Wandering Star
The Living Force
I have imagined myself thousands and thousands of times escaping from the prison of my life (that's what I think about in bad times) and every time imagining myself free, without responsibilities, enjoying life, I immediately realize notice one thing...Don't know if I'm posting in the right thread but the C's said to not live in an echo chamber and off load worries here on the Forum. So here I am.
Two days ago I was reading a local newsfeed where a lady said she'd had her invitation from the NHS to go and have her next booster shot. She said if she didn't take the invitation with her she'd be refused. That second bit amused me and I told my husband. He replied that he had received his and he was booked in to take it.
Well I simply froze but the thought "well I'm not going to take care of you if you are sick"
immediately came to me. I was appalled at that thought but so angry as well.
He's had three jabs already and been very lucky, but how many time do you tempt providence???? Over the past year we have avoided talking about these jabs because I could tell he was uncomfortable but every now and then I'd mention some new study or suchlike in a casual manner.
I know mentally that this is his choice and I must practice external consideration but I'm afraid this anger is staying with me.All his thoughts are pre-concieved about the Economy, Russia and future hardships. His lack of awareness about what's going on out there may be the cause of my anger but I'm not sure.
This is my husband of 47 years and to think such an awful thought about him and on the flip side worry about how difficult it may be in the future without bringing some sickness on himself has left me rudderless.
There, I've got that off my chest because there is no one I can speak to and if anyone has any advise to get me to shake off this anger and guilt I would be very grateful.
That would be an empty life for me, since maybe I would have fun and have a good time, but I would feel that I had not done anything.
That does not mean that you have to be for everyone if the request is selfish, although it almost always is, the issue for me is the possibilities to develop in those people, if we are not there.
Is there or isn't there a difference between us being there and not being there?
I wish you patience and balance in those bad times.
Cheer up.