I found myself often struck by some memory of pain and emotional suffering in my own life, that, while different to what the characters experienced, at the core is the same emotion. The difference is that I didn't deal with the suffering nearly as well as do Baloghs characters, who seem to model grace, dignity, and courage despite the adversity they have faced. I love how the characters actively fight self pity no matter what they are going through.
It's funny you mentioned this, I have been slow on this reading exercise as I took a few diversions to read on other topics, but I've recently started the Horsemen trilogy and the Bedwyn Saga by Mary Balogh, and I have noticed a similar feeling of sadness and a sort of regret mixed in together, but it wasn't as a negative feedback loop of dissociative thought, it hasn't been an overwhelming anxiety causing feeling, it's more of a conscious and present feeling, like a realization of sad events that seem distant enough to not overwhelm the senses, but close enough to hold me in that mindset noticeably but without interfering with my daily life, if that makes any sense.
The idea of love lost, has been particularly present in my mind lately, but also the idea of an emerging solid being under the wounds caused by lifetimes of hurt and ignorance and mistakes, and victories and joy and love.
I think once you dig deeper than the story itself, and some of the superficial ideals that are present, what you find is rather interesting, I am still working through some of it but, it's not entirely pleasant but it also isn't evil. It's like these simple stories can work as a mirror and if you're honest, you'll see that you have been manipulative, jealous, vengeful, lying, proud and so on, but also loving and trusting and gentle and sweet and honest and brave. And the question seems to be what's left once you remove all these layers? I hope I am making sense with this.
Lastly, and to further illustrate the wisdom in the works, as I work my way through Slightly Tempted, a phrase really caught my attention today, the protagonists are having a conversation about forgiveness, and it seems like such a simple concept, but articulated as such it left a very positive impression on me. One of them says to the other (paraphrasing) that forgiveness is really for the one who forgives, it's not for the person being forgiven, not always at least. Living without that forgiveness it's like being in a place where hate constantly leaks poison into your heart, and if you have the opportunity, you should attempt to do so, because you're ultimately hurting yourself.
And that was a brilliant idea I must say, sometimes we really purposefully avoid forgiving someone else, we invest our own personal energy into maintaining these slights alive, or the wounds caused by others on us alive, and there are several complex reasons for it, maybe we identify as a victim and have drawn a personality out of it, or benefits, or maybe we're scared of what the world would be if we didn't behave in a certain manner. But ultimately, we're limiting our own being, and hurting ourselves.
I hope the above makes sense, I am honestly surprised at the effect these stories have had on me.
...something like a kidnapping or a bad case of black mail.
