Hi all,
just chiming in to give an update about myself and EE, as I hadn't done so for quite a few weeks. I am still doing not the full program, only sticking to Pipe Breathing and the POTS. It feels right for me that way. One or two times I also included Warrior's Breath into my EE schedule. I am doing it before sleep and doing it without the audio. I finally managed it to do so regularly. No matter how tired I am, at least I manage it to say the POTS once.
I also noticed, that my dreams intensified more and I can remember my dreams from almost every night, when I wake up in the morning. I sometimes make some notes in my dream journal afterwards, but I feel less motivation to do so immediately after I woke up. Especially if I subjectively judged the dream(s) as "not so interesting".
Sometimes I write in my EE journal before doing POTS and going to sleep: I write about the programs I noticed and what comes in my mind etc. So I have somewhat of a map of self observing, I guess. But I know, I have to network also about them here in the forum. But I fear the mirroring. No, it's not me, it is the false personality, the preador's mind, whatever. But that I can "feel" mostly only theoretically. At the same time I also feel the pull, that I want to be honest with myself now more - as much as I can bear at the moment. For me, it is quite hard actually, because I have never undertaken similar efforts before I joined the forum, so I think.
I can relate to this feeling in general as well, especially regarding the last week. But I ascribed it less to things in terms of EE than to the weather (quite a lot of rain, gloomy and cold outside here in Eastern Germany) and to the mood I was in due to recognizing programs more clearly, so I think. Everything felt so mechanical, even the POTS in some way when I now look back from the hindsight. But what I did notice, is, when I did it several times: each time I began to feel more authentic then it was before for me. Part of the reconnection process where I had disconnected, I guess.
I know, I should have networked about the programs, that I started to see and about how seeing them got my mood down; but I didn't know where to begin and how to express that at all. Or maybe it was/is my preador's mind keeping me away from doing so; it does not want to be detected at all. Ego does not want to step back, because it thinks it is its natural right to allways be in front and allways be above others. Therefore the fear of being mirrored, or so I think.
I also one time did some breathing and the POTS outside in the park once, the sun was shining and it was warm; it was a beautiful feeling and I came out of the park as "another" person as I was, when I entered it.
I think, you are doing well actually - or so it sounds to me through your post. It sounds good, that you just go on in withstanding that, what you have described above (first qote). Maybe the strenght that you gain by that struggle will help you then to see those programs? From my little experience, I know that I gain some insight after withstanding a struggle or trying to withstand, that life has given me. I think, that actually dealing with those things somehow - doing something however little it may be, helps to proceed on the path. Even the least steps bring one nearer to the goal (for me this is, knowing myself, cleaning my machine and getting control over it). My thoughts :)
EDIT: "It is good" changed to "It sounds good"
just chiming in to give an update about myself and EE, as I hadn't done so for quite a few weeks. I am still doing not the full program, only sticking to Pipe Breathing and the POTS. It feels right for me that way. One or two times I also included Warrior's Breath into my EE schedule. I am doing it before sleep and doing it without the audio. I finally managed it to do so regularly. No matter how tired I am, at least I manage it to say the POTS once.
I also noticed, that my dreams intensified more and I can remember my dreams from almost every night, when I wake up in the morning. I sometimes make some notes in my dream journal afterwards, but I feel less motivation to do so immediately after I woke up. Especially if I subjectively judged the dream(s) as "not so interesting".
Sometimes I write in my EE journal before doing POTS and going to sleep: I write about the programs I noticed and what comes in my mind etc. So I have somewhat of a map of self observing, I guess. But I know, I have to network also about them here in the forum. But I fear the mirroring. No, it's not me, it is the false personality, the preador's mind, whatever. But that I can "feel" mostly only theoretically. At the same time I also feel the pull, that I want to be honest with myself now more - as much as I can bear at the moment. For me, it is quite hard actually, because I have never undertaken similar efforts before I joined the forum, so I think.
DanielS said:It felt as if I was losing touch, or not grooving with the prayer. ... I think it may somehow be connected with feelings of being completely out of touch with myself lately, and everything seeming so bland around me, like there's no life to anything, if that makes sense. I guess a sense of disconnect.
I can relate to this feeling in general as well, especially regarding the last week. But I ascribed it less to things in terms of EE than to the weather (quite a lot of rain, gloomy and cold outside here in Eastern Germany) and to the mood I was in due to recognizing programs more clearly, so I think. Everything felt so mechanical, even the POTS in some way when I now look back from the hindsight. But what I did notice, is, when I did it several times: each time I began to feel more authentic then it was before for me. Part of the reconnection process where I had disconnected, I guess.
I know, I should have networked about the programs, that I started to see and about how seeing them got my mood down; but I didn't know where to begin and how to express that at all. Or maybe it was/is my preador's mind keeping me away from doing so; it does not want to be detected at all. Ego does not want to step back, because it thinks it is its natural right to allways be in front and allways be above others. Therefore the fear of being mirrored, or so I think.
DS said:Yesterday though, I was spending some time outside at a park, and started saying the POTS, and 'felt' as if I was reconnecting with the meaning behind it. Things started to become much more vivid, as in everything that was happening around me, even the spectrum of colours of the grass, sky and houses. Almost like a computer screen where you turn up the brightness of the monitor.
I also one time did some breathing and the POTS outside in the park once, the sun was shining and it was warm; it was a beautiful feeling and I came out of the park as "another" person as I was, when I entered it.
DS said:But I'm not going to let this get me down, as I'm 100% sure that I'm running some programs that I can't see.
I think, you are doing well actually - or so it sounds to me through your post. It sounds good, that you just go on in withstanding that, what you have described above (first qote). Maybe the strenght that you gain by that struggle will help you then to see those programs? From my little experience, I know that I gain some insight after withstanding a struggle or trying to withstand, that life has given me. I think, that actually dealing with those things somehow - doing something however little it may be, helps to proceed on the path. Even the least steps bring one nearer to the goal (for me this is, knowing myself, cleaning my machine and getting control over it). My thoughts :)
EDIT: "It is good" changed to "It sounds good"