"Healing Developmental Trauma" by L. Heller and A. LaPierre

maiko

Padawan Learner
Thank you for sharing your experiences and for giving so much substance to the experience of reading the book. Here I was thinking I had all my problems / traumas / issues nicely sorted out and labeled and put away for possible later reconsideration. Then I started reading “Inside the Criminal Mind” whilst listening to an audio version of “Healing Developmental Trauma”. At the same time I started Rolfing sessions and then one morning whilst brushing my teeth in slow motion, my mind followed the exercise ”Your Mother’s Eyes” as described in the audio version and the book. The exercise asks you to center yourself and bring up an image of your mother’s face and eyes and to track the emotional and physical response you experience.

It sounded so harmless and I ignored the advise to do this exercise with a partner and the hint that it might get quite evocative. The result was instant, both physical and emotional, and since that moment (about three weeks ago) I feel out of balance and stirred up.

Now I am rereading the book, I do not recommend the audio version or at least not as the sole version, the format doesn’t do the subject justice.

I take the book as an opportunity to be more honest to myself and to really take a look at what feelings and subjects I still have to integrate. I still can’t put a finger on which survival style(s) hit closest to home, but my inner resistance shows me, I might be on to something. What really helps me at the moment is Rolfing as I discover so many tensions in parts of my body that I wasn’t aware of and that influence my breathing, my posture (so far I am apparently not standing straight with my shoulders back), my movements and the perspective on things. At times I feel a bit / really overwhelmed, self-observation isn’t always easy but I am grateful for the recommendation of the book. As with everything it isn’t the only possible tool in the box but it is a very useful approach.
 

hlat

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
I'm really glad to listen to book and wish I had done it earlier. I'm trying to get my wife to read it.

I think this is one of the first books that should be read, up there with The Narcissistic Family.
 

goyacobol

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Q: (L) Well, they said the power for changing reality lies in the belief center of the mind. But then they also said something about emotions. Emotions that are limiting, and then emotions that help to progress... So, maybe the belief that one needs to cultivate - if any - is the belief in unlimited possibilities AND also in the benevolence of the universe and the process. Maybe that's what it is?

A: Yes yes yes!

Q: (Joe) The other phrase was that the one thing you have to do before transitioning to 4D is to think in completely unlimited terms. That doesn't mean you have to be able to think of everything that exists, but...

(L) You have to be open.

(Joe) Right, no expectations. That means getting rid of your hard and fast beliefs about things.

(L) And I think that comes back in a funny sort of way to this “Healing Developmental Trauma” book. One of the problems of early trauma is that children come to believe that the universe is not a safe place or it's scary. They just get completely wrong ideas which lead to thought errors. That's something that's preverbal

(Pierre) And very limiting.

(L) And those are the kinds of things that probably the neurofeedback can fix more easily than anything else because those are things that produce certain brain waves that persist over time. There's no other way to get to them because you can't TALK your way through something that's preverbal! You can get into some kind of body therapy and spend years with a therapist, but why do that when you can just go directly and change the brain waves? And if you change brain waves, the brain's going to change. Right?

A: Yes yes yes!
Both the Healing Developmental Trauma book and the NeurOpimal sessions seem to be helping with the preverbal emotions that block our development. Also reading Inside the Criminal Mind seems to have helped many of us jump start this process by helping us recognize "thinking errors" we may not have noticed before. Well, I guess all these latest books just fit together for me anyway. I can't leave out Collingwood's, The Idea of History either.

Having two grandchildren has made me very aware of the importance of early development. It's like being forced to remember how it is to "play", imagine and find excitement in the world around us (hopefully in a more healthy way).

(Pierre) What I understand from this discussion is that the healthy beliefs are the unlimiting beliefs, but...

(L) Why believe anything?

(Pierre) Yes; beliefs by definition ARE limiting. If you don't believe this, then you believe that. So, I guess unlimited beliefs is sort of a transcending of the very notion of belief. It's going beyond beliefs.

A: Become like little children...

Q: (Artemis) Inquisitive, but without bias or beliefs.

(L) And adventurous, open to experience, and not formed up with any beliefs. And one hopes that it's a little child that has not been developmentally traumatized! [laughter]
You know becoming like little children may not be as easy as it sounds especially after all the traumas and false beliefs we have accumulated since our own childhoods. On the other hand I am thankful for all these new sources of information and the possibility that many of us may heal, grow and even be able to share what we learn to help others.
 

Corvus

Jedi Council Member
I am reading it and it came as a surprise because it described truly behavioral patterns and causes. I have mostly a mix of Trust and Autonomy styles with some elements of Connection and Sex styles, seen elements of Attunement among family member. When those patterns are everything you know for most of a life and see it as a normal because it was only thing you knew, but deeper feeling saying it is not quite right, it is hard to know the way out, but the sad thing is it is repeated from generation to generation without end nobody knowing it, and examples can be seen on macroscale, for example Israel being good example of Trust style.
 
Both the Healing Developmental Trauma book and the NeurOpimal sessions seem to be helping with the preverbal emotions that block our development. Also reading Inside the Criminal Mind seems to have helped many of us jump start this process by helping us recognize "thinking errors" we may not have noticed before. Well, I guess all these latest books just fit together for me anyway. I can't leave out Collingwood's, The Idea of History either.

Having two grandchildren has made me very aware of the importance of early development. It's like being forced to remember how it is to "play", imagine and find excitement in the world around us (hopefully in a more healthy way).



You know becoming like little children may not be as easy as it sounds especially after all the traumas and false beliefs we have accumulated since our own childhoods. On the other hand I am thankful for all these new sources of information and the possibility that many of us may heal, grow and even be able to share what we learn to help others.
So happy to hear about the progress working through the developmental trauma with NeurOpimal, the resources recommended here, Laura and the C's! I think there's gold the two points you make about setting an objective to discover a "childlike" place in oneself and that untangling developmental trauma by other means than speech (and writing, from my own experience) are required.
 

goyacobol

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
So happy to hear about the progress working through the developmental trauma with NeurOpimal, the resources recommended here, Laura and the C's! I think there's gold the two points you make about setting an objective to discover a "childlike" place in oneself and that untangling developmental trauma by other means than speech (and writing, from my own experience) are required.
It is the "like" part that causes me to think deeper about how that should be or will be. The Cs are not saying to become children but to be "like" little children. I think in a perfect world it would be children not suffering from trauma and fear but curious to learn and not frozen in any "belief" system.

Session 10 February 2018
(Pierre) Yes; beliefs by definition ARE limiting. If you don't believe this, then you believe that. So, I guess unlimited beliefs is sort of a transcending of the very notion of belief. It's going beyond beliefs.

A: Become like little children...
It reminds me of a bible verse (not to go biblical but I think some gems might be found there):

Matthew 18:2-4 New International Version (NIV)
2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

I don't know if that is kind of what the Cs were saying or not but when you look at all this Dionysius chaos it isn't doesn't bring out the best emotions. I would rather see an era where "knowledge" covers the earth because I am beginning to think maybe "knowledge protects".

Isaiah 11:6-9
New International Version
6 The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them.

7 The cow will feed with the bear, their young will lie down together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox.

8 The infant will play near the cobra's den, and the young child will put its hand into the viper's nest.

9 They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain, for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea.
Of course the "Lord" means so many different things to different people they are killing each other to see which one everybody else has to believe in. Can you "believe" it? (note the child is leading wild animals not adults).
 
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It is the "like" part that causes me to think deeper about how that should be or will be. The Cs are not saying to become children but to be "like" little children. I think in a perfect world it would be children not suffering from trauma and fear but curious to learn and not frozen in any "belief" system.

Session 10 February 2018


It reminds me of a bible verse (not to go biblical but I think some gems might be found there):

Matthew 18:2-4 New International Version (NIV)
2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

I don't know if that is kind of what the Cs were saying or not but when you look at all this Dionysius chaos it isn't doesn't bring out the best emotions. I would rather see an era where "knowledge" covers the earth because I am beginning to think maybe "knowledge protects".



Of course the "Lord" means so many different things to different people they are killing each other to see which one everybody else has to believe in. Can you "believe" it? (note the child is leading wild animals not adults).
Tuning into children can be quite enlightening. Conversely, my own efforts to think, rationalize, read, talk or journal my way through developmental issues or gain freedom from limiting states of being have been futile. Until the pathways to feeling my own emotions fully and connecting to others were opened finally by EE, I was in prison. Now developing a relationship with that part of myself that feels childlike, pure, true, innocent and worthy (just because) is enriching, empowering and feels right, feels like knowing. I'm gathering Heller's approach, the bodywork, the EE, the new brainwave technology bypasses the resistance and defenses, to allow an adult to regain access his or her own lost essence, instincts and path - to become like children, as it was put.
 
Thank you for sharing so much about the book and your experiences and thank you for working on becoming the best versions of yourself, you are also great as you are now btw:-).
I haven't bought the book yet but I see it's important because I found myself in all of surviving styles, mostly in autonomy but my test result scored highest on attunement 42.86% and connection 30.77%.
What I basically discovered through my life is that I work on issues from past because they pop up on daily basis. Every job experience, or general experience that I have confronts me with my baggage and also shows me what I have to work on. I was unsatisfied with the job I had too loud and than that crazy coworker started to pick on me and causing me discomfort. I hate conflicts, I totally avoid them at any cost, so I quitted my job when my contract expired. And than I couldn't get job for half a year and I was afraid I'm going to experience something like that again, I applied for many jobs but I felt like I'm not going to fit anywhere.
I finally got job as a kindergarten teacher, accidently, because I applied for an assistent for a kid with troubles in development and they hired me as a substitute teacher. I loved the job and the kids of course. It was the opportunity to see how I behave and to remind myself how I was as a child. I actually didn't know any of the songs, games or dances. First of all I felt incompetent because I only have a bachelor degree in history, not in education. I tried to learn as much as I could from my coworkers but they were not so open for cooperation because they knew I was hired only for collecting some tax benefits the state gives for hiring unemployed and I'm only there until they expire which was after 2 months. So then they didn't prolong my contract.
I was learning everything to be a good teacher, I've learnd all the songs and stories very quickly and reading about how I have to behave, what we should do and play. Kids were really good and they accepted me and we had really great time. They helped me to relive the childhood in a positive way, when I was kid, I hated kindergarten. What I wanted for them was to create a good memory of kindergarten the one I didn't have. I hope I helped:-).
My son didn't go to a kindergarten because I was still on college when he was a baby so we had a kindergarten of our own and my son was more interested in learning about nature than dancing hokey pokey. But I think I did ok. That was the best time of my life plus those two months I worked with the kids.
So after I lost job I got sick, I felt like I've lost 20 kids and endangered our finances because I pay everything for my son myself. I wasn't here because of that. I feel better now, no matter what happens I always feel ok after a while because I feel this force, aliveness always being with me. I don't know how to explain it. I know something takes care of me and that I will manage somehow.
My parent are as they are, I'm sure they did the best they could, although I said ugly things about them on forum previously, it's not their fault and it's stupid of me to be a hostage of a past. I have many things to work on and I bet my life will organise itself to afford the new lessons. We grow with every experience.
 

hlat

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Thank everyone for sharing your thoughts, I read the whole thread again. By the way, I am just beginning to understand how to use the forum, or at least how it is best for me. I used to come and open many threads, not finishing most of them, deriving from one subject to another, getting overwhelmed by all there is to learn, feeling inferior to all of you hard posters, anticipating and feeling ashamed of not participating enough. Kind of what Carlise said but more generalized :

It was quite the revelation for me to hear that you have been going through this stuff the whole time as well.

It was easy to imagine that you were always just an extremely capable person with a with a big bad attitude, creating a worldwide network of people, fighting off all kinds of attacks, showing evil spirits who's boss etc. I mean this just puts what you have achieved on a whole new level, it really is an inspiration.
Now I am able to stick to a specific thread and stay focused, read the related books, follow the discussion and post my input. Staying in the present allows me to follow the Ariane's thread.

Reading your struggles also makes me realize how wrong I was to put you on a pedestal, creating myself a great distance from you and my own possibilities of sharing and evolution.

Reading HDT was profound from the first sentence. I translate it from French version: "the purpose of this book is to restore the ability to be connected".

I was really affected throughout the book, it was like reading my own internal makeup in so many ways. I was absorbed and felt really enthusiastic and empowered. As I've said in Samenow's thread, it brought back many memories. I totally related to the ocular blockage which I've experienced many times in my life.

Yet it's been two or three months I've read it and didn't reopen it. Reading the thread helps me remember, but I guess it's one book to keep in reserve to come back to. Also, it creates new associations for me, regarding Samenow's thinking errors, identifications, and counter identifications. I guess one could take the thinking errors one has and classify them according to the different survival styles using the helpful post #70 from @Hesper.

What I retained is the logic and power provided by self-regulation and grounding. I feel more and more equipped to deal with the daily struggles of life. I can see when I begin to get bogged down but doesn't allow it to spread so far. I feel like I have the choice now. It makes much more sense that by gaining knowledge you gain free will. Finding balance is not easy but being able to notice that we are so out of balance is sometimes even harder.

I take on the advice from the Cs on becoming like little children and can't help but think about Natural Movement approach derived from Herbert philosophy, and its modern Movnat legacy. Looking at how children move, I guess there is something important about flexibility, mobility, and environment enrichment to transpose and keep in mind.

On a side note, from the Belgian website sportnat.be : Hébert's work cannot be reduced to the Natural Method. Hebertism is a holistic teaching model composed of integral training, learning of common handcrafts, mental and moral culture, intellectual culture, aesthetic culture and naturist initiative. Hence the interest it generated in the most diverse circles from working life to dance and theatre, via scouting, Christian esotericism, science...


Gratitude... and Love too (I hesitated on this one by fear of being judged but I'll leave it, and you'll understand I mean Light and Knowledge, and do not mean to force you to receive it in any way [justification] :rolleyes:)
 
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