Gertrudes said:
Hi Keit,
From an holistic point of view, the left side of your body is connected with your feminine side, and to an ability to receive. Would this be at all connected with your life at present?
What I also found interesting is that you mentioned your difficulty in letting go, and you mentioned that your pinky finger just wouldn't relax. In Chinese medicine the heart meridians happen to finish exactly on the pinky finger of each hand. At a first glance, an inability to let go connected with some blockage concerning the heart seems to make sense, but I could be purely speculating here.
Also, here's Louise Hay's take on the little finger:
Louise Hay said:
Little finger: Represents the family and pretending
In the light of your recent thread in the swamp, perhaps your body is giving you signs of what is going on inside?
Thank you, Gertrudes, your reply was very helpful. Thought about it yesterday and it all clicked. Not that I didn't know or wasn't told about this before, but perhaps this time it sank in, or shell we say, it was allowed to be taken in, in a very simple way.
In the past I was asked, how is it possible that I was given so much love, including being in the supportive environment, but it didn't change or influence me a bit. Deeply rooted egotism appears to be the answer, but I just couldn't get it when only concentrated on the aspect of the ability to give and felt that there is a lot in me that could be given. Well, I got it all wrong.
Lobaczewski wrote:
We call egotism the attitude, subconsciously conditioned as a rule, to which we attribute excessive value to our instinctive reflexes, early acquired imaginings and habits, and individual world view.
Egotism hampers a personality’s normal evolution because it fosters the domination of subconscious life and makes it difficult to accept disintegrative states which can be very helpful for growth and development. This egotism and rejection of disintegration in turn favors the appearance of para-appropriate reactions as described above.
Events in my life, perhaps including my natural tendencies, made me rigid and closed toward things in life that could assist in bringing about positive processes of disintegration and then integration of attitudes that would allow me to heal and be able to interact with others in an open and balanced way. Undoubtedly, there were things that were taken in, since I am a different person than several years ago. But it was conditional and on my terms, it was always twisted or very limited, and continued to feed the egotistic wall. The heart is hardened and doesn't accept positive emanations, something that contributes to my inner lack of self understanding because they are being rejected.
Here, in other posts, I write about working on being a better vessel for accepting creative energy, while myself am blind. Ridiculous and sad, really! :)
The inability of letting go perhaps steams from an inability to accept and receive a different perception, a different way of interacting with reality. Unconditional and non negotiable (with my ego that is). :) Perhaps this inner turmoil is also an indication that with all the best intention of change, there is still an inner refusal to accept the non negotiable aspect and what it entail. Still clinging to restricting the creative by either forcing it to be on my terms, and if not, by rejecting it. If there is a lack of understanding or a block, it is because of my choice to continue the suffering.
Thanks again. Lot to think about.