Is There an Ideal Way of Acting and Being in Male-Female Relationships?

[Andromeda]

I remember there was this other website too: The art of manliness

I haven’t been there much so I don’t know what they say, but maybe it’s worth checking it out.

Overall, I think that many of the traits presented in the article can be positive for women too, but they would just manifest a bit differently in women. So again, it's just general advice on how to be a good person leaning more towards the masculine side of being a good person.

I might add a couple of resources that could be of interest too, depending on the gentleman (or lady!):

The Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell
The First Initiation by Madame de Salzmann
Survivorman by Les Stroud

 

[John G]

It reminded me of something I heard once, a speaker talking about relationships made the case that "we all look for people who will hurt us in familiar ways" and at the time I felt that such an idea was brilliant, but later on I realized that it was incomplete, it was too passive.

I thought of it as going after someone who reminds me of the initial one but I've never thought of it as going after the initial hurt but that was certainly true. I waited too long in high school (3 years) and was about to graduate and the girl not surprisingly had picked up a boyfriend but I not in person finally communicated and not surprisingly it didn't work. College and the rest of my 20s basically repeated all that waiting too long, boyfriend, not in person communicating of my interest and and I always knew nothing would ever really happen though that one time I did get to eat lunch with her at work and these were people from work, church groups, and female bartenders (3 of them not at the same time, I was always one girl at a time) so I did get to talk in person about things as long as it wasn't me being interested in them. I think the only one I never talked to at all was in a bowling league. It really all seemed like a caricature of the first time, going through the motions before the next caricature starts, it was repeating the initial hurt but it didn't hurt, I was numb to it and glad for any little thing that seemed like progress like that one eating lunch at work.

We all look for someone that will hurt us in familiar ways... by default... and that is key, if some work has been done, then we can look for someone different. But also, if we look for someone like that, then that someone might see it in us as well, someone who will hurt them in familiar ways.

It only hurt the first time for me but very strangely for me at the time, after I was engaged there were two girls who were upset by this. One was a blind date my parents had set me up with years earlier and I think she was interested in kissing but I was way too awkwardly scared for that. The other was just someone I met after meeting my future wife online. Apparently my online leading to awkward in person progress had started to make me more interesting even if starting in person. Probably also helped that I was just talking to her as a person not someone I was interested in.

Which really means, we all look for someone who will have the capacity and opportunity to NOT hurt us in familiar ways, and that represents an opportunity for both us and them to break those cycles, I think that is partially the reason why some of us are attracted to people who "emit" certain signals with their behavior. We do look for familiar wounds, so to speak, but I don't think it's a morbid behavior, not entirely at least, I think it's also an opportunity for both parties to break the cycles they've been a part of, together.

The starting online was certainly a drastic change to the cycle but there were lots of little changes too like being interested in people I was already talking to in person even if I couldn't express my interest in person; the blind date was an early helpful cycle change; and the eating lunch at work thing too. Some potential changes were too fast like kissing on the blind date, or more than kissing with my first two via online dates. My wife like me is Catholic so that probably helped actually.

The girl from college, the first after the high school hurt, was pushed into me by her friends after I had written her a letter, I had trouble accepting basically "yes" as an answer. Same thing at work with the first girl I liked, she stood up and stopped me in my tracks late at night at a bar and looked right in my eyes seemingly forever and I couldn't say a word to her. She had earlier had someone fetch me at work to talk to me but I left before she was finished and I could hear her saying "nooooooo" as I was leaving. She dated multiple people and that's what made me leave, I really needed a better strategy throughout my 20s.

I was also far from a finished product when getting married too. My proposal consisted of me saying "so should we go buy rings". How I got engaged via that is beyond me. After we got married and knew each other better (we lived 2500 miles or so apart so we didn't have a lot of in person time before marriage) my wife became much better at letting me have it when I deserved it. Hopefully I got at least a tiny bit better though lots of good dad jokes probably doesn't count.

 

[Antony]

Dear forumites, this thread is really very burning and useful for everyone.
I was lucky enough, even not knowing/expecting it at that time, to receive a confirmation from the Cs on the validity of my then decision to break up my first marriage.

Not to repeat myself, i would like to emphasize that Cs advice/evaluation on the topic, imo, is really adequate/universal to most of the people.

Inserting that exchange from the session from 13th of December 2014:

Dear Laura,
My name is Svetlana. I live in Russia. My adorable husband started to follow Cassiopaea site three years ago.
Please don't take it unkindly I truly respect the work you do and there are many interesting this there to learn but since that time my husband has been changed. He is not longer want to have a baby and our marriage is almost broken, he is taking all the time about the GREAT TRANSITION, says he is a NEW man who does not love me any longer.
I’m addressing to you as to wife and mother of three children. I pray you to help me to find the way out of this dead-lock. Could you give me some advice or something because I think that now you know my husband better then me.
Please play attention to this letter a matter of life and death.
-----

(L) Well, I kind of think that part of her issue was addressed in last week's session, which discusses people who need to take care of their family responsibilities if they have them and grow where they are planted. However, I would like to know... Even though it seems to be a personal question, it seems to me that it's a universal issue. So, I think if there could be some general all-around advice for such people finding themselves in this situation when their partners come upon the Cassiopaean work... What is the proper response? Is there any general advice?

A: First of all, the writer does not take any responsibility for the breakdown in relations and dumps all the blame on her husband. If there is love and some understanding such an interest will not cause such a breakup. It sounds as if the person wants another baby in the way she writes, but this is a ruse. She already has three. The problem is that the husband has lost interest in his family due to her overbearing control. In general, a person who "finds" answers to questions is not trying to get out of responsibility, so the other partner ought to be able to demonstrate their love and colinearity by joining them on the quest, or at least offering support for what is important and of lasting value. This woman will not complain if her husband's work contributes to her survival and that of her family. In short, each situation can be different.


My initial reaction to the case is in posts ## 122, 146 and 150.

Post in thread 'Session 13 December 2014'
Session 13 December 2014

 

[Jimmy Ssaz]

Dear forumites, this thread is really very burning and useful for everyone.
I was lucky enough, even not knowing/expecting it at that time, to receive a confirmation from the Cs on the validity of my then decision to break up my first marriage.

Not to repeat myself, i would like to emphasize that Cs advice/evaluation on the topic, imo, is really adequate/universal to most of the people.

Inserting that exchange from the session from 13th of December 2014:

Dear Laura,
My name is Svetlana. I live in Russia. My adorable husband started to follow Cassiopaea site three years ago.
Please don't take it unkindly I truly respect the work you do and there are many interesting this there to learn but since that time my husband has been changed. He is not longer want to have a baby and our marriage is almost broken, he is taking all the time about the GREAT TRANSITION, says he is a NEW man who does not love me any longer.
I’m addressing to you as to wife and mother of three children. I pray you to help me to find the way out of this dead-lock. Could you give me some advice or something because I think that now you know my husband better then me.
Please play attention to this letter a matter of life and death.
-----

(L) Well, I kind of think that part of her issue was addressed in last week's session, which discusses people who need to take care of their family responsibilities if they have them and grow where they are planted. However, I would like to know... Even though it seems to be a personal question, it seems to me that it's a universal issue. So, I think if there could be some general all-around advice for such people finding themselves in this situation when their partners come upon the Cassiopaean work... What is the proper response? Is there any general advice?

A: First of all, the writer does not take any responsibility for the breakdown in relations and dumps all the blame on her husband. If there is love and some understanding such an interest will not cause such a breakup. It sounds as if the person wants another baby in the way she writes, but this is a ruse. She already has three. The problem is that the husband has lost interest in his family due to her overbearing control. In general, a person who "finds" answers to questions is not trying to get out of responsibility, so the other partner ought to be able to demonstrate their love and colinearity by joining them on the quest, or at least offering support for what is important and of lasting value. This woman will not complain if her husband's work contributes to her survival and that of her family. In short, each situation can be different.


My initial reaction to the case is in posts ## 122, 146 and 150.

Post in thread 'Session 13 December 2014'
Session 13 December 2014

(A little humor) ...Since I began to study the C's my life went from bad to worse it seems that the door to hell opened and a one way pass with no return to be like the destiny of the Cathars, Templars ...I had friends now I don't have a job I no longer have a job I no longer have a wife now I no longer have a wife or a lover it seems that one becomes miserable for reading the C's experiment
(It's a bit of humor)... I really don't think that for reading the Cassiopeians we should be burned at the stake or crucified on a wood.

 

[Jimmy Ssaz]

Dear forumites, this thread is really very burning and useful for everyone.
I was lucky enough, even not knowing/expecting it at that time, to receive a confirmation from the Cs on the validity of my then decision to break up my first marriage.

Not to repeat myself, i would like to emphasize that Cs advice/evaluation on the topic, imo, is really adequate/universal to most of the people.

Inserting that exchange from the session from 13th of December 2014:

Dear Laura,
My name is Svetlana. I live in Russia. My adorable husband started to follow Cassiopaea site three years ago.
Please don't take it unkindly I truly respect the work you do and there are many interesting this there to learn but since that time my husband has been changed. He is not longer want to have a baby and our marriage is almost broken, he is taking all the time about the GREAT TRANSITION, says he is a NEW man who does not love me any longer.
I’m addressing to you as to wife and mother of three children. I pray you to help me to find the way out of this dead-lock. Could you give me some advice or something because I think that now you know my husband better then me.
Please play attention to this letter a matter of life and death.
-----

(L) Well, I kind of think that part of her issue was addressed in last week's session, which discusses people who need to take care of their family responsibilities if they have them and grow where they are planted. However, I would like to know... Even though it seems to be a personal question, it seems to me that it's a universal issue. So, I think if there could be some general all-around advice for such people finding themselves in this situation when their partners come upon the Cassiopaean work... What is the proper response? Is there any general advice?

A: First of all, the writer does not take any responsibility for the breakdown in relations and dumps all the blame on her husband. If there is love and some understanding such an interest will not cause such a breakup. It sounds as if the person wants another baby in the way she writes, but this is a ruse. She already has three. The problem is that the husband has lost interest in his family due to her overbearing control. In general, a person who "finds" answers to questions is not trying to get out of responsibility, so the other partner ought to be able to demonstrate their love and colinearity by joining them on the quest, or at least offering support for what is important and of lasting value. This woman will not complain if her husband's work contributes to her survival and that of her family. In short, each situation can be different.


My initial reaction to the case is in posts ## 122, 146 and 150.

Post in thread 'Session 13 December 2014'
Session 13 December 2014

I think it would have been better for the wife to ask if the husband is going to be able to transition to 4d sad..or if the husband is a poor martyr and victim in that marriage.
The Cs would say yes indeed he will transition to 4d Sad and his wife will also both successfully transition...(pause) but in the next 12,500 years until then have fun with your reincarnations until further notice of the next wave.
Ah don't forget you can have as many children as you want! Hahaha

 

[iamthatis]

And that's a description of growth that may be aided by someone else, I daresay that some of it was growth as a natural process of maturation, but the rest must have been conscious effort.

It reminded me of something I heard once, a speaker talking about relationships made the case that "we all look for people who will hurt us in familiar ways" and at the time I felt that such an idea was brilliant, but later on I realized that it was incomplete, it was too passive.

We all look for someone that will hurt us in familiar ways... by default... and that is key, if some work has been done, then we can look for someone different. But also, if we look for someone like that, then that someone might see it in us as well, someone who will hurt them in familiar ways.

Which really means, we all look for someone who will have the capacity and opportunity to NOT hurt us in familiar ways, and that represents an opportunity for both us and them to break those cycles, I think that is partially the reason why some of us are attracted to people who "emit" certain signals with their behavior. We do look for familiar wounds, so to speak, but I don't think it's a morbid behavior, not entirely at least, I think it's also an opportunity for both parties to break the cycles they've been a part of, together.

Because, there's a lot of talk about the people we choose, and how we choose them, and why and all the trauma and programs and attachments, which is absolutely worth exploring, essential for progress even. But on the other hand, there's why and how we ourselves are chosen in a given interaction. We remember the wounds we carry, and how could we forget? But there's also the wounds we cause, and I think both of those wounds are intimately related.

So, in your case, as with many others, you and her could have been the person that reopened familiar wounds, but chose not to and in turn cleared your history by choosing otherwise, and also, taught her something she probably thought (or hoped) was possible but for which she really had no evidence.

And that is growth IMO, changing one's world view and having such a paradigm shift, it can really change a person's relationship with the universe at large.

This discussion reminded me of a great quote in the Baldwin Spirit Release book where he's talking about karma and relationships. He's says making a commitment to stick together through the tough times may actually be the healing of a very ancient wound. But even without other lifetimes, a relationship has the potential to be a place where negative residues of all kinds can be brought out and ideally accepted and cleansed. That would be one way of understanding what love is, as has been mentioned many times on the forum I think - love not as a feeling or an emotion, but as an action. In this case it's a choice to be present with someone else's pain.

There's a poem by Yates that I really like that speaks to this:

When You Are Old

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false and true,
but one man loved with pilgrim soul in you,
and loved the changing sorrows of your face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

When I think back on my Mom and Dad, it is incredible to see how they stuck together through their own version of hell. I'm very grateful to them for staying committed to their vows on behalf of us kids. It would've been so easy for them to do otherwise. What a gift.

I read this piece by the psychologist Marion Woodman recently and found it to be really touching, too. It's in a book called The Maiden Tsar: The Reunion of the Masculine and the Feminine. It features a wonderful old Russian fairy tale called The Maiden Tsar, one of the old goldies collected by Afanasev. Half of the analysis of the book is by Woodman, a woman, and half is by a man, Robert Bly. They used to do an hours-long live enactment of the tale, apparently recorded by CBC, but I haven't been able to find a copy.

Anyways, Woodman writes about seeing her husband in a new way:

I recognized the divine mystery that reveals each of us to ourselves and to each other in my own marriage when, after twenty-five years, I looked up from the armchair in which I was enjoying my morning coffee and saw, for the first time, my husband with no archetypal projection. He was standing in the kitchen. He was a man garbed in an old Black Watch plaid housecoat with two spindly legs sticking out from below. He was attempting to crack an egg into a flimsy poacher. "I could have done better than this," I thought, "much better than this." As I mused, the man put his hand on a loaf of bread, picked up a knife, and before me was a human being concentrated on feeding himself. "This is the hand I know so well, the hand that plants tulips, types, makes love to me. I have put him through hell; he has put me through hell. Here we are on the seventeenth floor of an apartment building in Toronto with a schizophrenic world outside and an unholy mess in the kitchen. We're still here together. He walks his path as courageously as he can." Suddenly a wave of love welled up in me. I loved this human being who was so totally different from my inner Bridegroom - so totally, gloriously human. "Do you want some more coffee, Marion?" "Yes," I said.

 

[iamthatis]

Good point. How a suggestion is given or taken has much to do with individual programming/wounding, some of which involves control issues and over-sensitivity. That's for most people. For some others, it is nothing but power plays and cannot be anything else.

Because of our own programming/wounding, it can often be difficult to tell the difference between someone who is just playing dominance games and who is acting from programming/wounding themselves. But it is all important to learn how to, because how you should treat one or the other in interpersonal relationships can be quite different.

Yeah, I sure have had my fair share of either being quite direct and also walking on eggshells. In both cases, I've noticed that I sort of inadvertently set my life on fire in the process. It takes a good deal of awareness, and also trust, to strike the balance and know when to let things pass and when to get into the details.

On that note, I read this today and smiled - then cringed. I've definitely been a 'suggester', apparently a widespread male trait. It was a good reminder for me to learn to listen more.

Husband Foolishly Offers Solution To Wife's Problem

CAMAS, WA — A foolish man offered a solution to a problem his wife was having Sunday evening in an ongoing series of unforced errors.

babylonbee.com

Husband Foolishly Offers Solution To Wife's Problem
FAMILY·May 17, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

CAMAS, WA — A foolish man offered a solution to a problem his wife was having Sunday evening in an ongoing series of unforced errors.

Jeff Meyers interrupted his wife Rachel as she described an issue she had with her sister and audaciously posited she "call her up and talk it over."

His suggestion was met with a blank stare.

"I can't believe he offered a practical solution to this ongoing problem I've been having," Rachel said. "Call up my sister and tell her what I was feeling? Who does he think I am, someone who calls up her sister and tells her what she's feeling?"

Jeff claims he was only trying to be helpful and didn't realize offering to help solve a problem was a problem. He recommitted to trying harder not to provide practical solutions to issues his wife is having, unless she wants him to, in which case he'll do his best to discern in the moment what course of action is best to take.

"I think I'm getting the hang of this," Jeff said without confidence. "Fifteen years in, I still forget not to make suggestions when Rachel brings me a problem she's dealing with. I mean, I want to help, but sometimes not offering to help is the best way to help. Except when it's not..."

At press time, Rachel told Jeff not to worry about it and quietly made a mental note of the infraction to pull out in a discussion in three years.

 

[Alejo]

This discussion reminded me of a great quote in the Baldwin Spirit Release book where he's talking about karma and relationships. He's says making a commitment to stick together through the tough times may actually be the healing of a very ancient wound. But even without other lifetimes, a relationship has the potential to be a place where negative residues of all kinds can be brought out and ideally accepted and cleansed. That would be one way of understanding what love is, as has been mentioned many times on the forum I think - love not as a feeling or an emotion, but as an action. In this case it's a choice to be present with someone else's pain.

Yes, love is a verb, and certainly, imagine that it may be in your hands to cleans karma not only yours, but the one that aided the experiences you had, and your parents had and their parents and so on. I have always liked a quote from Gladiator: "What we do in life, echoes in eternity" what we do today, how we behave ourselves and the choices that we make with the hand that we're dealt.. can have an effect on things long gone, I believe, not just our past lives but those of people who influenced ours directly or indirectly.

But, it's also a careful thing to navigate, sticking around by default because.. that can be another program, sometimes the lesson is not learned by sticking around but by leaving.. although it's impossible to know beforehand. What I do think is that, if there was a notion of deep commitment and honor in our words and promises, relationships may be less frequent, because the commitment would be much larger.

We live in a world where people seek to continuously have a quick way out of anything, abortion for instance, I think it needs to be legally available and regulated, because otherwise it'll happen clandestinely, but that's now how it's being sold, it's being sold as "reproductive freedom" that is, the freedom to regret a commitment, but I digress. Where it is not fashionable to "settle", we're afraid of boring, we're encouraged to continuously seek novelty. But, what if the notion that the person you choose could be the one you send the rest of your life with? not that you should seek to marry the next person you fall in love with, not to enter life long commitments by default.

But rather, to be that discerning, and careful when choosing a partner, or when choosing your promises.

It seems a logical step to follow after a heartbreak to reduce the importance of our hearts in our choices, but that can only lead to even more heartbreak, maybe not for you.. maybe you're the one imparting heartbreaks and betrayals and perpetuating the cycle. And it's so reductive when you think about it, it's safe, but it reduces human interactions to equations, parts and utility.

And I could be wrong here, but I think the solution might be in the opposite direction, after a heart break instead of reducing the importance of your heart, you admit how terribly important it is, which can lead you to learn about yourself, and can lead you to make better choices, more careful ones

Put another way perhaps, it's not "I will never love again, because love hurts"... but rather "The search for love in this place, manner, person... has lead to pain, how did I make the choices that lead me here? as it is obviously a big deal"

I hope the above made sense.

 

[Andromeda]

On that note, I read this today and smiled - then cringed. I've definitely been a 'suggester', apparently a widespread male trait. It was a good reminder for me to learn to listen more.

Well, now, I don't think suggesting solutions should ever be a problem. For practical issues, directness is usually best. For more emotional issues, listening first to understand and assess how direct you should be is usually best. I'm pretty sure that both men and women generally like to be heard out and to get stuff off their chests when it comes to certain situations before talking about solutions.

Perhaps situations like in the babylon bee article come about often enough to be made fun of because, on average, men tend to want to avoid that particular kind of drama and women tend to want to play it out. But that is a super on average. There are lots of male drama queens and lots of practical women out there. Most people are a mixed bag depending on the subject matter. The fact is, if someone can't listen to someone else talk about their problems, or if someone doesn't want to hear a solution after having talked about their problems, there are problems with those people other than just their problems!

Yes, love is a verb, and certainly, imagine that it may be in your hands to cleans karma not only yours, but the one that aided the experiences you had, and your parents had and their parents and so on. I have always liked a quote from Gladiator: "What we do in life, echoes in eternity" what we do today, how we behave ourselves and the choices that we make with the hand that we're dealt.. can have an effect on things long gone, I believe, not just our past lives but those of people who influenced ours directly or indirectly.

But, it's also a careful thing to navigate, sticking around by default because.. that can be another program, sometimes the lesson is not learned by sticking around but by leaving.. although it's impossible to know beforehand. What I do think is that, if there was a notion of deep commitment and honor in our words and promises, relationships may be less frequent, because the commitment would be much larger.

We live in a world where people seek to continuously have a quick way out of anything, abortion for instance, I think it needs to be legally available and regulated, because otherwise it'll happen clandestinely, but that's now how it's being sold, it's being sold as "reproductive freedom" that is, the freedom to regret a commitment, but I digress. Where it is not fashionable to "settle", we're afraid of boring, we're encouraged to continuously seek novelty. But, what if the notion that the person you choose could be the one you send the rest of your life with? not that you should seek to marry the next person you fall in love with, not to enter life long commitments by default.

But rather, to be that discerning, and careful when choosing a partner, or when choosing your promises.

It seems a logical step to follow after a heartbreak to reduce the importance of our hearts in our choices, but that can only lead to even more heartbreak, maybe not for you.. maybe you're the one imparting heartbreaks and betrayals and perpetuating the cycle. And it's so reductive when you think about it, it's safe, but it reduces human interactions to equations, parts and utility.

And I could be wrong here, but I think the solution might be in the opposite direction, after a heart break instead of reducing the importance of your heart, you admit how terribly important it is, which can lead you to learn about yourself, and can lead you to make better choices, more careful ones

Put another way perhaps, it's not "I will never love again, because love hurts"... but rather "The search for love in this place, manner, person... has lead to pain, how did I make the choices that lead me here? as it is obviously a big deal"

I hope the above made sense.

I second all of that. Commitment shouldn't be taken lightly and can definitely be a very big virtue, but as far a sticking it together for the children or some such, well, that depends. For some situations that might be just the right thing. At other times, it can be a horrible example of a relationship for the children, and the better thing to do would be to show how to extract yourself from bad situations.

 

[Jimmy Ssaz]

Well, now, I don't think suggesting solutions should ever be a problem. For practical issues, directness is usually best. For more emotional issues, listening first to understand and assess how direct you should be is usually best. I'm pretty sure that both men and women generally like to be heard out and to get stuff off their chests when it comes to certain situations before talking about solutions.

Perhaps situations like in the babylon bee article come about often enough to be made fun of because, on average, men tend to want to avoid that particular kind of drama and women tend to want to play it out. But that is a super on average. There are lots of male drama queens and lots of practical women out there. Most people are a mixed bag depending on the subject matter. The fact is, if someone can't listen to someone else talk about their problems, or if someone doesn't want to hear a solution after having talked about their problems, there are problems with those people other than just their problems!



I second all of that. Commitment shouldn't be taken lightly and can definitely be a very big virtue, but as far a sticking it together for the children or some such, well, that depends. For some situations that might be just the right thing. At other times, it can be a horrible example of a relationship for the children, and the better thing to do would be to show how to extract yourself from bad situations.

With all due respect Princess Andromeda, how did Perseus Joe conquer you? How do you carry her? Is he your polar soul mate?

 

[mkrnhr]

I've been wondering if men and women have such a hard time understanding each other, how did we survive as a species! Part of the modern misunderstanding I think cannot easily be attributed to Hollywood and such alone without addressing the reduction of the family unit and family life in general. A man who had sisters growing up has a better understanding of the general proclivities in women and a woman who had brothers growing up has a better understanding of the general proclivities in men. That would offer a better chance of being prepared to the relative "weirdness" of their partners (provided these partners are not pathological or complete weirdos).

 

[BHelmet]

I think when life was simpler and more primitive, some of these exotic distinctions and the problems associated with them didn’t exist. IOW, quite a few of our modern neuroses are a luxury item spawned from social complexity and social engineering as well. When it was “me Tarzan, you Jane” there were still issues but perhaps they were more fundamental to the basic male/female differences.

That said, I get the SMH thing, I roll my eyes and look heavenward plenty. But, I can say my wife grew up with 3 brothers and it didn’t seem to help much! In fact, not at all, as I am a different type than her brothers and her parental relationship she viewed also seemed to provide an example for her that I had no desire to mimic. Unlearning has been key for us both.

 

[Navigator]

I've been wondering if men and women have such a hard time understanding each other, how did we survive as a species! Part of the modern misunderstanding I think cannot easily be attributed to Hollywood and such alone without addressing the reduction of the family unit and family life in general. A man who had sisters growing up has a better understanding of the general proclivities in women and a woman who had brothers growing up has a better understanding of the general proclivities in men. That would offer a better chance of being prepared to the relative "weirdness" of their partners (provided these partners are not pathological or complete weirdos).

A socially active smallish community, instead of isolated individuals in metropolises, should also work well for healthy socializing from an early age and develop a better understanding of the opposite sex.

 

[Jimmy Ssaz]

I think when life was simpler and more primitive, some of these exotic distinctions and the problems associated with them didn’t exist. IOW, quite a few of our modern neuroses are a luxury item spawned from social complexity and social engineering as well. When it was “me Tarzan, you Jane” there were still issues but perhaps they were more fundamental to the basic male/female differences.

That said, I get the SMH thing, I roll my eyes and look heavenward plenty. But, I can say my wife grew up with 3 brothers and it didn’t seem to help much! In fact, not at all, as I am a different type than her brothers and her parental relationship she viewed also seemed to provide an example for her that I had no desire to mimic. Unlearning has been key for us both.

I imagine you say "honey, come here I want to show you something" and your wife says "talk to me about anything but the C's" and then you say "honey I have to go out" and your wife says "Ahh let me guess for sure you are going to hang out at that Paleochristian church Cassiopeia"! then you come home and say "honey come back is dinner ready"? and your wife says...yes dinner is ready the meal is called I want a divorce! All day long or if you are not reading the Cs you are with the Cs people...and you say "come on honey you know me I am just learning to see life with different eyes"..and your wife smiles and looks at you and says honey " I am starting to see the muscular neighbor with different eyes! Hahaha it's a bit of humor I can only imagine hahaha

 

[stellar]

From John Gray. It has been around for a while, on the topic of masculine and feminine energy that most people just don't know.
It runs for about 55min and well worth a listen, IMO.