not allowed to see certain forum topics because of my posting inactivity, so be it. Still, I'm grateful for what is available. And I'm not planning to post just to increase my "rating", either. But this subject has actually caused me to re-analyze my inactivity. Mercury in retrotrade?...!

BTW, just happened to find "Women Who Run with the Wolves" at a garage sale last weekend-- good advice from the C's! :)

 

[Avi]

Dear cindyj,

"Maybe I'm just kidding myself when I say I'm trying to be externally considerate, when really, I'm just reluctant to put my bootie on the line in cyberspace! "

Maybe. I think you know the answer. :)

I say this because I have struggled with this as well, but if I am honest with myself know why I have not posted too much.

One question struck me when reading your post about wanting to help. What would "help" look like? What YOU want when you think of help? Or what the other person NEEDS if even that is not directly asked for?

This seems crucial for do we know HOW to offer HELP? I can only say that for me it surrounds the willingness to be of service yet that is predicated upon understanding, at least in part, the way I work and the tricky machinations of the mind.

For instance you suggest that we think about our tone from time to time. I agree that communication is important, especially in cyber-space, for how do I know what inflections or meanings behind your words is intended? In other words, do I LISTEN to myself as well as others or only HEAR what I THINK they are saying and then react based upon assumptions?

The truth be told most of my lack of posting is due to thinking I grasp what someone else might be saying (and then keeping quiet because of wanting to avoid conflict) when in actual fact I may have missed it by a mile what they were TRULY saying! In my defense I also see how easily I can go from pillar to post (the pendulum effect, and I am joking about 'defense') but as there IS an argumentative side of me I have decided that what is right for me is to LEARN what is really behind or CAUSING this "opposition" stance? An easy way to say it is that the MIND is running rampant! :O Another way is as G says that there are "many I's" and one morning it is "this" self and another it is "that" self. Another way of saying it is pure & simple laziness.

:(

So working towards embracing, rather than trying to ignore or shun, these aspects seems to be the way to strengthening and fusing one.

"I would encourage everyone to think a bit about their tone before posting-- we all get annoyed from time to time, but practicing kindness and compassion is surely a better solution whenever possible."

Please don't take me as "protecting" the blunt replies. No, wait, let me rephrase that and not come off as being apologetic. SOMETIMES when dealing with EGO you can NOT fight ego with niceties!

To me it seems about BALANCE. Knowing when to use the HAMMER and when to use the feather.

One technique I find helpful in this is FIRST bringing it back to myself, in other words, the mirror principle. If someone is providing what appears to be a reflection of arrogance (note I say APPEARS to be, in that this is what has drawn my attention) then where in myself am I behaving arrogantly? By working with this arrogance in myself it may be that I then THANK the other person with gratitude for showing me what I could not see on my own. THEN, if I have addressed the arrogance in myself, am I able to confront this type of behaviour for I think that by and large none of us can ALLOW arrogance to "reign supreme" in either ourselves OR others for it is in fact quite destructive and harmful to ALL concerned.

But what I have learned from experience that is NOT helpful is to then BLAME the other person for showing me a reflection of my stinking self! LOL. Or in the words of Christ:

"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to
remove the speck from your brother's eye."

In reading the RA and Cassiopaean Transcripts what stands out just now related to all this is how if we start to view the world as "other selves" or rather reflections of the one self then we can actually be grateful for the "anger" or the "fear" or the whatever and in fact only by BEING appreciative, that is remaining positive, in the face of adversity do we find our way.

For if the work were EASY then EVERYONE would be "doing" it so somehow it seems, to me anyways, that challenges are necessary in order to not only "test our mettle" as it were, but also to gain an ever-increasing insight into perception.

My thoughts anyways.

Oh, and Cindy is it? :)

Pleased to meet you,

:D

With kind regards,

Avi

Dear Slowone (and All),

As someone else who has habitually stopped herself from posting what might be considered "noise" to others-- anything that might be considered self-important or critical of another's posting, I can completely understand your perspective. Even though I joined the forum in 2007 (but really started reading materials before then-- probably since 2003-4?) I have contributed less than 20 posts so far! Does that make me a "fringe" member? Perhaps. Maybe I'm just kidding myself when I say I'm trying to be externally considerate, when really, I'm just reluctant to put my bootie on the line in cyberspace! But mostly, I think I am just waiting for the right opportunity to help-- so many out there are already posting such insightful replies. However, I remain continually grateful for the work of SOTT and QFS and all of you working toward STO.

The one thing I have often held back saying, which I think Laura touched on a bit, was that a gentler approach can be beneficial. I too, have winced while reading a blunt reply to someone's possibly un-enlightened posting. I would encourage everyone to think a bit about their tone before posting-- we all get annoyed from time to time, but practicing kindness and compassion is surely a better solution whenever possible.

I guess if I'm not allowed to see certain forum topics because of my posting inactivity, so be it. Still, I'm grateful for what is available. And I'm not planning to post just to increase my "rating", either. But this subject has actually caused me to re-analyze my inactivity. Mercury in retrotrade?...!

BTW, just happened to find "Women Who Run with the Wolves" at a garage sale last weekend-- good advice from the C's! :)

 

[Avi]

Dear Slowone:

I can certainly relate to that! The "I don't necessarily agree" part anyways.

As far as confrontation, well, I am perhaps more confrontational. ;)

Yet what is there to gain, or learn, if everyone is "the same"? I mean, yes, at some level of consciousness PERHAPS we are all "the same" but in terms of life, experience, etc, do we not each have a unique contribution to make?

And so if you withhold your contribution, are you really serving yourself OR others?

"a scared cow that you just can't overcome and then be banned! "

A SCARED cow?! LOL. But then I believe you MEANT to say a SACRED cow?

I have these fears too! AND sacred moo-moos! And it may happen, (being banned) I don't know, but it is not my INTENT for this to happen! I think some latitude has to be allowed for the process of learning, for it IS a process, and not all of us are at the same "point" of development in TERMS of that process. Nor should we be!

One thing however which stands out, for me as much as for you, is at what point do you begin to TRUST life and to trust your knowledge and that if your heart really is truly in the right place and if YOU DO THE WORK required, then the worse that can happen is you lose your ILLUSIONS about life! But strange paradox, not so? For is it not these very illusions we wish to be FREE from in the first place?

Learning can be a frightening affair because the mind always seems to think it will somehow be annihilated. Or that we will "lose" our so-called identities, but then if we are identifying with the mind in the first place, rather than using it as a tool as it is meant to be, then what is the real fear we are talking about? Is fear in some way not also an illusion? And that is not to say there are not things to fear? For there are! But in a healthy way in the sense of "I fear if I do not LEARN then I am a goner!"

Not to fear this forum which as far as I understand is designed to HELP not only you but ALL who really wish to PARTAKE.

In other words, LOOK at what your post has prompted! You didn't die nor did you get banned! Lots of replies and interaction! Is this (networking) not the purpose of this forum?! And even IF someone disagrees with you, so what? Is THAT the "end of the world?" Or is it a chance to then LEARN something, either that perhaps you were mistaken on something, which then presents, ironically, the opportunity to learn, or perhaps how to gain confidence in yourself if you were NOT mistaken?

Thank you for posting, Slowone.

:)

Sincerely,

Avi


PS - I was going to tease you about your name but don't mean to come off "too familiar" since I myself have been quite quiet.



PPS - I think that the real fear to fear is the fear! It is constrictive, yes?

PPPS - One of the best remedies for fear however IS laughter!

I would appreciate some help from fellow Forum members with a concern I have had for sometime about posting on the forum.

I would like to give some background. I hope I am articulate enough to explain clearly. Sometimes on the forum as happens I am sure to most people I see a posting or thread where I don't necessarily agree with what someone has said.

It most often is not factual threads regarding researchable data, but emotional threads,or situation threads. Most often it won't be the original posting but perhaps the tone or the way someone has offered advice that I think is harsh or maybe missing the point. They may not necessarily be so but that's how it appears to me.

Now here's my point, I don't post what I want to say instinctively if it happens to be negative. This leaves me denying the other poster what may have been (at least sometimes) another angle they may not have considered and which they have every right to challenge if they disagree, or to discuss further. But also is preventing me from airing on the Forum my "negative" side which I would benefit I am sure immensely from bringing out of the cloudy world of instinct and into the light of a more critical thinking process. I.e having to say why I felt as I did about the posting or considering which emotions I was having triggered by the post that I may be unaware of.

I have been brought up as many people have to basically "play nice". My parents were very strict, we were smacked and shouted at, but that just seemed to be the norm, but its left me afraid of confrontation. I am especially afraid of confrontation here on the forum. I imagine in my head how painful it must be to join the forum and then reach a scared cow that you just can't overcome and then be banned! To come so far and then have such a blindspot that you can't continue worries me. But never overcoming this inability on the Forum worries me more because I believe it is leaving me vulnerable to gaps in my awareness of the processes in myself as a machine.

What happened to Pepperfritz as Queenvee and also obviously her tragic death has given me the push to post this. So thank you PF, your good work carries on.

I would really appreciate some feedback or advice.