How are you feeling?

[Breo]

Same here, yesterday I felt really exhausted. And since some weeks I noticed a pull towards declining discipline and a background feeling of dispair. I considered its personal stuff and possible external influences.

As I am moving house and since 6 weeks deal with strong physical work, much more than usual, I noticed the demanding physical work helped a lot to gain discipline again and raise spirit.

It now also helps to understand, that there might be not only personal but other influences too.

And then there is Renaissance´s beautiful positive selftalk video "Life is Religion" that most often shifts my state to positive, even when exhausted.

 

[SOTTREADER]

I was very low yesterday and very sensitive to descending into depressive thoughts. I recognised it as a feeling that I needed to let pass as I couldn't suppress it. My sleep has been poor recently and my HRV has also been below average so my body currently is imbalanced.

Heart rate variability: How it might indicate well-being - Harvard Health

...

www.health.harvard.edu

HRV may offer a noninvasive way to signal imbalances in the autonomic nervous system. Based on data gathered from many people, if the system is in more of a fight-or-flight mode, the variation between subsequent heartbeats tends to be lower. If the system is in more relaxed state, the variation between beats may be higher.

 

[Ben]

I was very low yesterday and very sensitive to descending into depressive thoughts. I recognised it as a feeling that I needed to let pass as I couldn't suppress it. My sleep has been poor recently and my HRV has also been below average so my body currently is imbalanced.

Heart rate variability: How it might indicate well-being - Harvard Health

...

www.health.harvard.edu

I'm assuming you already know about and practice pipe breathing/EE. In case not I thought I'd mention it because it's the first thing that comes to mind. The vagus nerve has an important role in heart rate regulation, you should feel your heart rate slow if you exhale slowly. Higher vagal tone equals higher HRV, in a nutshell.

 

[Yas]

Yesterday was an intense day with old negative memories and negative self talk coming up, as well as anxiety, but especially feelings of pointlessness, hopelessness, loneliness, and thoughts along the line of, 'Why am I even doing all of this [pursuing my aims], it's not leading anywhere anyway". This is out of character for me, it felt eerily dark and alien, and while I was aware that it could be beaming or that it could be related to some astrologial constellation, I couldn't shake it off. Just kept at my tasks and only today I'm feeling normal again.

Same here, yesterday I felt really exhausted. And since some weeks I noticed a pull towards declining discipline and a background feeling of dispair. I considered its personal stuff and possible external influences.

Yesterday was a bit rough here too. I couldn't sleep at night (which is very rare for me) and was exhausted throughout the whole day with some negative thoughts. I managed to block some of the negative thinking but the overall exhaustion only got better until I finally went to sleep at night. Granted, I ate some things that aren't usual for me the day before and that's a contributing factor and that made me think that perhaps that's part of what we can do to navigate these "waves" of beaming/astrological transits/chaos/whatever it may be, that is, we just need to keep our shields up and functioning in the best condition by doing a lot of what some have mentioned here already, such as meditation, positive self-talk, perhaps journaling, exercise, you know, all the things that help clear the mind and stay grounded, but also, by taking care of our diet as much as possible, especially those who are a bit more sensitive. Something like mental and physical hygiene in order to mitigate the external influences.

Regarding what some people mentioned about personal stuff going on too. I just thought that it isn't always separate from external influences. I think of it as if the external (or internal, such as brain chemistry, hormones, etc) influences exacerbate whatever the personal issues may be. So, if we mitigate those influences, it doesn't mean that the personal issues will go away magically, but we might be in a better state to deal with them because we have a clearer mind, more energy and feel less reactive, perhaps.

 

[SOTTREADER]

I'm assuming you already know about and practice pipe breathing/EE. In case not I thought I'd mention it because it's the first thing that comes to mind. The vagus nerve has an important role in heart rate regulation, you should feel your heart rate slow if you exhale slowly. Higher vagal tone equals higher HRV, in a nutshell.

Thanks @Ben. I need to rewatch the video on EE.

 

[Turgon]

Lately, I've been getting back into being more disciplined about meditating. Not just the meditations provided through the forum but also developing meta-cognition. It's actually recommended to help those suffering from OCD. For the past while, my thoughts have been all over the place with a negative slant. I've managed to overcome them a few times, yet continually they come back. So I focus on getting into an alpha state and letting any thought that arises pass by, both positive and negative. This isn't easy because they can act like mental and emotional hooks that I react to.

Yesterday, I did a 45 minute induction. The goal - not getting lost in thoughts or emotions or judgements/stories about whatever comes to mind and whenever I start wandering, coming back to my body, breathe and the 'space' between my temples. When my mind started to quiet and was noticing more embodiment and less identification, would periodically note what seemed to be random facial features of someone else in my minds eye.

Initially I thought this to be my imagination playing tricks and not to respond or react with any conclusions or assign a meaning, until finally the silhouette of a face appeared in front of me and had the realization that none of the negative thoughts of late are my own but something messing with me and trying to get in my head. That acknowledgement seemed to create a shift and a boundary. I could actually feel the difference.

The Cs did say agents of chaos are everywhere and this past month has had a lot of unexpected events happen. But this is a practice that I'm going to do regularly. Not sure if it would help others, but I look at it like being in a social setting and some of the people (negative thoughts/agents of chaos) there are purposely trying to antagonize you in some way and rather than letting them get under your skin (or influence your thoughts and emotions) respond like a grey rock and don't give them any of your attention.

They'll try even harder but because the nature of these guests or agents are entropic and mechanical, they lack creativity and it isn't personal. And even though these unwanted guests up the negative self-talk at the beginning, they eventually fade the longer you go about not reacting to or feeding them. Then there's relief to deal with life and your actual issues without outside interference until the agents of chaos cycle through again. Maybe we are never truly out of the woods but every once in a while can come across a peaceful meadow.

 

[Thebull]

I was very low yesterday and very sensitive to descending into depressive thoughts. I recognised it as a feeling that I needed to let pass as I couldn't suppress it. My sleep has been poor recently and my HRV has also been below average so my body currently is imbalanced.

Heart rate variability: How it might indicate well-being - Harvard Health

...

www.health.harvard.edu

Hi SOTTREADER,
Sounds rough hope you can get back on track soon.
Did this all happen in one day or have the negative thoughts been creeping in over time?
Are you having a stressful time at he moment in any area of your life? Has anything changed in your lifestyle or are you drinking more alcohol?
I just wondered if you thought it was your own life issues or like Turgon thought it was outside influences or beaming, causing the problems?

 

[lilyalic]

I feel absolutely mentally unhinged today. Nightmares with demonic faces last night...Woke up with dread and chest pains, did tai chi, a walk, journaled last night, healing meditation, was "mum" for 12 hours, managed tantrums etc. just cannot stop outbursts of emotions, could cry at absolutely anything. Recently discovered I have big OCD tendencies from anxiety, try to control things, constant running ticking clock in the back of my mind. Trying to change my "I needs" to "I wants" and not necessarily identifying with those negative introjects, just being very aware of them.

Maybe i'm getting sick, my body feels so tired and sore. But we keep going!!! Tomorrow is a new day, and it's all part of the process. Maybe I'll have that peaceful meadow tomorrow.

Hugs to everyone feeling similar, personal or worldly.

 

[Breo]

Regarding what some people mentioned about personal stuff going on too. I just thought that it isn't always separate from external influences. I think of it as if the external (or internal, such as brain chemistry, hormones, etc) influences exacerbate whatever the personal issues may be. So, if we mitigate those influences, it doesn't mean that the personal issues will go away magically, but we might be in a better state to deal with them because we have a clearer mind, more energy and feel less reactive, perhaps.

Thanks for bringing this up. I think this is a very relevant aspect to consider. Our unresolved personal stuff might act as the hook that intensifies how and how strong we experience external influences. It might be, that it could be useful to use it as a mirror for reflecting back to us our weaknesses, areas/topics to take care of more closely. Just thinking out loud, as in the context of eg. "agents of chaos", mentioned in the last session, I never considered that before. So I don´t know if this might be useful.

Initially I thought this to be my imagination playing tricks and not to respond or react with any conclusions or assign a meaning, until finally the silhouette of a face appeared in front of me and had the realization that none of the negative thoughts of late are my own but something messing with me and trying to get in my head. That acknowledgement seemed to create a shift and a boundary. I could actually feel the difference.

The Cs did say agents of chaos are everywhere and this past month has had a lot of unexpected events happen. But this is a practice that I'm going to do regularly. Not sure if it would help others, but I look at it like being in a social setting and some of the people (negative thoughts/agents of chaos) there are purposely trying to antagonize you in some way and rather than letting them get under your skin (or influence your thoughts and emotions) respond like a grey rock and don't give them any of your attention.

They'll try even harder but because the nature of these guests or agents are entropic and mechanical, they lack creativity and it isn't personal. And even though these unwanted guests up the negative self-talk at the beginning, they eventually fade the longer you go about not reacting to or feeding them. Then there's relief to deal with life and your actual issues without outside interference until the agents of chaos cycle through again. Maybe we are never truly out of the woods but every once in a while can come across a peaceful meadow.

Your exercise and observation is very helpful and uplifting. Thank you. I have had such experiences too, clearly noticing something/someone messing with my attention towards negativity. It stressed me a lot since I noticed. To acknowledge and respond like a grey rock - not responding, no attention, again, that´s very helpful. And to accept the fact, that in this world we probably never will be free of such messing and "every once in a while [we] can come across a peaceful meadow" - how beautifully put :) - this is also very supportive and relieving to know. Its good to learn more and more about how to deal with such facts of life.

 

[SOTTREADER]

Hi SOTTREADER,
Sounds rough hope you can get back on track soon.
Did this all happen in one day or have the negative thoughts been creeping in over time?
Are you having a stressful time at he moment in any area of your life? Has anything changed in your lifestyle or are you drinking more alcohol?
I just wondered if you thought it was your own life issues or like Turgon thought it was outside influences or beaming, causing the problems?

Hi @Thebull, I think it may have been both in my case i.e. combination of personal vulnerabilities plus susceptibility to outside beaming. A key personal vulnerability that I have is one linked to self-worth, and this was triggered by my other half yesterday. We're away at the moment and spending lots of time together which has its ups and downs. My sense of self worth was triggered through some innocuous situations and the feelings seemed to overpower me, certainly not proportionate to the interactions that triggered it. Anyways, it took pretty much a day for the feelings to wash over me which was a bit over the top so there must have been other things driving the intensity of it all. Prior to that I had got a cold, thought it was going to be worse, but seemed to just be a cold which put my sleep over some nights and energy levels off balance.

Interestingly, whilst I was awash in all these feelings of judging myself, I thought and was convinced by a good test I should take upon myself. It seems silly, perhaps not too silly, but I really did feel like I should adopt a goal and purpose to take a trip to Nepal, and hire a guide to hike to Everest base camp. The challenge of the hike, the high altitude and the awe of the surrounding mountains I think will be visceral and transcending. I did some research and it appears doable with a bit of planning and a bit of long-term savings - hiking is much more affordable than going up the mountains which is something I wouldn't do as I'm not suicidal . It's an idea that is starting to play in my mind as something to do at least once in this life to reach the base of the highest mountain on Planet Earth - the difficulty of the altitude and terrain, the awe of the mountains is enough to show you that you have some worth and weight to your existence. That you aren't just coasting through life or benefiting from luck. Self worth and self doubt are vulnerabilities that I have - I note everyone has there own vulnerabilities.

I know it sounds crazy, sounds random but there you have it.

 

[Turgon]

I feel absolutely mentally unhinged today. Nightmares with demonic faces last night...Woke up with dread and chest pains, did tai chi, a walk, journaled last night, healing meditation, was "mum" for 12 hours, managed tantrums etc. just cannot stop outbursts of emotions, could cry at absolutely anything. Recently discovered I have big OCD tendencies from anxiety, try to control things, constant running ticking clock in the back of my mind. Trying to change my "I needs" to "I wants" and not necessarily identifying with those negative introjects, just being very aware of them.

Maybe i'm getting sick, my body feels so tired and sore. But we keep going!!! Tomorrow is a new day, and it's all part of the process. Maybe I'll have that peaceful meadow tomorrow.

Hugs to everyone feeling similar, personal or worldly.

Have you tried these short OCD meditations, lilyalic? If not, possibly after tai-chi and yoga so at least your body is more settled might help. I also started a thread about Irene Lyon's work and she has a solid, gentle approach to working with the body and nervous system that slowly helps people to release and integrate stuck trauma's and sensations while also building the capacity to handle it. Chest pains, dread, nightmares are all common symptoms that she's discussed at length and a lot of people have seen improvements over time. Sorry you're going through such a difficult time.

 

[whitecoast]

I had a dream last night where I was protecting another forum member from an attack, although it could have been just a projection or representation of an interior element. There were some disquieting elements in the dream so I think there’s some root/sacral chakra stuff to look into there.

Over the past few weeks I was feeling depressed from stress and overwork. But seeing this thread maybe there’s other energies around, so there’s less to feel alone about. I managed to get to the gym for the first time in weeks on Saturday and I felt a lot better. I want to commit to working out more.

I was getting into a fight with some genocide apologists online lately and that’s been a bit of a drain, but I get likes in response so it seems like people want to hear people stand up to the killing and those abetting and acting complacent about it. I installed an app to limit screen time in social media so less of my attention is randomly drained from doomscrolling throughout the day.

 

[lilyalic]

Have you tried these short OCD meditations, lilyalic? If not, possibly after tai-chi and yoga so at least your body is more settled might help. I also started a thread about Irene Lyon's work and she has a solid, gentle approach to working with the body and nervous system that slowly helps people to release and integrate stuck trauma's and sensations while also building the capacity to handle it. Chest pains, dread, nightmares are all common symptoms that she's discussed at length and a lot of people have seen improvements over time. Sorry you're going through such a difficult time.

Thankyou very much Turgon, I'll be doing these today and reading through that thread and the ladies work throughout the week. It's all come out since starting therapy again and trying to take charge. I had to switch off last night before my brain imploded!

What you've suggested seems exactly what I need to be doing at the moment.

 

[Mari]

I had a dream last night where I was protecting another forum member from an attack

Interesting; I had similar dreams lately of trying to protect people.

One of the latest dreams that I remember from this week was that, in the dream, I was looking at a photo.
On it was my paternal grandmother with what seemed that are her old friends (my grandmother died when I was 4).
They were all lying on their bellies on one big bed and were very serious and old, and it was a contrast to the photo setting as that is how a photo of i.e. kids sleepover party would look like.

That photo "came alive" and I was now observing a 2 white shiny orbs floating from my grandmother´s body and from a woman next to her.
I was thinking how that makes sense as they died and it´s their soul leaving the body. Still all of it was off as I saw more of this wite shiny orbs leaving other bodies.

Now I was in the picture, or better, in the room with them, and all of a sudden one by one, those woman from the bed were pulled up towards the sealing and disappearing trough the sealing. As they were taken up, they began to look kind of stretched and elongated.

I realised that they are being abducted, and as another round of women were being pulled up, 4 of them, each holding to the next in fear, I managed to run and grab the last woman by the leg so it doesn´t float away. As I was standing there and holding her, I felt push up but I resisted.

As I was struggling to hold the woman not to be sucked trough the sealing, I noticed a window in front of me, a dark squared window with no reflection, with only like a dim spotlight that kind of came from behind the window. I realised that can´t be a normal window as I saw no reflection in it.
As I looked at the window, I again felt the force trying to suck up that woman I was holding, and, of course, me along with her.
So as I looked at the window, I probably felt that I was observed trough it, I yelled "F*** off!" to "them".
I woke up.

In another dream, I was trying to shelter my kids; we were at a kind of a deserted small train station and no one was around. I was making them beds but then I realised that the beds are near the water (a lake or a river) so I moved the beds under the shelter.
It then all went more strange, as the dream shifted, with me trying to board on an old train full with people (like from the early 1900s) as I was trying to get to my kids who were in there, with me running to catch the train and then holding to it as it was already in motion and trying to open the doors to get in and get to my kids.

So whatever it is in the air, it sure is messing with people's heads to produce maximum anxiety.