How are you feeling?

[gottathink]

I have alien fatigue, that’s what I feel.

Edit: Tired of them but have to and is prudent to keep paying proper attention to events unfolding.

 

[naorma]

I can’t find that meme anywhere but it goes something like “ when the world is ending but you still got to go to work on Monday “

That’s how I feel in a nutshell, it’s like I’m stuck in the matrix. Wash, rinse and repeat. However I do realize it’s probably a million times better than the alternatives (war, natural disasters, etc.)

This reminds me of a sentence von Gurdijeff: "Man is a machine, and once he has realised that, he stops to be one."

 

[SOTTREADER]

Lately I’m struggling with the feeling of life just completely sucking (more than it used to). It comes and goes but when it comes it’s almost debilitating and it takes a whole lot of self counselling just to pull myself through the emotions, usually help myself a bit by putting on my runners and going for a walk up one of the steep hills around here, or if I can, distracting myself with browsing YouTube and watching either feel good videos of animals being saved or whatever or ones where people lives suck more than I perceive mine to.

I’ve got some factors contributing to the depressive states but I also have enough (just enough) awareness to be able to guide myself through and not burden anyone around me too much with what I’m experiencing because I know that it’s fleeting and within a day or two it will pass, then return in a week for another torment.

A few weeks ago it was so bad that I decided I needed a break from the area and we went for a trip to the coast last weekend. It was so very good to get away, but reality is here where I live and I can’t escape it. I have spent most of my life thinking ‘what’s the point’ and I still haven’t figured it out, but I get an overwhelming sense that by feeling these depressions and futility i am, in a big way, rejecting creation and the universe itself, which causes more depression because that is a direct reflection on me, I am rejecting myself .
And, my self care is abysmal lately, I just don’t feel like there’s any time for me after I’ve cared for others, I’m usually too exhausted to care. I think the most concerning part is that I don’t really care about myself and can’t muster up the will to do much about it. I’m not even waiting for anything to happen, I’m just existing…. enjoying the show?? No, not really, I used to, but now I just feel ‘meh’ if I’m not feeling depressed and hopeless.

So the biggest driving factor I think is sleep problems. I am getting better sleep now that my 15 month old only wakes twice a night but I think it’s really done some damage. I’m foggy and my memory is terrible, I write things down and set alarms otherwise I’ll just forget as if I never knew it in the first place. There’s a book called Post-Natal Depletion which talks about how it can take some women 10 years to recovery from pregnancy and breast feeding, so I’m trying to be patient with the feelings I have, lots of good food and supplements.

Thanks for giving me the space to gripe. I hope everyone is feeling okay.

I was listening to this audiobook (The Immune Mind ) and he said something that made me think of what you write sometimes about how you are feeling - it was a new word to me, anhedonia i.e. the inability to feel pleasure or joy (whatever you want to call it)

In any case, I'd recommend you read the book (immune mind) if the state is still persisting. More importantly, I'd recommend you assess your physical condition and come to an honest conclusion. It might be that the psychological perceptions you are having are a symptom rooted to something physical. I'm no doctor or anything like that so all I can recommend is you read the book and see whether anything he says can help you.

 

[Anamarija]

I'm really fine, almost happy.

I managed to implement all the things that I have learned trough the recommended books and all guidelines (indirect or direct) I got from forum.
My situation on my work is immeasurably better than it was on my previous jobs. Especially with my boss who has so far shown many narcissistic characteristics. I avoid any confrontation and show respect even though my personal opinion of her is contrary. She even wanted me to be her assistant but since she didn't ask me that directly I avoid her insinuation with silence.

I come to work, did my part, earn my paycheck and go home. Only part on which I'm working on is that I work too much. Since isn't particularly interesting job (salesman) I work hard and fast because I want to speed time . Which led me to exhaustion and when I come home I don't have energy to read which I think that is most important thing to do if you want to work on yourself. So, my next task is learning how to work less and slower.

I'm blessed that I'm living with Juba because talking about everything that is happening in the world is much helpful when you have someone that understand why this is happening. Talking with other people is totally different story. When I ask about the war that's going on people usually say:"Which war? I didn't know that there's a war somewhere." I can't imagine how this people will feel when things escalate so much that they won't be able to ignore it. You can read, even in Croatian mainstream media, that every day things in Germany become worst and that some company went bankrupt. To them that doesn't mean much because they can't connect that with our situation of economy in Croatia. The prices have risen a lot and the minimum wage is around 800 euros. Mine is 1000 euros and I'm fine with that since I really don't need much. The only higher cost are supplements which I buy every couple of months.

Even though is not very interesting job I feel that I'm sitting in the first row since I can see people and they reaction, what they buying, in which condition they are (or at least what my subjective opinion is) and many of them are burdened with high prices, not buying plastics stuff (they feel guilty) or cigarettes. It looks to me that people in general are very disoriented, kind of lost. They even forget wallets when they come to shopping. I tried to make this humorous situation and say something like:"It's ok, you can pay some other time." They come to the store and they are walking and watching the product like they're in museum or theater.

We bought a lot of woods and we have very small furnace but since we live in 28 square meter apartment that's really enough, sometimes so hot that you have to strip down to your undershirt. And our cats, Poki The Cat and Tommy likes this atmosphere too.

I do have headaches every couple of day but this started when I came to live by the sea. And I'm, maybe, more sensitive with what happening in the world. It's not that bad.

So, with everything that is happening around me and in the world I feel very happy and peaceful because of the knowledge that I gather here. Thank you so much.

 

[Bluegazer]

Lately I’m struggling with the feeling of life just completely sucking (more than it used to). It comes and goes but when it comes it’s almost debilitating and it takes a whole lot of self counselling just to pull myself through the emotions, usually help myself a bit by putting on my runners and going for a walk up one of the steep hills around here, or if I can, distracting myself with browsing YouTube and watching either feel good videos of animals being saved or whatever or ones where people lives suck more than I perceive mine to.

I’ve got some factors contributing to the depressive states but I also have enough (just enough) awareness to be able to guide myself through and not burden anyone around me too much with what I’m experiencing because I know that it’s fleeting and within a day or two it will pass, then return in a week for another torment.

A few weeks ago it was so bad that I decided I needed a break from the area and we went for a trip to the coast last weekend. It was so very good to get away, but reality is here where I live and I can’t escape it. I have spent most of my life thinking ‘what’s the point’ and I still haven’t figured it out, but I get an overwhelming sense that by feeling these depressions and futility i am, in a big way, rejecting creation and the universe itself, which causes more depression because that is a direct reflection on me, I am rejecting myself .

Hello Fluffy. I know very well how it is. I am going through something similar. I know there are a lot of people in a similar situation, but I didn't expect to see it here with such similarity.

When you analyze it, you realize that intellectually you understand well what is going on, but emotionally and physically you are in the same situation of Sisyphus climbing the rock up the slope.

I understand that part about rejecting yourself. I for one, my diabetes is an autoimmune type. A condition where your own body rejects a part of itself. And I also understand about rejecting the universe and creation, because of depression. And I understand it because it is these things that take away our FAITH in the universe.

And if what happens to you is so similar to what happens to me, the sign is clear, we are in the same boat. Now, the thing is that we all have to row together not to fall into despair.

In my country we have a phrase for difficult situations: “Esto esta mas dificil que remar en dulce de leche” (This is more difficult than rowing in dulce de leche).

Something like if you are rowing not in water, but in a highly dense and viscous substance.

So much so, my friend, that I understand very well this rebound effect, where for a few days the mental and psychic discomfort is relieved and then returns a few days later. I understand that you feel imprisoned by the conditions you have at this moment. I understand you because I am tied to depend on my insulin, how to get it and the battery of controls and medical check-ups, which take away your ability to move around and have a life with more freedom of movement.

I also have sleep problems, sleepless nights, where I end up sleeping during the day. I tell you, we are in the same boat. You are not alone. Lack of willpower, ruminative negative thinking, emotions you didn't know were there that reveal things you didn't know about yourself.

I know that your case is different here because you now have a child. And from my point of view you now have one of the biggest reasons to move forward. You have the future in your hands. I hope this helps you.

 

[Deliverance]

I'm really fine, almost happy.

I am glad that you are managing work and relationships so well over time. It is very encouraging for me to read you at this time.
Happy end of the year and happy holidays too