Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

Hi all,

just chiming in to give an update about myself and EE, as I hadn't done so for quite a few weeks. I am still doing not the full program, only sticking to Pipe Breathing and the POTS. It feels right for me that way. One or two times I also included Warrior's Breath into my EE schedule. I am doing it before sleep and doing it without the audio. I finally managed it to do so regularly. No matter how tired I am, at least I manage it to say the POTS once.
I also noticed, that my dreams intensified more and I can remember my dreams from almost every night, when I wake up in the morning. I sometimes make some notes in my dream journal afterwards, but I feel less motivation to do so immediately after I woke up. Especially if I subjectively judged the dream(s) as "not so interesting".
Sometimes I write in my EE journal before doing POTS and going to sleep: I write about the programs I noticed and what comes in my mind etc. So I have somewhat of a map of self observing, I guess. But I know, I have to network also about them here in the forum. But I fear the mirroring. No, it's not me, it is the false personality, the preador's mind, whatever. But that I can "feel" mostly only theoretically. At the same time I also feel the pull, that I want to be honest with myself now more - as much as I can bear at the moment. For me, it is quite hard actually, because I have never undertaken similar efforts before I joined the forum, so I think.

DanielS said:
It felt as if I was losing touch, or not grooving with the prayer. ... I think it may somehow be connected with feelings of being completely out of touch with myself lately, and everything seeming so bland around me, like there's no life to anything, if that makes sense. I guess a sense of disconnect.

I can relate to this feeling in general as well, especially regarding the last week. But I ascribed it less to things in terms of EE than to the weather (quite a lot of rain, gloomy and cold outside here in Eastern Germany) and to the mood I was in due to recognizing programs more clearly, so I think. Everything felt so mechanical, even the POTS in some way when I now look back from the hindsight. But what I did notice, is, when I did it several times: each time I began to feel more authentic then it was before for me. Part of the reconnection process where I had disconnected, I guess.

I know, I should have networked about the programs, that I started to see and about how seeing them got my mood down; but I didn't know where to begin and how to express that at all. Or maybe it was/is my preador's mind keeping me away from doing so; it does not want to be detected at all. Ego does not want to step back, because it thinks it is its natural right to allways be in front and allways be above others. Therefore the fear of being mirrored, or so I think.

DS said:
Yesterday though, I was spending some time outside at a park, and started saying the POTS, and 'felt' as if I was reconnecting with the meaning behind it. Things started to become much more vivid, as in everything that was happening around me, even the spectrum of colours of the grass, sky and houses. Almost like a computer screen where you turn up the brightness of the monitor.

I also one time did some breathing and the POTS outside in the park once, the sun was shining and it was warm; it was a beautiful feeling and I came out of the park as "another" person as I was, when I entered it.

DS said:
But I'm not going to let this get me down, as I'm 100% sure that I'm running some programs that I can't see.

I think, you are doing well actually - or so it sounds to me through your post. It sounds good, that you just go on in withstanding that, what you have described above (first qote). Maybe the strenght that you gain by that struggle will help you then to see those programs? From my little experience, I know that I gain some insight after withstanding a struggle or trying to withstand, that life has given me. I think, that actually dealing with those things somehow - doing something however little it may be, helps to proceed on the path. Even the least steps bring one nearer to the goal (for me this is, knowing myself, cleaning my machine and getting control over it). My thoughts :)

EDIT: "It is good" changed to "It sounds good"
 
Regarding POTS, I had a problem about how to refer to DCM - shall I brefer to it in terms of "God" etc. I described it in late March, here, for reference: http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=12837.msg148839#msg148839

To update about it: This is not so foremost for me at the moment. I can use the term DCM or the German equivalent now and do feel benefits from it. I am able just to let go more of it - I am not so impatiently expecting or anticipating direct, sudden results of a physical noticeable connection to God/DCM, whatever anymore by now. I tell myself, that things will evolve by time when it is their time to do so. When I am doing POTS, I notice by doing it several times, that I feel more authentic and therefore somewhat more connected to DCM. And I think, the results in life will show some time - at their own time. I am doing POTS in kind of a state of "letting go" - everything whatever is out of order in my life will move to it's place where it belongs, on its specific time. Things will unfold not the way I expect them, but in their own way - in the hindsight I often see, that it made much more sense how things unfolded the way they did rather than the way I wanted them to. Although there is still this fussing around of names (DCM or God?), I just let it run and doing the POTS although; one day it won't be a problem anymore - I will have figured it out completely and conquered it that way. It is a little bit like having a little gremlin hanging on my back, bawling and floundering, because it doesn't want to be carried the way I carry him. But I carry on, no matter how much it bawls and flounders - one day it cannot bear it anymore and will jump off my back and vanish.

Regarding my diet, did not start detoxing yet, because I am still looking, where to buy the means (organic fish for example) and supplements I need for nutrition. But gluten is now fully cut, since 1,5 weeks (since starting to cut gluten in April, I sometimes fell back on it - especially regarding fish sticks: salmon filet covered with a crust from wheat flour. I think it is a pity to abandon them, as I found them always very yummy - but I do it, because I hope, it does influence my states of body, mind and emotions in a positive way: helps me to get my machine cleaner). And I also started to cut dairy and avoid sugar - especially processed one - as good as I can. I started to buy rice milk now - I find it very tasty. :D
 
DanielS said:
I'm not sure if this has anything to do with HAARP, because there have been a few times where I felt I needed to take a break from doing EE since starting it last year, but lately, I've been hard-pressed to actually sit down and do the meditations. I've been coming up with a million and one reasons in my head why I can put it off until later, or do it tomorrow (of course tomorrow never comes).

So Finally, a few days ago I really wanted to dedicate myself to lying down before bed and do the POTS without the audio, and could not, for the life of me, fully concentrate on the prayer all the way through. It must have taken me 10-12 times before I was actually able to say the entire prayer in it's entirety. Every single time, roughly half-way through I would just completely lose focus where I was in the prayer and would start all over again from the beginning. It was nuts! Because in my head, I'm thinking "okay, this time I'm going to make it all the way through" but would completely lose it.

Having similar issues. Have been very far off track for many months and working my way back to this program. Have managed to do some POTS at night, and have the same problems of losing focus. Not remembering what phrase comes next. Thoughts moving in and replacing the prayer. Then I remember what I was doing and go back to reciting the prayer and focusing on the meaning of the words. After several attempts when I manage to complete a full prayer without forgeting lines or losing focus, I allow myself to relax and fall asleep.

Diet has been more focused and only allowing myself to slip on a rare occasion, but EE has fallen by the way side. Not sure why? Have read through two of the five recommended reading list, "Unholy Hungers" And "In Sheep's Clothing" Have learned so much from these books about others behavior and especially my own. Not saying that I fit these characteristics, but I have seen with clearer eyes some of these things(minimal) in myself.
 
Learner said:
I can relate to this feeling in general as well, especially regarding the last week. But I ascribed it less to things in terms of EE than to the weather (quite a lot of rain, gloomy and cold outside here in Eastern Germany) and to the mood I was in due to recognizing programs more clearly, so I think.

Hi Learner, I sometimes have had mood and states of depression and otherwise 'muckiness' based on the weather, or at the very least the weather is a contributing factor. One of the main causes of this could be a lack of vitamin D3. Since I started taking 2000 IU of Vit D daily, I would say my moods in rainy and gloomy weather has improved. I used to, for some reason get depressed everyday roughly around 5:00pm, but not anymore. Not to say I don't feel down sometimes, but not as much and it's not as bad. :)

Learner said:
Everything felt so mechanical, even the POTS in some way when I now look back from the hindsight. But what I did notice, is, when I did it several times: each time I began to feel more authentic then it was before for me. Part of the reconnection process where I had disconnected, I guess.

Bluestar said:
Having similar issues. Have been very far off track for many months and working my way back to this program. Have managed to do some POTS at night, and have the same problems of losing focus. Not remembering what phrase comes next. Thoughts moving in and replacing the prayer. Then I remember what I was doing and go back to reciting the prayer and focusing on the meaning of the words. After several attempts when I manage to complete a full prayer without forgeting lines or losing focus, I allow myself to relax and fall asleep.

Diet has been more focused and only allowing myself to slip on a rare occasion, but EE has fallen by the way side. Not sure why?

Yup! I'd say the same thing! Since I've refocused my dedication to EE, I have felt more of a connect to the prayer and myself. Initially, there was difficulty focusing, and I'm still going through the motions of pushing back doing EE, although now I'm actually doing it, even if it's 2am and I want to go to bed! Bluestar, I remember something that I think anart said - Do what 'It' doesn't want you to do. So look at all the things that you would automatically do before, as in my case being lazy and surfing the net or lounging about, and do the opposite, force yourself in a way to combat your own programs. Each little victory means a lot as you long as you don't congratulate yourself for it and get too self-important about it. Appreciate that steps are being made and continue to do more. I was recently reading Life is Real Only Then, When 'I Am' - and there are a few quotes that really stick out

Life is Real ... said:
For this it is indispensable, with a constantly active consciousness, first of all with extremely great intensity to obtain the intentional crystallization in oneself of the data for engendering in one’s common presence an unquenchable impulse of desire for such a crossing, and then will follow a long inner struggle, requiring great tension of all the inner forces, with the obvious abnormalities crystallized in one’s individuality and evident even to one’s own self-reasoning, that is to say, a struggle with the crystallized habits unworthy for man even in his own understanding in a period of repose, which contribute, first, to the arising in us of our inner ‘Evil-God’ and second, to the supporting and increasing in us of its power and strength always and in everything, namely that ‘Evil-God’, the presence of which creates ideal conditions, especially in contemporary people, for enjoying a state of ‘immutable peace.

Life is Real ... said:
Chiefly owing to their vice called laziness – and with each generation there began to increase in the intensity of its action on their common presence of theirs constantly to desire and to strive to attain peace, from the on, with the increasing in man of the intensity of the action of this fundamental evil of theirs, there began proportionately also to increase their removal from the general life proceeding on Earth

These two quotes really got me thinking (and I happen to read and have these quotes really sink in after I refocus on EE) as to how desiring peace would be a condition of that 'Evil-God'. And then I remembered the quote about how Jesus said roughly that he did not come to bring peace, but a sword. And in even observing my own programs and people around me. It's so inherent in us not to DO anything. We want to just have our family and get a nice job, white picket fences, all that fun stuff. But doesn't it also put us into a state of complacency as well?

As I think back, I'd say I'm not under any major attacks from people (that I can see) lately, no weird hypnagogic states have happened to me in a while, BUT, my dreams have been reaallllyy weird which, surprisingly, hasn't had my alarm bells going off. Yet there's nothing in my regular life to reflect having such negative dreams, so something must be up. And I think Shijing brought up a pretty interesting idea in Staying focused during increasing difficult times

Shijing said:
I am also wondering to what extent the kinds of attack we are experiencing seem tailored to our own personality and situation. For example, in my own case, I have not experienced any one specific difficulty, but rather a conflation of several smaller ones, none of which would be that bad in and of themselves, but when taken together has had the effect of "death by a thousand cuts". I've recently had health problems, difficulties in my interactions with the people around me that I am close to, and demands placed on me for energy and time from several seemingly unrelated parts of my life, all of which together has left me sometimes feeling very overwhelmed and demoralized. I was thinking about this last night, and it's almost as though this was a strategy that was designed with my specific weaknesses in mind -- one example being that I am very poor at multi-tasking and usually need to accomplish tasks by linearizing them, checking one off at a time. Being overwhelmed in this way, and having battles on several fronts, so to speak, is an excellent way to retard my progress and dissipate my energy, and if I were to have designed my own plan to derail myself (for whatever reason), this method would probably be at the top of the list. As a result, I am having to expend a lot of energy developing strategies to deal with my current situation in an effort to "stay in the game". Looking at the situation objectively, this is not a bad thing since it is forcing me to make progress in areas that I normally wouldn't have done, but it is not easy and not fun while I'm in the middle of it. I am curious, though, if anyone else notices their specific personal weaknesses being exploited in a similar way, and if so it might not be a bad idea to share it here.

I see now that one of my biggest vices, as gurdjieff said, is laziness. And that being the type of person that I am, if everything is 'hunky-dory' then I fall into a state of complacency. So a perfect strategy to derail me from staying focused on the Work and Dieting and EE would be to just leave me be and let my own inherent flaws take care of the rest. So I have to combat laziness, continue to Work, continue to meditate even though I don't immediately see negative forces to combat, because that lack of doing, dedication, discipline IS the negative forces that are soothing me to sleep. And seeing as my predator hates discipline, I'll give it exactly what it doesn't want.
 
Hi guys,
An update my EE experiences, thus far:

A couple of weeks ago, during the meditation portion of the program, it was like I was viewing the cosmos or blackness of the universe through a square. Far away, in the upper right hand corner of the square was a bright, orange, flickering, fire/flame. It was beautiful. It lasted a few minutes and seemed to turn into a butterfly wing before it disappeared from view. In the mediation a few days later, I had images of black, amorphous, whirling and swirling ‘tubes’. They just swirled around. I looked up some of the symbols from the mediation in a dictionary of symbols that I have. I think this is it, but my cover is different. Dictionary of Symbols
I have found it to be a great source for taking a deeper look at symbols.

During the time of those meditation experiences, I had a dream that I was with a close friend in a home. It was my home in the dream, but I didn’t recognize it in reality. We were reading and discussing an Sott article. There was a sense of working for something better, peace and unity. I awakened thinking that things were much more simple now.

My life seems to have more of a purpose and direction. I am happier. I am not as fearful, angry or paranoid as I was before. I have a large lesion (3/4 inch in diameter) in the learning and memory portion of my brain from the onset of MS 5 years ago and my memory and learning ability seems to be getting better, better and better! I am sure the detoxing has helped with this, but this program is absolutely life changing, osit.

I plan to post this on the EE forum, unless some of it is a wee bit weird! :cool2: Three cheers for EE.
 
DanielS said:
I sometimes have had mood and states of depression and otherwise 'muckiness' based on the weather, or at the very least the weather is a contributing factor. One of the main causes of this could be a lack of vitamin D3. Since I started taking 2000 IU of Vit D daily, I would say my moods in rainy and gloomy weather has improved.

Hi DanielS, thank you for pointing this out. I didn't think about that before. As far as I have read, it helps also to strenghten the immune system. I think I will try this out and see, how it works for me. :)

DanielS said:
Bluestar, I remember something that I think anart said - Do what 'It' doesn't want you to do. So look at all the things that you would automatically do before, as in my case being lazy and surfing the net or lounging about, and do the opposite, force yourself in a way to combat your own programs. Each little victory means a lot as you long as you don't congratulate yourself for it and get too self-important about it. Appreciate that steps are being made and continue to do more.

Well, I also had this thoughts regarding EE before as well, I can pretty much relate. I beat my predator's mind, that wants me to go straight to sleep, by just doing a few or more Pipe Breaths and POTS. This way I could maintain it since the last weeks. But as I am having strong programs in terms of laziness as well and I often suffer the "putting back disease" - I tend to put things back, that need to be done and I do not enjoy so much, as long as possible, anart's advice really applies to me (and possibly to many others) in terms of many parts in my life aside from EE. DO, what "it" doesn't want you to do and keep on doing - something I should try more often in regard to many things. But I am going off topic too much here.

DanielS said:
I was recently reading Life is Real Only Then, When 'I Am' - and there are a few quotes that really stick out ...
Life is Real said:
[...] a struggle with the crystallized habits [...]

Thanks for the quotes from G. The struggle with the crystallized habits is something I can relate to pretty much - especially in regards of changing my diet more and more (and the laziness programs I mentioned above). But I will not let the Predator's mind beat me in this competition, I currently have with it. :evil:

Menrva said:
My life seems to have more of a purpose and direction. I am happier. I am not as fearful, angry or paranoid as I was before. I have a large lesion (3/4 inch in diameter) in the learning and memory portion of my brain from the onset of MS 5 years ago and my memory and learning ability seems to be getting better, better and better! I am sure the detoxing has helped with this, but this program is absolutely life changing, osit.

Hi Menrva, thank you for sharing the recent part of your journey with the program. I feel glad for you, that you are doing fine and that you gain back your abilities to learn and remember! I find it very encouraging as example, that represents how in terms of many (if not all) things, that had reduced one's life quality, those are beatable with the aid of EE. ;)
 
Thank you DanielS for a reminder of Anarts wonderful advice. Yes, laziness is my own self destructive force and will do everything I can to make this change. I was reading an article in a magizine that basically stated, when you turn the light on you see all the dust and dirt lying around. So, by me asking for light within my life, I have seen all this muck and sometimes I get stuck. Sometimes I can pull myself through and other times I see the beauty that is there.

I will keep reciting the prayer even though I lose focus. Keep keepin on.

Thanks again.
 
DanielS, Learner, and Bluestar, I'm going to give some impressions that I hope may help. I've found in my own struggles in the Work (including doing EE regularly, diet, etc.) that everything goes in cycles and patterns (as pretty much everything in life does). When I notice that I am in the doldrums stage in a cycle, it helps not to identify with the negative programs to just keep in mind that it is a recurring pattern that does improve as you do make slow, steady progress.

Even more helpful to NOT identify and get overwhelmed and stuck is to always keep in mind that Life is a School and you, at some level helped put the curriculum together for this lifetimes' lessons. The lessons unfold as if we're in a play or movie. Recognizing the challenges we need to overcome while at the same time playing the role as an actor helps to do what's necessary without that "oppressive" feeling getting the better of you. It takes some effort to remember to keep this in mind about lessons and being actors in a play or movie, but if you keep doing this strategically and systematically, it does help to break the inertia and to DO more of what "it" does not want to do.

I think it's a strategic and effective way to shake up our usual identification with our mechanical programs, adds an aspect of playfulness to learning our lessons, facing our challenges and overcoming them. It's related to being in this world, but not of it. With practice, as with anything else, it becomes easier and you do get better at it. I hope it can help.


Menrva said:
Hi guys,
An update my EE experiences, thus far:

A couple of weeks ago, during the meditation portion of the program, it was like I was viewing the cosmos or blackness of the universe through a square. Far away, in the upper right hand corner of the square was a bright, orange, flickering, fire/flame. It was beautiful. It lasted a few minutes and seemed to turn into a butterfly wing before it disappeared from view. In the mediation a few days later, I had images of black, amorphous, whirling and swirling ‘tubes’. They just swirled around. I looked up some of the symbols from the mediation in a dictionary of symbols that I have. I think this is it, but my cover is different. Dictionary of Symbols
I have found it to be a great source for taking a deeper look at symbols.

During the time of those meditation experiences, I had a dream that I was with a close friend in a home. It was my home in the dream, but I didn’t recognize it in reality. We were reading and discussing an Sott article. There was a sense of working for something better, peace and unity. I awakened thinking that things were much more simple now.

My life seems to have more of a purpose and direction. I am happier. I am not as fearful, angry or paranoid as I was before. I have a large lesion (3/4 inch in diameter) in the learning and memory portion of my brain from the onset of MS 5 years ago and my memory and learning ability seems to be getting better, better and better! I am sure the detoxing has helped with this, but this program is absolutely life changing, osit.

I plan to post this on the EE forum, unless some of it is a wee bit weird! :cool2: Three cheers for EE.

Glad to hear your improvements and progress, Menrva. That is really great. And I don't see anything too weird to post on the EE site's forum, but I guess you can tone down or remove the visual reference and just post the experiences with improved cognition, fwiw.
 
Some people have mentioned a few pages back that they get muscle spasms/twitches. I have noticed that in the past two weeks I have too. I will get a muscle twitch in my right bicep when I am loose and at rest. This hasn't happened during EE though that I remember.

DanielS said:
Things started to become much more vivid, as in everything that was happening around me, even the spectrum of colours of the grass, sky and houses. Almost like a computer screen where you turn up the brightness of the monitor.

I have noticed that I too enjoy more the colors of grass and plants, etc. But I think I've always had an appreciation for them, having done some war-games modeling when I was younger. So I don't know if it's an effect of EE, maybe it's just the spring sunshine and vividness of the colors coming to life. But it's quite awesome, every time I stare at grass or trees in the bright light, it's like, "Whoa!"
 
3D Student said:
Some people have mentioned a few pages back that they get muscle spasms/twitches. I have noticed that in the past two weeks I have too. I will get a muscle twitch in my right bicep when I am loose and at rest. This hasn't happened during EE though that I remember.

DanielS said:
Things started to become much more vivid, as in everything that was happening around me, even the spectrum of colours of the grass, sky and houses. Almost like a computer screen where you turn up the brightness of the monitor.

I have noticed that I too enjoy more the colors of grass and plants, etc. But I think I've always had an appreciation for them, having done some war-games modeling when I was younger. So I don't know if it's an effect of EE, maybe it's just the spring sunshine and vividness of the colors coming to life. But it's quite awesome, every time I stare at grass or trees in the bright light, it's like, "Whoa!"

Yes, muscle twitch in left side of my neck, that was unintentionally done because I wanted to inhale as much possible air while doing 3 stage breathing, well now I have other problem, I'm thinking SO MUCH on neck and shoulders relaxation, that I can't relax up to third stage of 3 stage breathing????? Ajajajaj I'm doing it wrong :-[ But when finally relaxed I noticed 3 times allready white mist or like white fog surrounding me (doing EE before going in bed) , actually like the whole room is foggy,......,...
 
SeekinTruth said:
DanielS, Learner, and Bluestar, I'm going to give some impressions that I hope may help. I've found in my own struggles in the Work (including doing EE regularly, diet, etc.) that everything goes in cycles and patterns (as pretty much everything in life does). When I notice that I am in the doldrums stage in a cycle, it helps not to identify with the negative programs to just keep in mind that it is a recurring pattern that does improve as you do make slow, steady progress.

Even more helpful to NOT identify and get overwhelmed and stuck is to always keep in mind that Life is a School and you, at some level helped put the curriculum together for this lifetimes' lessons. The lessons unfold as if we're in a play or movie. Recognizing the challenges we need to overcome while at the same time playing the role as an actor helps to do what's necessary without that "oppressive" feeling getting the better of you. It takes some effort to remember to keep this in mind about lessons and being actors in a play or movie, but if you keep doing this strategically and systematically, it does help to break the inertia and to DO more of what "it" does not want to do.

I think it's a strategic and effective way to shake up our usual identification with our mechanical programs, adds an aspect of playfulness to learning our lessons, facing our challenges and overcoming them. It's related to being in this world, but not of it. With practice, as with anything else, it becomes easier and you do get better at it. I hope it can help.

Hi SeekinTruth, thank you very much for your words. I find them very encouraging, especially as they apply to all programs that I (and others) are and might be running.

As I recently think pretty much about my programs and become more and more aware of them - so it seems to me (it is at times a feeling like ten thousand waterfalls are splashing down upon my back) - I know, I will try to put this into practise consciously. That life is a school and that I am not my programs, is comforting to know. I think indeed, that by doing that I will get rid of all the little gremlins (my programs), that are clamping on my back, in the course of time.
I hope, I do not over optimize - I just feel quite motivated. Thanks again! :)

And, of course, to make sure that I will become successful by doing so, I will allways remember to pipe breath. :D

EDIT: Clarity
 
This weeks report: I made conscious effort to slow down the expectations before the sleep and did POTS before sleep. That seems to have helped to feel better and that some way increased attacks in sleep. Along with that I was looking for jobs and usual emotional roller coaster accompanies with it and constant associated narcissism made attacks more probable. Tearful Dairying of recollecting the daily activities is helping though. Until I rework on narcissism stuff , probably that will continue. I zoned out in the middle of baha as if some thing switched me off and wake up once the baha is complete. Though I know that zoning is good, this has the flavor of the my predatory part of it deliberately switching off to control the benefits. I still need to make conscious effort to do POTS before sleep.
 
Learner said:
SeekinTruth said:
DanielS, Learner, and Bluestar, I'm going to give some impressions that I hope may help. I've found in my own struggles in the Work (including doing EE regularly, diet, etc.) that everything goes in cycles and patterns (as pretty much everything in life does). When I notice that I am in the doldrums stage in a cycle, it helps not to identify with the negative programs to just keep in mind that it is a recurring pattern that does improve as you do make slow, steady progress.

Even more helpful to NOT identify and get overwhelmed and stuck is to always keep in mind that Life is a School and you, at some level helped put the curriculum together for this lifetimes' lessons. The lessons unfold as if we're in a play or movie. Recognizing the challenges we need to overcome while at the same time playing the role as an actor helps to do what's necessary without that "oppressive" feeling getting the better of you. It takes some effort to remember to keep this in mind about lessons and being actors in a play or movie, but if you keep doing this strategically and systematically, it does help to break the inertia and to DO more of what "it" does not want to do.

I think it's a strategic and effective way to shake up our usual identification with our mechanical programs, adds an aspect of playfulness to learning our lessons, facing our challenges and overcoming them. It's related to being in this world, but not of it. With practice, as with anything else, it becomes easier and you do get better at it. I hope it can help.

Hi SeekinTruth, thank you very much for your words. I find them very encouraging, especially as they apply to all programs that I (and others) are and might be running.

As I recently think pretty much about my programs and become more and more aware of them - so it seems to me (it is at times a feeling like ten thousand waterfalls are splashing down upon my back) - I know, I will try to put this into practise consciously. That life is a school and that I am not my programs, is comforting to know. I think indeed, that by doing that I will get rid of all the little gremlins (my programs), that are clamping on my back, in the course of time.
I hope, I do not over optimize - I just feel quite motivated. Thanks again! :)

And, of course, to make sure that I will become successful by doing so, I will allways remember to pipe breath. :D

EDIT: Clarity

You're welcome, Learner. Glad it helped. Just continue with all the Work, know that we are all here to support and help each other, and don't be disappointed by your "failures" and "backslides." These are a given and part of the learning and progress. Borrowing from and paraphrasing Don Juan: take everything as a challenge, instead of a blessing or a curse. And yes, always remember to pipe breathe as needed. :D


seek10 said:
This weeks report: I made conscious effort to slow down the expectations before the sleep and did POTS before sleep. That seems to have helped to feel better and that some way increased attacks in sleep. Along with that I was looking for jobs and usual emotional roller coaster accompanies with it and constant associated narcissism made attacks more probable. Tearful Dairying of recollecting the daily activities is helping though. Until I rework on narcissism stuff , probably that will continue. I zoned out in the middle of baha as if some thing switched me off and wake up once the baha is complete. Though I know that zoning is good, this has the flavor of the my predatory part of it deliberately switching off to control the benefits. I still need to make conscious effort to do POTS before sleep.

Hi, seek10. Just want to encourage you to keep at it and continue to share your experiences. As you know, many here (and everywhere for that matter) are going through difficulties -- financial/job related included. We are all here to support you and each other to get through the rough spots and help continue what needs to be done. Take these challenges and use them as opportunities and fuel to further your Work. Please don't let these hard times get you down to an extent where it hinders progress. It can go either way with difficulties and challenges, it's up to you how you use them in your Work. I'm rooting for you to use the heat and pressure to become a diamond. :)
 
SeekinTruth said:
Just continue with all the Work, know that we are all here to support and help each other, and don't be disappointed by your "failures" and "backslides." These are a given and part of the learning and progress. Borrowing from and paraphrasing Don Juan: take everything as a challenge, instead of a blessing or a curse.

Thank you for the reminder, SeekinTruth. It is wonderful to know, that we all here constitute a network, with the assistance of that everybody who wishes so, is able to take the steps. I will keep on track, continuation and perseverance are the keys. That is something, that programs for sure don't like. If I keep going the way of the Work the programs don't want me to continue on, they have to go. I sometimes thought before, that "failures" are very necessary - because without them one can't really grow, so I think. They are like challenges you can wrestle with - by that training the muscles of the Real I to evolve, I think. In terms of that, I will look at them as challenges, as you paraphrased Don Juan. That is what makes a seemingly boring life to an adventurous enterprise - at least that is, how it feels like for me. By doing the Work - Learning is fun, indeed! :D

seek10 said:
This weeks report: I made conscious effort to slow down the expectations before the sleep and did POTS before sleep. That seems to have helped to feel better and that some way increased attacks in sleep. Along with that I was looking for jobs and usual emotional roller coaster accompanies with it and constant associated narcissism made attacks more probable. Tearful Dairying of recollecting the daily activities is helping though. Until I rework on narcissism stuff , probably that will continue. I zoned out in the middle of baha as if some thing switched me off and wake up once the baha is complete. Though I know that zoning is good, this has the flavor of the my predatory part of it deliberately switching off to control the benefits. I still need to make conscious effort to do POTS before sleep.

Hi seek10, I can really relate to how you might feel at the moment. Recently - especially last week - I also had some emotional roller coasters and states of moodiness (latter also due to the weather), related to see programs in me, I do not like to have. These include traits of narcissism (for me especially in terms of self importance, as far as I realized) for me as well. Journaling, what I was seeing in me, recognising the feelings that went along with these realizations etc. and also letting the tears flow, brought some relieve for me as well.

I was given really good advice - to see my "difficulties" as challenge, as lesson and try to learn from them. As I am still very much a sapling in terms of the Work, I can not give you sound advice regarding what you are going through at the moment. I just can second SeekinTruths comment here: Do not let this get you down. Continue to share with us, as we are all here for each other, and keep on the track! Try to see it as challenge, that you will master in the course of time. Do not force yourself too hard for results, just keep on trying! I currently take the lesson of "balancing": to keep trying f.ex. to say POTS at least once every evening or night before sleep, and at the same time to not anticipate anything - just having the goal before my eyes: one day I will know myself and be a master handler of my 'machine'. It is a little bit like learning how to ride a bike, I guess. I tried it that way for weeks, in the first time I failed in discipline regarding to say POTS. But since approximately some weeks I can say the POTS even if it is late in the night when I go to sleep.
Wanted to share this with you, hope it can be of some help. And remember, we are always here for you. :)
I wish you all the best.

EDIT: Spelling
 
Once again, a week of experiencing wet eyes during PotS, and with the addition experiencing of yawning returning as well during PotS. That’s continuing progress.

Once again my body has given me some sharp reminders – another attack of sciatica, and on Saturday stomach cramps associated with what can only be described as ’constipated diarrhea’! The result, I think, of recent dreams and the Aha’s that have popped out of the dream interviews. Leading to dread, fear of the new (excessive worry), difficulty in the assimilation of new ideas, preferring to hold on to old ideas, stuck in the past – living a ‘dull’ life, and a need for contradicting established habits and ways of being. And that’s really only about the premature rejection of ideas based on having a poor self-image, yet at the same time, there is the need to let go of old ideas and (a) past incidence(s). This ‘letting go’ is proving the hardest lesson to learn; the limiting decision/buffer to overcome that is associated with anxiousness. Mental detachment is required, to make decisions based on my real needs, and to fully express myself, my true self.

Only a few little things to do, yet, now the ingrained habitual perception are of a mountain to climb; now that’s what needs overcoming now.
 
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