FOTCM Chateau visit?
- Thread starter GqSoul
- Start date
Why not just take a break from posting and try and get through the recommended reading books for now?
I agree with Jenn's suggestion. It's a good exercise in not letting your predator win because you just HAVE to "explain"/ keep the thread going (look better, make excuses, "yes, but...", etc.). Try it out, it's not so hard in the end. You waited so long to become active, it can wait a little longer while you work some stuff out. People will understand and even approve of your not replying for at least a while until you have followed some of the advice.
Note: NO need to reply!
So manipulating easily manipulated people is seen as feather in your cap? That's pretty sad. Maybe you also pat yourself on the back for taking candy from babies?
Your whole struggle with "darkness" sounds like an over-dramatized narrative to cover up cowardice. Face your darkness, see it for what it is, make a choice. Shit or get off the pot.
Sounds good. Now you need to find out if you *actually* want to do that. So try doing it. If you find that you can continue to do it, quietly and without drama or fanfare or attempts to extract something in return, then you'll know it's what you want to do. If you can't do that, then you'll know it's not. Either way, you'll learn something important. In the end, do what you want to do.
The 'robotic' answer and taking it calmly reminds me how I can be like that sometimes and in my case, I attribute it to the 'freeze' state well explained in Healing Develeopmental Trauma.
cassiopaea.org
On the surface it seems like nothing is happening but a lot of stuff can move inside.
I felt reading some replies to the OP, that sharing knowledge on the subject of psychopathy or bad behavior in a harsh way, is just as much self-importance than the behavior being condemned.
I felt compassion from Chu in her way of answering. And also I think I get what Akeda was doing with his 'peace and love' kinda of answer trying to balance on the lightside although maybe a llittle off topic and not very usefull.
I think most of the replies were spot on I am pondering about the delivery. And I think it might benefit from not taking it too seriously, not in the sense that's it's not serious it is very much but rather getting outside of it a little bit to see it in another perspective.
Maybe I'm just too sensitive and snowflaky too !
"Healing Developmental Trauma" by L. Heller and A. LaPierre
I thought I'd start a thread on this book, as recommended by Laura here. In respect of Neurofeedback training, I think that peeps should get and read "Healing Developmental Trauma" by Heller and Lapierre. I have just about finished it and WHAT a REVELATION. I posted about it in two other...
cassiopaea.org
On the surface it seems like nothing is happening but a lot of stuff can move inside.
I felt reading some replies to the OP, that sharing knowledge on the subject of psychopathy or bad behavior in a harsh way, is just as much self-importance than the behavior being condemned.
I felt compassion from Chu in her way of answering. And also I think I get what Akeda was doing with his 'peace and love' kinda of answer trying to balance on the lightside although maybe a llittle off topic and not very usefull.
I think most of the replies were spot on I am pondering about the delivery. And I think it might benefit from not taking it too seriously, not in the sense that's it's not serious it is very much but rather getting outside of it a little bit to see it in another perspective.
Maybe I'm just too sensitive and snowflaky too !
That would be such a shame. This thread is another learning opportunity for lurkers AND active members. I always learn a lot from threads like these. It's also a test to see if my thinking is correct or not.
munaychasumaq
Dagobah Resident
If you ask you will be answered and there is a huge possibility that the result is not going to be what you are expecting...Our lunch in this Universe is not free my dear.
GqSoul
Jedi
@Joe, I needed to let this one sit with me for awhile and see how it might be true. In my over dramatization I made things convoluted and didn't express what was essential.
I don't struggle with darkness in the sense that I have an affinity for it, and my descriptions make it sound like boasting. That's not the way -I- feel. I don't try to manipulate people, to get things from them, or to harm people physically or psycho-emotionally. My thought life isn't characterized by dark fantasies or negativity in general. What I wanted to establish was that I understand the potential within me for real Evil, not in theoretical terms, but experientially. This is something similar to Dr. Jordan Peterson's "Auchwitz Guard" argument; because I recognized that real potential, early on, my response was to choose the opposite of that and try to live it out. Furthermore, I recognize the extreme limits of my own "self-awareness" and that there are many unconscious programs that can erupt into my daily life causing mayhem without warning. That's what attracted me to the work. I fail constantly of the ideal, but I don't equivocate in my choice. This is what I identify with.
When I accept the insight, criticism, chastisement, or advice from this group, it's not to "be nice." I spent the early part of my life being a chameleon, as part of my defense mechanism, hiding myself from others (especially the predator). Realizing where that led, I've adopted the only remedy that seems viable for me which is to be transparent to those who are helping and to those I can help. It stings deeply to be slapped by one's heroes, but it's better than the alternative. Owning it is the easy part. Becoming a real boy, in every life circumstance, in service to others, is where I'm seeking to grow.
Although I've continued to follow the work through SOTT reports, articles, reading the forum, etc, I've not participated by giving and sharing my experiences. You said to shit or get off the pot, and the experience of the two
recent threads has been the needed kick in the pants. I see that I can't become real and useful by reading and trying to practice in relative isolation.
GqSoul
Jedi
Considering all from my previous post, I think it's important to say that I recognize that I do lie, manipulate, and hurt others out of ignorance, lack of awareness or selfishness. It is not something I relish, or do wantonly and maliciously.
My conscience is alive and outspoken and inescapable. Where I know that I've hurt others I take pains to make amends.
I'm not special or pure. I'm striving to live impeccably, which gives me a lot of feedback when I fail. I try to do a lot of practical things, to test my level of being. Where I fail, I can register the deficiency and work on it.
nature
Dagobah Resident
Pompeo's disturbing, but honest CIA admission: 'We lied, we cheated, we stole'
In a rare moment of honesty, Mike Pompeo admitted to an audience that the CIA trains employees to "lie, cheat and steal." While he seemed to find the whole thing funny, not everyone is amused, as RT found out. The CIA often asks American citizens...
www.sott.net
GqSoul
Jedi
I followed the link through to read the article. Being stark and honest can be a manipulative ploy. Paraphrasing the C's, STS can be starkly truthful when it suits their purposes.Pompeo's disturbing, but honest CIA admission: 'We lied, we cheated, we stole'
In a rare moment of honesty, Mike Pompeo admitted to an audience that the CIA trains employees to "lie, cheat and steal." While he seemed to find the whole thing funny, not everyone is amused, as RT found out. The CIA often asks American citizens...
My purposes, my conscious aims would be sabotaged by trying to use such a tactic, especially here. What I'm trying to do is openly share my thoughts and observations on my life, my mistakes, developmental deficiencies, within the network where I can receive feedback and where my experiences might help someone else.
Being considered a good person, or considering myself a good person doesn't release me from the responsibility or consequences of my actions or ommissions. I don't TRY to hurt others, yet if people are hurt, my good intentions don't absolve me. In this network, portraying myself as a good person will only hinder my progress and blind me to the areas I need to be aware of. It's also a massive waste of time, given the apriori assumption that we are not transparent to ourselves, and "can't think with the way we think."
I am an STS person, choosing and pursuing STO candidacy.
M
MikaelYosef
Guest
20 of the 186 words in your last message contained references to yourself: 'I, me, I'm, myself'.
Just an observation when considering 'STS' and 'STO'.
Just an observation when considering 'STS' and 'STO'.
Good, but you may not *really* care (it's pretty rare). The inherent suffering in life is what most often teaches compassion and empathy and grows a conscience, and you can't force that. So just live your life and do your best. See what comes.
That's a good approach. Carry on. No big deal, no one's "special".
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