The Living Force
I can relate to that, I did the same.I spent the early part of my life being a chameleon, as part of my defense mechanism, hiding myself from others
An intellectual remedy. I get that too. I can only tell you of my experience. I had an unfounded fear of others. It looked to me like everyone around me really had it together and knew what they were doing. When it finally became apparent that most everyone else was doing the 'fake it till you make it' strategy in life as well, the fear mostly went away. I was able to get real and just be me. I'm not overly transparent with people. That's not usually a great strategy, for me or them. I can be pretty darn honest though. I usually do it in a playful way if I know them well enough. I have empathy because I've struggled and suffered. You're almost 20 years younger than me so I've had a little longer in the school of hard knocks.Realizing where that led, I've adopted the only remedy that seems viable for me which is to be transparent to those who are helping and to those I can help
If you haven't read 'Healing Developmental Trauma' do. Sounds like you developed the connection survival strategy talked about in that book.