To sum up your situation in a few lines is not off topic, it is an expression from a personal point of view of the impact which the chaos in UA that we have been observing, documenting, and writing about in this thread has had on you. I also think your short expressions are valuable to the story, because there must be many other people in Ukraine who feel similarly and quite a number who are a lot worse off. And if one looks around there must be a million similar cases across the globe. Sometimes I think that among the Northern Euroasian peoples, many citizens in Ukraine now experience a degree of societal breakdown that may very well appear in other places in the same region of the world before too long. Maybe the cause will be different, maybe it will be because of a debilitating epidemi, an economic collapse, a cosmic event, Earth changes, revolution, whatever, but the state of relative tranquility many of us experience now will not last forever. Therefore, when I read your words, I ask myself how I would maintain the will to continue, if I had been in your shoes? Is there anything that would cheer you/(me) up, like reading, writing a diary, or letters, learning something, helping someone who needs help, singing, playing or listening to music, painting, doing exercises, gardening, looking after a flower in your living space, preparing for the winter, thinking of a way to change the situation, or something else?