I reported having emotional issues in the last two weeks - being mostly on the edge of crying, sobbing, short panic attacks, skin crawling fear and the gem of all: thinking of losing my mind. During these i concentrated on doing creative work as advised, abstained from sex, observing my fluctuating emotional states and did the full breathing program three times last week. Experiences with
coming near to nervous breakdowns in past years and finally the EE Program helped me to do a basic analysis of the process, which had in every case a similar result. I came to a conclusion:
- Healing of the psyche always happened after a seriously stressful event.
There was is an invisible presence, a power, a help, an unseen essence, however you like to define, that made sure that i suffer hard, come close to losing my mind, and
on the precipice of defeat it always held me together, helped me over the abyss, into the light.
As an effect of the EE excercises i have lost my fear as a basic reaction. It's unnerving to look into the future without the luxury of always fearing some upcoming element of it. I have lost desires, i cannot wishfully think about being a virtual hero in a videogame anymore. That was very exciting, good relaxation, a source of a lot of joy in the past. However sad it seems to others.
I can barely comprehend the effects the Eiriu Eolas program. Cannot compute. There is too much happening too fast. I am reacting occasionally, because i can assimilate only a minimal amount of new body & mental states, new sensations, new forms of perception. I am trying to cope, but it is too much. I don't know who i am anymore. Almost all the habits from the past, make-nice masks and safe reactions to social situations, questions about my life i had readily figured out, now can be thrown out of the window, nothing applies anymore! Everything has to be experienced anew, tried out, understood again with this enhanced command processing capability, the new brain that i got from EE exercises.
This evening for example i couldn't sleep again, got up, thought about posting, but rather got to work and solved a complex technical problem, did a little programming on the newly acquired graphical module made impressive pictures with it and included it into my resume, because it just happened to fit in perfectly. To do such a thing i simply did not have the mental resources, readiness, energy and willingness 3-4 months ago. What is happening? It's like my brain switches into hyperspeed processing mode, doing and accomplishing things i could only hope to do before. I lay in the bed early morning in lamentation, bemoaning my life, then the New Me gets up, ruled by the Divine Cosmic Mind and gets things done fast, efficiently and then asks: okay what's next, but decide fast,
I have no time bickering and standing around!