Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

Well, I have been doing the full program daily and the POTS again before sleeping since July. I also started spinning at this time. Only had one angry outburst and two crying sessions in July but nothing else since. Zoned out a few times in the beginning but nothing since then.

I kept up with this thread and was amazed at other member's experiences. I dutifully kept going with the program thinking my turn would eventually arrive. Still nothing. I didn't contribute much to this thread and that is compounded by my shyness and being a private person. Took a break last week as mentioned by Laura and just did the POTS before bed.

Time to break out of my private prison!
Sadly my beloved grandmother (my Dad's mother) passed away Saturday evening. She was like a mother to me since my mom died when I was 4 years old. I arrived back home Wednesday after going through all her stuff and moving it out of her apartment. My brother and I were the only people left in her life here in the states.

Today I read this thread to get me up to date when I felt a great sadness that I didn't seem to be progressing with the program. I just sat and cried it out. An impression/thought came to me that I was only going through the motions of the program and not really applying myself. As I was doing the program, my mind was constantly thinking about events of the day. I struggle mightily to calm my thoughts and I cannot seem to win. I also did the Candida Saliva test and showed that I failed. I was very surprised since I feel I am in very good health with nothing to complain about and exercise 6 days a week. I eat pretty healthy but do have some comfort foods like coffee with cream and sugar. So the other impression/thought that came to me was that I really need to cleanse myself and will start with a 21 day distilled water fast.

I like the ideas suggested about using a visual image to meditate on. I will need to find one that I can use.

Time for me to increase my efforts and get serious about the breathing program. Do more that just going through the motions.

Thank you for listening. I really haven't found anyone I can physically talk to. I feel like I need to cry some more.
 
aleana said:
The only problem was that the Me that had that insight was not the same “me” that had been holding on for so long - and this involved a huge sense of loss which triggered a primitive defense mechanism involving being loved/accepted. So, of course I succumbed to a nasty sinus infection. I am not sure that this other part of me is “all better”, but in the last couple of days I have felt calmer and a bit less sad - still lingers but at least I understand the source and am moving through it. There were several days of struggle between the two me’s because I could feel this part of me who felt so lost/alone and wanted payback and was keen to make tacky remarks to my family as justice for giving-in. Fortunately I also sensed another more responsible/understanding me who could SEE all of this - and thankfully this one is guiding me right now. It would almost be comical if I had not felt like I was in some kind of mix-master!

Thank you for sharing this. It is a dramatic example of the process of "the first initiation." It's good to read that over now and again and see how amazing an essay it is. Read what Buddy wrote and my reply here:
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=14944.msg121269#msg121269


Oxajil said:
fwiw:

There is a quite powerful ''program'' ''in'' me that runs some times and it's Really Hard to fight it. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. And whenever I lose it's devastating.. Many times when the program is running I'm not me. Sometimes my mind is just empty when it's running and sometimes there is someone else pulling the strings, it's pretty scary.

The program was running and I lost control again. So I asked God for a sign, for help. I recited the first few phrases of the POTS. I thought it was probably hopeless, because many times have I fought and lost. But then I heard a voice in my head repeating the words: "This is not what you want. Don't do it. Stand up." (they felt really strong)
I listened to these words and thought ''s/he is right'', I regained control again and felt victory.

Now if I could only hold it...

This is another great example of the process in action! It's almost shamanic, too. I know I've written about my own experiences with what Castaneda called "The Voice of Seeing," and this compares to that very well.
 
I just have to ask, why yesterday just for a little and not a so serious problem I felt so angry, like hulk, I don´t know but I was so angry that I was crying... it's that natural?
 
Not a lot to report this week, nothing significant has arisen since I've 'downsized' to daily doing just the pipe breathing and meditation before going to sleep, and doing the three stage breathing and meditation only during my morning 'break'. Like other people have said, a 'tape' of meditation music would be useful, although, before sleeping I do tend to forget some of the memorised words (or want to substitute others), and forget where I've got to.
 
A funny thing I noticed about my daily meditations, is that they seem to have a color scheme.

Thursdays was pink, yesterdays was aqua/greenish/turquoise.
Feels like I'm being wrapped in the color, and often a certain smell is sensed (not smelled, more like sensed really).

It's really beautiful.
 
cubbex said:
I just have to ask, why yesterday just for a little and not a so serious problem I felt so angry, like hulk, I don´t know but I was so angry that I was crying... it's that natural?

Hey Cubbex,

Try not to worry so much. There's nothing wrong with you and yes, it's natural.
 
truth seeker said:
cubbex said:
I just have to ask, why yesterday just for a little and not a so serious problem I felt so angry, like hulk, I don´t know but I was so angry that I was crying... it's that natural?

Hey Cubbex,

Try not to worry so much. There's nothing wrong with you and yes, it's natural.

I agree. The crying meant it was released, that's the purpose of EE, and a good thing.

Love the Hulk image by the way. :lol:
 
I had a brief vision yesterday during the program, pretty far from what others have been experiencing like lights/flames etc, but instead I was suddenly looking at a bunch of leaves or plants - I saw hands holding bunches of greenery. I'm always totally startled when I suddenly see something though my eyes are closed. No idea at all what this pertains to. I must say the program is totally fascinating - never know what to expect!
 
forge said:
I assembled and sent the material for her. Thank You!

Best wishes to you and your sister, forge. I hope she utilizes what you sent and gets the benefits.

aleana said:
I would like also to share a recent breakthrough that I feel is a direct result of the breathing/meditation. As I mentioned, I have been in the midst of some kind of emotional storm the past few weeks. A really difficult issue I have had with two family members for sometime has been surfacing and finally, one evening when I was quiet, I suddenly had the answer. Basically - I have been holding on to a belief for some years and trying to make everyone “see it my way” because I thought I was “right”. I finally realized how WRONG that was - could see the other viewpoint - and also realized that I was the one who could change it all. I was able tell the others involved and they were both relieved.

The only problem was that the Me that had that insight was not the same “me” that had been holding on for so long - and this involved a huge sense of loss which triggered a primitive defense mechanism involving being loved/accepted. So, of course I succumbed to a nasty sinus infection. I am not sure that this other part of me is “all better”, but in the last couple of days I have felt calmer and a bit less sad - still lingers but at least I understand the source and am moving through it. There were several days of struggle between the two me’s because I could feel this part of me who felt so lost/alone and wanted payback and was keen to make tacky remarks to my family as justice for giving-in. Fortunately I also sensed another more responsible/understanding me who could SEE all of this - and thankfully this one is guiding me right now. It would almost be comical if I had not felt like I was in some kind of mix-master!

Oxajil said:
There is a quite powerful ''program'' ''in'' me that runs some times and it's Really Hard to fight it. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. And whenever I lose it's devastating.. Many times when the program is running I'm not me. Sometimes my mind is just empty when it's running and sometimes there is someone else pulling the strings, it's pretty scary.

The program was running and I lost control again. So I asked God for a sign, for help. I recited the first few phrases of the POTS. I thought it was probably hopeless, because many times have I fought and lost. But then I heard a voice in my head repeating the words: "This is not what you want. Don't do it. Stand up." (they felt really strong)
I listened to these words and thought ''s/he is right'', I regained control again and felt victory.

Now if I could only hold it...

Thank you so much, aleana and Oxijil for sharing your experiences. I really get excited and inspired when I see progress and breakthroughs by people doing the program. And sharing the details helps everyone else.

Nicholas said:
Sadly my beloved grandmother (my Dad's mother) passed away Saturday evening. She was like a mother to me since my mom died when I was 4 years old. I arrived back home Wednesday after going through all her stuff and moving it out of her apartment. My brother and I were the only people left in her life here in the states.

My condolences, Nicholas. May your grandmother rest in peace.

Nicholas said:
Today I read this thread to get me up to date when I felt a great sadness that I didn't seem to be progressing with the program. I just sat and cried it out. An impression/thought came to me that I was only going through the motions of the program and not really applying myself. As I was doing the program, my mind was constantly thinking about events of the day. I struggle mightily to calm my thoughts and I cannot seem to win. I also did the Candida Saliva test and showed that I failed. I was very surprised since I feel I am in very good health with nothing to complain about and exercise 6 days a week. I eat pretty healthy but do have some comfort foods like coffee with cream and sugar. So the other impression/thought that came to me was that I really need to cleanse myself and will start with a 21 day distilled water fast.

I like the ideas suggested about using a visual image to meditate on. I will need to find one that I can use.

Time for me to increase my efforts and get serious about the breathing program. Do more that just going through the motions.

Thank you for listening. I really haven't found anyone I can physically talk to. I feel like I need to cry some more.

Be gentle on yourself, especially now that you'll be grieving over you grandmother's passing. That said, it is good that you want to increase your efforts and "get serious" about the breathing AND detox/diet. Just keep in mind that if you've been doing it regularly, you've been getting what YOU need at YOUR pace even if you think you haven't noticed any "major changes." Just remember, you have this network with which to interact and ask for advise, get feedback, etc. Just continue doing the program consistently and don't put too much pressure on yourself or compare your experiences to others'. Everyone will get what they need in their own way, at their own pace. Just keep at it. Best regard.
 
aleana said:
One thing I am having difficulty with is managing to focus on the POTS - it seems my subconscious mind loves the throw up all kinds of garbage, daily trivia to derail me the minute I start. I am fine with the pipe breathing and the Ba-Ha - but there seems to be some kind of unconscious resistance and I am wondering if it is old resistance to all the penance prayers/rosaries I was forced to recite as a child.

I am familiar with this as well. It helps to try out different points of view at times. Try to think of the garbage as success instead of distraction. POTS may simply be displacing stuff that part of you doesn't know how to file or what to do with. In some cases, you can even visualize some of the junk coming out of your head and floating away, up into the atmosphere in a bubble or something.

If certain things seem to stay with you, then write them down in a diary or something.

Years ago when I used to experiment with meditation scenarios, I would imagine myself sitting like a Buddha at the bottom of a lake. ANYTHING that came to mind was imagined to be instantly surrounded by a bubble of air and go floating to the surface of the lake as I watched.

It was a very effective technique, for me, since in those days, I needed to be able to quiet my mind otherwise I couldn't get to sleep until it was about time to get up, thus the fear of getting caught sleeping in a school classroom that I mentioned in another thread.
 
Thank you All for such great input. :)

I have not been feeling myself lately and have not been participating on the forum as much as I would like. A few months ago I developed some kind of dry skin rash on my cheeks and it has me feeling kind of ugly about myself. I've been trying everything to cure it but nothing seemed to want to work. Finally last week I found a small sample tube of some cream I got from the dermatologist a while back and its starting to go away but just as this happens, my eyelid has now swollen for no apparent reason. A never ending battle it seems. I know I shouldn't let these things bother me but I do work out in the open, with many people, and I hate the thought of them thinking I have contracted some disease or something in this day and age. Especially the parents because I get along with many of the children and I wouldn't want anyone to worry about their kids getting something from me.

At the same time I have developed a head cold which has my nasals and throat sore. It is not too bad during my normal day but when I decide to do the E/E my throats burns immensely making it very difficult for me. I have been trying to just concentrate on the POTS and meditation at bedtime but it just doesn't seem complete to me. I much rather prefer doing the whole program, which is another thing I have been fighting to do I might add. Lately it seems I have to fight myself just to get motivated to do the E/E. I absolutely love this program and this laziness I've been feeling lately is just not me. I've gone from doing the complete session at least six times a week to twice if I'm lucky. If its not because I don't feel up to it, its because someone's calling me or needs my help or whatever the new excuse might be but every time I feel charged enough for a session, for sure somethings there to distract me.

I've gone from loving this ride to hating this struggle but I'm trying not to lose focus of whats important which is why everyone's posts here on this thread are so important to me. I start to feel like maybe I don't belong here and then read about others having the same or similar issues and it reminds me that I'm not alone after all. Well, onward with the struggle and much thanks to everyone here once again!
 
On Wednesday, I had my first session without any zoning out episode!
For someone who has seen zoning out as an integral part of the breathing session, it was an event!
It seems the sessions are more energizing for me; I don't feel myself in the same miserable state when I couldn't do the program during the last two months.
I still have a long road to go though regarding body energy.
 
Marcus-Aurelius said:
On Wednesday, I had my first session without any zoning out episode!
For someone who has seen zoning out as an integral part of the breathing session, it was an event!
It seems the sessions are more energizing for me; I don't feel myself in the same miserable state when I couldn't do the program during the last two months.
I still have a long road to go though regarding body energy.

Don't know why you people are trying to avoid zoning... that's when all the soul activity takes place.
 
Laura said:
Don't know why you people are trying to avoid zoning... that's when all the soul activity takes place.

I think I can relate because it feels like there is nothing happening because you don't remember anything, at least in my case, you just unplug and then you're back.
It's like you went to the greatest party ever but can't figure out what happened there.
 
Pete02 said:
I found a small sample tube of some cream I got from the dermatologist a while back and its starting to go away but just as this happens, my eyelid has now swollen for no apparent reason.

You know the active ingredient in this cream or the brand name? It might give a clue to the possible cause. In any case, you are inflamed and you have to make sure to be doing the detox diet. Stay away from dairy and gluten. Eat a simple diet, the Ultra simple diet: http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=13241.msg96968#msg96968 and make sure your bowels are clean, that is, that you have normal bowel movements.

At the same time I have developed a head cold which has my nasals and throat sore. It is not too bad during my normal day but when I decide to do the E/E my throats burns immensely making it very difficult for me.

Other than the diet, you can also probably get NAC from the pharmacy at a reasonable price, also make sure to be having extra vitamin C. Both will help you with the cold flu and also to fight the inflammation you currently have.
 
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