Reflections on a life of high strangeness

Thank you for writing your story of everyday's earthly issues, and this kind reminder for the reader to be gentle with oneself.

I collect "T-shirt messages from Universe" in my note pad, and the most recent one is "do what makes you happy", for me sounds almost like I-Ching reading, lol, and is very suitable atm.

Considering all what is going on and how it may influence one's mental state for going forward, it is good to remember that being gentle and also do some things that brings joy is very important. At least for me, as I was/am always very harsh on myself. So in a sense it is maybe going against my programming.

Thank you once again, I read your inputs with pleasure, best wishes for walking lightly forward :)
 
Thanks @karo! Compassion, and how you practice it in life, is crucial for the self as well as with others. I noticed many years ago that I was way harsher on myself than I was with friends et al. It surprised me when I became aware of this state, and gradually I realised that I needed to be a little more chilled in how I dealt with my own state. I don't want to change the world, such a task is beyond me, but I do want to change how I respond to the world as it is. This is a smaller task and is one which I feel confident I can do well. I think we are programmed to think, "well, I don't know much, what right do I have to opine on worldly events?". It's an old trick played by those who would rather see us stay silent. Once you've reached a certain level of knowledge/being/experience, it becomes second nature to suffuse everything you say and do with a certain "signature", which rings true on what's wrong and right. I've seen it in others, and it is what I'm working towards.
 
SlipNet said:
Thanks @karo! Compassion, and how you practice it in life, is crucial for the self as well as with others. I noticed many years ago that I was way harsher on myself than I was with friends et al. It surprised me when I became aware of this state, and gradually I realised that I needed to be a little more chilled in how I dealt with my own state. I don't want to change the world, such a task is beyond me, but I do want to change how I respond to the world as it is. This is a smaller task and is one which I feel confident I can do well. I think we are programmed to think, "well, I don't know much, what right do I have to opine on worldly events?". It's an old trick played by those who would rather see us stay silent. Once you've reached a certain level of knowledge/being/experience, it becomes second nature to suffuse everything you say and do with a certain "signature", which rings true on what's wrong and right. I've seen it in others, and it is what I'm working towards.
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Have you ever tried painting? I have been kicking around the idea of taking it back up and getting better at it, I would love to retire this summer Divine Cosmic Mind willing and have always found painting to be a calming experience for me.
 
tschai said:
Have you ever tried painting? I have been kicking around the idea of taking it back up and getting better at it, I would love to retire this summer Divine Cosmic Mind willing and have always found painting to be a calming experience for me.
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Yeah, I worked on a number of acrylic boards during 2005-15 in particular. I used to work as a volunteer assistant in a local art studio. Sold about a dozen or so pictures too. I prefer drawing with pencils/ink, I feel I have more nuance and control with them. I agree that you can get into very Zen-like states if you just surrender to the process of creating. I get the same vibes from playing on my electric piano too, even though I'm clumsy and primitive in my riffing. Whereas when I write I become more distinct, more present in the moment, less like I'm jamming, more deliberate in my thinking. I just love the whole creative process, and I feel glad that I have writing, music and picture projects on the go as outlets for my expression. Art makes life worth living as far as I'm concerned.
 
tschai said:
I have been kicking around the idea of taking it back up and getting better at it, I would love to retire this summer Divine Cosmic Mind willing and have always found painting to be a calming experience for me.
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I'd say go for it. If you find yourself with freedom and lots of time on your hands, there's no reason why not. Visually the world is an information feast today too. I've done a number of pictures in recent years set in Haiti, Iraq, Gaza, and I found it to be a very instructive project to undertake. It was a happy observation to make that my most well-read part of myself was also keen on striking visual art as well. You've got nothing to lose man, go for it!:cool2: It sends a message out to the world and the DCM that you are here, and this is what you see. Bear witness to reality and make your own mark on this life.
 
tschai said:
I have always enjoyed art, not really all that good at it but I prefer working in acrylics, they dry quickly and if I want to change something it is easier to do.
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The orcas are not acrylic, it is my first attempt at digital painting using a paint program called dog waffle. Using only a mouse. I have been considering buying a digital tablet, but I rather like putting paint on canvas- it’s much more physical, and present. Hard to explain, just more satisfying.
 
When I use acrylics, I tend to use slide rules and my fingers more, rather than with brushes. I work on big canvasses and eschew fine detail. I kinda sculpt pictures in an impressionistic style. I like your orca picture though, the colour, ambience and drama of the view is good.

I think that with the arts in general going crazy for AI and CGI innovations, my response is to go back to a more primitive, physical mode of expression. I did a painting of Hendrix for a friend about 10 years back, where I depicted his afro only in coloured thumb prints. Maximise what makes you unique is all I'd say. And always tell the truth and come to your own conclusions in life, and depict them honestly as statements.

With that in mind you can't go wrong. I still look at the primitive cave paintings of lore and marvel at their sense of vision. I keep those impressions close within. They captured life and motion in a world where not even the spoken word was recorded. And they captivated their tribe with their visions captured. The original film makers were in the caves of Lascaux. Obviously our visual senses have been among our most hyper-developed senses in recent centuries. This will continue into the future for sure. In the future we'll have to develop how to depict 4d imagery. A long challenge that one....
 
About 6 weeks back I had a very bad dream which also had the characteristics of a 4d STS attack. I hesitated to put it into writing but the memory is seared into my soul. There was paralysis of my limbs as I had to fight extremely hard to regain my will and agency during this nightmare. It's taken me this last month to be able to truly process the event. I'm not easily rattled but this experience is one of the worst I've ever had the misfortune to experience. Anyway, this is the dream.

I have taken my melatonin and olanzapine tabs with a glass of juice, and I settle down into bed to get some sleep. I toss and turn for about an hour; periodically opening my eyes to check my clock. Eventually I lose consciousness and fall asleep. The very next thing I remember is feeling physically assaulted by a 4d STS demonic entity. It has its hands and arms wrapped around me, and it is pressing against me from behind. I just fought back with some feint part of my will initially. Slowly my will grows until I am strong enough to throw off my attacker. My body feels distant, my mind is tranquilised by some strange ineffable force. I cannot wake up, but I CAN fight back. Even if this was just a dream state, it represents a good lesson in courage and using your will. When I summoned the will I threw this demon away from me. The weight of its form departs my senses, though I am not quite yet awake. I was by this point struggling to awaken with all my might. Eventually I do and I open my eyes in my bedroom.

What do I see at this moment? A sizeable white orb of energy, just a singular, flashing glimpse and then it vanished into nothingness. In my mind I am slightly traumatised, but very angry! In my mind I begin to scream at my attacker; "god damn you, get the f*ck away from me or I'll try to bloody kill you!". By this point I'm shouting this as a mantra in my head, and within a few minutes all is calm once again. I get up and take a swig of juice. I was parched and strangely energised by my fury and terror combined. The attack shook me. I couldn't help but feel that the attack had a sexual component. You know, the whole "take you from behind" thing? Yeah, really creepy, and infuriating at the same time. How dare some entity do that to anyone! Anyway, I swigged my juice and rolled myself a strong cig. I sat in my desk chair, and mused on what had just happened. I thought about writing about this event on the forum that very morning, but I (I think correctly) decided that I needed to mull this one over for a while. So it's been about 6 weeks now and I felt I needed to log it in my database on this thread.

I have been reading quite extensively on the Cass substack page, I'm on part 4 of the abduction series. Very good, and I strongly advise all who read this to get on substack and read those articles. They're gold, so much information. But yeah, I've really been on this subject hard in recent months, and I'm wondering what the motive would be for the actual attack itself? Is it just 4d STS just laying a marker down, just saying "We're bigger, smarter, and tougher than you, so beware"? That's how it felt at the time. I felt mild elation in that I roused myself to full consciousness before this entity could do real damage. I didn't lose the fight, and I showed courage. Anyone who's read this thread knows that weird stuff has been happening to me for what feels like decades. From 1977-2024 things have periodically been crazy. I'm very fortunate to have found Sott and the forum in 2003/6 respectively. Slowly my knowledge base has grown; widened, too. My will is stronger also. I've also made my peace with "God", and accept that I am just a 3d STS being, struggling to learn all I can on this benighted planet. Knowledge has been crucial to this process, I fought hard, with wisdom and courage. No lasting harm was done, and of course I'm left with no doubt whatsoever that 4d STS is a real thing. They're tough, and they're nasty. You need the heart of a lion if you're gonna take on "the beast".

It's also, thankfully, been the only dark spot in what has been a very mild autumn for me thus far. My reading has been great, the weather's been fine, and most of my recent dreams have been abstract and puzzling. Cerebral experiences. This dark event was different, it has left an indelible impact on me. As scary an event as any I've had over nearly 50 years of life. Another battle scar of the soul in the wild 3d STS journey of life, as I continually seek my most authentic self and grow his will within. Be receptive to STO impulses, and slowly develop your knowledge/being. Ah, the journey goes on.....
 
I've been musing of late on some artistic ideas and how to develop your will in art therapy. Back in 2014 I met a local artist (I'll call him Mr B), he was an ex-soldier, army sniper. He's killed people in combat zones. A tough guy, but genial and cheerful in his outlook. Anyway, following his leaving the armed forces in 2014 (and receiving an honour from the Queen), he founded an art therapy studio in our home town. We'd invite people with mental health issues to come in, just have a tea and a chat, do some art workshop tasks, etc. We were a small team of about a dozen people. A few old rock n' rollers like me, but mostly Mr B's ex-miltary buddies. All good solid men, and loyal. If you had a problem, they would be there for you. I learned a lot about myself working alongside these guys.

Anyway, between 2014 and 2016 I worked as a volunteer in the studio, and saw with joy how it grew into being a crucial central hub for many of the public in our town. It also taught me discipline. We held educational workshops with troubled kids. Worked with various charities too, help with the elderly social groups, (those old ladies loved their art!:lol:), it was a really positive experience. I was poor, but always busy, and mostly happy. Anyway, it's been on my mind because Mr B's studio was flood damaged recently, and is undergoing vital repairs, so is temporarily closed down. I'm planning to go down there next week and talk with Mr B, he's a good friend and I'd like to help him out if I can. Plus it'll be stimulating to be around the buzz of an art crowd again. Through the studio I managed to sell dozens of pictures back when I was working there, a handy bonus when you're poor. Mr B himself is a noted local public figure, his graffiti paintings (partly inspired by Basquiat and Banksy), sell for £1-2k, he's got real talent. I just feel like reaching out and being of service to someone else for a change. It's been a while. I've been a little morose and inward looking of late, a bit of social living will go a long way.

Art truly is therapy if you have the basic skills to express yourself. And you never really know what your "ceiling" is in terms of skills too. I find the activity intense but rewarding. I've got free time on my hands at the moment so I think this will be a good little plan to keep myself busy.
 
SlipNet said:
Back in 2014 I met a local artist (I'll call him Mr B), he was an ex-soldier, army sniper. He's killed people in combat zones. A tough guy, but genial and cheerful in his outlook. Anyway, following his leaving the armed forces in 2014 (and receiving an honour from the Queen), he founded an art therapy studio in our home town.
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Not to be pedantic, but I feel this point should be reiterated with added emphasis. I learned a lot about a "can do" attitude from this man. With Mr B, it's worthless having good ideas if you can't put them into practice. This is a man who one day I saw coach a suicidal ex squaddie, broke up with his missus, the old story of a life gone wrong. It was a desolate scene. He got out a set of hand pads, threw some gloves at the man and started a sparring fight. Lasted about 10 minutes. He sizes people up, finds a way into their psyche. He's like a weird mirror in how he works people out. Later that day we had tea and scones with the old dears for their weekly art day. I've never known a bloke like him, he's adept at whatever he does, without ever showing off. Because he's got that "can do" attitude. Academically he was nothing special, but army life MADE him. And he found he had hidden talents and skills that he could not only hone but share with others too. It will be very interesting meeting up with him, I haven't spoken to him in years. Always stimulating company, but he can be exhausting too. He runs off his own "power supply" and expects others to be able to keep up!:lol:

As for the squaddie, he lashed out for 10 minutes and got his aggression out of his system in a controlled way. He still faced hard times, but he knew now that he was stronger than he thought. That's always been Mr B's great talent; he'll always challenge you to aim a little higher than where you're comfortable. I've seen him inspire novices into becoming artists in their spare time. Truly a good bloke in our community. A great person to take ideas to.
 
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