I've been keeping up with this thread, and several times I considered writing responses to some of the issues that members were discussing re: race and violence - but each time, I felt myself reacting emotionally and had to take "time out" to do some meditation and get in touch with what I was feeling. I'm glad I didn't post then. It would have been dry and inauthentic.
Viewing the Twitter posts of Zzartemis really hit home for me though, and they put me in touch with my true feelings. The one with the mother berating her child for joining Antifa made me break down in tears. The one with the "free hug" guy did the same.
I think that before I write more I need to share some of my past, and how I was personally raised to observe the world. The viewpoint I was raised with when encountering others made me who I am, and I very am grateful for it in these times.
Both my mother and her mother are/were very loving, non-judgmental souls. Both of them had a major part in raising me. For as long as I have known (or knew) them, they never once when first meeting a person did other than to meet them where they were; acknowledge who they were; and be *themselves* fully and completely in turn with an open heart and mind. There was never any preconceived bias based on skin color, religion, or anything. Even if a person had a 'reputation' that preceded their initial meeting, it had no bearing on how they received them initially. And trust me: both of them dealt with some very shady people in their lives.
But after that initial meeting, if that person could not meet the personal integrity and moral standing that both my mom and grandmother exemplified as the very basis of their being and meet them with the same mutual love, honesty, and trust in a consistent manner that they always had for others, they would then withdraw and release them from their lives. They would allow them several chances before doing so, but they would always eventually stand their ground and not be allowed to be drawn into karma with such people (though sometimes it took a few chances more than desired...).
I was raised to be the same way. And as an empath, I always had a knack for being able to tell exactly how a person felt and thought almost immediately upon meeting them. I just *knew* how to meet them on a level where we could connect, leading with my own heart.
As a child, when allowed I always stretched my boundaries to try to meet and include as many people as possible in my sphere of influence. I mean, meeting more kids just meant more play time, right? I LOVED meeting people and getting to know them. But much of what I encountered with those early experiences made me question myself, as I was often rebuffed by people for reasons I could not understand. And those experiences really scarred me, and still do, to this day.
Coming now to my own personal shares of how I have experienced discrimination:
- I have been discriminated against because of my color (I am white and once lived in a predominantly black region).
- I have been discriminated against because of my religion (or lack of one).
- I have been discriminated against because of my height (I'm short).
- I have been discriminated against because of my prosperity level (both when broke and when doing much better).
- I have been discriminated against because of my age (both too young, and now "too old". Dagnabbit).
- I have been discriminated against because of my political leanings (almost...anarchist...).
- I have been discriminated against because of my taste in music and film - um, moving on...
I vividly remember a couple instances from my youth where I encountered discrimination, but I did not know at that time how to make sense of it. Once I went over to a school friend's house to play, and we started putting together a plastic model of a car using glue - when his parents told him to come inside. I waited outside for over an hour wondering what was going on, and I saw his parents looking out their window at me to see if I was still there. I finally left, bewildered, when they wouldn't answer the door when I knocked. It was only when I got older that I remembered that they were fundamentalist Christians, and they belonged to a sect that kept to themselves. But I was too young to understand, and that incident made me question myself and my self-worth.
Not long after that incident, I remember playing with a younger friend (just a year or so) who had an incredible back yard with tons of toys and a magnificent tree house! We were having a blast when his mother called me into their living room. She sat me down and gave me a glass of lemonade, then proceeded to grill me like a police sergeant: "Where do you live?" "What does your father do for a living?" "What is your name?" "Can you tell me the names of any relatives that might be known around here?" This went on for a half hour, until she asked for my glass and told me that I wasn't welcome there any more. WTF??? It was only upon reflection later in life that I realized that family was very "well-to-do" and they wanted to make sure their kids only hobnobbed with similar people. But I was too young to understand, and that incident made me question myself and my self-worth.
I have since experienced many more such instances, but in each case I was old enough to understand what was actually going on. But that never made the rejections feel any better. It has only been very recently, in fact, that I have come to understand that all of those rejections didn't come because of who I was at heart, but only because of how I was *perceived* by those who judged me - that the fault didn't lie within me; but within people who had become identified with visions of who they were, and how they were expected to be and act based upon THEIR own upbringing and cultural imprinting - and they had not been able to escape the narrow bounds of acceptability that had been set for them since they were born. They were prisoners of their own upbringing.
Once I finally saw that, I realized how lucky I was to have been raised with such loving, open-minded, caring people.
And now when I look at what is transpiring with all of this violence and racial intolerance, it HURTS. I can SEE what is going on, and how if people had simply had the same upbringing that I had the fortune of having, they would not allow themselves to fall into these traps. I can see how the psychopaths who (think they) run this world have set all these divisions in motion over the millennia: first language, then race, then religion, then politics, and sex etc...all of it planned, and weaponized.
Most people have grown up identifying with these self-concepts as WHO THEY ARE, when NONE of it has EVER been really true - and then they use their self-righteousness to make themselves feel better, and worthy, when in reality all it does is further separate and isolate them. But as long as they live in their own little exalted bubbles, they won't ever change - because it would hurt too much for them to face the fact that they were never truly loved by those who raised them; and because of that, they never really learned how to love others, or themselves, or even what being loved really feels like. THAT is the true tragedy we are seeing play out in real time right now.
So please: continue to love, and self-love, and BE love. I strive for this every day, and I know that I am blessed to have had it and truly FELT it. May everyone be similarly blessed, especially now. Love to you all.