Thank you Tauriel, take good care. Thanks again for sharing her music, it was amazing and so much appreciated. I wish you all the best for the future! Bless you million timesIf that is your choice I wish you well on your path.
You've received a bounty of wonderful replies and advice, real energy investments full of wisdom. It seems you don't really want to look at them in an open and honest way.
I refrained from commenting so far but read the whole thread whereas your posts where hard for me to get through. Other member have already covered what could be said about the spiritual aspects and the dangers involved.
I would only like to add my impression which I hope won't hurt you.
This could be wrong but to me you show signs of being in a manic or submanic state.
You described how you felt really bad for many years- exhausted, depressed, angry. In my clinical psychiatric work I could already observe some people who suffered from depression, a lack of self-esteem and lots of hardships for many years just to suddenly shift this state to the other side of the pendulum swing as if to give themselves relief from the suffering. The results are devastating for them. Their own psyche made room for more and more negative influences. Something to be aware of, imo.
Take good care and thank you for your mum's music- it talks to the soul.