opiate withdrawal

[davey72]

Thanks. I realize it was a pretty stupid question.

 

[1984]

Thanks. I realize it was a pretty stupid question.

It wasn't a stupid question, davey72. Perhaps a new reader here or there may come along wondering the same. Now you've pointed them to the EE breathing program and its many benefits. :)

 

[Alana]

just a side note.

I feel a little odd about posting my progression, but, if i;m not wrong, that is what a post is.

Anyway, i was getting pretty sick, so i had the prescription changed up to 8 mg's. That seemed to make all the difference in the world. So it goes down 1 ml/week.
I don't feel too badly at all, and i just started a 15 day herbal program for a first detox.
The things i do notice are, I definately have pain issues. I have sciatica.
I also just realized, by speaking with the nurse at AAdac, that i really do have high anxiety.I was asking what to do about the anxiety, extreme restlessness, when i am not working. She said that isn't a symptom of opiate withdrawal. I have always been pretty shy.
Now that i think back on it, it's definately the biggest reason that i chose drugs from a young age. I never felt very comfortable in my own skin.

From what you write below, davey, it doesn't sound at all that it was YOUR choosing to do drugs:

I remember the first time my friends dad injected us with heroin. (my first). We were both 13.
That reminds me when i told my mom that my dad used to get me high on marijuauna when i was six, and she said no, that i was four.

The above is of the saddest things i've ever heard of That your parents, the ones who were supposed to care about you and protect you, or the parent of a friend, gave you drugs at such young age, it's completely irresponsible and unconscionable. It is YOUR choice now however to get clean and healthy, and that says a lot about you. 1 ml down a week, at a time.

Where both your parents smoking marijuana and doing other drugs when you were a child?

I honestly have a memory when i was a kid, before i did any type of drugs, { short of codeine for migraines since i was 2 yrs old(my mother had said ) } That i wished i had some drugs, so that i could feel better.

This makes me wonder again, whether your mother was taking lots of painkilling drugs or other substances when she was pregnant with you and/or breastfeeding you. Do you know?

 

[davey72]

Hi Alana.

I feel like i am just whining, and i realize this forum is for informational purposes, but since you ask, i hope it has some sort of value for someone.

I found out when i was about 15-16 that the man i hated as my real father all my life wasn't my biological father.
I had already left home, and my mother said she wanted to take me to lunch. I found it odd that she had a stranger with her.when i asked about it a week later, she said that was my real father.

I never did get a dna test, but after seeing his family photo albums, hearing stories related from him, etc., it was apparent that this was the case.

That said, i do know from little stories my mother rarely talked about, that yes she was doing some sort of drugs. This man that is my biological father took her to a hotel and they did mda (the love drug) the night i would have been conceived.
This was supposedly a one night affair, although this is just what i have been told.
These days it is pretty useless to ask my mom anything about the past. We do have a pretty good relationship now, though. As long as i never bring up anything from the past.

 

[shijing]

I feel like i am just whining, and i realize this forum is for informational purposes, but since you ask, i hope it has some sort of value for someone.

Davey, please don't worry that you're whining -- the forum is here for doing Work. Sure, part of that is doing research and gathering information, but it also includes work on the self, which is always personal. There are plenty of examples of this in The Swamp (which is placed under The Work board for a reason), and always feel free to make use of it if you feel like it will help. I agree with Alana that your early exposure to drugs by adults -- especially your parents and their friends -- is really sad, and it's a big deal. Stuff like this is also a big deal:

I found out when i was about 15-16 that the man i hated as my real father all my life wasn't my biological father.
I had already left home, and my mother said she wanted to take me to lunch. I found it odd that she had a stranger with her.when i asked about it a week later, she said that was my real father.

I can't imagine what it must have been like as a teenager to have that dropped in your lap. If it were me, upsetting would have been an understatement.

These days it is pretty useless to ask my mom anything about the past. We do have a pretty good relationship now, though. As long as i never bring up anything from the past.

That's a difficult situation too, since there are probably lots of things that you wonder about that she might be able to clear up for you. It sounds like you are not trying to force her, which is maybe all you can do in regard to respecting her own free will -- maybe someday, somehow, she will surprise you by opening up more.

 

[davey72]

D o you think that talking about your self in this regard -- in the swamp--, would be considered therapeutic?
I have never really spoken to any type of councellor, or psychologist before.

 

[shijing]

D o you think that talking about your self in this regard -- in the swamp--, would be considered therapeutic?
I have never really spoken to any type of councellor, or psychologist before.

Sure, we pretty much created The Swamp just for that. It's a place that you can just vent, and ask for feedback if you want it (but it's optional). If you ever have the means to do so, finding a good counselor would also be helpful I think, but in the meantime The Swamp is right here :)

 

[Alana]

D o you think that talking about your self in this regard -- in the swamp--, would be considered therapeutic?
I have never really spoken to any type of councellor, or psychologist before.

Sure, we pretty much created The Swamp just for that. It's a place that you can just vent, and ask for feedback if you want it (but it's optional). If you ever have the means to do so, finding a good counselor would also be helpful I think, but in the meantime The Swamp is right here :)

Exactly. You can start with the Swamp, Davey. When we grow up in an unhealthy environment, we take it as it is, because as children is all we know, and we learn to do whatever it takes to survive in it. Which again, it's normal, but that "doing whatever it takes" can be unhealthy in itself, and yet we continue to do it throughout our lives because that's all we know. And that's when we need the perspective of other people to help us see our lives from a more objective point of view, which will guide you in making responsible and conscious choices in the present. That's what we can help you with if and when you decide to post in the Swamp ;)

 

[Bar Kochba]

Davey72, I was once in a similar situation. I was a hardcore illegal drug addict for almost a decade, then on methadone for another decade, then I switched to suboxone which was a hard switch. I stayed on subs for another 2 years then got off of them cold turkey under my own supervison. I had read up on all the pertinent info and made my plan to stop. I did it by myself by using Gurdjieff's system believe it or not. I took responsibility for my actions, and decided I wanted to be free. Only super efforts count. It can be done, my friend. I have been drug free for 8 months now and tho it doesnt get easier, it does get better. Hang in there!

 

[Alana]

Bar Kochba, thank you for sharing here, it made my day to read your post. I am very happy for you and proud!

 

[go2]

Davey72, I was once in a similar situation. I was a hardcore illegal drug addict for almost a decade, then on methadone for another decade, then I switched to suboxone which was a hard switch. I stayed on subs for another 2 years then got off of them cold turkey under my own supervison. I had read up on all the pertinent info and made my plan to stop. I did it by myself by using Gurdjieff's system believe it or not. I took responsibility for my actions, and decided I wanted to be free. Only super efforts count. It can be done, my friend. I have been drug free for 8 months now and tho it doesnt get easier, it does get better. Hang in there!

Yes, 'conscious labor and voluntary suffering' are the super effort needed to end addiction. Thanks for sharing your effort, Bar Kochba! :)

 

[davey72]

Thank you all.i can see the end of the tunnel now. Bar kochba,you remind me of my very good friend whom i spoke of.(was his dad that gave us heroin at a young age. he has been clean for eleven years now,but he has always confused me,in that he can just seem to go cold turkey with everything. I remember when we were roomies, as kids; He would say, out of the blue that he was gonna quit cigarrettes, for example. I would laugh to myself, thinking "ya sure", but he always did it. Then a year later he would start just as abruptly. I am very proud of him, and he has always given me hope in this regard, but he also is very hard on me, in that he thinks evryone should be able to do the same.
I had gotten down to 2mgs, and was doing a detox at the same time. It was too hard, so i went back up to 15 mgs, and have been coming down much slower since(at 1 mg/week) I think it is also easier now,as i beleive i got a lot of it out of my system while doing that. I also decided to stop talking , and thinking about it, as i just feel like a failure, and such a loser when i get so close without doing it all the way. I won't say anything now until the day that i am done. I am back down to 9 mgs, so , slowly but surely. I have also made an appointment with the councellor at aadac, and am gonna make an appointment with a psychologist that works with my DR., as he/she is free. This is another of the problems i have.I cant figure out if it is better to work, as i am soo broke its insane, or keep working on getting better? I am also gonna take the advice offered, and start posting in "the swamp". I think it is a bad "program" i have that stops me from doing this,as , again, i feel i am just whining, and people have their own problems to worry about.
Thanks again all.you have helped me tremendously. I now realize that i have to start changing the way i think alltogether.

 

[davey72]

I just experienced my first full fledged psychic attack. i was blindsided by like everyone.
alls i can say is wow!!! thank goodness i have the knowledge of this now,or this may have sent me over the edge, as it almost did.

 

[anart]

I just experienced my first full fledged psychic attack. i was blindsided by like everyone.
alls i can say is wow!!! thank goodness i have the knowledge of this now,or this may have sent me over the edge, as it almost did.

davey72, can you explain why you think it was a 'psychic attack'?

 

[davey72]

Well, I was explaining it to a good friend of mine- the only person i know that is part of a group that does "the work". he has never read the cassiopaea site. anyways,i was getting attacked by absolutely everyone.both online,and in person. I was asking each one what it was that i did to elicit such behavior,and was given nothing but more strife. All at the same time, from people i hadnt even talked to for quite awhile. I was unfriended on facebook by three people at the same time,that don't even talk to each other. The one explanation i got(from my friend who has been clean for 11 years) was cause he said i was sending him some sort of old conversation between me and my mom. I thought this was quite harsh,as instead of telling me,so maybe we could figure out what was going on, he erased it,and me at the samee time. while trying to ask him about it,he suggested i had a virus,and he didnt want any part of it. I told him i had all the best software for that,and i definately did not have a virus. then he went into this "mode" by saying "are you calling me a liar?", etc. I didnt even know what to say. I said that facebook has been changing latley,and having a lotta glitches. What else is there to say? another neighbor asked me to walk her dog. i was busy,and said i could do it in an hour.she said ok, then the next thing she says f--k you dave. im done with you,etc. wouldnt even give me a reason. same thing with an ex i have been talking to on facebook. i told her i had to go,and left my computer on. next thing i know, she is doing same thing,yelling at me that i am a f---in liar,etc. The worst one is my good friend next door is gonna give me a shot in the head cause he thinks im getting high 24 hrs/day. this is while i have been sober for quite awhile now. there is no way to convince him of this. I thought i was doing pretty good lately. The first was my roomate. I always let him use my computer. when i said i needed it really quickly, he snapped saying all kinds of weird things that didnt even make sense.

This is just a summary of some of the things that happened all within the span of a few hrs.
When i explained this to the friend i mentioned at the beginning,he told me to remember about psychic attack,and it made me realize that it was always these types of situations that made me feel like --screw it, im gonna get high, so i dont have to think about it.
not what im gonna do, but this is what i would always do in the past.
Does this count as psychic attack?