Hey Psyche,
I'd like to comment and ask a few questions about your post and the later dialogue. I'm trying to understand the mechanism of self-pity which equates to fear and rage in myself which tends to run a lot when I am stressed out or feel 'trapped' or suffocated in some situation that I'm insecure about or confused in how to act.
A lot of these emotions seem to be childhood trauma based, or as Gabor Mate puts it an 'implicit memory' that has nothing to do with the present situation and doesn't warrant such an extreme reaction but does so because it reminds us of something from the past that we have supressed or weren't able to deal with properly because we lacked proper resources.
But anyways, I'm also trying to understand the difference between the 'inner child' that did not receive what he/she needed as a young child that caused part of the personality to form maladaptively and the predator or negative introject and how they can be dealt with. Because this topic of compassion has come up quite a bit in my current readings, and I don't understand what it means to truly be compassionate with myself. I try to be, but I think it often ends up as trying to soothe myself with the 'there there, it's okay' attitude to counteract the feelings of fear and rage that come up which scare me because I dislike being cold, judgemental and harsh towards anybody or fearful that I only think of myself - so I try and force myself into some compassionate state which is clearly insincere.
In Deep Therapy in the Fast Lane _http://home.comcast.net/~riversrages/DeepTherapy/intro.htm Restin Wells sometimes refers to her inner child as a sickly little creature - paraphrasing - which bothered me because aren't we supposed to treat that inner child w/loving kindness to help that emotional component grow? But maybe it is sickly which is why it's stuck, and it might not be about allowing it to express itself in this life as much as showing that 'we' are in charge and can take care of it by being the adult, the responsible human being that we lacked in childhood?
Is the predator the Inner child? The Inner child is emotionally immature, running on very basic emotional drives to direct our behaviour, the predator feeds off others for it's own neurotic, egotistal gains, and then the negative introject is the voice that beats down any semblance of essential self from taking charge of the show...
Compassion - a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.
Empathy - the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
Close, but no cigar, osit. There's a slight difference in one wants to alleviate the suffering, which I think anyone would want to alleviate, at least their own suffering, and the other is about identifying the feelings thoughts and attitudes of another - this could even be used towards the different parts of our psyche that run the show.
I don't know where I'm going with this, but from what I've read so far the whole purpose is to contain these emotions so they don't run the show, through non-identification and to allow these emotions to express themselves in some way that isn't destructive. Sometimes I allow the rage to run in my head while I try and maintain a distance from it and just allow it to express itself and 'do it's thing'. Because supression and denying this part of myself doesn't work and only makes it stronger, so I even sometimes get angry with myself and say 'yes, I'm an angry person, so what?!' and I use that anger as a fuel to be externally considerate and not take out my frustration on anyone else or get angry and tell the Negative introject which scares me by saying things like 'You are right, I am a worthless, jealous, piece of s***, who has no one in life to turn to, I accept that! Now what? Now that I've accepted what I am, what next!?'
Lot's of things, like focus on a specific task that's important, or read or not be so self-piteous because I accept my self pity and I can't be full of self-pity if I've accepted that I am and move on to something else. Understand what works, what doesn't, why it works and is it long term or only a short term band-aid fix.
If you are in a worse state now than previously, then something you are doing, some belief you have recently engrained in yourself is a detriment to you and has to be let go of.
Jiddu Krishnamurti, who even though isn't talked about much on the forum has some really interesting things to say about self-observation and trying to change and to be a certain way that may not be of you at the moment.
Questioner: Can the crude mind become sensitive?
Listen to the question, to the meaning behind the words. Can the crude mind become sensitive? If I say my mind is crude and I try to become sensitive, the very effortto become sensitive is crudity. Please see this. Don't be intrigued, but watch it. Whereas, if I recognize that I am crude without wanting to change, without trying to become sensitive, if I begin to understand that crudeness is, observe it in my life from day to day - the greedy way I eat, the roughness with which I treat people, the pride, the arrogance, the coarseness of my habits and thoughts - then that very observation transforms what is.
Similarly, If I am stupid and I say I must become intelligent, the effort to become intelligent is only a greater form of stupidity; because what is important is important is to understand stupidity. However much I may try to become intelligent, my stupidity will remain. I may acquire the superficial polish of learning, I may be able to quote books, repeat passages from great authors, but basically I shall still be stupid. But if I see and understand stupidity as it expresses itself in my daily life - how I behave towards my servants, how I regard my neighbour, the poor man, the rich man, the clerk - then that very awareness brings about a breaking up of stupidity.
Felt compelled to share this, as the whole topic of you trying not to be you, and force yourself to be someone while wallowing in self-pity else has come up a lot in my struggles on a daily basis. Although if what I'm saying makes no sense or completely out in left field, I'm sure someone will point it out.
