Bladder Cancer

[Alana]

Right before I got the diagnosis of bladder cancer, my husband and I were in the midst of splitting up. We had been married for 20 years. We are still very close and very good friends, but for a long time I harbored alot of guilt about this breakup and I felt like I failed. So my attitude for quite some time was "whats the use", or "what do I have to live for anyway". I believe all this has contributed to the cancer. I am getting better with these feelings and I am working on them because I do have alot to live for!

That's the spirit, Angela and i am very glad to see you carry it! :) I am currently finishing a book titled, Love, Medicine and Miracles: Lessons Learned about Self-Healing from a Surgeon's Experience with Exceptional Patients, written by Dr Bernie Siegel, a surgeon whose life and work brought him face to face with miraculous healings, by patients he calls the exceptional patients. Though i don't agree with everything he writes about smoking and dietary changes (thought i have a 1987 edition, he might have changed his mind on certain things since then) i do find his work very inspiring and actually reminds me of the work we do here in the forum in some respects: getting to really knowing ourselves, our needs and meeting them, becoming mature and responsible for our selves, our lives and those who need us, and coming to realization that giving is more healing than receiving.

Here's a review of the book, that gives a bit more information, in case you (or anyone else) wants to check it out:

Love, Medicine & Miracles

June 4, 2003

BE HAPPY ZONE

By Lionel Ketchian

You're right! Love, Medicine and Miracles is the name of Dr. Bernie Siegel's first book written in 1986. I don't know if you have read this book. But if you would like to read a wonderful book by a great author and an exceptional person, than this is the book for you. One of the things that makes Dr. Bernie Siegel exceptional is the fact that he prefers being called Bernie, not Doctor Siegel.

I first met Bernie in 1986 when he wrote his this book. He agreed to be on my Radio Show called, Successful Living on WADS Radio in Ansonia, CT. I had followed some of his writing before he published his book so I was very excited that he was sharing his techniques and knowledge with the world. Bernie is a true role model for all of us. He is a genuine human being, a spiritual person and a medical doctor. He has reset the mark for the medical profession to understand that people are more than a body that needs to be fixed. Bernie showed us how to heal.

In 1978 Bernie started Exceptional Cancer Patients, a specific form of individual and group therapy utilizing patients' dreams, drawings, and images. ECaP is based on "carefrontation," a loving, safe, therapeutic confrontation, which facilitates personal change and healing.

With these words for openers, Bernie has revolutionized medical care giving. Here is what Bernie said in his book, "Exceptional patients manifest the will to live in its most potent form. They take charge of their lives even if they were never able to before, and they work hard to achieve health and peace of mind. They do not rely on doctors to take the initiative but rather use them as members of a team, demanding the utmost in technique, resourcefulness, concern, and open-mindedness. If they're not satisfied, they change doctors. However, exceptional patients also are loving, and thus understand the difficulties a physician faces. In most cases, my advice to a dissatisfied patient is to give the doctor a hug. Usually this makes the doctor more willing to respond to the patient's needs, because you become an individual to your physician and are treated to as an individual, not a disease."

Bernie has said, " We must remove the word "impossible" from our vocabulary. As David Ben-Gurion once observed in another context, "Anyone who doesn't believe in miracles is not a realist." Moreover, when we see how terms like "spontaneous remission" or miracle" mislead and confuse us, then we will learn. Such terms imply that the patient must be lucky to be cured, but these healings occur through hard work. They are not acts of God. Remember that one generation's miracle may be another's scientific fact. Do not close your eyes to acts or events that are not always measurable. They happen by means of an inner energy available to all of us. That's why I prefer terms like "creative" or "self-induced" healing, which emphasize the patient's active role."

[...]

Bernie says, "Spirituality means the ability to find peace and happiness in an imperfect world, and to feel that one's own personality is imperfect but acceptable. From this peaceful state of mind come both creativity and the ability to love unselfishly, which go hand in hand. Acceptance, faith, forgiveness, peace, and love are the traits that define spirituality for me. These characteristics always appear in those who achieve unexpected healing of serious illness."

Lionel Ketchian is the founder of the Happiness Club, a Happiness Coach, and can be reached at PrintLRK@aol.com. The Web site is www.HappinessClub.com.

And I will too keep you in my thoughts.

 

[Angchop]

Thank you Alana, that sounds like a book that is right up my alley. Going to go to amazon and see if I can find a copy!

:)

 

[Gonzo]

Hi Angela,

I have had several years of experience with just about every pain killer imaginable and am often surprised at how little doctors are aware of natural tolerance development and how to deal with it.

Tolerance can build for a few reasons and there seems to be a couple types. From what my pain specialist explained, most people build a gradual tolerance and then plateau. This plateau effect can happen a few times.

However, there are some, and this is my experience and perhaps yours as well, who continue to build rapid tolerance. This was originally assumed to be part of an addiction cycle characterized by drug seeking behaviour. However, many pain specialists will verify the rapid and continuous buildup seen in many of their patients has little to do with addiction since those who experience sever pain rarely get addicted, at least not in a drug seeking way.

The opioid receptors in the brain can get fatigued, which would certainly affect the ability of the drug having any effect. The less the receptors can receive, the less the drug gets received.

Since there are drugs that work on different receptors, switching drugs would then be a good way to start anew. This might have been your doctor's thinking, but I would have expected to see an upward titration for a while first.

Recent Canadian research on marijuana's effect on neuropathic pain, which is generally difficult to eliminate, has proven quite successful. Marijuana hits the cannabinoid receptors in the brain, instead of the opioid receptors.

There is some interesting research going on to determine if alternating back and forth between drugs that affect different receptors would be a way of reducing tolerance buildup (not to mention side effects from opioids like constipation).

I have found that for neuropathic pain, the synthetic drugs (ex.oxycodone, fentanyl) had little effect. I found that hydromorphone (brand name Dilaudid) to be the most effective (I believe it is 10 times more potent than morphine). Methadone is another good reliever for severe pain.

This summer a new product came out. A transdermal patch named BuTrans that lasts a full week. It is an opioid agonist - it increases the affect of morphine derivative pain killers. But in much higher dosages, it is an antagonist in that it floods the receptors so other opioids cannot be received. Very little is required to have a huge effect. The dosages are measured in micrograms and blood levels are measured in picograms, and yet it has had a miraculous effect for me.

I used to take 8 x 8 mg pills at a time, every four hours and now I only have to take one or two at a time.

There are also some drugs that alter pain perception. Gabapentin and its recent sister, pregabalin work that way.

Outside of pain killers, I have had some success with acupuncture, although one has to return every week or so. Often the acupuncture can help release endorphins which are more potent than any drug mankind has ever manufactured.

Finally, I have found that my switch to an anti-inflammatory diet coupled with EE and restful sleep has had a great effect at reducing my pain levels.

I don't know if any of that helps you or if it is even new information for you, but I wanted to share a few things I've discovered that might help you better direct your health care.

Take care,
Gonzo

 

[Oxajil]

Hello Oxajil- thank you for the kind words. I am actually a very positive person by nature, and I tend to get comments about it often. I just figure that its alot less energy to be happy and positive, then it is to be angry and unhappy. I like to look at my life and be thankful for what I have, and I always remind myself that someone out there has is worse than I do.

That is very inspirational Angela, thank you. May I ask when the last time was that you were very angry and unhappy?

As far as the cancer is concerned and what I think caused it. This is something I have been thinking about alot lately. For a good portion of my life, I kinda didn't face things head on. I would always turn the other cheek, make nice, forgive and forget, and that sort of thing. I believe that I was left with alot of anger inside because I didn't stick up for myself or fix problems that came along.

Yes, so it seems you are/were a people pleaser. You have not learned to set boundaries for yourself during your childhood, all you have learned is giving your all to everyone no matter what:

Adults raised in narcissistic families often do not know that they can say no - that they have a right to limit what they will do for others, and that they do not have to be physically and emotionally accessible to anyone at any time. In their families of origin, they may not have had the right to say no, or to discriminate between reasonable and unreasonable requests.

There is also this, that you might recognize:

All or Nothing

The inability to set reasonable boundaries often results in the "all or nothing" syndrome. Most therapists have seen patients who would rather just divorce their spouse than sit down and discuss how some changes could be made in the relationship. Or the adolescent who will not answer the phone because someone they do not like is going to ask them for a date, and they do not know how to say no. Or the man who would rather quit his job than ask his boss for a raise. If these individuals cannot have a perfect relationship, with another person intuitively knowing how to meet their needs (the "all" part), then they would rather cut their losses and divorce, or quit, or stay incommunicado -- that is, not have the relationship at all (the "nothing" part).

These patients are neither incredible stupid nor as impossibly resistant as they often seem to their therapists, who may have difficulty dealing with this "Yes, but..." class of patient. What these individuals are, however, are people who cannot recognize the legitimacy of their feelings and needs -- who cannot self-validate -- so they genuinely cannot fathom the possibility of sitting down with a spouse, friend, colleague, or whomever and having a reasonable discussion to set boundaries so that those feelings and needs can be accommodated.

How does reading this make you feel? Is there anything you recognize in yourself, or not?

My mother died when I was nine. My father told me to be strong for my brother who is 3 years younger than me, and I didn't realize how serious I took this. I have always been labeled the "strong" one in the family, so I didn't feel like I could show much emotion that would make me seem weak. Then my father died when I was 18 and once again I had to take on the strong role. I kinda took on the attitude of "what next" and just went along with my life trying to be everything for everybody, forgetting myself in the process.

Wow, I cannot even try to understand how that must have been for you. So much pressure, and on top of that the death of both of your parents. Plus refusing to show feelings for this as you thought it might make you "weak" and you had your little brother you had to take care of.

Who was there to take care of little Angela? To listen to her needs, to listen to her thoughts and to understand what she felt? It's so unfortunate how situations develop in our childhood, it is not necessarily the fault of the parents, for their childhood were probably not so easy as well. So it's not really about pointing fingers, it's about recognizing the feelings you have been hidden for so long, to express them and then to decide to take control over yourself and be the one who takes care of little Angela, of your inner child.

What kind of feelings do you think you have hidden in yourself?

Right before I got the diagnosis of bladder cancer, my husband and I were in the midst of splitting up. We had been married for 20 years. We are still very close and very good friends, but for a long time I harbored alot of guilt about this breakup and I felt like I failed. So my attitude for quite some time was "whats the use", or "what do I have to live for anyway". I believe all this has contributed to the cancer. I am getting better with these feelings and I am working on them because I do have alot to live for!

Most of your life you have worked towards pleasing others, so there is the possibility that this breakup made you feel like you failed, you failed your role as the "provider", as the "giver". That you failed in pleasing him, failed in fulfilling his needs. How do you feel about me saying this? Do you still think it is your fault? Try to be as honest as you can be.

Now, I am curious as to how you are working on these feelings? I am sure that Éiriú Eolas helps, but maybe we can do this together, if you want. Some things are just not so easy to be done by ourselves only.

Perhaps you could also see a good therapist?

You're not alone

 

[Angchop]

Hello Gonzo,
Thanks for all the good info on pain meds. I went from never having anything wrong with me or ever having any pain to having quite bad pain. Its definately been a test of my spirit.

I had heard before that people can gain a tolerance to things after awhile, I never knew about the rapid tolerance.

The Doctor first put me on vicodin, and I was having to take more than 8 a day so they switched me to oxycodone so I wouldn't be injesting too much tylenol. Then after awhile, they didn't seem to work too well, I would have to take 2 every three hours, and I would be only getting about an hour and a half of relief. So now they switched me to hydromorphone and I still need to take 2 every 3 hours. It does seem to last a bit longer then the oxycodone. I start feeling like the doctor must be getting tired of me calling about this, but then I wonder how the doctor can even imagine what the pain is like because he probably hasn't had cancer!!

Anyway, thank you for the info, it is definately interesting! I appreciate all the info and help I have gotten here, its wonderful.

 

[Angchop]

Hello Oxajil,
Thank you for your post. I must say when I was reading it this morning, I started to cry and couldn't stop. Something in your post touched me at my core and I had a huge emotional release.

It when you said this.

Who was there to take care of little Angela? To listen to her needs, to listen to her thoughts and to understand what she felt?

I don't know why that struck me the way it did. I had always felt that I lost out on my childhood, and thought that I had dealt with it in the past. Apparently I had some unresolved feelings about it. It felt good to let it out.

Yes, so it seems you are/were a people pleaser. You have not learned to set boundaries for yourself during your childhood, all you have learned is giving your all to everyone no matter what:

This is very true. I always dropped whatever I was doing no matter what to help someone that asked. My brother was the worst. I felt like I had to "take care" of him no matter what, and that meant I could never say no. He is a drug addict with no desire to change, and one day after constantly dropping what i was doing to bring him food, money, gas etc. at the expense of my family and my sanity, I had to put him out of my life and say no. I realized that I certainly wasn't helping him if I was constantly holding his hand and not allowing him to learn his lessons. That was one of the hardest things I have had to do.

 

[Angchop]

Most of your life you have worked towards pleasing others, so there is the possibility that this breakup made you feel like you failed, you failed your role as the "provider", as the "giver". That you failed in pleasing him, failed in fulfilling his needs. How do you feel about me saying this? Do you still think it is your fault? Try to be as honest as you can be.

This is spot on! It is exactly how I have felt all my life. And being completely honest I still feel that this is my fault. I feel like I did let him down. I remember when I was a child growing up, regular punishment didn't bother me, but if my father said that he was disappointed in me I was crushed. I hate feeling like I let someone down.

Now, I am curious as to how you are working on these feelings? I am sure that Éiriú Eolas helps, but maybe we can do this together, if you want. Some things are just not so easy to be done by ourselves only.

I am doing the EE and it is helping. Other than that I really don't have a particular way of working on these feelings, I have just been thinking of them alot more. I would love to work through these things together, because I don't really know how to handle it all myself. I just take each day as it comes, and do the best I can.

I am just now figuring out how to use the quote function better!

 

[Laura]

Angela, as you may know, Belibaste, another member of the forum, had stage three cancer of the brain and surgery to remove the tumor which was about the size of a large apricot, in July of last year. After the surgery, he refused the chemo and radiation treatments, stayed with the diet, supplements, detoxing, and EE and now has had two post-op check-ups that show he is still completely clear.

He did have to deal with his family and friends who were very upset that he refused the "usual" cell destruction treatments. As I understand it, since he was unable, at that point, to back up and NOT tell them what he planned to do, he just told them something along the line of: "I've been doing a lot of research on this and stress is strongly associated with cancer. The last thing I need is to be stressed while I am recovering so if you cannot avoid adding to my stress, then I can't have you in my life." Regarding the diet, he told them: "I ate a "normal" diet all those years and I got cancer, I'm changing everything about the way I lived before because I never want to go through this again."

Of course, he wouldn't have had to do all this "damage control" if he had just been externally considerate at the beginning.

 

[Gonzo]

Hi Angela,

When you wrote:

I don't know why that struck me the way it did. I had always felt that I lost out on my childhood, and thought that I had dealt with it in the past. Apparently I had some unresolved feelings about it. It felt good to let it out.

The first thing that crossed my mind was that if you still are a people pleaser, you haven't dealt with it enough.

A life time of pattern behaviour is an awful lot of reinforcement. It could take consistent effort over a significant amount of time to have "dealt with it".The pattern is a good indicator as to how affected you are.

I find it helpful to replace one behaviour with another and one line of thinking with another. Of course, this requires having a plan as to what the replacements should be. It requires knowing what a healthy action or thought would be. Some times this requires asking others you trust to be objective and healthy, as you will find on this network.

You had mentioned not knowing what, specifically to do with emerging emotions.

I find allowing yourself to feel them fully without rationalizing them really beneficial.

It is also a good idea to try to trace back to the earliest memory of experiencing the emotion, each time hopefully going further back, eventually getting close to the initial experience.

Pay close attention to your body as you feel the emotion, taking note of any sensations that might arise in response, be they tension, tingles, pain, etc. I believe this helps because our body has an emotional memory as well, so by allowing yourself to fully experience an emotion, including giving your body permission to play back its memory, you help desensitize or neutralize the emotion, OSIT.

Regarding Hydromorphone: I find it acts the quickest and lasts the longest. But as you've noticed, after it peaks, its effectiveness fades rather quickly.

There are a few things that are important to know.

If you take the pills during high levels of pain, they aren't as effective. It is much better to take them earlier, long before pain peaks in intensity (easier said than done, I know).

As well, the amount you take should eliminate the pain (unless it is neuropathic pain, for which the goal is more reduction of pain, as little will completely eradicate nerve pain, in my experience).

If you find you still have pain after taking the medication, an increase in dosage might be in order. Many doctors are afraid of prescribing too much as they might get flagged as being irresponsible by the government or because they don't understand the dynamics of pain relief adequately, or the have been misinformed about addiction and fear they may enable it. A recent study in Canada showed the majority of both hospitalized geriatric and cancer patients were under-medicated and suffering as a result.

If the pain is constant, you might benefit from a long lasting version (Hydromorph Contin) and use the straight Dilaudid for breakthrough. If the breakthrough is often, the contin should probably be increased.

Finally, if you feel it would benefit, try getting a referral to a pain clinic or pain specialist. These guys understand pain.

I remember at one point I was taking 72 mg of Dilaudid and still had significant pain. Ny doctor was way past her comfort zone and said it was unheard if to take that much. She referred me to a specialist who didn't even bat an eye when I told him how much I was taking, saying it is quite common for sufferers of chronic, severe nerve pain to require such significant levels.

I think it is also important to remember how important solid sleep is. Pain is exhausting and causes a lot of stress hormones to be released. Reparitive sleep is required to help the body regenerate itself. Pain perception is usually increased when fatigued, as well.

I wish you all the healing you deserve and will remember you in my prayers.

Take care,
Gonzo

 

[Nienna]

Hello Oxajil,
Thank you for your post. I must say when I was reading it this morning, I started to cry and couldn't stop. Something in your post touched me at my core and I had a huge emotional release.

It when you said this.

Who was there to take care of little Angela? To listen to her needs, to listen to her thoughts and to understand what she felt?

I don't know why that struck me the way it did.

Because it is true and your inner self knows that it is true. You were not crying for something you have lost, but something you never had.

 

[Angchop]

Angela, as you may know, Belibaste, another member of the forum, had stage three cancer of the brain and surgery to remove the tumor which was about the size of a large apricot, in July of last year. After the surgery, he refused the chemo and radiation treatments, stayed with the diet, supplements, detoxing, and EE and now has had two post-op check-ups that show he is still completely clear.

Thank you Laura for this post. It is great to hear that Belibaste is doing so well. Ever since I have found out about having cancer, I have been concerned about what to tell people. So I have done pretty well at giving people just enough info but I hold back some that they don't need to hear. I have told those in my family that I won't be needing chemotherapy because it is confined to my bladder and once it is removed all will be fine. Which, for the most part was correct.
I live in a house with 6 other people, and when I changed my diet a few eyebrows were raised, but now it is nice because the whole house is eating a lot better. I am glad that they have accepted my new diet, and are also trying out some aspects of it as well. I know that they are feeling better too.
I had posted that the doctor had mentioned chemo before my surgery, and I told him I did not want any chemo. He left it at that. Well just a bit ago he called and left me a message saying that he finally got the scans from the other urologist and because it is such a large tumor he believes I would benefit from 4 months of chemo before I have surgery. He is going to call me tomorrow and set an appointment for me to come in and discuss my options. I will have to once again let him know that I do not want it. I want the surgery as soon as possible, so I can begin to heal. Thanks for your encouraging post.

 

[Angchop]

Hello Gonzo,
Thanks for all the great info on pain and pain medication. It has really helped me to understand what is going on and how to approach it better when I speak with the doctor tomorrow. I can't imagine what kind of pain you had/have to have gained all that knowledge. I hope that your pain is manageable for you or completely gone.

The first thing that crossed my mind was that if you still are a people pleaser, you haven't dealt with it enough.

This is true. I still struggle with trying to please everyone all of the time. Over the years it has gotten better, but it is still one of my things that I struggle with. I have learned that I can say no, and the world won't end and if someone truly cares for me they will accept a "no" from me. I believe it goes way back to when I was young and felt that I had to take care of my brother. I never wanted to let him down, which led to him taking advantage of me most of the time. I finally put an end to helping him constantly, in fact I hardly hear from him now. It has been better for both of us this way. I don't think I was doing him or I any good.
I am going to let myself feel these emotions when they come up, and observe my body while I am in the midst of an emotional release. Thank you for the advice on this. Sometimes I would like to post more, but this is all it will let me type at one time.

Best Wishes, Angela

 

[Oxajil]

Hi Angela,

Hope you are doing fine.

I must say when I was reading it this morning, I started to cry and couldn't stop. Something in your post touched me at my core and I had a huge emotional release.

Good to hear that it felt good, emotional releases can be quite relieving. As Nienna said, you never had those things. But the good news is, that you can have them. And you have the power to make changes.

I don't know why that struck me the way it did. I had always felt that I lost out on my childhood, and thought that I had dealt with it in the past. Apparently I had some unresolved feelings about it. It felt good to let it out.

I guess this is also a lesson that it is hard to say whether one has dealt with a certain issue or not.

This is very true. I always dropped whatever I was doing no matter what to help someone that asked. My brother was the worst. I felt like I had to "take care" of him no matter what, and that meant I could never say no. He is a drug addict with no desire to change, and one day after constantly dropping what i was doing to bring him food, money, gas etc. at the expense of my family and my sanity, I had to put him out of my life and say no. I realized that I certainly wasn't helping him if I was constantly holding his hand and not allowing him to learn his lessons. That was one of the hardest things I have had to do.

It must have been. Just as it was difficult to you, I am sure it was also to him. And maybe, somewhere, he also knows that it was the best thing to do.

This is spot on! It is exactly how I have felt all my life. And being completely honest I still feel that this is my fault. I feel like I did let him down. I remember when I was a child growing up, regular punishment didn't bother me, but if my father said that he was disappointed in me I was crushed. I hate feeling like I let someone down.

I see. Angela, I am wondering, do you have any spare time free for reading a book? Or are you already reading a book?

I am doing the EE and it is helping. Other than that I really don't have a particular way of working on these feelings, I have just been thinking of them alot more. I would love to work through these things together, because I don't really know how to handle it all myself. I just take each day as it comes, and do the best I can.

Sure, this forum can give you directions, but it will also ask some effort from your side, but I am sure you know that. :) I think your participation and openness is great.

I am just now figuring out how to use the quote function better!

Nice! :D

This is true. I still struggle with trying to please everyone all of the time. Over the years it has gotten better, but it is still one of my things that I struggle with. I have learned that I can say no, and the world won't end and if someone truly cares for me they will accept a "no" from me.

You have learned that you can say no, but do you also think you could actually say it as well?

I believe it goes way back to when I was young and felt that I had to take care of my brother. I never wanted to let him down, which led to him taking advantage of me most of the time. I finally put an end to helping him constantly, in fact I hardly hear from him now. It has been better for both of us this way. I don't think I was doing him or I any good.
I am going to let myself feel these emotions when they come up, and observe my body while I am in the midst of an emotional release. Thank you for the advice on this. Sometimes I would like to post more, but this is all it will let me type at one time.

If you have time to read a book, you can start reading The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment, it also talks about why ''people pleasers'' are the way they are, and some ideas on how not to be such a person anymore. If you don't have the time to read a book now, you could start a thread in The Swamp and talk about how you feel about things that have been bothering you, try to also think about on what you want, really want.. If you can get the book: after each chapter you have read carefully, see if you have recognized anything, what emotions you felt when you read that chapter, which memories came up, what you have learned, etc. and write it all down, or in your Swamp thread, or in your journal (or diary), or you could record it. So for example: from chapter 1 I learned... etc. It might sound a lot of work, but it can be relieving and maybe even fun! (I am reading it too)

By the way, even when you don't read a book, it is very handy to write down every day in some kind of journal about how you feel etc. how certain medications made you feel, etc. just everything that comes up in your mind. Or you record your voice, whatever you like best.

If you want to share anything, feel free to share, so you can have the forum to give you feedback. It might not be easy to deal with certain memories, emotions etc. alone.
Take care!

 

[Angchop]

Hello Oxajil and thank you for your reply-

Angela, I am wondering, do you have any spare time free for reading a book? Or are you already reading a book?

I am reading a book right now, book five of the wave series. I have read it before but it has been awhile so I am reading it again. I went to amazon and purchased the book that you recommended. I also bought the book that Alana recommended. After I have my surgery, I will have 6 weeks off so I am gathering new books that I will read then. If you have any more suggestions, I would love to hear them. I am also going to get a journal and start writing in it daily. I had been meaning to get one for awhile, now is a good time.

Sure, this forum can give you directions, but it will also ask some effort from your side, but I am sure you know that.

You are correct cause there is no free lunch!

You have learned that you can say no, but do you also think you could actually say it as well?

Honestly? I don't know. I know that I have said no more often, but it is still hard for me to do it. I can't wait to read the book you suggested and explore the reason why I am such a people pleaser.

 

[Angchop]

If you can get the book: after each chapter you have read carefully, see if you have recognized anything, what emotions you felt when you read that chapter, which memories came up, what you have learned, etc. and write it all down, or in your Swamp thread, or in your journal (or diary), or you could record it. So for example: from chapter 1 I learned... etc. It might sound a lot of work, but it can be relieving and maybe even fun! (I am reading it too)

This is a great idea. I will also share more in the swamp area. I am feeling more comfortable posting here on the forum and networking. Thank you for your help.

Angela