Sitta said:
I have couple phisical occurences during meditations for about a week, week and a half. Most notable was pain in my right shoulder and lesser pain in left forearm.
I have noticed a few short but quite sharp pains during meditation as well, also in my right shoulder as well as the right side of my rib cage and in the area of my heart. I checked out the EE faqs page and saw that this is one of the common experiences and probably nothing to worry about.
Update: I had a run of pretty intense depression for a few days and it almost felt like it was to become a permanent condition! I was not able to do the full breathing program last week and it could be related to that as well as my menstrual cycle and seeing more of my own lies and STS nature. though I've dealt with some level of depression for quite a long time, I think that the latter is a part of my recent sadness, too. Of course, I
again forgot to utilize that prime opportunity to contain those intense feelings, but once I felt better (actually, I feel pretty great :D)I remembered to check out the "Depression as a Stepping Stone" thread again, which I seemed to better grasp. It think that we women have a great opportunity each month to attempt to transmute the many negative emotions that often come up during menses, and I mean to take advantage of that next time!
I have also started to utilize a suggestion from that thread to ask my little "I's" before going to sleep to help me catch the onset of negative emotions before they are usurped by the intellectual and moving centers. The very first night after doing this before beginning my meditation, I woke up twice from dreaming directly after emotionally charged interactions (in the dreams themselves) and tried to contain the feeling. Then, when I awoke in the late morning--fatigued and reluctant to get up as usual, my boyfriend who sleeps very little, asked me if I was
actually getting up. I have a tendency to sleep for up to 12 hours every day--way too much--in avoidance of the day ahead, and because I feel tired. I answered :"I don't know... aren't you tired? I feel this tired ache in my heart whenever I wake up."
Eureka! It dawned on me at that moment that that empty ache I feel in my heart upon waking is an
emotion! Now that I've realized this, I can use it to my advantage when I wake up to this feeling instead of going back to sleep until I
have to get up if I want to get to work on time. I don't think I would have realized this without Eiriu Eolas, the Work, and the knowledge input from some of the books on narcissism; specifically the Narcisistic Family and its concepts of owning, expressing, and compartmentalizing the emotions. Actually, I
know I wouldn't have because this has been going on for
years.
I keep seeing these things about myself now that I am less in the habit of projecting my feelings unawares. I certainly have a long way to go. I still need to meet the challenge of changing my diet and detoxing...but I find myself excited about the prospect of doing so more and more as I observe myself and see the real benefits of Eiriu Eolas and personal responsibility. It may be painful at times to know that a lot of the ugliness I experience comes from within, but it's
real and I can see it and I can change.
And I have help
I totally appreciate you all.
Also, to clarify, I do miss a weekly session here and there but usually make it up and complete the program twice a week. And I almost never fail to meditate before bed.
Thanks for sharing and listening everyone.
(Edit: finally hit 50 posts and jumped on the opportunity to correct this post by changing "woman" to "women" Ah, the power of editing!
)
