Help with finding a girlfriend

[Search]

I had not been drinking for some years, but recently began drinking again. But not that much lately. I never visit porn websites.

Maybe you watching some girls, it is not have to be based on the porn.
Nowadays culture is always putting us into sex.
The advertising, instagram, tik-tok, etc.

Check that also. Better to reduce that influence and concentrate your mind on learning process.

 

[Search]

I would be fine being the 'tool' or 'teddy bear' in the dynamic. But that is just aspects of things and no big deal.

It is just sex issue.

 

[Search]

The feeling I get after reading your post is that it doesn't match.

The thing you have asked the question and people here are trying to help you, some may match, some doesn't.

 

[Anamarija]

A general rule would be that we pay evenly. But I suppose, if for some reason me or her has lots of money, in theory, I would not feel bad paying her food and drinks and then I would expect the same back another time.

I'm asking because you said in your initial post that you don't have a job. If I may ask, where do you get the money for living?

 

[SHNAGFNAY]

It is just sex issue.

Perhaps you should slow down a little. You seem to make more weirder replies now.

They can help you even with finding a girlfriend.

Perhaps, then perhaps not.

Of course, I have had friends before. If wanted male friends, I would prefer they have girlfriends too.

But I don't need to go through that again, and if I got new friends, they better have evolved into adults. I would maybe interact with such friends only when going out, but not much more than that.

 

[SHNAGFNAY]

I'm asking because you said in your initial post that you don't have a job. If I may ask, where do you get the money for living?

It's very unclear at this moment. I have paid the bills for the month and now I have no money. I have a medical certificate that will put me on sick leave from Oktober the 16th until December the 31st but it will take a month before that gets processed and I will receive the funds later. Until then I can expect to get money from either social services or my older unemployment service program which I had earlier.

Grandfather and my parents have helped me now too, not only has my grandfather paid some smaller bills for me, but helped me on other fronts as well. He is 89 years old and recently was in the hospital but just for a day. I did not ask for help; he simply offered it. He was the only family member I had contact with for a while.

But now I am in contact with the rest of the family again, and they bought me some food and gave me some pocket money.

Of course, I am not buying drinks now, but will go for a beer to that pub I mentioned, I can afford that.

 

[Andrey]

I was also in a bleak situation many years ago, and out of "impatience" (G-rated substitute word if there ever was one), I went on Tinder and surprisingly found a girl pretty fast. Things went well initially and we were on our way to starting to form a relationship. But, as stated in the beginning, my situation was very bleak; I needed her more than she needed me. She sensed this quite quickly and straight up ghosted me, and my very bleak situation became 10 times bleaker. It took me a few months to get over it, but also made me grateful she did what she did, because we had totally different reality tunnels and only connected on a physical level (and even that wasn't really much of a connection; I guess we were both being "impatient").

So the moral of the story is, be careful what you wish for. I know an occultist who "manifested" a woman out of thin air just to get laid, and she was baked noodles times a 1000 who wouldn't leave his house.

Maybe your impatience is trying to tell you to be more patient.

Not saying totally abandon your project of finding a girlfriend, but maybe prioritize some things, like making yourself better. It will make you feel better about yourself. Honestly, when you get to the point where you feel like you are all you really need in this life, for some reason someone arrives out of thin air to become an expansion pack for your growth and you become the same for her. People say it's the universe; but who knows what it is. Maybe it's just some chemical reactions, pheromones and hormones and mindset that builds up after you work hard on improving yourself that become an "X factor" for the opposite sex. Many women have a built in sixth sense in relation to these things. If by some miracle, tomorrow you find that ideal woman, she will sense your "impatience" and leave you like what happened to me, and TRUST ME you will feel way worse than you might be feeling right now.

So in summary, I say don't completely abandon your desire for a girlfriend, but start getting your stuff together and laser focus on that. If you do that, you will naturally attract people around you because people respect hard work in others and can sense when someone is putting in work or slacking off in life. You'll feel more confident as well and believe in yourself.

Anyways, that's all I got. Best of luck.

 

[Search]

Perhaps you should slow down a little. You seem to make more weirder replies now.


Perhaps, then perhaps not.

Of course, I have had friends before. If wanted male friends, I would prefer they have girlfriends too.

But I don't need to go through that again, and if I got new friends, they better have evolved into adults. I would maybe interact with such friends only when going out, but not much more than that.

Maybe you get me wrong, or language barrier.
I'm not saying for you to have a male partner.

I was trying to say that a good friend may help you, especially the one who is doing sports.

 

[SHNAGFNAY]

Maybe you get me wrong, or language barrier.
I'm not saying for you to have a male partner.

I was trying to say that a good friend may help you, especially the one who is doing sports.

I wasn't under the impression that you said I should have a male sexual partner.

Maybe this is just me, but I don't particularly like when two males walk alongside each other and hang out, living lonely lives etc. without girls. In fact, I have become somewhat disgusted by it. Seeing lonely people, who get friends of the same sex, then just waste their lives away, swishing money around, talking about girls, but where are the girls?

Of course, these are just some of my observations and I have also seen males with girls. But often I get the impression many people are wasting away their lives on crap. I had circles of pretty cool male friends when a child, so what I am saying is that I don't need to repeat that, and should focus on girls and getting a girlfriend now. And now I am 32, pretty much wasted away my life on crap too, so why would I suddenly focus on getting a bunch of sporty male friends?

 

[Wandering Star]

The feeling I get after reading your post is that it doesn't match.

Yes..., water and oil.

 

[SHNAGFNAY]

Let's say for example I started to play basketball as a sport for fun, it would have to be a nice group, preferably with females, but sports are divided to male and female, even if you play for fun? I think so anyway. I would not begin doing sports for the sake of the sport, the group of people have to be really special, and no psycho nut jobs on the team and please don't damage the property! I worked in a sportcenter as a janitor, cleaner and fixer. I have even driven ice machines in real ice hockey games.

 

[hobnob]

Criteria, or standards, and lack of trust are always the cause of celibacy. No one's going to fit perfectly; however, moral standards are a true source of happiness (and a reasonable gauge of people), so they cannot be completely avoided. As for lack of trust, which I don't see here, the issue there would be emotional intensity. The cure for that is to realize some people become uglier the better you know them, but not all people, and to let go.

To meet women with moral standards, it's possible that may occur at church. Time, friendship, and conversation would likely be emphasized.

As for online dating websites, some people have reasonable success; the standards there are probably that you have a job and a place.

Otherwise people generally hook up from work, or from friendships.

 

[Search]

That's good that you like basketball, i also enjoy that game. Or you just made an example.

What I meant saying male & male aka friendship's relationship was as follows, I will give you mine life example:

" When i met my close friend that I haven't seen for years, he gave me a punch ( with friendship energy, he was missing me)

It is kind of males friendship. And I know he will pick up from the "mud".

I don't know if I made myself clear.
It may be a different mentality in our countries, but take it into account.

 

[Search]

It looks like you need that kind of "punch".

Because we are going rounds and rounds here.
Reread all that was said to you.

P.S. punch = hit.
And I meant that you need switch you model of thinking first of all.

 

[Search]

An Don't get me wrong.

I'm not stopping you to making questions and posts, I just shared my opinion.